To The Games!
Browns/Bengals:
Welp, I was wrong-Cincy did indeed look past the Jets to the Browns and now they’re here. Refrench my memory, was it the 80’s when these teams were last good at the same time? If shame is a game factor then Cincy should roll today. (if Zac Taylor gets out of the way) Speaking of dead weight, the Browns couldn’t wait to have an excuse to get rid of The Problematic One, OBJ.
Broncos/Cowboys:
Denver is getting 9.5 points on the road and no love from their fans after trading away Von Miller. DAK! is indicating he’s BAK! for this one and that might be far too much for a defense that just had the bandaid ripped off.
Texans/Fins:
Tyrod finally gets back, but to what? Houston is down to two starting o-linemen and it wasn’t a good unit to start with. Cooks is about the only skill talent there but Miami has two excellent corners.
Falcons/Saints:
New Orleans has put together three wins in a row on the strength of a D that means business. With Ridley gone Ryan has little beyond Pitts who showed last week that he can’t handle double coverage just yet. Time for do-everything wr/rb Patterson to do something.
Raiders/Giants:
The Bad News Raiders catch a break as the woeful Giants wander into town. The challenge for Vegas is to get to 31 points because the Giants haven’t scored 30 all year. That’s what happens when your starting skill guys are never on the field together.
Pats/Panthers:
The O/U on this one should be about 26. Both qb’s are shaky at best (tho Jones is the best of the rook’s, she’s a very low bar) so both offenses struggle to put scores on the board. One should add that the Pats are 8th in points allowed and the Panthers are even better at 5th-points will be precious here.
Bills/Jags:
Josh Allen, meet Josh Allen. That’s about it. Buffalo should put a 50 spot on the board, evenly split between O and D, given that they have the best scoring number for both units.
Vikes/Ravens:
Now would be a good time for the Kirkster to get his shit together. Although efficient, he’s only tossed a single score in three of his four and these heretofore stingy Ravens are 30th in yards per play allowed.
There we go. Sack on 3rd Down and then a blocked punt. I also just opened by 1st beer.
Bills Jags playing in Allentown as they new witchita
“Welcome to Upside Down World, if you’ll check the stats column you’ll see that Dak! is 5/14 and Dimes is 9/9 at their respective halftimes. Please feel free to shoot yourself in the head with the handgun we’ve provided for you. Have a nice day.”
Danny’s a white guy in New York. How long did you think it’d take him to rise up over a black guy in Texas?
Kind of impressive to have a YPA of less than 9 without having thrown a single incompletion. More like Danny Dimedown, amirite?
Bengals fans watching the 1st Half of Today’s Game (Artistic Interpretation)
Trading Places – Santa – YouTube
/checks Dimes turnover
No, right universe.
Bills out there head hunting
Aaron Rodgers out there horse paste hunting.
Well, I’m going to go play in traffic.
“Sounds good.” – Tyreek Hill
(Andy Reid is listed as the backup NFL name for this post)
“THOSE KIDS IN THAT PARKED CAR JUST ASKING FOR !”
-B Reid
“Yeah!” – H. Ruggs III, Nevada, Unemployed
Isn’t there meth in the tap water in Ohio?
Still cleaner than Flint’s.
Yes remember that time the Cuyahoga River got busted for freebasing?
Yes, but it is only an amazing coincidence that the chemicals in the Ohio River are in the exact ratio as meth.
Just all the individual ingredients in meth — but not cooked.
Donks getting a nice rest. Dallas better come out shooting
“Bills in a dogfight with [checks notes] [checks notes again] the Jags???”
Diggs is really having himself quite the game this afternoon.
Pro Bowl Caliber Fuck Up
Browns try to kill Burrow. BLEERGH does not call a foul. Bengals OL take offense to the apparently legal attempted murder.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Not gonna lie, the “Animal in the attic” ad is a personal favoUrite.
Him hitting the drums and yelling “DRUMS DRUMS DRUMS” is solid writing.
Do you think George H.W. Bush and Laura Bush rag on George W. Bush for never having killed anybody?
He didn’t?
Kills as Commander-in-Chief doesn’t count. If so, you know Trump would’ve declared war every day so he could be #1 on the list.
W’s indirect body count is in the high six-figures.
No one cares about assists, just look at Cheney, he has loads of assists but he still manned up and shot his buddy
“That doesn’t count and you know it, you pussy.” – Barbara Bush, at a family gathering
How bad was OBJ for the Browns?
Prison Girlfriend is down.
They usually are.
I’m cool with the little threads of gray in my beard. Who are these insecure “men” who die their beard hair?
If it doesn’t look good, cut it off. Be a man. Jeez.
Going full Luvie, huh?
Yeah shaved my COVID beard after 14 months because of the grey goatee
Dallas is all out of sync.
Announcer: “We’ve replaced the 2021 Cincinnati Bengals with the 2001 Cincinnati Bengals. Let’s see if anyone notices.”
What the Bengalis really need here are 3 TD passes to Ja’Marr Chase. Long ones.
Could you spare one for Tee Higgins?
I’ll take both!
Jacobs averaging 8 yards a rush vs the Giants as per the usual.
