Your Petronel/Horatio (Niners/Cowboys) Darby and Open Thread

We’re shouting out to the ladies on the site by throwing a different kind of Derby hat on the banner pic. <Sarcasm Alert!>There’s so much bad blood between Petro and Horatio already, I just hope things don’t get out of hand in the comment section today! Mods, keep your bannination fingers at the ready!

To The Game!

Niners/Cowboys:

-The 12-5 Dallas club led the league in scoring and yards gained but quite a few yakkers felt that those losses were letdowns and shouldn’t have happened. I mean, were they supposed to go undefeated? When this team is on there’s very little to stop them. Full stop.

-I guess we’ll find out when the season ends what the true extent of his injury (injuries?) is/are but the two-time rushing leader just doesn’t have the zip that we’ve seen in the past. It’s amazing to me that he hasn’t run for 100 since wk. 5. You’d think he’d get to triple digits just by falling over. But to talk solely about him is a disservice to Pollard, who chipped in with 700+. The ‘Boys running game is just fine.

-Jimmy’s Last Stand? What with the amount of draft capital expended to grab Trey Lance, he must be the starter in week 1 next year or John Lynch will be laughed out of/bound and dumped into the Bay. So what does Jimmy bring to the O? Competency. Boring, dependable competency. He can hand off with the best of them. I’m just a bit fearful of a Deebo/Lance/Mitchell backfield next year and will be fading the hell out of Kittle in fantasy.

-Speaking of, Deebo is the first of his kind (a South Carolina kid, no silly, a wr) to put together a season of 1,770 all-purpose yards in the way that he did. Much props to Shanny Jr. for increasing his touches by 5-9 per game. We’ll be seeing much more of this across the league for sure.

-Of all the games played this weekend this one is said to be the best for an upset, what with San Franny coming in on a roll. Stop The Narrative! What of the Cowboys winning 5 of their last 6 with the only loss being a three point shortfall to the Cards?

Tap away.

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Doktor Zymm

I might, only MIGHT, like the cows better if they switched their unis to open leather vests
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Doktor Zymm

Even the upside down ones!

ThePirateSloth

No, this is NOT my year to be hopping on a cruise ship.

litre_cola

They are coming hard with the ads up here. Yes put me in a big box of germs! Let’s goooo!!!

Doktor Zymm

I went on a holiday cruise with my mother and we both came through covid free! Will be going on an antarctica cruise in feb, but nawt too worries about the penguins

LemonJello

The Lady LemonJello and I have one scheduled for October – Med cruise to celebrate our 50th birthdays!

Doktor Zymm

Enjoy! I will henceforth refer to you as LemonJello The Greek

LemonJello

We’re excited! The last time I was in the Med, it was 1998 and I was a young Marine with the 24th MEU.

Accommodations, food and drink will all be much better this time around.

Don T

Young Sheldon splainin’ penalties wasn’t part of the bargain, Nick!

rockingdog

Wait are you guys watching the Nickelodeon stream of this game?

Gatoraids

got the dual cast setup

Petronel

Would have made the many, many, many, MANY hours of Olympic curling (that were the only thing I could seem to catch of the Games) two years ago more engrossing.

Doktor Zymm

Curling is way fun to do, only medium fun to watch. We should have a curling competition at the next DFOcon!

Dunstan

Less than two weeks until the Scotties (Canadian women’s championships)!

Spur

Am all for shopping from home but buying a car online just seems like a very bad idea.

Doktor Zymm

Can’t be worse than shopping for a hooker online, and I hear that is very popular

Gatoraids

Cant tell if they got that new hooker smell
–Robert Kraft

Doktor Zymm

Gotta read the reviews!
(so, hookers actually do have online reviews. I met a lot of interesting people when I was playing a lot of poker, including a dude who was the equivalent of an elite Yelper but for sites dedicated to craigslist hookers)

Petronel

In either case, wouldn’t a test drive be helpful before plunking down the $$$?

