Not much going on today that I noticed but as always, we’ll do something.
Newsy Notes:
-The Old, Gray Mare, err, running back Adrian Peterson managed to latch onto the teat of the Seahawks. He’s a mere 367 yards away from supplanting Barry Sanders-a guy that knew when to quit-for 4th all-time in rushing. And he’s going to get there! Unless Seattle discovers what the Lions and Titans discovered-there’s no tread left on those tires.
-I Knew It But Ignored It: Saquon has yet to run for 60+ yards in a game this year.
-The NFL is going to be doing a “Responsible Gambling” PSA during games going forward! In related news, they’ve put a cap of six ads for gambling sites for any game. [meanwhile, Goodell blows his nose with a Franklin]
-More Related News: Nevada gambling houses surpassed the “billion dollars bet” mark in October for the first time ever. Woo!
-Pour one out for Bama: Their streak of being the favored team just ended at 92 straight. They are a 6 1/2 point dog to the Dawgs.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Saints:
-Coach McCarthy is a Covid no-show tonight so the mighty Dan Quinn, the DC, steps in.
-You know, to me it’s been a bit of a mystery as to why this supremely talented Dallas team just can’t seem to get its shit together. And then it all became clear. BEN FUCKING MCADOO (ex-Giants fuckup) IS ON THE COACHING STAFF! His sorta title is “Consultant to the Coaches”. What? Who the hell would want to know how to lose a locker room in less than a year? Sorry, Horatio-that stink doesn’t come out easily.
-Kudos to Zeke for trying to work through a nagging knee injury but he’s lacking that extra Oomph! that has put defenders on their backs in the past.
-Kamara is out and so are starting tackles Armstead and Ramczyk. In? Only the likes of Lamb, Amari Cooper and The Marcus Lawrence.
-These squadoos are a combined 1-7 over the last four weeks. I’m leaning towards the Cowboys winning but perhaps the Saints can get back to .500 behind a throaty crowd in the dome. They still play in a dome, right?
Have at it.
SUDDEN CHANGE not really
Folks. Have a good one.
Back on Sunday for some hate watching.
Don’t you DARE pull hill out of this fucking game. Make him run it every play.
Fire McCarthy, promote Quinn?
(if you give a shit about the Cowboys then yes and nah)
Taysom Hill is proof Joseph Smith was wrong.
BANNER THIS MAN!
That’s second week in a row I’ve being facing someone with a garbage time pick 6 on a shitty Thursday night game
THICC PICK 6
THICC SICCS?
Oh fuck and yes! Love JJ’s defensing unit.
Hill expected the call when he was sliding. It’s almost like he thinks he’s a real quarterback!
FAT GUY DOWN!!!
Be me.
I’m projected to lose by 8
Opponent is starting the cowboys defense.
Taysum hill throws an interception.
Opponent’s score goes up two points
Opponent’s projected score goes up by 8.
Hill throws another interception.
Opponent’s score goes up by two points again.
Opponent’s projected score goes up another 8 points.
Fuck you espn projections.
Fuck you universe
Fuck you Joe Buck
I hope you weren’t watching what just happened.
It appears my right forearm has a large gash in it. Would one of you gentlemen kindly call me an ambulance? I think I got some mercury in it
Um
MOTHERFUCKER DONT JUST STAND THERE I’M BLEEDING!
This is the Taysom Hill we all know and love.
You suck Taysom Hill
Let’s see if Dallas can capitalize on another great defensive stand with another sweet 3-and-out!
Gives Diggs another chance to get a pick at least.
I got an early morning meeting tomorrow
Garbage time is Taysom time?!?!
Dallas seems determined to give him every opportunity.
Oh absolutely not
SUDDEN CHANGE!
This saints wide receiver corps. What a little bunch of Rory Calhouns.
Taysom Hill is going to have less fingers than JPP at the rate the Cowboys are hitting his hand on his throws.
A tale as old as time: The Saints getting fucked by the refs
Zebras just gave them one back on the non-call of Dak getting punched in the head.
The real lesson here is that the NFL officiating is terrible, and anyone gambling on these games is out of their minds.
This is the correct take.
Baseball too apparently: https://sports.yahoo.com/mlb-reportedly-secretly-used-two-different-baseballs-last-season-215050389.html
That’s hilarious. Watching the MLB offices operate under Manfred is like watching ‘Goldfinger’, assuming Goldfinger had Down’s syndrome and was doing every evil thing just to corner the world market on paste.
I mean, if bathroom options now include a “Margot Robbie In Her Underwear” option then I have some remodeling to do.
https://twitter.com/why_cma/status/1465902714982854662
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FFfuwAKUYAAXO16?format=jpg&name=small
https://twitter.com/KingJosiah54/status/1466607779817222144
I was hoping it would be a “Alligator Eats Man” headline.
Where’s that fucking guy from before? Little Mumphrey.
Just got knocked out of the Drummer Boy challenge watching Sopranos at halftime. Balls.
I know what these words mean individually, but together their meaning eludes me
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FFp1XPWXIAg6-fo?format=jpg&name=small
.
Zeke definitely needs the next 10 days off. And a refill of all those lead paint chips.
The lack of access to those paint chips over the last 14 days let his nerve endings regenerate.
Last funny;
date: I don’t want to have kids after 35
me: *mouthful of soup* yeah 35 is plenty
Parsons is one scary dude.
Micah Parsons is a bad bad man.
His falling to the Cowboys was a stroke of luck.
