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Your “I Knew I Forgot Something” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Horatio Cornblower

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This morning I volunteered to cover tonight’s open thread, because your regular authors were busy with real life. This afternoon some work things caught on fire and, about 10 minutes ago, while climbing off the elliptical, I went “Oh shit, I never wrote the open thread!”, which is a weird thing to say in a gym full of people who don’t know my secret identity. After quickly setting the place on fire in order to preserve our secrets, I dashed back here and am dashing this little opus out while still coated in sweat. It’s just as disgusting as you’d imagine.

In NFL news today, the NFL Clown Car of fired coaches picked up another one this afternoon, as late-breaking news is that the New York Football Giants have parted ways with Joe Judge. I can’t imagine why, he seemed to be right on the verge of turning that ship around. Probably right into an iceberg but still, headed in a different direction.

In hockey news the Ice Patriots have brought Tuuka Rask back on a one-year contract, pro-rated for the rest of the year. Word is he’ll get $500K for the rest of the season. No word on how much beer was involved.

In college basketball news, Providence has canceled its game against Creighton, (maybe? I think?), because they’re dealing with the same #nuAIDS that canceled UConn’s last three weeks of men’s and women’s ball. At some point our long national nightmare will end, and Rhode Island will fall into the sea. Oh yeah, and maybe we can beat Covid, too.

Tonight’s Sportsball Viewing Options

ESPN 7:00 Kentucky v. Vanderbilt
9:00 Auburn v. Alabama I can’t imagine why Alabama would be distracted by any recent activities

ESPN2 7:00 Texas Tech v. Baylor Is Baylor going to repeat as NCAA champs? Signs point to yes.
9:00 TBA Which means someone got the ‘rona and the first scheduled game had to be sent to a farm upstate to play with other teams

USA 8:00-10:08 (that’s a weirdly specific end time) WWE NXT Ladders and tables and chairs, oh my!

Well, I’m past the word minimum, so I’m going to climb out of the #content mines and climb into a shower. Yep, that’s also just as disgusting as think it is.

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Horatio Cornblower

AFCON is doing great, you guys.

https://twitter.com/MezahiMaher/status/1481283380536918019

2
ballsofsteelandfury

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1
Don T

I found Dragonball Z in Basque, aka insomnia fuel
https://youtube.com/watch?v=hIL9Dvq8dLY

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Senor Weaselo

Here’s more things that’ll keep you up. Or you’ll double over with laughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm3Qh5twb4M

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Don T

Now available in two flavors: BBQ and RGIII ligaments
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5
SonOfSpam

Are they made from a specific kind of potato?

4
Senor Weaselo

I’m surprised that the potatoes weren’t shredded.

5
Dunstan

Made from redskin potatoes. Because who cares what happens to them?

5
Dunstan

Just realized that the auto-censor might have picked that up, but I guess the singular is ok?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Two weeks after eating the chips…

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1
BugEyedBoo

That’s like potatoes grown on top of my septic tank. Why would I want to eat those?

5
TheRevanchist

I’m still trying to boycott frito lay. Fuck them for treating people shitty, just as shitty as the Redacteds.

1
ArmedandHammered

Where can these be found? The factory of sadness vending machines?

1
Brick Meathook

Another installment of Brick’s Murderer’s Row:

This is the “War Quarters” edition! Five silver U.S 25¢ pieces from World War II (I only count the American part – Pearl Harbor to Tokyo Bay; the rest was just pregame). These aren’t very collectible, but they’re worth a little over $4.00 each due to the “melt value” of their 90% silver content. I keep them on my desk for fun and to intimidate enemies.

Additionally, that’s a SanFrancisco Mint steel penny from 1943. Steel coated zinc was used due to copper shortages during the war. Look closely and you can see “$1.00” printed on the cardboard. That’s a lie! This coin is currently valued at $1.11

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Don T

Gonna guess the initimated enemies are Blinky and Clyde.

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Brick Meathook

I have no enemies, only people who love me a little too much.

Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
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SonOfSpam

Tremendous.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Per RTD’s comment on GTD’s thread about self awarding the banner, I don’t believe I have that level of digital authority/permission.

Also, me from 10 years ago thinks this sentence means I had a stroke and/or started writing science fiction.

