One of the most messed-up commercials we’ve all seen for a while. Of course, it’s by one of the tech companies that are trying to take over your entire life. I speak of the Alexa commercial with the old couple. For those of you that have not seen it, here it is:
For one, I think it’s kinda disgusting that they are using dementia to tug at people’s heartstrings to get them to buy technology that will spy on them and promote their dwindling retirement savings, if they have any, to evaporate because they bought shit that Alexa suggested and they didn’t realize they were doing it.
But I digress. There is a lot going more going on here that meets the eye.
Due to popular demand, I have ANALyzed this commercial pretty closely and …. I have some questions…
- What happened to the young boy in the school dance?
- I mean, that’s clearly not the man she has in front of her, right?
- Is it possible for men to shrink by a full foot?
- How fucking cold was the water THAT DAY?
- Isn’t it obvious that she got jealous that he was dancing all night with the other girls, the other girls were talking shit to her by the snacks table, and she decided to give him one last dance before she offed him?
- Do you think she did it with a knife Scotchy-style or with poison?
- And then Harold, the dude that she’s dancing with now, helped her hide the body?
- A dude helps you hide a body, the least you can do is spend the rest of your life with him, amirite?
- Wasn’t she listening to the song and remembering the blood, SO MUCH BLOOD, and just got caught up in the memory?
- Then she realizes that good old Harold is dancing with her and Tom that cheating bastard is dead and buried and no one knows and everything is okay and so she smiles a big smile of relief, right?
- I mean, who wouldn’t smile if they got away with murder?
- Do you think she’s planning her next caper with Harold as they dance?
- Maybe they already have another target in the basement?
- Doesn’t the wheelchair in the kitchen clearly belong to the next victim since they both don’t need it?
- Do you think this time it was that bitch Harriet that looked Harold up and down in the market as he was picking up some ham and cheese for sandwiches?
- Maybe Harriet made a suggestive comment about hot dogs being sandwiches and asked Harold if he could give her a hot one and she heard it and said, “Oh hell no”?
- Do we have a situation here where we are dealing with Schrodinger’s Harriet?
- I don’t see any blood on the cane, but that had to be the weapon to knock poor old Harriet out, right?
- Maybe they only knocked her unconscious and she’s tied up in the kitchen and they’re just waiting for The Flamingos to finish the song before they finish poor Harriet?
- Is it spelled Flamingos or Flamingoes?
- She’s turning off Alexa before they take care of Harriet, right?
- Or maybe they ask Alexa to play a horror movie, so that the sounds from the movie drown out Harriet’s desperate pleas for help?
- You know, since Harriet is in the kitchen, isn’t it now obvious that they DEFINITELY used a knife on Tom oh so many years ago?
- Wait, this isn’t their second killing, is it? More like twenty second?
- Aren’t you happy I didn’t make an anal sex joke for this one or is that how they celebrate after each killing?
It has been entirely too long since we had one of these! Thank you Balls. You’re my favorite, don’t tell the others! And of course, I must answer all 25 questions, so here we go!
Answers:
Maybe we’ve got it all wrong; maybe she’s one of the most prolific serial killers of all time, and Harold there is her next victim. The dementia is the only thing keeping most of the public safe. In her moments of clarity, that’s when she strikes! Then drifts back into the fog until the next time…
I mean, clearly she’s sizing Harold’s head up to go on the trophy wall.
Maybe when they made her prosthetic legs (they hurt for her to use much, hence the wheelchair) she wanted them longer so she could look her man in the face when they danced. Or the old broad is wearing some serious stripper heels that she could not afford when she was young.
“Alexa, play Slipknot. Louder! LOUDER! Ok honey, let’s go down to the basement and take care of business.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO1aWJLULDM&ab_channel=EnricoPecchioli
“I think it’s sic[sic].”
I guess it’s best to keep things simple with your Alexa. Like just ask it to play the same song over and over. Cuz the Alexa that wifey has messes up every other request. Stupid toy could fuck up a two car funeral.
Flamenco, they are big fans of the Brazilian futbol club.
We do not get this commercial up here. Well I don’t o the shows I watch.
BTW, The Onion 2021 porn search by state is out
https://www.theonion.com/most-frequent-porn-searches-by-state-1848237193/slides/28
Yep, plus Duke girls have that resting bitch face that no one thinks looks attractive. Why do you think all the Duke guys came to Chapel Hill to pick up girls (other than the fact that they were easy).
Yeah, the athletes all can’t read – but Orange County has always been full of…neck-twisting talent.
When I was at NCSU, the joke I heard a lot was “What do you call a pretty girl on campus? A visitor.”
I dunno. Think it’s maybe a “Someone’s getting pokey…” look
Is that a bazooka in your pocket, or…
Also, thank you.
Just for you. 😘