Hopefully Ol’ JJ has another stroke soon. Stroke of luck, of course.
Ol’ JJ hopes his good friend BK has another good stroke soon, too.
Brian Kelly Tries His Hand at a Southern Accent
https://twitter.com/Mike_Bundt/status/1466224226818473989
If you say “Disingenuous Murdering Piece Of Shit” three times into the mirror with the lights off, Brian Kelly shows up and lies to your kid about how he’ll always take care of him if he just commits to whatever school shows Brian Kelly the fattest wad of cash.
https://twitter.com/normcharlatan/status/1466615577288470529
those hurricane winds are nothing to worry about, now get up there – Kelly
Kill all teh Cajuns you want, BK!
Yes the southern drawl of natives from the Northern Coast of Massachusetts is well known.
Hell no to clam chowdah, hell yes to gumbo.
Hey! What the fuck, Tony Pollard? You’re not Zeke Elliott. Stop that! My fantasy team needed a Zekedown!
/screams into the abyss once more
Did my opponent start Tony Pollard? HAHAHA, of course he did.
/It’s Don T., though. I can’t stay mad at anyone that suave.
He can kill a man with a donated paper towel roll.
These Santa Fun Runs are so lame. It’s an excuse for these suburban heifers to feed their alcoholism. I hope the Covid strain passed around is gruesome.
um HEY what do you have against fat suburban alcoholics?
(I would never do a fun run as those two words don’t belong together)
For a second I thought that was a city in California and got confused.
Hey, when Matt Stafford’s wife had a brain tumor, do you think she did her own research, or did she go to an neurosurgeon/oncologist and do whatever the fuck they told her to do.
It IS probably worth doing your own research to find a decent oncologist. Some of them are just as shitty as going to Joe Rogan
More like CONcologist, amirite?
Or unnecessary major surgery-cologist, or ignore 3 out of 4 pre-cancerous growths-cologist, or withold biopsy results from the patient-cologist, or actively lie to the patient about the surgury outcome-cologists
Going to the doctor is still the right move, but distrust of the medical establishment isn’t unfounded.
am guessing setup a merch site or gofundme 1st.
I would like to gently encourage any Russian hacker cartels or whatever out there to go deface the nfl site so that it actually shows the goddamn score of the game that is currently occuring.
Dallas’s offense has the absolute dumbest game plan. Did Kellen Moore hit his head?
“Of course not, that dent was there when he was born. How dare you accuse me of having dropped him!” – Kris Moore
I ordered two vintage hockey jerseys today, Kansas City Scouts, (current NJ Devils) and Cleveland Barons, (current, sort of, Dallas Stars), and I am unreasonably excited to get them, probably some time next summer.
Welcome, vintage jersey collector friend. I have a whole host I too am proud of in my collection, but probably my crown jewel is an Ottawa Nationals jersey from their short-lived WHA franchise in 1972. It’s a great hobby to get into!
Excellent choices.
I love vintage hockey jerseys. My favoUrite is the Seattle Kraken jersey I just picked up with an inaugural season patch.
Oooh, however did you find it?
Honestly, I was poking around the NHL site and every time I looked at something else I would get a pop-up along the lines of “ARE YOU SRE YOU WOULDN’T RATHER ORDER SOME KRAKEN MERCHANDISE!?!?”
What is Sean Payton trying to prove by calling these pass plays? Just run the ball.
Ooh, a soulful cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You”. In an ad for…Chipotle?
Taysom Hill’s ok I guess but I’ve seen some Presbyterians that can run better than he can.
The Wildcat is BACK!
There’s no way I’m getting through the second half without a couple of beers.
Dallas has fallen off a cliff.
!!!
Oh, wait, you mean metaphorically.
[shuffles off, kicks rock]
“I blame Acme Corporation.”
-Wile E, Coyote, the desert
Mike McCarthy would absolutely try, repeatedly, to run the ball through a tunnel painted onto the wall of a cliff.
Note to self, learn computer animation, make this cartoon
Why do they let Grandpa Bradshaw talk so much?
You’d rather listen to meatball head?
I don’t think there’s a better option on that set.
A meteor would be better
Jeebus. That’s a bleak truth.
I haven’t seen a saints defense this frantic since the latest round of sexual abuse allegations
Is Dan Quinn Mike McCarthy’s surrogate tonight?
/revision/latest?cb=20130321045439
Wow. Nice pick.
Evening, ladies and gentlefuckers.
Good evening. Could I interest you in 10 pound piece of ambergris?
A tempting proposition, but my finances are all currently tied up in pointless digital artwork of some of the stupidest-looking monkeys and lions the art and tech world has ever seen.
What the hell was Parsons doing back there in coverage? That’s very impressive.
Parsons could be a generational player but the free whores, dysfunctional management, inevitable contract dispute, 24/7 access to horse tranquilizers and dicey doctor’s advice provided by the Cowboys pretty much guarantee he’ll flame out by the age of 27.
I’d love to argue against this, but the fact that it’s 100% accurate makes it hard to do so.
MAGICUNDERWEARCEPTION!
It’s only my second cocktail and I’m feeling buzzed. Have I become a cheap drunk?
Depends. Are you drinking Everclear?
I LOVE THEM
-ghostly voice emanating from somewhere over the Carolinas
/ghostly voice starts singing along to Green Day
Is it still considered a cocktail when it fills a Big Gulp cup?
What’s the matter, you’ve never seen a large cocktail before?
“Sadly, no.” — Deanna Favre
44oz Vodka martini will do that