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Sexy Friday – Now with Less Balls!

yeah right

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Happy Friday everyone!

It is I, you’re resident food guru filling in for Señor Balls. Balls is currently on expedition. He recently found out that there was a tree called a “Pussy Willow” and he is determined to find out if it bears fruit.

We’ve made it to the dead ass middle of summer and hoo-boy does it ever suck. I’m not a heat guy. I’m more of a 72 and low humidity guy.

Summer does tend to encouraged the quaffing of many adult beverages however and just who the fuck do we think we are to think otherwise.

Being on an old school Monday through Friday work away from home old school job type job you bet your sweet ass I’m glad it’s Friday. Always my favorite day of the week. Not too much out of the ordinary planned for this weekend. You know the drill. Lots of cooking, some walks along the harbor and I sure as hell ain’t going to offend the Gods of drinking – who seriously need a DFO mythology name now that I think about it – and will also be consuming said beverages.

Lately Fridays have been Cabernet night in the right household and I see no reason to stop now.

Hope you’re into baseball and/or golf because apart from the AFL, which still requires an app, that’s all you gots sports-wise this weekend.

If you are into golf you better set your alarm because that shit is in Scotland this weekend and they ain’t tape delaying shit.

Sorry folks, you’re going to need to bring the sexy in the comments this week.

Best wishes on your pussy journey Mr. Balls and hope to see you next week.

Talk among yourselves, enjoy the weekend and sit back while the stories of the DFO Baltimore gathering begin to pour in. That’s this weekend by the way.

TAKE IT AWAY!

 

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Gumbygirl

My parents thought the #browns logo was a rabbit pushing a grocery cart and now I can’t unsee it. pic.twitter.com/afUmn8z8X6

— Alex Klingelhoeffer (@okccfacfp) December 25, 2021

1
Gumbygirl

Why am I so tired? I did Jack Shit all day. And lemme tell ya, Jack is a happy boy!
Ok, that was a turrible joke. Sourry!

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2
rockingdog

Found a funny;

Sometimes I be calling the numbers on missing dog posters and just bark

7
SonOfSpam

lol Angels are through 6 innings on the wrong end of a perfect game…pitched by Kershaw.

Well, isn’t Kershaw kinda old and therefore maybe won’t get through 9 innings?

No, because he’s only thrown 59 pitches through 6.

God, the Angels suck.

4
Mr. Ayo

Where’s Tungsten Arm O’Doyle when you need him?

0
SonOfSpam

And a double to lead off the 8th.

Ok, so we’ll just lost badly and not be no-hit.

1
2Pack

Thanks for the hustle Mr Ayo.

/ drops some Patty in the tip jar

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Mr. Ayo

This is the payoff I could only dream of!

2
DJ TAJ

Here out of the way, I’ll show you sexy. I love how she smiles just before the song gets insane.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qsf-t9fCBN0

2
SonOfSpam

Really enjoy Taj showing up with “apropos of nothing, this is fucking hot”

5
Wakezilla

God damn!

0
Mr. Ayo

Get out the mustard and the rye bread!
Let’s go ‘Ners!

0
Mr. Ayo

Can’t believe I got to spend a game with the legend.

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Doktor Zymm

Which one are you? Lookin good either way! X

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Mr. Ayo

I’m the statue!

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Doktor Zymm

Sweet tie!

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Mr. Ayo

It’s my favoUrite. Don’t tell the others.

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SonOfSpam

You don’t look like a horny guy with lots of naughty pictures; you just look like a regular guy. Wait…unless regular guys are horny and have lots of naked pictures. Gotta ponder on this a bit.

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Mr. Ayo

It’s always the one you don’t expect.

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Doktor Zymm

You are capturing 16 year old me perfectly

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SonOfSpam

Just like Jeffrey Epstein.

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Doktor Zymm

Should we go to the limit of 0 to N?

2
SonOfSpam

Still never heard an unfunny calculus joke.

Also, is that a calculus joke?

