“Well, we don’t have an early game in London this week but we do have a shitshow in New Jersey!” says the NFL marketing team. Let’s have a look at that and other wares on offer during the first window.
To The Games!
TEAM/Packers:
Let’s see, a squadoo with a phenomenal front seven (and mediocre secondary) lines up against a Rodgers that has a 12:1 TD/INT ratio in their victories. Look for Davante to continue to exploit, well, pretty much everyone but especially Will Jackson who is struggling in coverage and has already committed six penalties to date.
Chiefs/Titans:
Both teams need this game and both defenses have been found wanting. Should be fun. Tractorcito has more yards after contact than 11 teams have total rush yards.
Falcons/Fins:
No matter where I go I read speculation that Brian Flores has lost the ears of the players. That’s a damn shame and if true and he gets canned, I hope he gets another chance somewhere else with a non-dysfunctional franchise. If there is one.
Jets/Pats:
Wilson had the usual rookie struggles vs Bill last time around but the Pats passing D has given up almost 9 yards per play the last two weeks. His rook qb counterpart Jones has had his struggles with the long ball but turned it around last week, going 4-4, 144 yards with 2 TDs.
Panthers/Giants:
What little talent both these teams have at the skill positions is on the sidelines today so good luck watching this snoozer. I’m guessing the game will come down to which wonky qb commits the least number of turnovers. (three is the baseline, methinks)
Bengals/Ravens:
For a team that kills every rb that plays for them, Baltimore has a very efficient and effective running game. And what’s this then, Cincy playing a meaningful division game in October? If they manage to slay the Ravens like they did the Steelers earlier, they’ll be sitting pretty in first place.
Have at it.
“2-5!, 2-5!, 2-5!”
Also applies to the Dolphins, perhaps!
Testing out my new fuzzy bathrobe today before sending it to Chicago, and it is excellent
Brett Kern:
Punts – 2
Inside KC’s 5 – 2
New QB in Charlotte!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbq4G1TjKYg
Get in there
And rid me of Darnold!
/sees Mahomes walking around
Ok, KC tent has meth. 2-1 odds is TEN’s.
Wonder if the KC tent has Missourah dirt for rubbin’ into Mahomes
They’re going to the Owl in Cincinnati
Cincinnati W-K-R-P
The situation is desperate for the Washington Football Team; They are still owned by Lil’ Danny Snyder
Oh fuck, that looks ouchy for Mahomes
The important thing is that they kept him on the field to attempt a miracle comeback in a game they’re losing by 24 points halfway through the fourth quarter of a midseason game.
Mahomes is now MaFlattened
Cincy doesn’t know how to kill
Aw, so cute tho!
My Twitter feed on Sunday is always interesting.
It’s a mix of NFL stuff, JV football stuff, and liberals outraged over whatever extralegal shenanigans Republicans/neo-Nazis/alt-right/COVID-deniers and their ilk are up to.
It’s Sunday. Take a break, guys. We can be mad about that shit on Monday.
I don’t pay much attention to the Twatter, but I love me some Cher.
Aw, crap.
Ooh, looks like the short bus has stalled out in the Darnold driveway, and here comes PJ Walker!
Darnold, meet the bench.
Time to play “What is Catch”?
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They call him The Weapon!
Joe Burrow is one stone cold honky
[BLINKS HER EYES SLEEPILY, GOES BACK TO HER SLUMBER] – SHAN’KHOR
Cheese and bacon turnover review in Green Bay
Superb. Owl. FAVOURITE. I will NAWT be assuaged!
What has happened to our adorable #Bungles?
There’s always the playoffs.
“Well, not always” – Detroit Lions
“What are those?” -Mariners
They’re too young. They’re just babes in the (Icky) Woods.
This is their best chance though, in a couple years the shitty owner/management multiplier will kick in
Chasedown!
I just got back from walking the dog and turned the TV back on. I am going to miss out on a gently used fleshlight because the Panthers are going to lose 8-3.
Dimes with the one-handed catch! Yeah, you read that right.
This is The Darkest Timeline!
Hey, he already got one bad concussion, so why not?
Am disappoint Rodgers did not safety
National Tight Ends Day? Can’t believe Balls didn’t tell us.
Could be saving it for Sexy Friday.
HAHAH…stupid Washington QB
Ozomah having himself a day.
Waller is out? Well fuck a duck
Mahomes has .04 fantasy points on Yahoo.
Only took Matt Ryan 7 games to figure out feeding the ball to Kyle Pitts is a good idea.
Maybe Kyle Pitts is a league winner after all?
Now THAT’S a bloomin’ Tonyan!
I may/will lose my money league fixture – but The Legend of White Mac is outscoring my opponent’s QB (Lamar!)
If Jakobi doesn’t get TD here, it ain’t NEVAR happenin
/screams into void
Well, they did target him.
Mahomes, like most young men, having trouble with ball security in the face of TITS.
So apparently I’m a “bad commissioner” after not reminding my ff opponent to update their lineup after performing the same courtesy for other managers.
Nothing to do with them beating me in the finals last year. Nope. Complete coincident.
Eh, fuck him ( or her.) It wasn’t a secret that there would be football this weekend.
If you need to be reminded by someone else to set your lineup, you’re not that invested in fantasy.
Does baby also need to be reminded to wake up and go to work, or to wipe his butt after pooping?
It’s not that I feel obligated to do it, I just end up doing it a few times if we’re still early in the year. I know life catches all off guard.
Their particular umbridge is that I am NOT doing it for my particular opponent, accusing me of ulterior motives
Ok, so you should just stop being nice to everyone since that’s clearly what they want
I think the Britt Reid crash triggered some sort of Steven King’s Thinner situation on the Chiefs offensive capabilities
Touched down for former Minnesota Senate candidate Lazard People
My fantasy squadron…
Tanny is scoring TD’s
Titans are ROCKING! 💯
Glory boy jets Qb is out? Really?
his knee went buh-bye
Jets qb’s past and present not having a good day.
Evergreen
Turns out, maybe a 2nd round pick for a….mentally challenged QB wasn’t such a great idea
I’m playing Higgins and Chase-that’s why there’s a Uzomahdown.
Did Jakobi Meyers not let Belichick sleep with his mom or something?
I love that there’s a 5-3 score. Please end that way!
THIS PATRICK MAHOMES, I CALL HIM OPPOSITE DAY ALEC BALDWIN BECAUSE HE HE IS NOT TAKING CORRECT PRECAUTIONS BUT FIRING BLANKS ANYWAY.
BANNER
That’s Rocking!
I’m slow-cooking some pork butt today. It’s on sale at Vons so I got 10 lbs but I’m only cooking about 6 of that right now – the rest went in the freezer. I didn’t spice it too heavily (just salt and pepper and brown sugar) so I can use if for tacos *or* pulled pork sandwiches.
To clarify it’s $0.88 per pound at Vons. So they are practically giving it away.
No wonder Andy is distracted.
He does wonder what sick diet Rikki must be on, not cooking all 10 pounds
All we need is Puerto Rico to declare independencia, and this will be DonT’s perfect day
Ridley back from the fantasy dead.