![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
- Write the Saturday morning DFO column.
- Forget the loose idea one had in mind for the Saturday morning DFO column.
- Sweat like a Black man in an Alabama courtroom.
- Wonder if #3 was racialist?
- No, it is the children who are wrong.
- Should I attend the Everton match tomorrow? DFO insta-poll! But probably not. I think we’s gonna go see a fort of some varietal tomorrow. Do you even America bro??
- The Blowers Corn are as nice a married couple as one will ever meet. And neither me, Armed and Hammered, BFC, nor Sharkbait murdered even ONE of them!
- I ordered, by far, the girliest beers at the table.
- I keep confusing hipster chicks with prostitutes, and vice versa.
- I am too tired to locate a gentleman’s club, and tWBS would be rightly shamed.
- Balls ain’t die, did he? I told him them vaccines wasn’t no Jewish plot to sterilize the Gentile population.
- I have no footed ball thoughts for you. The transfer window is going badly, though. YMMV, since you do not support Everton Football Club.
Things To Do In Baltimore When Moderately Drunk
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My stupid cat is eating a potato chip she just stole. What the hell is wrong with her? There’s no protein in potatoes!
First beef. Next potato.
What kind of booze should I add to cherry coke? Costco brand Tennessee whiskey?
Sounds good, I say go for it!
Ugh. It’s a good thing I’m already pretty sauced cause this is NOT working very well. What the hell is this whiskey good for, anyways?
Is there a wrong answer?
That will be festive coming back up!
Litrepug has given up and gone to bed. I think the Baileys night cap did him in.
What a lightweight
He’s just a pup!
So it’s close to midnight on a Saturday night. Anyone dead yet?
You mean emotionally or physiologically?
Sorry, was busy hanging out (read: “walking by”) celebrities like Keegan Michael Key and Kumail Nanjiani.
I actually didn’t even notice Kumail. Nobody else noticed Keegan, though. Maybe I hallucinated him.
I may or may not have absconded with a fells point pint glass with the assistance of Brick. Spoiler alert: I did and it went better than the Everton Flag mission.
Only one of us broke something
adds Baltimore to list of cities DFO is banned from
Oh boy. No air con anywhere. 40 C this week.
https://twitter.com/MyCatHatesTrump/status/1548480567309582338?s=20
Now, now. It is London. We cannot dismiss the theory that Mother Nature is just tired of their shit and is lancing it off the planet.
My dear Ohioan. I fucking love that grimy, shitty city so much. It is everything, but you have to find it.
UPDATE: Still cannot watch Super Bowl LVI. Too soon. While I can respect Aaron Donald and Cooper Kupp going Football Super Saiyan on the Bengals after watching Odell Beckham Jr get knee-dead, I still haven’t come to terms with the mistakes Zac Taylor made in the game, especially the 2nd half.
Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Me and pinkeye got this for you. I was 13 and LOVED your Reds.
Nice. The Big Red Machine will always be royalty, but the Wire-to-Wire Reds will always have a place in Cincinnati fans’ hearts. Game 1 of the 1990 World Series set the tone for the series. The A’s came for a coronation; the Reds came for a championship.
Fells Point
BFC got too aggressive in getting the Everton flag. Sorry Hippo…
I blame Horatio getting this for treaty to Cecil.
Everton is reeeeaaaaalllly bad, guys. But hey, life achievement unlocked. To the hangover-preventing Pedialyte!
Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
Fulham Premier league bad?
Did some bar hopping with the Mrs last night. We had a good time. Well, she had a good time and I was the DD.
Tonight is my turn, but at home.
I see you workin. Driving what amirite?
/am day drunk.
Meanwhile Ben Shapiro is hiding behind the garage with a water balloon in his latest scheme to get his wife wet.
Oh, just bang you two. Get it over with.
GTD, your peer pressure worked. Hippo went to the game.
Haha. Good. He’s been wavering about it for weeks. WEEKS
Hopefully a buncha yous went with him
The rest of us are at the bar befriending the locals
.
My parents thought the #browns logo was a rabbit pushing a grocery cart and now I can’t unsee it. pic.twitter.com/afUmn8z8X6
— Alex Klingelhoeffer (@okccfacfp) December 25, 2021
This is not what I meant to post at all!
And now my phone is dying. Le sigh.
Blame it on the smoke and heat stroke combo!
I think I got it! Here’s a local
Texting him now
Was it really peer pressure, or did you tell him there was hidden script of opiates hidden in one of the men’s rooms?
Watching the HAM vs OTT CFL game and wow do I ever want it to end in a tie game
BFC loves some Old Bay.
How dare you
It has your name on it. How dare you.
Those crabs made a valiant sacrifice.
Well done! THAT is how one eats crabs!
Baltimore 7/16/22
Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
/Wifey and I were sitting on the deck and we observed a fast boat towing a kid behind on a tube.
Me: “That doesn’t happen very often.”
Wifey: “Everyone on this lake is either old or doesn’t have kids, I think.”
Me: [recalling the amount of slow-moving Pontoon Boats we saw while kayaking] “That means that we are old.”
Wifey: “You had to say it.”
30°C in the back yard having Sangria. Did 5 shifts at the resto for Stampede. Tiring but lucrative.
[comes running around the corner]
“Did somebody say there’s Hi-C in the back yard?”
– Eli Manning
I hope you’re only declaring 30% of the tips, as is the norm.
73 and sunny and the walk by the yachts was fucking spectacular. Sipping a 12 oz barley malt and crunching on some All Dressed Ruffles.
Thoughts? Balls loves them as does Mrs. Cola.
The texture is awesome and the flavour is solid but?
That’s a salty motherfucker right there. Took me 3 chips before I grabbed a beer.
Is that the goal?
