Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality [in bed].
Albert Einstein

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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There’s a tiny neighborhood parade before the big one here, and there have been like 5 groups in 20 minutes. But the local freemasons shower up early and brought tiny American flags for the children.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pfft! Call me when they make Steve Gutenberg a star.

Horatio Cornblower

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I miss the days when AR-15 meant Anal Rimming Volumes 1-5
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

Banner this man.
Col. Duke LaCross

You sure? That comment could leave a bad taste in people mouths.
Redshirt

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Checking in from work for the next seven hours. Thanks a million for keeping me entertained internet friends.

Col. Duke LaCross

“I said a 7-iron will be fine, Sir, unless you’re a total pussy.”
Horatio Cornblower

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Found a funny;

your wife is in labor and you’re rushing her to the hospital. you get in a cab and it turns out to be the cash cab. do you play or not
rockingdog

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Update: Either our neighbor is shooting their mortars at ground level or Indiana has finally started their Ohio Offensive.
Redshirt

If Indiana and Ohio went to war, would anyone even notice?
Doktor Zymm

Or care?
scotchnaut

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You’re smarter than me. I don’t like that at all.
scotchnaut

*than I
SonOfSpam

SEE!
scotchnaut

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It’s July so of course I’ve got an Xmas movie on. Btw, shoutout to the (I assume) lecherous casting director because despite all the sweaters being worn, this could very easily be called A Very Busty Christmas.
scotchnaut

Why not “Christmas or Bust”?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Strictly speaking, this is not an either/or situation-it’s Christmas and the three female leads are busty and embracing said Christmas.
scotchnaut

Milf on the Shilf

Baby It’s Cold Outside (I Can Tell Thanks To Your Tight Sweater)

God – Breasts! Ye Merry Gentlemen
SonOfSpam

Nipple Navidad

Jingle Boobs

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Cleavage

All I Want For Christmas Is A Motorboat
scotchnaut

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Brownies gonna Brownie!
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/34201889/cleveland-browns-trade-baker-mayfield-carolina-panthers-draft-pick
WCS

“We want to thank Baker for all his contributions to the Cleveland Browns,” owners Dee and Jimmy Haslam said in a statement. “From the moment he was drafted, he gave his all for this organization and this city. With his fierce competitive spirit, he excited the fanbase and accomplished things that no player at his position had done in Cleveland for a very long time… So, being The Cleveland Browns, we played him when he was obviously injured, replaced him with a man accused by over 24 different women of sexual assault, and threw him away like he was used toilet paper for practically nothing in return”
BeefReeferLives

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While he’s far from perfect this was a pretty damn good letter from our Guvnor:

“One of the reasons I wanted to run an ad in Florida on Independence Day is because we cannot allow Ron DeSantis and the Republican Party to own the word “freedom” in the political debate.
We’re going to fight to reclaim that word.
Because true freedom means you can afford to go to a doctor without going bankrupt.
True freedom means you can spend time with your newborn child instead of being rushed back to work days later.
True freedom means you can go to a movie, a parade, a church or an elementary school without fear of getting shot.
True freedom is a woman and her doctor making the health care decisions she needs.
True freedom means being able to love the person you love without fear of discrimination.
True freedom means you don’t have to choose between the cost of putting food on the table and the medicine you need to live.
True freedom means being able to go into a library and not wonder which books have been banned recently.
True freedom means graduating college and being able to pursue a career of your choice without the burden of a life’s worth of debt.
True freedom means living life without the fear that large portions of the planet will be uninhabitable for future generations.
The DeSantis vision of freedom is a fraud. It’s a vision where people were free to get COVID and give it to whoever they want; it’s a vision where people are free to carry guns everywhere and everyone has to live in fear of getting shot; it’s a vision where the wealthy and powerful have the freedom to dictate their terms to everyone else.
So no, we are not going to let them own the word freedom going forward. We’re taking it back.
That’s why we ran that ad.
All my best,
Gavin”
yeah right

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Serving on a Grand Jury opened my eyes a bit. While its nice that all felonies in Ohio have to be indicted by a Grand Jury, even if its obvious of the guilt (one defendant even testified before us admitting their guilt), it can get tiresome.