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Sharkbait

I’m the same. I’d feel weird if I awarded myself the banner. I’ll let others decide when I’ve been funny enough to deserve it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh I would totally award myself the banner. I think I’m locked out of doing so.

5
Brick Meathook

Banner!

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Gumbygirl

So here’s the thing. We are under contract on a freestanding condo in Desert Hot Springs. I really really want this one. It has everything on both of our lists. We put down our earnest money today, now we’re awaiting inspection and appraisal. We wrote in the contract that if it appraises low, the max we have to go out of pocket is 15k. I’m not terribly worried about the inspection, this place was built in 2004. But I’m going to be a nervous wreck until we close. I will try not to be a pain in the ass!

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litre_cola

Get stoned, bake a cake, eat that cake, have a nap and you will be closer than you were before the cake to the closing date.

3
Gumbygirl

You are a genius! I made brownies yesterday, and I am high right now! But not quite as high as Johnny Cash eating a birthday cake in the bushes.

download (1).jpeg
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ballsofsteelandfury

I hope this one works out!

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Gumbygirl

Oh God, me too. I am truly sick of the whole thing! Hey, would you mind checking on Viva again? He hasn’t been around in at least a couple of weeks.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

You got it.

2
SonOfSpam

You’re a good man, Carlos Marron.

2
Don T

I hope it works out well!
Closing a real estate deal was summin’ I posted about. It was a… different experience
https://doorfliesopen.com/2019/05/18/bend-over-for-banks-nevah/

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good luck!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As a distraction, can you give me some ideas for what to do on a day trip to Big Bear?

1
Gumbygirl

Do you ski? If you do, there are a couple of resorts up here. There are also a couple of places to tube. The mountain coaster is fun. The zoo is very cool, mostly native species ( bears, wolves, mountain lions, bobcats etc.) The village has lots of cute shops and restaurants.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thanks! The Dr. Mrs. isn’t much into ski type stuff but I bet she’ll enjoy the village.

0
scotchnaut

I’m kinda worried that some of my comments in the 1,400 (and counting…) “Joe Judge Fired” thread on Big Blue View might get lost…

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Senor Weaselo

Were they the sweary kind?

1
scotchnaut

They were (hopefully) the funny kind.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

No worries. Giants fans can’t read

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember posting on a Giants forum looking for some trivia for a post – can’t remember the specifics – but I was shocked by how helpful the people there were.

0
Senor Weaselo

So last month I started playing chess. So far I’ve learned that I suck at chess because I overlook really basic stuff, or do really stupid stuff.

4
Gumbygirl

I think it’s like bridge, it takes years to get good at it.

2
Dunstan

Ooh, I love bridge.

2
Dunstan

I played chess as a kid and was ok (in a “we didn’t have ratings or anything, but I was better than most of the kids in my school” way), and I love board games, but chess is too much of a brain-burner for me to get back into.

Also, I feel like too much of the game has been studied. Meaning that a lot of being good at chess today is just reading a lot of opening theory rather than actually reacting to anything at the board. Same reason I can’t get into Magic The Gathering — it seems to be all about how well you created your deck before you ever showed up at the table.

4
SonOfSpam

This all day. Really enjoyed it, but it you wanna be GOOD, gotta study and then it’s this whole thing. Haven’t played in years.

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Brick Meathook

“Same reason I can’t get into Magic The Gathering”

This sentence is concerning. It sounds like you tried to get into Magic the Gathering.

2
Dunstan

Ha, fair point. Well, I like games, and I am an unabashed nerd. But it’s not my flavor of nerddom

2
BugEyedBoo

No joke, M:tG is cardboard crack.

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Senor Weaselo

As someone who tried to get into Yu-Gi-Oh in 8th grade, I know what you mean on that front.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

You know, you try to get people into naked oily Twister and you’d be surprised how hard it is.

I regret nothing about that sentence.

3
BugEyedBoo

Back in my nerd days (who am I kidding, still a nerd), I used to play a lot of competitive M:tG; States, Pro Tour Qualifiers, etc. I was ‘competitive’ in the sense that those downhill skiers from Bahrain are competitive. The quality of a constructed deck is important, but it takes some practice (for me a lot of practice) to get good at playing the deck. What particular deck am I playing against, how do I handle it, how do I sideboard (you have a small card pool you can swap cards with), etc.

