It seems like forever since I did one of these. (I really should write more during the offseason but by the Super Bowl I feel burnt out-woe is me-and then after that it requires effort on my behalf, so that’s a no-go) The baby steps refer to getting back into the swing of things by exposing our eyeballs to football of any kind and Jax/L.V. is any kind of footed ball, that’s for sure.
To The Game!
Jags/Raiders:
-I’m not going to get into the details of this tilt, just paint with the broadest of brushes.
-Jax has got that ‘addition by subtraction’ kinda energy from what I’ve read about their training camp. Things being better organized is a huge step up for staff and players alike! But let’s be clear this franchise has wallowed in muddy waters for quite some time. Meyers’ over the top toxic, uninformed behavior was simply the latest setback for a franchise that can’t get both sets of tires back on the highway.
-A cursory look at their wr corps tells me that good times don’t lie ahead. Marvin Jones can’t get separation anymore, Christian Kirk got (over) paid (seriously, how would you feel if he was your team’s #1 wr?) and Zay Jones should be a bouncer because that’s what he does between teams. Will te Engram and his 4.4 speed finally be used as a seam-splitter? Would it matter?
-On the D side there’s no one aside from (the other) Josh Allen that I recognize which isn’t saying much about them or me. Jax simply needs more talent and as a Giants fan I feel qualified to make this assessment.
-I hope that Davante Adams looks forward to providing 75% (max!) of last year’s production to this offence.
-On the outside looking in, it appears the Raiders have soured on Josh Jacobs and would love to replace him with a cheap rookie deal but Zamir White can’t get on the field.
Welp, grasp thine chalices and partake of a beverage or two-you’ve more than earned it, having made it through the hell that was this offseason. Start typing!
Came up with a funny:
“It’s not a game, I’m not a robot AI challenging you.”
Allen Iverson: “We talkin’ ’bout practice.”
https://twitter.com/ReaganFunFact/status/1555252230575591427?t=NQY4EmKuPe25rAgYVrX8_Q&s=19
Someone should do something similar for Rush Limbaugh.
Anybody know what happened to the old Name of the Year tournament? I don’t think there’s been one since 2020, the Twitter account that was associated with it has been inactive, and I haven’t heard anything.
That was a Sidespin thing, right?
I don’t think so. Deadspin 1.0 used to cover it a lot on their site and podcast, but I think it was run by a couple of guys who had been doing it for a long time, DS just publicized it.
The AFC West Dick Slurpage this year is going to reach Tom Brady proportions, is it?
It already has.
But think about this: the Chargers are better now that laserface isn’t there anymore. Yet some people think he’s a HOFer?
NFL Approximate Value Career Leaders | Pro-Football-Reference.com
How the fuck is Philip Rivers the #6 highest QB?!
“Dunno if I can take that”
-T. Brady’s son
Just got back from a checkup for the Mrs. I missed most of this game. I’m sure I can see all the great talent in the 4th quarter.
Redshirt is playing QB for the Jags.
I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!!!
Hey, you’re doing better than Luton.
Is she doing ok?
She is dehydrated. She hates pedialyte, but the doctors told her things will go downhill quick if she doesn’t get in more fluids. Her stitches that tore open Sunday night is still an open wound. They were saying that we are taking care of it correctly.
Damn. It’s a rough ride for both of you. I’m beaming all of the positive thoughts your way!
May she have a quick and full recovery
Stay on it, and best wishes for a quick and full recovery.
Can you imagine how the NFL 1970s-1990s would’ve been different with today’s NFL Safety Rules?
“Nope.”
–Trent Green, drooling again while watching teletubbies
That holding penalty might be the difference between making the NFL Roster due to a preseason TD return and getting a job at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
Should I actually put this thing on?
Is it a strap on? If so, yes.
If it’s lingerie and lipstick, also yes.
“Strap on? I’m listening.”
Prince William
Wait, a decade or two of suckitude can’t be undone with a flashy head coach hiring and firing? Woah.
Holy crap, Sinema is in on the Inflation bill…they must’ve included funding for a Tucson Hot Topic.
“Vote for this bill or Biden will nationalize the National Guard and raze all the malls in all of Arizona!”
The Jags have 106 total yards in the first half. It seems like they had half of that.
When did they start to include Return Yards?
Special Teams Yards Matter!
Youngest son’s work ethic has improved dramatically over the last two months. He’s willing to go out on trucks as a helper. So proud of him.*
*he’s a heavy sleeper so I have to wake up at 3:10am on Thursdays and 4:10am on Fridays to make sure that he’s awake and ready to go.
/it’s nothing in the larger scheme of things but the short term sucks all of the ass
I watched just enough of that game to refresh my hate of Josh McDaniels. And of the dearth of reliable questionable streams now that the NFL Streams subreddit is no mo’.
I’ve been looking east for a decent river the last couple seasons. A stream that flows east, if you will.
Whatever happened to Boris the DFS guy? I was learning and about to gamble.
I expect BorisLater
He’s still around. He’ll be ready for week 1. I should have taken his advice and not done anything DFS related tonight.
Not saying he’s a lot lizard in the off-season to refresh his stack, but also not NOT saying that. (smgdh)
I got some seasonal posts coming up soon. Just let me get moved into my new place first.
I actually did 3 DFS lineups for this nonsense.
Don’t worry, you can still win the Genius of Love dance-off with your slumlord!
Don’t eat the snake meat sandwich.
Time for my Very Way Too Early NFL Predictions:
Jaguars: Worst team in NFL History
Raiders: Move over ’72 Fins! The Raiders are coming to Perfectville!
