Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop [in bed].
Confucius
This guy gets it.
-all the (disappointed) ladies
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Talked to the kiddo and everybody is doing their best.
She told me a funny but not funny story about the doctors pulling the plug and mom just kept right on breathing away. The ex was a NOTORIOUS stoner and the kid says “Watch, she’s trying to hang on until 4:20.”
I love my family.
yeah right
Sometimes a laugh is the best way to deal with the pain.
2Pack
tWBS [via radio white noise like in that Michael Keaton movie]: Rikki, can you hear me?
RTD: Holy shit! Seamus? Is that really you?
tWBS: It is. Listen, could you…
RTD: Oh my God, how we’ve missed you! I have so many questions…
tWBS: Yeah, yeah, in a minute. First I want you to put a draft pick in for me.
RTD: Of course, man, anything.
tWBS: [sings a few bars]
RTD: Um. Are you sure?
tWBS: Absolutely. It fits the theme.
RTD: I mean, I guess, yeah.
tWBS: And Kristen Kreuk was so hot back then.
RTD: [sighs] Fine. Nice to know that the afterlife hasn’t changed you a bit.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I had this thought where somewhere in the afterlife Seamus is hitting on my ex wife but he has no idea what she’s about to bring to the party.
It made me smile.
yeah right
LOL
genuinely cannot imagine a bigger W than playing coachella aged 68 jacked to fuck covered in tattoos reminding everyone you wrote the simpsons theme and the batman theme and the nightmare before christmas music & all the oingo boingo hits and wes borland is playing guitar for you
That’s Rocking!
rockingdog
Listen, I consider myself sympathetic to feminism but that new Amazon commercial where Medusa kills a guy for winking at her doesn’t sit right with me.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
For balance, they should do one where Zeus becomes a swan and romance Leda with his corkscrew penis. The joke would be Leda shows up to the club in the Bjork dress.
goddamit madison avenue wheres my job offer
SonOfSpam
More Bert and Ernie, you say?
Gumbygirl
Just back from dinner and completely stuffed. Don’t even offer me something wafer thin.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
You know, I bet at least 35% of NFL owners have tried genital tanning. Bob Kraft, Arthur Blank, Stan Kroenke: obviously. Stephen Ross might. Jerry Jones probably just gets naked and lays out under God’s Peephole on a sunny day. Gayle Benson is a solid Maybe.
HI I’M MARK DAVIS!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
LOL
We’re still going to keep taking our shoes off at TSA checkpoints forever though? Just to be safe?
rockingdog
Testes tanning sounds like a joke. But bro stuff ain’t rational. How many times do dudes get together for a sausagefest, mostly to talk about women and girls. Instead of, you know, hanging out with them. It’s like Stupid is the secret ingredient of masculinity.
Don T
Why is everyone complaining? They’ll nuke their balls, boil their sperm and they won’t be able to procreate.
Darkest Timeline Adverted.
Redshirt
The farther away I get from Ben McAdoo and his tenure as Giants coach, the more I think he was a mixed bag of good instincts and poor execution. He knew Eli needed to be benched (any impartial observer could see it) but he played Geno Smith(!) instead of the rookie Davis Webb. It’s since come out that in the 2017draft he was banging the table for the Giants to move up in the draft and grab Patty Mahomes. A combo of him not having enough influence and the team not having enough draft capital made the move impossible.
/He’ll fail as Carolina’s OC because he’ll implement game plans that are good in and of themselves but don’t fit the personnel on hand. That’s just who he is.
scotchnaut
Courtney Love is a boil upon humanity’s ass (even if I don’t believe she murdered Kurt Cobain). Just had to be said!
/love this series [ Rock Queens], JJD – you are an excellent scribe and worth the big (imaginary) bucks we pays ya
King Hippo
writers here get paid?
WTF I’ve been sending money to [email protected]
Game Time Decision
We have a Nigerian prince in charge of payroll.
Reading about the Tib/Fib fracture and subsequent pneumonia, hits damn close. I thankfully dodged the latter when I was laid up with my leg fracture.
It’s a minor miracle I avoided a severe opioid addiction since I was prescribed a metric fuck ton of oxycodone and Percocet.
