Your First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

To The Games!

Falcons/Cowboys:

Ryan was supposedly in a bad spot last week vs the Saints, having to work with the likes of Zaccheaus, Sharpe and Gage but he got the W. Dallas is sure to bounce back after that loss to the Broncos and they have Gallup back to boot. Atlanta has given up 48 to the Bucs and 30+ to the Eagles and TEAM and I expect they’ll do the same here.

Saints/Titans:

Which Tennessee D will step forward in this spot-the one the Jags hung 454 yards on or that other one that has 8 takeaways in the last three games? Everyone was talking about Peterson last week but it was D’Onta Foreman that came back from the dead and posted that gaudy 5.8 ypc number. Without Kamara in the lineup the Saints O will look decidedly different. Perhaps we’ll see more than a little magic undies action?

Jags/Colts:

Wentz has tossed 3 TD’s in two straight tilts and is looking more and more comfortable in Indy’s O. And that’s why I’m streaming Moe Alie-Sheedy at tight end today. Speaking of, here’s an easy (so they say) prop bet for you-Dan Arnold has 17 targets and 120+ yards the last 2 weeks and his receiving yards is set at just 38.5.

Browns/Pats:

Brandon Bolden, the special teams guy, it’s your time to shine. It’s against a front seven that dominates the run game but whatever. D’Ernest gets to follow up week 7’s memorable cameo with another vs a banged-up lb unit. I’ll take the under on this 45.5 number.

Bills/Jets:

Two stupefying losses in a row is what Buffalo is looking at if they lay an egg again this week. They’re now 3rd in the AFC pecking order playoffs-wise and it is all their own doing. I’d expect Mike White to get a generous amount of garbage points if he survives the first half.

Lions/Steelers:

Will rook Pat Freiermuth do it again? He’s running routes on 73% of dropbacks and has a 17% target share-not bad for a rook tight end. Did I mention that Detroit is 31st in the league in defending that position? Yeah, you’re right-this is an Ebron smash spot. The Kneecap Biting crew is getting all kinds of not-help from The Goffster. Aside from week 1 he has a 5:5 TD/INT number and has not passed for 300 yards.

Bucs/TEAM:

A perpetually bummed-up Gibson gets the league’s 2nd-best run defense-maybe you sit him. Last year in the playoffs Heinicke had himself quite the game vs these Bucs but that was quite a bit of game film ago. He’s just a placeholder these days until Fitz gets back and until Washington (perhaps) drafts a qb with their top 5 pick in next year’s draft.

Off we go! (sorry for the tardiness)

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Game Time Decision

DET PIT games ends with a fumble. Very fitting

hippofant

Steelers broadcast is picking up one hella drunk yinzburghian

SonOfSpam

Mason Crosby is bad and SHANK’LOR BE PRAISED

Redshirt

Its been nearly 67 football minutes. Will someone tell the Pittsburgh’s center that Big Ben’s not at QB?

hippofant

Scott Hanson just got a dig in at the Lions for letting Matt Prater go to save money.

Game Time Decision

Shank’lor says not today Lions

hippofant

Calling that kick a shank would be an insult to Shank’lor.

hippofant

If the Lions go 0-16-1, is that better or worse than 0-16?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes

Redshirt

Okay, who let a fan on the field to placekick?

WCS

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JUST LIKE THE OLD GYPSY WOMAN (ME) SAID IT WOULD HAPPEN!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So a Lions shank / doink is the only acceptable ending for this game, right?

SonOfSpam

Wasn’t even doink-close

LemonJello

Who are you that is so wise in the ways of Lions fitbawl?

LemonJello

5+ minutes of bad football and we can has glorious tie!

Redshirt

There can be bullshit calls against Pittsburgh?

SonOfSpam

Flaccodown!

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

Bleergh! rear his ugly head in Pittsburgh.

King Hippo

PeyPey SINGS!

Pri-son-Girl-Friend-Dropped-The-Soap!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This Steelers-Lions game is like Chlamydia in that no one really wants it but everyone is going to bear the marks of shame.

Doktor Zymm

I suspect a simple dose of penicillin isn’t enough to end this game though

SonOfSpam

Cam has a good play/TD ratio for the season

SonOfSpam

2 for 2 now.

LemonJello

Is the turf in Pittsburgh as shittty in real life as it looks on TV?

WCS

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Redshirt

No. I think it’s worse.

NotShogunButShogun

It’s been legit crap since it opened. For some reason they just can’t get it right.

Redshirt

Bengals’ stadium was the same, but Kentucky Bluegrass couldn’t handle the damage of NFL games. They gave up after four years.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

These Lions white jersey/white pants unis are uglier than Mitch McConnell’s O face

Redshirt

I like how the referee welcomed them to overtime, just throwing shade at both teams for not being able to win the game in the normal 60 minutes.