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Doktor Zymm

I hope so, otherwise I am VERY confused

2
Dunstan

Calculus is integral to understanding that joke.

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SonOfSpam

SEE? NEVER UNFUNNY!

3
Brick Meathook

Did you hear about the mathematician who was constipated? He worked it out with pencil and paper.

5
Doktor Zymm

What’s green and uncountable?
.
.
.
.
The real lime!

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Doktor Zymm

Also, what’s purple and commutes? (an abelian grape)
What’s yellow and ewquivalent to the axiom of choice? (Zorn’s lemon)

1
SonOfSpam

Um…what’s brown and sticky? A STICK.

(slides beads on abacus)

(dammit should not lend abacus to BallsOfSteel)

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Mr. Ayo

This could have been a great Grimace joke.

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SonOfSpam

something something the scurve approaching zero

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Mr. Ayo

This could have been a great Kermit joke.

1
Dunstan

Well, sometimes it can be a little derivative.

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Mr. Ayo

Whatever it takes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiaWB2Rn6JA

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Mr. Ayo

I loved math until I got to Calculus. Apparently I’m a 2D guy.

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Doktor Zymm

It’s a sticky spot, I am pretty sure I had decent calc teachers, yet I didn’t really get it until much later

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Wakezilla

I was a bit cursed as my grade 9-11 math teacher was the same person. My problem was that my math teacher, who was good, only knew one way of teaching math and it was not my learning style. We clashed lots so I started skipping.

Teaching style aside, she was too by the book. I’d get assigned 60+ questions each class. After 20, I’d have them all right, so I didn’t see the need to continue; I wouldn’t get homework completion marks. Also, I could do all my math in my head. Even after proving to her that I could, she still told me I had to write down my answers, which threw me off and I’d make mistakes.

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SonOfSpam

Samesies.

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yeah right

My experience was different. I didn’t know that I had it in me because Algebra was the only math required.

Then they showed me shit and it totally made sense.

It was crazy because it all clicked into place and everything made sense and there were rules and this couldn’t be anything else.

I was programming in all of these computer languages before I realized it was all logic.

Rules.

And I learned that shit after tripping balls at an Echo and The Bunnymen Concert at the San Diego State open air amphitheater.

Turns out it was statics and I didn’t even know it.

Sneaky motherfuckers.

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Dunstan

RTD, did you say something recently about doing sous vide pork ribs? I got some today and was thinking of throwing them in overnight.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Country style pork ribs, so it was basically pulled pork.

1
Dunstan

Ok, thanks. I’m putting a rack of back ribs in at 165 for 12 hours now, will see how it goes.

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Doktor Zymm

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Godspeed and I’m kinda jealous, have fun in Ballsitchmore!

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Wakezilla

Since it’s sexy Friday, I’ll share with the rest of the class what I’ve learned: The more affluent the area, the sexier the moms are at indoor play areas and splash parks. The splash park we went to today was unreal. Many of the moms were wearing 2 pieces and they more than pulled it off. Real trophy wife stuff.

https://youtu.be/bsUWK-fixiA

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Doktor Zymm

Eh, trophy wives have one job and that’s to stay hot as long as possible. They are much better at their one job than UPS is at its one job of DELIVERING FREAKING PACKAGES

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herodotus450

“Have you tried pool boys?”
-trophy milfs everywhere

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The funny thing is that some of their poor performance can be explained by spending too much time “delivering packages” to trophy wives.

2
2Pack

Takes furious notes

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Dunstan

Just want to salute whichever neighbor named his (or her) wifi network “it burns when IP”

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Dunstan

Honorable mention to the neighbor who went with “Hart2Hart.” When I tried to connect… it was MURDER!

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Doktor Zymm

My best neighbor network is still soypapi69

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SonOfSpam

That’s a very good neighbor.

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scotchnaut

Only 9 more Sundays until the NFL season starts. And only 5 more Sundays until Christian McCaffrey suffers a training camp injury!