Sharkbait
Which you hopefully enjoyed fully OR SAVED FOR YOUR IMAGINARY PAL
King Hippo
If they weren’t 20+ years old, they’d be yours
Sharkbait
Oh, like that’s ever stopped him before.
WCS
When do we get to the chapter on urine [ from Dr Chaos]? – D. Trump
litre_cola
“Oh, dad.”
-Ivanka, doing a thorough search of her bedroom and bathroom for hidden cameras
LemonJello
LOL
Over the years, I’ve been pretty critical of the Walt Disney Company, but if they go to war with the state of Florida, I will join a Mickey Mouse paramilitary and do Come & See stuff in the Villages.
rockingdog
The Leafs are getting destroyed 4-0 by the Lightning heading into the 3rd-I can go to bed happy and content.
scotchnaut
Scratch that, it’s now 5-0.
Senor Weaselo
I love being corrected like this.
scotchnaut
Update: It’s now 7-1! (Boo, shutout’s gone.)
Senor Weaselo
Up here they just showed an ad for Steve Nash and noted that he’s the only Canadian named to the top 75 NBA’ers of all time. You know what else he is? HE’S THE ONLY CANADIAN NBA PLAYER TO NEVER PLAY FOR HIS COUNTRY WHILE HE WAS IN HIS PRIME!*
*fucker
scotchnaut
Usually “we don’t have your lines ready yet” means the sleazy Hollywood producers are still waiting for a shipment
BrettFavresColonoscopy
It does here, too. Why do think there isn’t a topic yet?
MAGIC CREATIVE POWDER
WCS
Okay, kind of regret delving into the Playgirl archives
Doktor Zymm
This guy gives free mustache rides.
Gumbygirl
The nice thing about Edmonton is, after you get done playing a hockey game you can use the arena to air fry up some nice breaded tilapia and sweet potato fries.
herodotus450
Things that are good:
Wine
Olive Oil
Tomatoes
Balsamic Vinegar
Garlic
Bread
Fresh Mozzarella
Sleep
Y’all
Doktor Zymm
Dirt Stillers got shut out 21-0 today. Impressive!
Mr. Ayo
That’d even be embarrassing for the regular Steelers.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“You’d think that.”
— Mitch T., PA, moments before T.J., PA folds him neatly in half
WCS
The girls came up with a great idea for a memorial service for the Former Mrs. right. It’s in June and there will be a bon fire on Mission Bay in San Diego. It’s one of her favorite spots and we used to have gatherings and bon fires there a few times per year back in the day.
It’s an awesome idea and the location is incredible. It’s walking distance from the roller coaster at Mission Beach.
yeah right
They’ve hit the “pipe in the crowd noise” stage of the USFL. Who’s idea was it to both name the teams after cities and play all the games in Birmingham, Alabama? They should’ve just named them after intramural teams or something.
Col. Duke LaCross
Or segreationist Governors!
King Hippo
Found a funny;
name a more successful rebrand than mayonnaise becoming aioli
rockingdog
Best re-brand ever? The Baltimore Ravens not being the Cleveland Browns.
scotchnaut
Announcers seem surprised that a guy named ‘Jesus’ is having a great game the week after Easter.
Horatio Cornblower
Waiting for, “His level of play has risen.”
scotchnaut
OK, I take it back. Xhaka isn’t COVID-19 when he’s playing Men United! Glory to the Water Pistols!
Cecil Rhodes
Don T
Middle granddaughter The Wahini got a prize for her academic achievements. Her prize? Tickets to the LA Kings hosting the Anaheim Ducks. Her and Eldest right are there right now.
I’ve seen this rivalry live myself and it’s quite spicy.
Very cool
They’ll have a blast. The first NHL game for the Wahini.
yeah right
Here’s my Leica M6 TTL 35mm film camera. I bought this new with a 50mm Leica lens in 1999 for around $2000, at Samy’s Camera in Los Angeles. That was a big deal to me then.
Two weeks ago I decided I to sell the camera body but keep the lens. The camera I want (a Sony A7III digital) costs around $1900 new. I went to Samy’s and they offered me $1800 in trade-in for the Leica, which surprised me because I didn’t think it was worth that much. I declined, but I figured if Samy’s offered me $1800 it must be worth more.