TAJ said salty orange juice with ketchup.
I can see that. Oh yeah, they are a salt bomb. Next time I will send you hickory sticks.Exceso Sodio!!!
LOVE hickory sticks but very salty
It’s 107⁰ here. Sweating on my couch.
I’ve said it before but what I pay extra in rent to live on the coast I make up in the low cost of utilities.
I have no air conditioner and no heater.
I haven’t paid a gas bill in 4 months because I got a California climate credit, whatever the fuck that is. My usual gas bill when I do have to pay is about 8 bucks and change. My electric bill is about 60 bucks a month but I’m billed every two months.
The math adds up!
“So you see, you save 100$ a month on utilities but the rent is only 1000$ a month more! You’d be losing money NOT to live here!”
That’s why you’ve got to choose your neighborhood properly.
My town has the moniker “Where the ghetto meets the sea” for a reason.
I’m not fucked with mostly because I’m grandfathered in. And secondly because I don’t fuck with the locals.
Counterpoint:
Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
That’s a fantastic photo and a unique angle. You can see Sunken City perfectly.
Glad y’all are having fun! If you see a car drive by with a 5 foot inflatable penis strapped to the roof please wave at my friend Sarah.
Also it is super easy to find a Gentlemen’s Club in B’more, they are all right next to police HQ.
with a 5 foot inflatable penis strapped to the roof
I don’t want to judge [begins judging] but during this period of high gas prices that’s going to create a lot of drag and really mess with her MPG average.
I have so many questions.
Everyone has questions, including where is Sarah right meow?
This golfer with the mullet* is sorta interesting.
*in golf terms would it be called “The Back Nine”?
Back Nine is what Balls is into around the side of the snack stand off the seventh hole.
Arnold Palmer in the front, John Daly in the back brother
I am currently alive though still testing positive. I can’t wait until I’m not contagious anymore.
I’d reply to this comment but I don’t want to get infected. Oh, shit…
I saw Contagious Balls open for AC-DC back in the 80s.
“Shave Me, Enslave Me” was a great tune.
“Shorn and Reborn” was done by their Christian Rock alternative.
I prefer to think of you as having an infectious personality! You are my favorite, Balls. Don’t tell the others. And for Chrissakes, don’t die!
Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
I rag on northern Ontario quite a bit but today wifey and I threw our kayaks in the water and had a great 90 minute workout. Made a few new friends on the lake as well from folks hanging out on their docks.
/after we got back I asked her what her plan was and she replied, “I don’t know about you but I’m going to daydrink”
//she might be a keeper
Go to the freaking game. Even as an exhibition with jr players its still better than MLS
This is one of the reasons you and I are friends.
Everton! Everton! Everton!
I did drink half a bottle of Pedialyte before passing out last night. No real hangover symptoms, though woke up kind of sore (that’s just “no home bed advantage” stuff and being old).
imagines 22-year old self seeing this future, and jumping off a cliff
Was it grape pedialyte at least… just a little gangsta…
I DID get a grape Mountain Dew Kickstart on the road yesterday, and made a Purple Drank joke in my head.
(the Pedialyte was cherry/pomegranate or some shit like that, fitting for being a Girl Drink Drunk)
What are the Bodymore Murdahland plans for the day?
Slinging rocks, stashing bloody knives, dressing in purple camo, typical Bawlmer Saturday.
Corner boy for the day?
Some of us went historical and toured Fort McHenry, good times. Now at a brewery waiting for A&H and teh Hippo.
Were you naked? Because it doesn’t count if you weren’t!
Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
Will this trip become “The one where Hippo drinks gin”? You decide!
My vote is “I mean, you know, if it’s not totally that big of a deal or whatever [confused gesture]”
Hippo is more of Sloe Pill Fizz kind of animal.
yeah, “gin plus opium” sounds like a plan that finds one awaking in a slave dungeon of sorts.
Mm… UnconscioUs in a slave dungeon 🤤
Seems like it would be a colonial Afghanistan kind of thing.
and is hot enough in Murrica, so no thanks!!
Gin will make you sin.
Whiskey will make you do things that are risky.
I’ll get him a bees knees and just tell him to drink it.
Shit, its Saturday, gotta cobble something up for tomorrow.
Hippo, what if they were hipster prozzies? Or professional hipsters?
I’ll have sex with you for money, but only to make an ironic statement.
While drinking a mint julep out of a glass slipper.
You have to keep your fedora on. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
Oh, I watched Everything, Everywhere, All at Once last night. I’m glad I did, it was well worth it.
Funny you should mention it, I smoked, drank, and ate Everything, Everywhere, All at Once last night. I’m glad I did, it was well worth it.
You’re the Man, man!
Youngest right talked me into it. It was fantastic. All of the emotions got involved.
And it’s got Data from Goonies!
“Charm City” huh… we’ll expect a full report you know. Photos of ladies drunk in the stands would be nice too. There is an entire clubhouse counting on you people!
Last edited 3 years ago by 2Pack
Horatio noted that, despite the…vast gap in quality and performance, there have been far MOAR Evertonians wandering the charming streets than Gooners. So we have that to be proud of, I guess??
Ladies. Shoulders. Focus.
Woke up at 5:30 am for some reason. Decided to order some bagel delivery. Of course, you have to order enough bagels to “make it worthwhile,” so I will be eating ALL OF THE CARBS this weekend I guess.
[shows up at your front door]
“Yes, I’m told you have all of the…”
[rereads your comment]
“Apologies, my mistake.”
– Jameis Winston
It’s ok, Jameis. I have to admit, though, that with these pork ribs in the sous vide, I was expecting a different NFL personality….
Goddamnit, there goes my security deposit.
Jameis never apologizes.
Dyslexia would explain a lot, with that guy.
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