3
ArmedandHammered

Please no. I can not stand listening to a bunch of mouth breathers bitch about what could have happened if he didn’t get hurt. Just like the Dikas on SNL only with less intelligence and worse dietary habbits.

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Doktor Zymm

Haven’t read down, so apologies if this is a repeat, but shouldn’t it be fewer balls?

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Dunstan

And we have a winner!

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Doktor Zymm

Hooray! I winner!

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WCS

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Dunstan

I believe there is a gently-used Fleshlight coming your way?

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Gumbygirl

I got my first electric bill that’s all summer rate. 533 bucks, fuck me running. I turned it to 78⁰. Hope that helps, because that’s just about as high as I can go without spontaneously combusting. Gumby’s happy, he’s always cold. I’m hoping that old people are always freezing thing kicks in soon!

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Doktor Zymm

PG&E is the best argument there is against privatizing monopolies, as if anyone who even knew the word ‘economics’ would think that was a good idea, but California did for some reason and now we have to ANGRY.

I have a 2 bedroom without AC and with gas for stove/heat. If I were absent with only the fridge and water heater running, it would cost me over $50/month right now. It’s nuts. In Chicago I could go full AC, full AV, and just shock myself for fun all month and not hit $50. Why can’t government learn that no one likes half an ass?

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Gumbygirl

I’ve got SoCal Edison, but same.

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Brick Meathook

The City of Los Angeles has always owned its own electric company: The Department of Water & Power. They never deregulated even when the rest of California did. And during the Enron-caused electrical crisis, when there were blackouts and deaths, Los Angeles had normal power, normal rates, and was selling excess power to the grid at exorbitant profits.

LADWP even owns coal mines in Utah that send coal to LADWP power plants along the Colorado river via water sluice pipes that are hundreds of miles long. Go way north to the Owens Valley and LADWP owns all that too.

Originally the movie Chinatown was going to be called Water & Power.

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Doktor Zymm

Interesting, I knew Chinatown was CA water based but didn’t know the specifics. Wasn’t the company in Tank Girl called Water & Power? What’s Laura Petty up to nowadays?

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SonOfSpam

Same with the City of Anaheim. Much better than Edison or PG&E.

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scotchnaut

Up here, all the electricity is generated by windmills. If you disagree with the amount you’ve been charged you can check the ’tilt’ box and ask for a refund. However, tilting at windmills usually gets you nothing whatsoever.

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Doktor Zymm

Hah!

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SonOfSpam

Long way to go, but I enjoyed the journey.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing we do that helps a lot is to leave the windows/screen door open at night so cold air can get in, then close up everything once it starts to warm up outside. It not a complete solution, but it helps a LOT.

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Doktor Zymm

Unless it’s one of those weeks where it doesn’t get cold at night, or if you live on the ground floor and can’t deactivate your flight/fight response enough to sleep well when it’s just a screen door keeping you safe even though logically you’re still as vulnerable no matter what

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it’s hardly foolproof but in the right situation it really does help a lot.

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Gumbygirl

Never below 80-85 at night in the summertime.

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scotchnaut

Hey guys, if you’re checking in, good luck on your pill pub crawl! It’s a pub crawl, a pub crawl.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Checking in. You have no idea. How do you feel about felching?

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herodotus450

Well, with the Baltimore contingent absent, and seeing as we still have a quorum, I propose we vote on Issue 541 Crab Legs Are Overrated But Old Bay is Still OK.

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scotchnaut

You’ll get my vote if you include a rider concerning the bagging of milk. I’m totally Manchin regarding this request.

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Dunstan

I was going to propose a rider for funding for the perverted arts, but in the DFO Senate that would get more votes

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WCS

Careful now…

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Doktor Zymm

Crab legs are overrated, but only on average because they’re all accorded the status that only BLUE crab legs deserve

1
Dunstan

Waiting for one of the pedants from yesterday’s thread to show up and complain that the title should be “Now With Fewer Balls”….