Doktor Zymm

Gould medal all purpose kicker!
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Spur

Parsons looks sad and has no hat.
So am going with Head owie and out for the game.

rockingdog

I’m rooting for the 49ers
They seem Rocking!

ThePirateSloth

I grew up in Dallas, so I’m not a Cowboys fan anymore. Because I grew up in Dallas, I hate the 49ers.

Soooooooooooooooooooo yea. Lemme just go drink some bleach.

Doktor Zymm

It’s okay, there’s another game on afterwards so you can sorbet your soul

litre_cola

Sole sorbet? Sure, I am a gamer – A. Reid.

Doktor Zymm

I know it’s down to practice, but impressed how quick off the line our Cowfans are to feeling doomed, y’all could teach our Pats fans a thing or two about seeing the writing on the wall early on!

Spur

The only hope Dallas has is Janeane Garofalo doing something stupid.

Dunstan

“Uh sure, ‘The Truth About Cats and Dogs 2: More Truth About Cats and Dogs’ sounds like a good project.”

Gumbygirl

Truthier Cats and Dogs.

Dunstan

Co-starring Pete Carroll

King Hippo

Glad I napped through the matinee! Lookit Our Jeanine!!!

Doktor Zymm

Curriculum ideas for Mrs. frizzle!

Horatio Cornblower

OK, I have to run out and help an elderly neighbor who recently broke a hip and who is about to try to bring a heavy package in herself.

Tell Mike McCarthy not to do anything stupid while I’m gone.

Karma Faeries better be paying attention to this.

Doktor Zymm

Tell her to go for the full hip replacement if she hasn’t already. Those things are great, my mom got one after a year of her hip not healing properly after she crashed a segway, and she was going up and down stairs three days after surgery!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s what she just had. She, however, is not going up and down stairs, or moving much at all.

makeitsnowondem

Anyway what are we drinking? Other than Zymm? Respect that boxed wine/Mason jar combo. I’ve got some of Weldwerks’ endless IPA parade.

King Hippo

v-profen for now, Tussionex for later

Gumbygirl

Diet Coke, but I am totally baked.

ThePirateSloth

A few sips of some 1000mg thc syrup. Don’t need alcohol today

litre_cola

Cali red wine and a bunch of edibles.

Gumbygirl

Nyquil makes me trip. Once I was convinced I could see the rods and the cones in my eyes.

Don T

Club soda with joint ashes

TheRevanchist

I’ve got that NyQuil going on, too. Pretty sure I have Covid.

litre_cola

I think Kelvin Benjamin could eat Travis Benjamin.

Doktor Zymm

Mmm, refreshing sack!
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Dunstan

I find lube takes care of that problem.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, who could have known that the Cowboys would run up the middle on 2nd and 10 after an incomplete pass on 1st, other than anyone who has paid even the slightest bit of attention to the fact that they do that every goddamn time.

Spur

Why cant Dallas play Philly again?

Horatio Cornblower

I suspect they’ll be free to play each other next week.

litre_cola

Only one shit kicking a week sir.

makeitsnowondem

Why would I underestimate a Shanahan running game? That’s so stupid. I’m so stupid.

Doktor Zymm

I actually didn’t hate nepotism Shanny when he was the Redacted OC. I can positively think he’s okay as the Niners HC!

Spur

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TheRevanchist

America’s ream.

LemonJello

Interesting strategy by Dallas; let the Niners O wear themselves out early in the game running over their D…let’s see how it plays out.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, that’s a less than ideal start.

Doktor Zymm

I’m drinking box wine from a mason jar, but it’s not actually hipstery since I can’t honestly say I have been hating the Cowboys since before it was cool. It has always been cool to hate the Cowboys.

Horatio Cornblower

If only there were something Randy Gregory could take to calm his nerves.

Doktor Zymm

Boyz 2 49 Men!

Petronel

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

Horatio Cornblower

The most exciting play in sports, the opening kick-off out of the back of the end zone.