This a shell-shocked sideline. I guess we’re about to see how good a coach Zac Taylor is.
Oh god.
Beckham truly was cancer on that team.
Kickin’ It!
Finally. Dallas Defense does something to stop the bleeding.
And then the offensive line loosens the tourniquet, “just to see what happens.”
Holy shit.
Browns Brownsing it up near the goaline. What stupid playcalling.
Tom Hanks remade Cast Away in space?
It’s a movie about a dying scientist racing against time in a post-apocalyptic world to create a train a robot so it can take of his dog after the scientist dies.
Can’t wait to not watch that.
#Bungles!
Silliness in Cincinnati.
The Broncos didn’t win the Super Bowl because of Peyton Manning, knock that shit off announcer-boy: they won because Manning didn’t completely self-destruct while the defense carried that team.
Also steroids.
Not just any steroids, DESIGNER steroids!
“It wasn’t steroids, it was HGH. Uh, Ashley’s HGH.” – P. Manning
So weird seeing the Ravens give up all kinds of points.
Twitter stealing my jokes from DFO again
https://twitter.com/kbiegel/status/1457406286878871554?t=HFE4-qMkGtx6K1nqydK05g&s=19
The wisdom of the ancients passed down to us over millennia tells us that, in this instance, she who smelt it dealt it.
It’s a goddamn balmy 15 degrees here. I have to go for a run at some point. Mother Nature is a bastard.
What’s the run gonna be?
When he steps on a twig while sneaking up on a hobo.
It’s about 75 minutes on some backcountry roads with two murder hills.
You should rig one of those inflatable sumo costumes to a space heater with a portable power source and run in that
Just heard from my father, the Giants fan. Told him all the reasons the Giants could beat the Raiders, (Raiders distracted by racist coach, vehicular manslaughtering teammate) and his reply was: ‘They’re still the Giants’
Worst record in the league since 2017, baby!
But the opponent is STILL the Raiders.
It’s a real Unstoppable force/immovable object scenario.
Found out today that the outstanding taco place near us is closed on Sundays. Who closes a business that includes take-out tacos on an NFL Sunday? Do you not like money?
What’s the name of the place, Taco-fil-A?
Please, sir; I have some standards.
A Mano Tacos in Willimantic.
That happened to my fave enchilada purveyor. I got a sleepy voice “No abrimos domingos, buenas tardes”.
Christians.
Virtue-Signaling Christians.
“I was told we were going to walk all over the Broncos.”
-DAK!
They’re being stupid/greedy on offense, mixing in a bomb attempt every couple of plays instead of taking 8-15 yard chunks over the middle, which is there.
Tim Patrick is on my bench!
OK, Lucas, I’ll allow the extra trans galactic celebration scenes at the end, that’s fair for those who started with the prequels. Even shoving Hayden Christiansen at us one more time does kinda make sense.
BUT TAKING AWAY “YUB NUB” IS UNFORGIVABLE
They should’ve had a scene with force ghost Anakin with Leia in Force Awakens, but they didn’t do that scene in A New Hope so they couldn’t do it in Episode VII.
Less then ideal for Dallas
A shame, see that THUG get in on The Legend of White Mac!
Dok – if you are ever in North Cakalaky, you is welcome to “test nap” my Purple. Just don’t bogart grandson Noodles’ spot (far left, head of bed)
/offer does not eliminate risk of murder by recluse
Probably shouldn’t say that “things are getting infectious” nowadays, even if you are just referring to enthusiasm
“Honestly it’s never been that great of an idea to say that.” – Ron Mexico
I agree.
-Ron Mexico
Luckily, the original Gatoraids was an orphan owned by the DFO Corporación.
Take My Breath Away (Love Theme from “Top Gun”) – YouTube
Can I still play this song in the COVID-19 ICU Ward?
I have Bridgewater and Dak! as my QB’s, and they’ve combined for less than 4 points in the 1st quarter.
I did not see that coming.
Come on Garbage Time stats!!!!
Whoever is left against me in DFO SurvivoUr – I had to take the Saints. So, the festivities likely ends.
That red stripe is to blame for all this.
Donks up 6, Hammers go ahead of the Vile Redshite. Even if I have to use my AK, that’s…prettay, prettay, prettay good!
YEEEEAAAHHHHJ!!!!!
Rammer Hammer Yellow Jammer?
WOO
I hope the Donks keep doing well, I have a LOT of these gifs
THEY FEED MY BLACK SOUL WOO!!!!
Well at least the Bengals are dominating Time of Possession.
“I can’t believe they called that Diggs play interference” I say, after watching a play with so much physical contact that Diggs and Sutton are now legally married in 7 states.
GOOD JERB, Mister Jefferson. Beans still burn on the grill.
Drew Lock is in COVID protocol again? How come the nashional media isn’t covering this like they are Qaron Rodgers?!
He’s a backup, at least. Can’t risk that Horse Cock going all infertile, like that Nikki Minaj cousin’s boyfriend smgdh
Would be news to most that hes still in the league
Suspect he will be “gameday inactive” from now on, and he’s flipped for a 6th rounder
HAIL DONKS WOO BLEERGH!!!