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SonOfSpam

First thing I thought of.

And another correction…it’s spelled “pederast”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s hard for those of us who haven’t been arrested for nine times to remember.

2
Dunstan

Is it martini time?

Why yes, I think it is!

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scotchnaut

Olive or pickled onion? I NEED TO KNOW!

1
Dunstan

Both! I call it a Half Gibson

Specifically, it’s St. George Terroir Gin, Martini & Rossi extra dry vermouth, 3:1 ratio
Stirred.

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Gumbygirl

I could drink a dirty martini with blue cheese stuffed olives. And then I would get naked and streak around this 55+ community like a fucking lady! My neighbors don’t know how lucky they are I prefer weed!

2
Doktor Zymm

Unlucky more like! I will bring you the gin, split the olives, and we can streak together

1
Gumbygirl

Wooooooo! Lookout Desert Willows!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Anything more than a capful of dry vermouth is too much, in my opinion.

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Dunstan

Yours is certainly the majority opinion. Comments about merely glancing at the vermouth bottle, etc. For decades the trend was for dryer and dryer.

I believe the martini is a cocktail, not simply a chilled gin (or vodka) shot, and you should taste the vermouth.

1
Doktor Zymm

If you want a cup of gin, order a cup of gin. If you want something optimized to taste good that has vermouth in it, order a martini

1
Doktor Zymm

And yes, I refuse to acknowledge that vodka can go it a martini. I will not be victim to smirnoff marketing that happened before I was born

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Mr. Ayo

1000% A vodka “martini” is just for sad, boring, tasteless drunks.

1
Mr. Ayo

*sips vodka drink*

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I agree completely, but for me the capful is all the vermouth taste I need.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

ArmedandHammered, Sharkbait, Hippo, Horatio, Mrs. Cornblower, and I are on bar/brewery number two. Who wants schnitzel?

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WCS

Pics or didn’t happen.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Check the back office.

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SonOfSpam

that’s what she said

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Gumbygirl

I don’t know how to get to there! Nawt fair!

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Dunstan

Did you say office, or orifice?

0
SonOfSpam

You kids have fun and watch out for stabby linebackers!

3
WCS

And angry Bourble locals…

1
Dunstan

It’s Baltimore. Aren’t all the locals angry?

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WCS

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Doktor Zymm

The rats are quite content. Also infestesd with hantavirus, but content

3
Gumbygirl

They need Fozzie!

0
Doktor Zymm

Sad to miss, but also happy to be in my own bed for 3 or more nights in a row. Sleep is good

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey can I put in a request for Sexy Friday?” – Zach Wilson

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mel Brooks was a lucky man

4
scotchnaut

“Ooooh, what a lucky man he was! [drones on for 18 more minutes]”

-Emerson, Lake and Palmer

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the DFO pantheon had a god of liquor consumption I suppose we could call him Quarterbacchus. He would look like if Ken Stabler and Johnny Manziel had a baby.

4
scotchnaut

“Huh. This is the first baby I’ve delivered that had a lit cigarette in its mouth.”

-the attending obstetrician

1
WCS

Jay Catler was the second.

1
Gumbygirl

We could call him Dandy Don!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mrs. Cornblower just showed us video evidence of Horatio on Jeopardy. Gauntlet thrown.

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scotchnaut

I’m guessing he came up short in “The Penis Mightier Than The Sword” category.

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Redshirt

.

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WCS

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Gumbygirl

.

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Redshirt

Insult on Cincinnati or an indictment on their spelling?

https://mobile.twitter.com/smitty1789/status/1548091130763288578?cxt=HHwWhIChkc2r9vsqAAAA

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WCS

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Mr. Ayo

I’ll be darned. I have a bit of a wait before my shame pizza arrives. Sexy incoming!

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo’s pic of the week!

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Mr. Ayo

And two not allowed.

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ArmedandHammered

You are da man. How many terabits of pics do you have?

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