“… and then the guy at the candy shop operating the taffy pull machine said, “Now, THAT’s a stretch!””
One advantage of my job, the chance of scary head/neck injuries is much lower than playing in the NFL
Pros: That
Cons: The boss?
https://twitter.com/Acyn/status/1555291189061959680?s=20&t=2V9X1UgMHwyBXebr_DRfTA
Christ what a turd
Headed to bed here on the East Coast
runs a lap around the clubhouse slapping asses, HARD
Later, Taters!
You’re not going to stay up for the big comeback?!!
No one can stay awake until 2037!
Lemonjello was a Marine. He can do it while running through a field full of landmines carrying an entire village of refugees in his backpack!
In the snow, uphill both ways!
Anyone have “Josh McDaniels wins first half challenge” on their bingo card? I’m assuming Grumblelord’s penis moved a little.
“Grumble grumble your mother was yanking it grumble grumble.”
oh God, the MRSA Dreamboat bland sayings portion. TV might be heading off.
It looks like the Jags only prime time game is the Thursday night game against the Jets right before Christmas. The NFL should have to refund Amazon’s money for that one.
That will be our best Game Night Open Thread of 2022!
By best, you mean drunkest right?
except for those of us who are high instead, inshallah
Why not both?
Jaguras/Jest could create a singularity of suck that tears apart the space-time continuum.
R-T-D, artist’s conception:
(because of the tennis, you see)
/sees self out
What’s your opinion of your Jaguras so far, Other LemonJello?
Masterchef Australia puts the American, and Canadian versions to shame.
Do they have to go into the Bush to get their ingredients or do they have to use some of the dangerous indigenous critters as their main ingredient?
I know we are all excited about the return of football, but it’s a bit overshadowed what with the WORLD DOG SURFING CHAMPIONSHIPS being this weekend!
https://www.surfdogchampionships.com/
https://youtu.be/gmy_hRn4_do
Which is RockinDog?
The left? I think other is UpDog.
The Jaguras are in mid-season Jagura form, allowing NBC to quit paying attention to the game early in Q2
Tough, but fair assessment.
This about the level of play I was expecting for a Jags-Raiders preseason game where none of the regular starters play.
Been Watching Bear Cam during work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mphg2feuAPo&ab
“Same.” — Buddy Cole
Remember kids, salmon are very, very stoopid creatures.
I’ve missed this kind of open thread So Much! All you guys are my favorite!*
*I’ve said too much
Yessss!!!
If you’re not watching The Rehearsal on HBO Max, you’re missing out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fjPFt8cpic&ab
I miss out on lots of stuff and I am okay with that
“I don’t miss things when it counts.” – Lt. Michael Byrd
/this is a callback to an earlier joke that you might have missed
SHAN’KHLOR makes her presence felt in Dayton.
If you are what you eat I am about 50% fresh mozzarella
Andy Reid has joined the chat
Basil and tomato?
/Tom Brady shrieks
I have a giant tomato plant on my patio, it has the dual function of providing me with delicious tomatoes and making sure that Tom Brady doesn’t start hanging out on my patio
THIS JACKSONVILLE OFFENSE, I CALL IT A CLASSIC JAGUAR BECAUSE IT DOESN’T RUN VERY WELL AND CAN’T PASS ANYTHING EITHER.
AND IT’S HARD TO GET PARTS WHEN IT BREAKS DOWN, TELL ME ABOUT IT!
Is it leaking oil? I had a neighbor who had a beoootiful XKE, around 67-68. British Racing green, just gorgeous. It was a permanent driveway sculpture, but sooo prettay!
There are companies that hollow them out and put in modern guts so they actually run well, that’s what I would do if I ever decide to drop a stupid amount of money on a car
Yup. Resto-mod is the way to go. A ’49 Mercury would be the Jellomobile if I had the money.
Is the point of your wrist considered the forearm or the hand? Appears to be forearm.
That would make sense anatomically since it’s the end of your ulna
It’s the arm taint.
THIS RIGHT TACKLE BRANDON PARKER I CALL HIM THE DOORMAN AT A NIGHTCLUB FREQUENTED BY BILL BELICHICK CAUSE HE DOESN’T RESTRICT THE ACCESS OF FELINES.
kickoff returns EXACTLY to the 25 are my jam
Settle down, Jaguras D. You’ve got a long, long road ahead of you.
How did everyone spend the off season?
I took up gardening. Started too late in Spring didnt get much harvest. Could only grow sunflowers and watermelons from June until now. Planning out the Fall garden this week. Learned alot from spring on how to do this in Vegas
Beating Anorexia.
(I have a girlfriend named Anorexia)
I’ve been surfing and playing tennis.
I’m very tanned right now.
I’d rather eat all the change in all the pockets at the local homeless mission than watch preseason anything. It’s still practice and still counts as the off-season for me.
Damn well guarantee within the next few years Amazon or NFL- or some other horseshit streamer starts broadcasting OTAs and conditioning tests with a five-man panel and advanced stats graphics galore.
Makes me sick.
Nice to see you in a good mood.
Yeah I woke up at 2 and couldn’t sleep. So I went to work at 5:00 only for my pass card to not work until 6. Doesn’t excuse preseason sports from my valid, reasoned complaints.
Jim Tomsula, sifting through BC Dick’s septic tank
“You Canadian change-eater!” thanks for the new stereotype, syrup sucker.
Both places are good for watching hopes and dreams being crushed
“BC Dick has all the strong feelings required but is preaching to the wrong crowd. 4/10.”
-“I Rate All The Rants!” website