We had a case where a young girl was abused and you could see the pain in her eyes, and the county prosecutor admitting he was using this as practice for testifying in the Jury Trial, despite all evidence proving guilt. While its nice getting her comfortable telling her story and the Grand Jury was reassuring her, too, my heart did break for her.

Another was a drug bust where 50 cases was literally the same thing with the same words and obvious guilt. The prosecutor said it had to go in order so he could show conspiracy to shut down the apartment complex that was promoting the drug use, but hearing the same wordage over and over got tiring quickly.

My biggest issue was its leaned completely slanted against the accused. One person was accused of taking money away from a cash register. This is a quasi-literal transcript from the testimony:

Me: “Do you have any proof she took the money?”
Owner: “The Register was short.”
Me: “Who counted the register before?”
Owner: “I did.”
Me: “Did anyone verify the count?”
Owner: “No.”
Me: “Do you have a security camera watching the register?”
Owner: “It was broken.”
Me: “You should probably get that fixed. What proof do you have that she took the money?”
Owner: “She stole the money!”
Prosecutor: “I think we’re getting off track.”

I was outvoted and she was indicted for Theft. Karma did hit the owner though; the restaurant went out of business within a year. I’m sure that’s comfort to the person who has a charge on her record, and most likely a conviction.
Redshirt

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Found a funny;

Just passed a farm with a big “no vaccines we trust god sign” next to the sign advertising that they were selling seedless watermelons
rockingdog

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I made a salted caramel apple crisp cake today. Have been picking at it since I took it out of the oven. Then made Birria tacos for dinner. Why yes I am enjoying my leave from work.
litre_cola

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Sam Darnold is telling himself this is just the part of the tv show where he needs to hit rock bottom so he can work his way back to the top….but this is a “special” episode, not a very special episode.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’ll manage, so long as nobody tells him Batman isn’t real.
King Hippo

“Ha ha, of course Batman isn’t real, everybody knows that.” – Eli Manning, surreptitiously crossing out the addressee of an envelope and changing it to read “Bruce Wayne”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Jack Sock and Coco Gauff lost in the Wimbledon mixed doubles today. Which is not a surprise, because you don’t expect to see a Jack Sock with a female partner
Dunstan

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Speaking of Ice Football, Russia ‘s Kiril Kaprizov has been told to get the fuck out of dodge in Russia as the Rooskies are now claiming he’s a wanted fugitive for draft dodging.

Attacking Russian athletes is a tad unusual for Putin’s playbook; especially one that will likely succeed Ovie as the next Russian hockey God
Wakezilla

I wonder if Putin is now so far up his own asshole that he can’t see how things like that will backfire? Rooskies love their ICE FITBAW even MOAR than authoritarian governance.

Not quite as much as vodka, though.
King Hippo

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Not talking trash but got the call yesterday that my high school is inducting me into the sports hall of fame.

It’s a private catholic school so I’m guessing there will be like 150 of us ‘donating’ 6K each, I’m guessing is how this stuff works.
blaxabbath

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Damnit, Nadal pulled out of Wimbledon.

Elon Musk, on the other hand, continues to refrain from pulling out.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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(prepares to humiliate self)

So has anyone seen that BBC show “Escape to the Country” before? It’s on some network called DABL on my cable feed, and it’s a show where British city folk wanna buy a nice rural house somewhere in the UK, so the host shows them 3 different houses within their budget and they usually don’t end up moving to any of them, but it’s full of lovely greenery and is becoming my “calm down” show when I need heroin but don’t want to actually take heroin.

(feels humiliated, ready to go back to work)
SonOfSpam

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Holy shit.

INCREDIBLE SCENES

“THE BENNY HILL THEME TUNE” IS BEING BLASTED OUT ON SKY NEWS. pic.twitter.com/N06wBwcoZl

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) July 7, 2022

Horatio Cornblower

He’s no Lord Palmerston.
WCS

Horatio Cornblower

Love that three of us hit this the second WCS threw that fat fastball over the plate.