Redshirt

I’m not rooting for anyone to get a horrific injury, but if it gonna happen, shouldn’t it happen on the game Nick is covering?

Petronel

“…oh….wow…uh, don’t worry, slime can glue that back on…”

Doktor Zymm

If it is Zeke we can teach the kiddies a valuable lesson about the consequences of being a shit!

Spur

might as well start drink now

herodotus450

Your persuasiveness has convinced me, too.

Spur

Romo’s PTSD is kicking in.

Don T

Jehovah,
Competitive playoff fitbaw plz
Amén

Spur

Janeane Garofalo gonna be a turnover machine.

Redshirt

Right now, Eli is pouting in his room that he is contractually obligated to only air on ESPN’s Monday Night Football broadcast and he can’t show up on Nickelodeon’s broadcast.

litre_cola

I bet on the Cowboys, sorry Horatio, Spur.

Horatio Cornblower

Aw, son of a bitch!

Spur

jerk

herodotus450

Stolen from someone named Matt Ryan on Tw****r:

I’m expecting Jimmy G to throw a pick 6 on the opening possession because the last time a handsome leader came to Dallas his first drive ended very poorly

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

hippofant

And then Jimmy G will become Trump’s VP?

Petronel

BEST ANNOUNCE TEAM EVAR (on Nick of course)

Don T

Mm. Nice banner’ hat

/walks over her

I see we in pollitain’ moodszz Zzzzz

Horatio Cornblower

Everyone is stressing how the 49ers short passing game is going to take Diggs out of the game, so I’ll put the odds at 1:1 that Diggs gets caught cheating up early in the game and burned for a 68-yard TD, 62 of those yards coming after the catch.

Spur

This game is on Nick Jr. and now CeeDee is contractually obliged to change his name to CeeDee Lambchop

Don T

Shanahan hopes Lamb plays like he has a hand up his ass

Horatio Cornblower

Just switched over.

Horatio Cornblower

Aaaannnnnddddd just switched back. They’re somehow more obnoxious than Caillou.

Doktor Zymm

Dammit, my Nick Jr just has Peppa Pig with Andy Reid plotting for bacon in the background

LemonJello

Zeke get an extra serving of lead paint chips for this game?

Doktor Zymm

Time for the 49 Inch Nails show! I like them way better than Counting Cows

Petronel

January And Everything After (which will be nothing for Da Boyz)

Redshirt

Bengals won a playoff game. 49ers/Cowboys Playoff Game is airing on CBS.

My God, it is the 1980s.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

MOAR COCAINE FOR LT

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

God, I hope so. That was a GREAT decade for me.

Petronel

^
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\\========== (that’s supposed to be an arrow)

Last edited 2 years ago by Petronel
hippofant

Hmm, to watch this on Nickelodeon or CBS….

Gumbygirl

Nick! Nick! Nick!
I need to roll a doob, be right back.

Spur

Folks!

Let do this Cowboy haters

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think I’m rooting for the 9ers because fuck the cowboys, but I don’t see Garafolo pulling out the win here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d be a lot more excited if Deion came out of retirement to play for either team (or both)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Jimmy’s pullout game is better than people give him credit for.” – Kiara Mia

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower

From what I understand about her specialty, there’s really no need to pull out.

Doktor Zymm

This is good reasoning for doing lots of stuff. I’m gonna have a hotdog because fuck the cowboys, or I’m gonna go get a flu shot because fuck the cowboys, or I’m gonna run for the Senate because fuck the cowboys

Horatio Cornblower

Damn you, Petronel!

/Just kidding, I’m just happy to get my name in the title.

Petronel

ARRRRRRGGH! Have at ye!

/me too!

ballsofsteelandfury

That hat probably gets you two free bowls of soup.

Horatio Cornblower

“Nope, still can’t find it”

Gumbygirl

Here’s a visual aid

FJEsGqsX0A8X5kN.jpeg
Doktor Zymm

Wait… What was that book “three men in a boat” about again?

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