Sorry Coach Reid – I know you read that as Beloved Parm.

Today will be interesting, as I leave my recluse lair around halftime of my Wolves du Merde (Derby with Scotchy’s l’Orange) fixture (that’s at 4:00 on ACCN, it deserves no preview).  I am off to see oldest HippoSpawn do her senior opera (Pirates of Penzance).  As above, she even mentioned me in the school paper.

Anyway, this is what I sent her in response.  It’s all opera ever makes me think.  And Comfort Eagle might be the most underrated rock album of the 90s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0XIYcd1DBI

To the fixtures!

Look, I can’t justify waking up early to see Thomas Tuchel’s Chelski beat the tar shit out of Leicester (7:30, NBCSN).  But, fuck it, I will.  Compressed sportsball day, ya know?  Wolves/Hammers (USA) highlights the 10:00 window, with Villa/Trash Birds (NBCSN) also being broadcast, solely due to Slippy G returning to the Premier League.  YES, I really hate that motherfucker, well more than even Tory Cunt Frank Lampard.

Media buzzards have swarmed all over Ole’s corpse, but he’s not quite ded yet.  His Manure take on Watford (actually, all the way ded) at 10:00, streaming only.

Everybody’s a Gooner for the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC), since everybody hates the monkeyfuck out of Liverpool.  RITE?????  Here’s hoping the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols make a real statement this week.

Sunday’s NBCSN doubleheader is too dire to mention.

Michigan State (+19) at theeeeeeOhio State (Noon, ABC)

The rankings make this the Match of the Day, but the point spread?  YIKES.  Is Sparty worth a GAMBLOR punt, paying off like 7 to 1?  Hippo sez that’s a definite MAYBE!

Wake Forest (+4.5) at Clemson (Noon, ESPN)

Deacons win the Atlantic (and a TV-disaster matchup with Pitt for the ACC title) with a win this week or next.  Clemson can only back door with a win here, Wake losing out, and some help from NC State (which we 100% will provide).  Strongly believe Wake rolls here.

Iowa State (+3.5) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)

Cornpone State always closes well.  Until the year they don’t, which may be now.  How shitty are Steerfuckers North?  Look at that line.  At HOME.  Who doesn’t like watching a good car crash?

Arkansas (+20.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)

I was gonna give Pig Sooey a chance to make this interesting…but it’s in Tuscaloosa.  Hard.  Pass.  Which really sounds like a premium erotica streaming service, no?

SMU (+11.5) at Cincinnati (3:30, ESPN)

If JV WKRP are to stub their toe all the way (and not just stylistically), it will be here.  All the quasi-moderate Republican Presidents (Ford, Bush Sr.) seem to love SMU, for some reason.  TRUE HIPPO FACT!  I am indeed a Methodist, just not a particularly fervent one (even by Methodist standards, we all tend to be Milford Man-ish).

UCLA (-3) at Southern Cal (4:00, Fox)

Highlighted just because of each program being in Very Sad Shape.  Troi Boiz need a win to maybe make a December exhibition.  Westword Klavern needs a win, or their Grand Wizard 100% gets fired.