If you don’t like constructed, you could always play booster draft (open a pack, take a card, pass the rest on, rinse, repeat, build a deck with the cards) or sealed deck (open a starter and two or three booster packs and build a deck out of that mess). I was okay at booster draft, but for some reason I sucked at sealed.

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Dunstan

Yeah, fair enough, others have told me that the format matters. But I’ve got plenty of other games to choose from, so I’ve never felt the desire to go back.

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BugEyedBoo

I quit because the birth of my daughter took all of my spare time for a couple of years. I liked the game, hated to suck at it, and needed to play a lot to keep from sucking. So I gave it up and sold all my cards for cheap to my brother to get him to stop pestering me to sell him my cards.

FFG had Netrunner for a while, which IMO was a better game than Magic. But they shut it down a few years ago.

1
WCS

I would bet all of Hippo’s GAMBLOR monies that Sonic’s “new” Frito’s Chili Cheese Wrap look exactly the same exiting one’s body as it did going inside.

1
scotchnaut

I told you Seattle doesn’t deserve a new franchise!

1
jjfozz

“Don’t Look Up” is a piece of shit. Don’t waste your time.

0
Dunstan

I liked it. It has flaws, but there’s a lot to like about it, too.

1
SonOfSpam

I enjoyed it; not subtle, but we’re all fucked so it shouldn’t be.

1
Don T

I liked it. The portrayal of the federal government was spot on.
At least from this side of otherness.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought it was somewhat entertaining but not a good movie.

Plus it’s hard not to root for the meteor/comet/whatever

0
King Hippo

Delightful comment from The Athletic article on Judge firing:

I am so excited I am going to drink a medium Pepsi!

2
WCS

Cousinfuckers U vs. T. Boone Pickeneseseseses State in Morganhole, followed up by Geno making his season debut as the Ice Stillers play the Ice… Clippers?
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Entertaining night!

2
Gumbygirl

Pens had an impressive streak going there, didn’t they?

0
WCS

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SonOfSpam

For what it’s worth, your German friends are cool with it.

1
SonOfSpam

I see a similar joke has already been made. Mein baderhof.

2
scotchnaut

He was so great at the end of that SpongeBob movie.

/didn’t realize Squarepants had that much juice in Hollywood!

1
rockingdog

Found a funny;

so apparently it’s still a dui even if youre the birthday boy

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I want to know when Anna Kournikova is getting into the Tennis HOF.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Dunstan

True fact: I wrote my third year law school paper about Kournikova.

Also true fact: “true fact” is a tautology.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait. There needs to be more revealed about this paper!

What was the topic?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anna Kournikova, pay attention.

3
Dunstan

It was my Sports and the Law seminar, and it was on the subject of the WTA’s restrictions on the number of events teenage players could play. At the time, Kournikova was the most recent high-profile subject of those restrictions.

My argument was that the WTA — which, unlike sports leagues, is at least in theory run by the players — was violating antitrust law by restricting the rights of players to compete. The arguments offered by the WTA — that it was in the best interests of teenage players to have limited schedule — were , however right they might have been, none of its goddamn business since it’s not the parents of these girls.

I was totally right. My professor told me that I should try to polish it up and get it published, but I went off to the world of private law practice and had no time to mess around with that. Years later I looked up the subject, and it seems like the only thing published on the subject was a note by a student at another law school who came out on the opposite side. But s/he was wrong and I was right. Or so says me.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome!

1
litre_cola

Put it in the fridge. Wont damage it and wont hear it.

2
scotchnaut

Dr. Oz for Senate? Why was I not told about this travesty?

1
King Hippo

Because us libtards are 2 busy cancelling him obvs

0
Dunstan

Pay no attention to the quack behind the curtain

2
scotchnaut

Hah! I made a variation of that joke on a Sillycuse site.

0
litre_cola

Oh Mrs. Cola is in health care and fucking hates that guy more than any tv personality.

3
Dunstan

Between him and “Dr. Phil,” and her own shenanigans, Oprah has much to answer for.

1
scotchnaut

Someone should club Oprah with a book. Maybe Infinite Jest?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please refer to him by his full name as you would any other Senate candidate: Mehmet Oz.

1
Senor Weaselo

Because you don’t have to refer to him as Doctor!

Or is that just Dr. Phil?

0
Gumbygirl

He doesn’t even live in PA. I hope John Fetterman wipes the floor with him.

