Tylenol?

Here, take the whole bottle. I know it’s probably not strictly ethical for me to give you this many all at once, but we really shouldn’t have had all those Bloody Marys hanging out in the pool after playing golf yesterday. I feel just as rough as you are. Take as many as you want, and shut off the lights behind on your way out of the office. Oh, and tell Sandra at the desk to cancel the rest of my morning appointments. I need to lie down under my desk and moan for a while until I feel better.

THE MONGOLIAN MARY: THE DRINK THAT LOOKS BACK AT YOU

What are the positives of this treatment?

Nobody likes a hangover – and anyone who says otherwise is either blatantly lying or extremely mentally ill. And yet, human beings have been plagued with the ill effects of drinking since time immemorial. Throughout history, we have taken great pains to prevent the impending feeling of doom the morning after a good time… though admittedly, some methods certainly work much better than others.

Probably one of the strangest, and most unique, hangover treatments, comes to us from Mongolia, from the time of the great Genghis Khan and the gigantic Mongol Empire. Many warriors, enjoying many late-night sessions drinking fermented mare’s milk, which ranges anywhere between 2.5% to 10% alcohol content, opted to treat their subsequent hangovers with pickled sheep’s eyes in a glass of tomato juice. Yes, really.

There may be some medical benefit in this seemingly absurd concoction… the tomato juice contains lycopene, which is an anti-oxidant that might potentially help protect cells from damage, including that which could be inflicted by excessive drinking. The sheep’s eyeballs are also highly nutritious (as most organ meats tend to be), containing antioxidants, Vitamin C, and retinol (similar to Vitamin A). All of these, in sufficient quantities, could very well, in theory, be helpful to mend an ailing body after a night of overindulgence.

What are the negatives of this treatment?

Well, for one thing, it’s absolutely disgusting. The concept is so unappetizing to most people that the average person is very likely to vomit if forced to consume one against their will. That said, sometimes a powerful regurgitation can also set recovery in motion… though ideally, one also has some other treatments nearby, such as water, Gatorade, and Advil. Safe to say these were not staples in the Mongolian medical cabinets of the 13th century.

In the modern context, this treatment is not especially practical because pickled sheep eyeballs are incredibly difficult to find. Additionally, with most of the world having moved on from animal husbandry as the primary basis for a national economy, it’s not especially cost-efficient to harvest your own sheep eyeballs. Not only that, PETA demonstrators seem to be quite ornery about the practice as well. Probably best not to tempt fate or law enforcement by trying to track some down.

What are some real-life examples of this treatment? 

Due to the scarcity of one of the key ingredients in the Mongolian Mary, some modern Mongolians tend to go with bantan soup as an alternative to the historical treatment. The Mongolian word “bantan” translates roughly to “flour soup”, and in addition to often being used as a hangover cure, it also apparently is often used as an introduction to solid food for infants. The recipe featured below appears to be a lot more palatable than the aforementioned tomato juice and sheep eyeballs…

INGREDIENTS:
1.5 liters water
200 grams meat, sliced thin. Usually mutton, but any kind will work
1 pinch salt
Spices of cook’s choice
200 grams of flour
Spring onions, sliced

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Prepare a soup with meat (usually mutton) in the normal way.
2. Put the desired amount of flour into a bowl.
3. Place two or three ladles of soup into a cavity in the center of the flour.
4. Mix the liquid with a part of the flour and knead or grind the resulting mass into small lumps.
5. Put the lumps and the rest of the flour into the soup and boil everything for another while, until the soup is viscous.
6. The lumps will get a little smaller while boiling, but shouldn’t disappear completely. Note: This is different from the western convention of keeping soups and sauces completely free of lumps.
7. Season to taste with salt, and add the spring onion rings and other spices.

We’ve got protein, carbs, and some added vitamins K and C from the spring onions above… So it’s a start, I suppose. And probably a lot more palatable than pickled sheep’s eyeballs.

How can we improve this treatment for the future?

Pickled sheep’s eyeballs are virtually nobody’s cup of tea. Maybe they need to be pickled with hot peppers to give a little bit more zest and depth to the flavor. Alternatively, there needs to be further research done into adapting sheep stomachs for human usage. As sheep contain four stomachs that work together as a unit to digest plant proteins, there is merit to propose that a sheep stomach, surgically replacing a human stomach, could also provide better ways of preventing hangovers… the hard part would just be assigning all of the alcohol to stay in one stomach and keep all the food allotted to the other three! Please make sure you pay your bill promptly today, so I can finish this next round of funding on my latest offseason medical project.

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Information for this article taken from here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.