There’s a reason the divisions in the original DFO FF league are Pitt the Elder and Lord Palmerston.
Horatio Cornblower

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Speaking of bots and trolls- some guy named Ruben 995 wants to be my sugar daddy. He’s offering 800 bucks a week and wants to slip into my DM’s so we can talk about it. How flattering!
Gumbygirl

Would you say he’s your favorite? (But he shouldn’t tell the other sugar daddies?)
BrettFavresColonoscopy

He should tell all the other sugar daddies not to be so cheap! 800 dollas don’t make me holla!
Gumbygirl

$801, Bob!

Horatio Cornblower

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“Unlike the NFL/NBA drafts, in the NHL there are no strutters, walking up to meet the commissioner in their gold-trimmed fedoras, confident in their future, their tight-fitting purple suits, with their bulging crotches glistening in the lights, no thoughts of going home to an over-bearing witchbitch. These humble white boys represent all that’s good about America.”

-Clarence Thomas, writing a dissenting opinion regarding a case involving The National Parks Act of 1930
scotchnaut

Oh, like Thomas will ever have to write a dissent again.
Dunstan

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Gotta love it when you took Friday off, but decided to hold off on drinking until Friday anyway, and then your brother calls and says he’s down the street for buck-a-shuck oysters and now here you are, 4 beers deep and gloating about the Yankees managing to squeak by the Red Sox despite inexplicably pitching to idiot savant Raffy Devers and giving up 5 runs in those 2 ABs.
Horatio Cornblower

This is what I miss out on by being an only child, I have to be my own bad but fun influence
Doktor Zymm

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Announcers are comparing this guy who just got drafted to Zach Hymen, but we all know you can’t get a second hymen.
Dunstan

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If you’re ever feeling inadequate or have imposter syndrome, just remember that UPS is a successful package delivery company that is worse at delivering packages than anyone else is at absolutely anything at all. I can speak Swahili better than they can deliver packages and I know exactly one word of Swahili, so if they somehow manage to make money and persevere, then by comparison you are truly amazing! Congrats to all of you!
Doktor Zymm

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Why’s the Candadiens called the Habs?
blaxabbath

The story of why the Montreal Canadiens are called “the Habs” is a long and interesting one.
Brick Meathook

In conclusion, Montreal is a land of contrasts.
Senor Weaselo

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I’m glad there was some lighthearted news today in the form of Musk making a first stab at weasling out of the Twitter deal. I am really enjoying this saga
Doktor Zymm

I felt a disturbance… like a million dudebros crying out in anguish…
Dunstan

These are the same dudebros complaining about Kavenaugh’s privacy not being respected while going out to dinner in DC, but not noticing the irony of the situation.
Redshirt

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Pretty sure I have pink eye. I don’t like it.
TheRevanchist

Pictured: TheRevanchist

Horatio Cornblower

No one mocks Mike Douglas for getting throat cancer from eating too much pussy but this guy puts his face in a few asses after a big dinner at Friendly’s and he gets strung up mercilessly. Unfair.
BC Dick

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Brick Meathook

DAD ACHIEVEMENT MODE UNLOCKED
WCS

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I want to set up some sort of corporate Thunderdome where companies that I hate are forced to battle to the death, and then we, the spectators execute the winner. Today’s episode: UPS vs PG&E
I expect PG&E will attempt to set UPS on fire, but UPS will be late and at the wrong Thunderdome so will emerged unscathed. They will arrange to battle at some lockers behind the dome, but the lights will be out so both companies will declare bankruptcy while stealing the ticket money from the till.
Doktor Zymm

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Do Brits roll their eyes at the ‘strawberry and cream’ thing like we do when some guy catches a fish at Pike Place Market?
scotchnaut

And their teeth fall out
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, no great loss.

Horatio Cornblower

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Found a funny;

waiter: how would you like your eggs?

her: well-

supreme court judge: crashing in through the ceiling let me decide
rockingdog

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Had two choices for how to spend today: (1) get some work done so that Monday sucks less; (2) just forget about work and enjoy the day.

I, of course, opted for Door Number Three: spend the day being depressed about how badly tomorrow will suck while accomplishing nothing.
Dunstan

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Donald Trump just called Elon Musk a bullshit artist.

I– I don’t know who to defend here.
Redshirt

He probably means it as a compliment. Game recognize game.
Dunstan

So Elon promised to unban Trump from Twitter yet showed he only cares about himself. Now Trump knows what it’s like to be his supporters.
BaldingSpiritually

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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