Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good [in bed]
William Faulkner

So try the next page in the Kama Sutra, gotcha.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Gone in 60 seconds.And while there are 2 I’ll take the newer one as I don’t think I’ve seen the older one ( SHAME ON MY HOUSE)
Game Time Decision

I thought “Gone in 60 Seconds” was the title of Rick Pitino’s sextape.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Dirty. Rotten. Scoundrels.
Gumbygirl

Tell us how you really feel about the folks that went to Baltimore.
scotchnaut

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Afternoon from Burkina Faso. Land of insurgents and gold mines (I am working at a gold mine).

So the browns….kill now. 30 FUCKING SETTLED LAWSUITS?!?!

fuck this team

Fuck this fan base

Desaun is a goddamn sex criminal that should be on numerous lists that prevent him from living near a school, public park, etc.

We gave him an absurd amount of money and chased away the only QB in decades that got us a playoff win because he got hurt.
JustStopDude

Fuck it. I am drunk on some weird local fermented giraffe milk or some shit.

I fucking miss the Johnny Football days. Say what you will about the coked up, alcoholic scamp, he wasn’t a fucking rapist.

Thirty. Fucking thirty. The NFL needs it’s goddamn head examined if they ever let this monster play a single down.

And the fucking browns want a new stadium.

How is this even possible?!? Do the browns not have a fucking PR and Legal department?!?!?

And fuckers will argue that he already has been suspended. He fucking sat out last season on a contract dispute.

I miss the 1-31 seasons. Yeah we sucked, but I wasn’t worried about being associated with sexual assaults by rooting for the fucking team.

You can have pride with supperting a sad sack team. You can’t have pride supporting a goddamn serial rapist.

I fucking hate this sport.
JustStopDude

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I’m flying back home from a weekend in the northwest celebrating blaxito ‘s fourth bday.

These Californians are seriously cancering all over. I’m seeing how KC is so popular.

Thinking Santa Fe may be the go.
blaxabbath

We’re like mold, but less useful.
SonOfSpam

Golden Corral’s new slogan!
WCS

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I just told Mrs Sharkbait about the Everton flag “incident”. She’s just been repeating “oh my God” in a tone of voice that can best be described as incredulity, mixed with judgement.

The latter mainly for not relaying the story sooner.
Sharkbait

I stand by it.

On one leg.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GUY BFC I CALL HIM EILEEN…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Wifey does very well in her field so over the course of her career she’s caught the attention of a few employers. She’s been approached many times with job offers. She’s exiting her current job because it’s an insanely toxic workplace. (the CEO that ‘headhunted’ her retired and things went to shit) So she’ll have her first formal job interview in 26 years tomorrow.

Her: [is going over material related to the interview]

Me: [trying to be as helpful as possible] “God, you must be so nervous-I can’t imagine!”

/I’m only here to help her get over her anxiousness through the power of humoUr.
scotchnaut

Well if she doesn’t find a job at least you’ll have your degree to fall back on in…
Communications!?!?
Oh no.
herodotus450

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Woo hoo, home run derby!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hitting balls repeatedly with a wooden object? Where do I sign up?”

-Adrian Peterson
scotchnaut

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Will this trip become “The one where Hippo drinks gin”? You decide!
Don T

I failed in my mission to get hippo to drink gin. I fear I missed my only chance.
Sharkbait

You never know, scientists could figure out how to make gin in pill form.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

with nice shoulders
Game Time Decision

Here goes the Hippo trifecta right here… Gin, shoulder and a cat.

2Pack

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Announcer: 1/2 the teams in baseball are within 3.5 games of a playoff spot.

Me: Wow, I guess finally making teams like Kansas City or Pittsburgh spend some of the tax money they got from bigger clubs has paid off with a more competitive league. That’s cool and good for baseball.
‘
MLB: LMAO, no. We just dumbed down the play-offs to the point that any jagoff can make it. Unless you’re like the Angels or something.
Horatio Cornblower

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Don T

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I made it back down the tram without tossing my cookies, woohoo! Time to get high

Gumbygirl

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House on the corner went on the market. Guy died about a month ago. Was the model home and has a nice front but it’s basically ON the, whatever, arterial or whatever.