LemonJello

I forgot “Turn Your Head and Goff” QBs in Detroit

NotShogunButShogun

So did Detroit.

NotShogunButShogun

Come on back-breaking pick 6…I’ve been ever so good!

Redshirt

Lions tied with Steelers? How? Why?!

hippofant

Steelworkers often have bad knees due to the heavy loads they carry in their industrial work.

NotShogunButShogun

Nah…there’ll be BONUS time!

Game Time Decision

So want the tie here

LemonJello

THIS WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM, I CALL THEM THE ROYAL NAVY’S CARIBBEAN SQUADRON BECAUSE THEY’VE DEFEATED A GROUP OF BUCCANEERS

NotShogunButShogun

Ooh the kitties are making the fans gravy curdle!

NotShogunButShogun

/forgets the kitties are turrible

Doktor Zymm

You have to get them riled up by trying to rub their soft belly fur

Sharkbait

Browns player on a stretcher, taken off by EMTs

CBS: He’ll be brought to the locker room for further evaluation

If by locker room you mean Mass General, then yes. He is going to the locker room

Spur

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litre_cola

Lions are going to fuck this up aren’t they?

hippofant

Wow, someone put a -1 on this comment. We got some angry Lions fans in here!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Zero chance McLaurin knows where he is right now

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Taking big hits is part of the game”
–Trent Green being disruptive during Hungry Hungry Hippos again

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Despite my opponent having four players put up zeroes (for various reasons), Yahoo still gives me a 10% chance of losing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY YAHOO I CALL HIM “MY FATHER” BECAUSE HE NEVER BELIEVES IN ME, MAN!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bruce Arians in camo straight up looks like army cosplay Elmer Fudd

Sharkbait

Meyersdown WOOO

Mr. Ayo

Nothing better than to see good fortune find a P*ts player.

Game Time Decision

From HoyerCountry. Wow,wtf

Doktor Zymm

Why yes, I am taking 18 bottles of wine to go

Sharkbait

Only 18?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/Matt Gaetz joke

LemonJello

How many are being delivered to your lair/laboratory?

Doktor Zymm

Oh that’s an entirely different 18 bottles

Mr. Ayo

Great hustle!

litre_cola

That is superb hustle.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Starting QBs in the NFL this week:

Taylor Heinecke
Mike White
Mason Rudolph
Trevor Simien
Colt McCoy
PJ Walker

I think Kaep STILL has a case

Doktor Zymm

If nothing else he should have a guaranteed spot pulling Santa’s sleigh

Game Time Decision

Case Keenum can’t cure Cleveland’s cromulence

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why the hell am I watching WFT?

LemonJello

Because you touch yourself?

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

To see Brady cry?

Doktor Zymm

It’s a tough job, but no one has to do it

litre_cola

Josh Rosen? Still in league.

WCS

You misspelled, “The Game Nobody Deserved to Win.”

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

More like Suckup.

LemonJello

We would have also accepted Fuccop

LemonJello

Every time the defense runs down field to celebrate a turnover it should be a delay of game penalty.

Horatio Cornblower

A couple of years ago I bought my dog a collar with the Treehouse Brewing logo on it. Yesterday, while we were debating whether or not he could eat that shedded snake skin he found in the woods, it snapped.

So I guess today I have to go back to Treehouse and look for another collar. And it turns out they sell beer there, too! Who knew!? Why it would be foolish not to also buy some beer while I’m there.

LemonJello

That’s just good logistics

Game Time Decision

A dog AND a treehouse? I’ll ask mom if we can drive you there.
-Eli

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Your CO shipment is sealed and ready for drop off tomorrow, and I’ve already forgotten what i put in it. I really should not have stopped off at that second brewery today.

Horatio Cornblower

Surprise beer is the best beer!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think i may have omitted one I intended to ship you, apologies.

Spur

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WCS

SPOILER ALERT:

Dak gets wasted in 20 seconds.

Game Time Decision

Don’t watch the replays of it
Yuck/oww

LemonJello

Lightweight.

-B. Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m rendering beef tallow in an effort to distract Andy Reid from gameplanning for this evening’s fixture.

Horatio Cornblower

You certainly won’t get his attention by telling him his kids need help.

Senor Weaselo

Radio: “It’s the Jets high school hour on ESPN 98.7!”
SW: “I’m not listening to that now?”

Mr. Ayo

My favoUrite station!

— M. Sanchez

NotShogunButShogun

Seeing it live is both exhilarating and tragic.