It was. I researched it and put it up for sale on eBay for $3195 for the body only. I got a few offers for lower but I said screw it I’m holding out for full price because that’s how you sell a Leica. I even thought about raising the price.
It took one week to sell it. This morning I got an email saying it had sold and the money had been paid.
Who bought my Leica M6 TTL camera body off of eBay for $3195?
Samy’s Camera, that’s who.
Brick Meathook
LOL
If Ben Simmons actually plays in game 4 tomorrow he could become the first player in NBA history to get eliminated from the playoffs in two consecutive games
rockingdog
Morning booze and this. I deserve this!
litre_cola
Unbelievable choke job from Ferrari in front of their home crowd today.
Col. Duke LaCross
“Yeah you gotta do that shit in private.” – Michael Hutchence
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Anyone got recommendations for hamstring injuries?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Play in a league with guaranteed contracts?
herodotus450
Gumbygirl
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
LOOSE CHILD ON THE PITCH!
Someone check on Buster Bluth! There’s no juice out there, kid!
Did Madrid just stop playing for five seconds?
They expected a whistle that ain’t never come
I can’t imagine Hippo made it through that half-time show with those shoulders on display.
the background telling it like it is
Kate Abdo Shoulder Porn WOO!!!!!!!!!
-never mind
/post above this one
Rand Paul proved yet again today how great his neighbor was.
Senator I’d Most Like To Punch is a dogfight with Rand, Cancruz, Mitch, Hawley, etc.
Are there potential legal consequences? If no, I’ll take Mitch – he looks pretty frail, might end up killing him.
Punch him right in the wattle.
I’ve seen basketball games with less up-and-down the pitch than this.
Sometimes, the change, it is sudden.
My wife, having another hot flash
WCS had his “most dangerous lead in hockey” ready to go, Mahrez!
TWICE
good thing Litre is drunk and/or jailed in Mexico, he wouldn’t be happy with the calibre of #WhitePride today
“NOT FAIR!”
— Marjorie G, DC/GA
WEAR IS MY SPACE LAZER THANKS OBUMMER!!!!!!!!
Da Broom! Suck it Madriz!
Jesus STAYS???
WCS, watching UEFA Semis: “Well, that was quick.”
Princess: (disappointed scowl)
Are you back together with her Majesty, or just hanging out watching the footy?
It’s kinda, sorta, who knows.
Every time I build capital, I channel my inner Tobias Funke and blow myself.
I’m convinced it’s better for everyone around me if I stay out of their lives as much as possible.
man oh man, do I ever recognize that feeling/voice in head
You need to give yourself a break, my darling dear. We all love you, and this is a tough crowd! Just tell youself, “at least I’m not Brick!”
“Every time I build capital, I channel my inner Tobias Funke and blow myself.”
Heck, if you can blow yourself, who needs her?
What’s she complaining about? Marital relations with royalty is about producing heirs, not orgasms.
Interesting assessment. Let me tell her that.
/is disappeared
(the problem is, WCS’s spawn will not be inbred…no Hapsburg Jaw means no title)
“This kid isn’t a hemophiliac! The people will never accept him!!”
Royal families should all be pro-union since they can’t abide scabs.
This needs to be on a banner with a quickness.
No, it doesn’t!
My kid is officially no longer a Californian. She’s crossed the Oregon border. Lunch is supposed to be in Portland and dinner in Seattle. This has been stressful as hell and I just want her to get to her new home. She’s 32 years old so no the parental stress never goes away.
Oregon? She better not be joining a militia.
(this comment is 1000% better than my first instinct to reply “more like Ore-GONE, amirite?”)
from gumbygirl a few weeks ago
I have also lived in SoCal and western Washington. West Coast/Best Coast!
This is first for her. She’s either been San Diego or LA her whole life. Can’t wait to visit in a few months.
It’s beautiful up there, you will love it!
My kid’s 23 and I’m not really sure where he is right now.
(should clarify that I know where he lives and have a great relationship, but he could be at his home, at work, or still in Tennessee visiting friends)