I wonder who from Orange County is moving in….
blaxabbath

Fingers crossed we lose a MAGA chud to die in the desert FREEDOMHEAT
SonOfSpam

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THIS SHOHEI OHTANI I CALL HIM ASHLII BABBIT BECAUSE HE WILL FOREVER LANGUISH WITH THE ANGELS!
blaxabbath

ain’t no angels where ashli done went
SonOfSpam

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I really do not like Dan Snyder. No reason to bring that up, just wanted to state it.
WCS

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Well, I guess 22 years was a hell of a run. RIP Paul Brown Stadium.
https://mobile.twitter.com/CincyProblems/status/1549869724107931649?cxt=HHwWgoCwma6Tn4IrAAAA
Redshirt

My favorite is Harambe Field at Gorilla Glue Stadium.
Redshirt

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I had zero clue about this topic [Warhammer] before today. Very interesting stuff.
And FINALLY I got the Flag for the Flag Gods ref.
/takes glasses off in lieu of hat
Don T

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“Fresh Flowing Sewage For The Sewage God!”

-the title of a Dan Snyder retrospective
scotchnaut

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Its 11:02 PM DFO+1 and no one’s mentioned today’s the anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing on the moon and humans walking on the moon. Is this an oversight or does this site think they faked it?
Redshirt

THIS MOON LANDING I CALL IT THE FEMALE ORGASM BECAUSE JORDAN PETERSON IS CERTAIN THAT NO MATTER WHAT SCIENTISTS SAY IT WAS TOTALLY FAKED.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Out of curiosity, why is the random longboard languishing in your garage?
Doktor Zymm

gotta iron your underwear someplace
SonOfSpam

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These standings….so the CFL East is basically the NFC East?
blaxabbath

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SHOCKING: An ugly scene tonight as a brawl broke out between the West Texas Warbirds and the Dallas Prime at the end of their indoor football game.

In this video you can see players going into the stands and fighting with fans.

It is unknown if anyone was injured or arrested. pic.twitter.com/C0VWeWj2rR

— Jakob Brandenburg (@Jakob_BburgTV) July 17, 2022

WCS

Somebody mis-heard “This game was an abortion!” and thought they had a chance to quadruple their take-home pay with one of those bounties the lame stream media was hyping up.
LemonJello

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Democrats: The USA needs another FDR

God:

Don T

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You guys remember The Coz, right?

TheRevanchist

I slept through that somehow.
SonOfSpam

Still pretty sore about it, I’ll bet.
Horatio Cornblower

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Let Watson play. Win the first few games in shows of incredible ability and then get Theisman’d. Fuck that perv and the entire Browns organization.
ArmedandHammered

I’d go with get arrested, prison-shanked, career over. But, that’s just me.
WCS

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/Giants GM’s office, end of the 2022-2023 season

Danny Dimes: “I too would like an extension of many millions of dollars.”

GM Shoen: “Tell you what, my brother-in-law knows a guy that knows a guy that is hiring for a certain position. It involves wheeling garbage to a dumpster in Hackensack.”

Danny Dimes: “I feel as though I may have over-played my hand.”

GM Shoen: “Yeah, you really fumbled away that opportunity.”

Danny Dimes: “…..”
scotchnaut

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Fun* Fact**: The devil doesn’t exist in the bible and the earliest known reference is in The Divine Comedy which is basically Dante’s fan fic where he inserts all the people he doesn’t like getting tortured in hell.
*: the usual disclaimers
herodotus450

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I had a job interview today (same school with a little promotion with a little pay increase). There’s nothing better than walking out of an interview and knowing that you absolutely knocked each question out of the park. If I don’t get the job, I at least know that I made their decision incredibly hard
Wakezilla

Since the raise was small, did you at least ask for hotter/sluttier students?
King Hippo

“Dear Ped-House Letters, you would never what happened to me today…”
TheRevanchist

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Today [July 21st] is the 53rd anniversary of the day they blasted off from the moon.

Let’s all give the ascent module engine a great big hand. Good job!