0
rockingdog

Warriors vs Grizzlies NBA game should be Rocking
Goooooo Dubs

0
Dunstan

Taking a break tonight from the chili I made this weekend to instead eat the pierogies I made this weekend.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I mean, other than “get fatter and drink more,” I guess. That could be a resolution.

2
litre_cola

Not a lot in the way of Gamblor for me tonight. Dark times are upon us. Maybe I will write the next great novel.

/will not. will get high and watch travel docos to feel like I could go somewhere if not for nuAIds

2
Redshirt

Figuratively or literally?

1
scotchnaut

“CAN’T WAIT!”

-German DFO contingent

2
scotchnaut

No new members for the Tennis Hall of Fame? Dunstan, care to weigh in?

1
herodotus450

“Michael Chang? Arancha Sanchez-Vicario? Ok fine, we’ll just un-induct McEnroe and then re-induct him.”

2
herodotus450

Thats a [DFO]eep pull

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d have referred to it as “shameless self-promotion” but I like yours better.

0
Senor Weaselo

They would’ve inducted Djokavic, but he’s busy not being busy in Australia.

1
Dunstan

As much as I like tennis, I don’t really care much for Hall of Fame debates in any sport, so I really haven’t paid attention. I have no idea what the eligibility period is or the process or any of it, I just occasionally hear that so-and-so is in, and nod and say “yeah, I remember that person.”

0
scotchnaut

Wife: [opening up the package containing new books I’ve bought] “These look like ones you’ve read before!”

Me: “Uh, maybe read the titles and not just look at the font.”

Wife: “Right, right…”

/she’s an incredibly smart woman but every once in a while…

3
herodotus450

Hey these books have all the same words as the last one, albeit in a slightly different order. What a scam!”

6
Redshirt

Hey, you stole that from my preview of this Saturday’s Bengals playoff game!

5
ballsofsteelandfury

THIS!

0
Don T

Unless your expectations are met. Been there, kinda prefer delusion.

2
Redshirt

At the very least, the rest should get $400 a week for as long as they’re on the active roster. That’s $10.00 an hour. If a school can’t afford that, they shouldn’t be in sports in first place.

2
scotchnaut

I’m sorta curious as to where Judge is gonna land, given that he has no real experience on either side of the ball. Or maybe he’ll do the pariah thing that McAdoo did and be jobless for a year. Maybe use the time to wash the stink off.

0
King Hippo

Hey, Grumblelord’s post-MILF fornication dry cleaning isn’t going to deliver itself.

2
Redshirt

Joe Judge getting fired was interesting. He met with the owner for a State of the Team meeting yesterday, left employed, came back tomorrow and was fired. Either sponsors/money got involved or Judge talked himself out of a job.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Earlier today I saw report/rumors that Judge was asking for a say in the new GM, which is a ballsy move given his record.

4
Redshirt

…why?! He’s the head coach; he reports to the GM!

It’s one thing to offer your opinion on any prospective GMs, but to ask to be involved in the hiring process with his history of success is just stupid.

Obviously, the Giants agreed.

3
Sharkbait

BIL reaction to the Judge news:

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8
Don T

Judge had a helluva one-two punch. The press conference was his high horse lying dictator side, and the white flag QB sneaks was “My Way” self-sabotage. Farewell to a true ninny.

3
King Hippo

yeah, you will NEVAR convince me he wasn’t TRYING to get fired with that shit. At HOME, no less.

2
Redshirt

That was like some video game bullshit when you accidentally press the wrong button when selecting the play.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Twice.

1
scotchnaut

I honestly feel that he doesn’t possess the neurons capable of formulating that sort of forward-looking plan.

1
Senor Weaselo

Somehow the Zach Wilson 4th and 2 sneak against the P*ts Bucs wasn’t the worst QB Sneak decision by a New York coach in the last two weeks.

2
Redshirt

A QB Sneak on 4th & 2 isn’t that stupid. With two yards to go, a QB Sneak maybe thought as too far and the defense may be thing run or quick pass. If you can play into that confusion and give the QB a crease to get to the line and then fall forward, you could get the two yards.

Unless your QB is 18 feet tall, it won’t work on 3rd & 9, however.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If forward progress were measured by the player’s head instead of the ball (would actually be easier to officiate) Mike Glennon would be a priceless addition to any roster.

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