Brick Meathook

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“Porn is not my thing”

ballsofsteelandfury

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I just spent a few minutes looking for a hex wrench that I was holding in my own hand the whole time. Methinks it is time to adjourn to the bar for lunch
Doktor Zymm

This is only going to lead you to waking up with two hex wrenches in your hands.
Mr. Ayo

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Does the altitude make it micro or pico bubbles?
Game Time Decision

I’ll say micro, for at the least we can work on drawing the letter mu. Which does not exist on iPhone short of pulling up a Greek keyboard, which seems like too much work.
Senor Weaselo

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If my calculations are correct, 1341 people have been killed in these Lethal Weapon movies, but they just censorsed out a middle finger from Joe Pesci.
herodotus450

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Found a funny;

And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”
rockingdog

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Cats are Republicans in that they would willingly love to watch the world burn if it didn’t affect them.
scotchnaut

WCS

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Don T

Ugh.

Gumbygirl

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Don T

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Lissen up, fucksticks, I have had Neil Young stuck in my head for days now. I am declaring war on Canada.
Gumbygirl

“I told you guys I was her favourite!” — Neil Y.
Dunstan

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I haven’t run into a wingnut in some time so this was a bit jarring

Me: [gassing up, minding my own]

Fella: “That split tailgate-looks really cool!”

Me: “I guess-I don’t get much use out of it.”

Fella: “Ah, a bit of useless technology, just like the Covid vaccine. Just give us something that works!”

Me: [under my breath] “Oh, here we go.”

Fella: [proceeds to go a rant using phases such as, “six of my friends have died”, “Trudeau’s haircut makes him like that North Korean guy”, my country’s going to become Chinada” and “Trudeau’s gonna call an election on September 11th, makes you think”.

/I swear this is verbatim
//also, “Chinada”? Is that what passes for clever in Wingnut World?
scotchnaut

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I just slept in past noon CDT for the first time in ages. I was plannin on installing the cieling fan in the kitchen today, but I can’t actually remember the last time I had a pure do nothing day, and sleeping in was such a good start that I’m gonna roll with it and be completely lazy today. Next step is heading to the bar for a BLT and a breakfast beer!
Doktor Zymm

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Wings and tots sounds good. The interesting thing about the drought we have going on here, is the olives look like they are in for a bumper crop. Go figure. The pizza this fall will abide. And ignor the fried lawn.

2Pack

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“Man, I could sure go for some wings right about now.” – Andy Reid
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait did I say “Andy Reid”? I meant “Eric Clapton’s kid”.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Yesterday I went swimming at a local “no swimming” swimming hole that I hadn’t visited in a couple of years. It’s been ‘discovered’ by a lot more people, and those people are fucking slobs. Today I went back and hauled three garbage bag of trash out of the woods, then went swimming.

If any potential mass shooters are running low on ideas I have one. Pack the shit your brought in back out with you, or don’t fucking show up at all. Assholes.
Horatio Cornblower

I hate littering slobs. I take great joy in punking their asses out when they do it in front of me.
2Pack

I pick up trash every day when I walk.

Personal motto is always leave it cleaner than when you got here.

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Don T

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So the Mrs has all the furniture showing up here now. Decided I wanted to get a painting on the wall because I’ve never owned like a real one.

Then I saw the costs and I’m think bare wall is a solid look.
blaxabbath

Mrs. Cola paints art whatchu want?
litre_cola

Well I like nudes and stairs, what can you do with that?
herodotus450

Dudes and stares coming up. BC heading to town in the buff with Mrs Cola in tow.
litre_cola

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Found a funny;

me: wow your kid drew this horse?

friend: it’s a dog but yeah

me: omg your dog drew this horse?
rockingdog

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Love the inlaws spot. Book courtesy of Teh Hippo

litre_cola

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I’m officially cooked out today. Made my favorite but very labor intensive southwest style vegan soup then prepped some dinner and I’m fried.

I discovered a thing a couple of weeks ago: the vegetarian thing is slowly creeping in and taking over.

I’m fighting it but not really hard. The health results are gob smacking.

The new clothes I bought just a few weeks ago are already hanging off me like circus tents.

It’s pretty fucking sweet actually.
yeah right

I’m glad it’s working out for you, but wow is it annoying that guys can make fairly minor dietary and lifestyle changes and just have weight fall off. I’ve had my RMR measured and it’s something like 22% below average.
Doktor Zymm

I know. Pisses me off no end. I’ve been doing laps in the pool every day*, watching what I eat, and I gained three pounds.
*slow, stately laps
Gumbygirl

*like a fucking lady
litre_cola

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I’m having an awesome day. Just thought you all should know.
blaxabbath

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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