Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
I’ve never regretted going surfing before, and certainly am not feeling anything like that now. I’m just very unsatisfied with my performance [in bed].
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I had a waffle craving this morning. I never have this kind of stuff for breakfast but it’s humid, hot, and I had a good week of workouts culminating in a sound leg day yesterday that’s just starting to get sore this morning.
It just arrived.
blaxabbath
With bacon, because you are not a fucking savage!
Gumbygirl
“Quite honestly Halo’s Master Chief is probably a complete psychotic in desperate need of intervention, which he is never going to get because the Universe needs him more than he needs his sanity”
You just described me and my family.
Redshirt
I’m a little confused by what the post is predicting.
My own prediction is that this is a no-brainer for the NFL to appeal to Goodell, and for Goodell to throw the book at Watson and give him a full season or more. Let the NFLPA go to court and try to knock it down. If a federal judge says “Roger Goodell was too harsh on a serial sexual assaulter,” they will take that every time. “Gosh, folks, we tried!”
Dunstan
Don T
Needs more YEE HAW!
Dunstan
Right now, the Watson remorse meter stands at 2028 Players Tribune Tell All:
“Six years ago, I was so ashamed and depressed that I took a long drive by myself at 3 in the morning, and stopped in the middle of nowhere and almost turned a massage-gun on myself”.
Don T
Lemme lay some science on yinz!
Gumbygirl
August 1, 2022 8:13 pm
“And furthermore, all of Mr. Watson’s future masseueses shall be men, and if he gets an erection, even the slightest movement, we will all laugh merily at his questionable masculinity”
-Judge Larry D.
herodotus450
On a more optimistic note, the first Jan 6th guy to be sentenced got 7 years!
Doktor Zymm
Credit should go to Shatner as well. He was perfectly fine with a white man and a black woman kissing on TV. The two purposely messed up all takes that didn’t include the kiss so they’d have to use it.
Redshirt
Thanks for all my comments!
Redshirt
THIS GUY REDSHIRT! I CALL HIM RAY LEWIS BECAUSE HE KILLED THIS WEEK
Sharkbait
AND THEN HE THREW AWAY HIS CLOTHES AND THREATENED ANY SNITCHES?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I didn’t do it and I won’t rest until I find the real killers.
Redshirt
Taking the wife to Bora Bora for her 40th. Never been to Hemisphere B before and booked a stargazing thing to see constellations not visible from the upside of Earth. This is one of the parts of the trip I am most excited for.
Also: “Did someone say Calling Wood?” – D Watson, Cleveland
blaxabbath
The Aristocrats!
Horatio Cornblower
I’m so proud! (Snif) [ of bfc’s AFL post]
Great job!
ballsofsteelandfury
Guess who will finish between 9th and 11th again?
litre_cola
Matt Gaetz?
LemonJello
RIP Vin Scully. This is a black day for baseball.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
A bit of levity, although Alex Jones getting pre-prison shanked by his lawyers is also hilarious:
Lil WCS just picked up a bag of her stuff, and said, “Yoink!” I’m so proud.
WCS
Alex Jones’s attorneys accidentally turned over his entire phone to the Sandy Hook plaintiffs’ attorneys, then didn’t claim privilege when informed of what they’d done.
The phone and all the the emails/texts are coming into evidence.
Lionel Hutz is taken aback by this level of incompetence.
Horatio Cornblower
The attempt to amend Kansas’s constitution to ban abortion failed. I presume that this was due to strong opposition in the urban areas, with the exception of Wichita, where the vote was split 50-50.
Dunstan
NFL is appealing the Watson decision. Goodell did a good?
Sharkbait
When you’re hanging your dick off a a public bridge, don’t let the tip touch any live electrical wires. It will electrocute you and also cause many trains to be late.
Brick Meathook
Sharkbait
BTW, Dunstan called it. NFL appealed today the Watson suspension. Which I liked.
Don T
Holy crap, Sinema is in on the Inflation bill…they must’ve included funding for a Tucson Hot Topic.
SonOfSpam
Whatever happened to Boris the DFS guy? I was learning and about to gamble.
litre_cola
He’s still around. He’ll be ready for week 1. I should have taken his advice and not done anything DFS related tonight.
Sharkbait
I’ve missed this kind of open thread So Much! All you guys are my favorite!*
*I’ve said too much
scotchnaut
THIS JACKSONVILLE OFFENSE, I CALL IT A CLASSIC JAGUAR BECAUSE IT DOESN’T RUN VERY WELL AND CAN’T PASS ANYTHING EITHER.
LemonJello
Melissa Stark is Back!
Spur
“Any news about her shoulders?”
-Hippo
scotchnaut
Wait, there aren’t baco bits in this?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
“I’ll fix that.”
-A. Reid, reaching into his pocket for his 32oz bacon bits shaker
LemonJello
Don T
“I tried to assemble this as ended up with an art career instead of a dining room set” -MC Escher
Doktor Zymm
I just bought a $500 toolbox. I’m going to keep the tags on it overnight to see if I still “need it” tomorrow morning. But it’s a hell of a toolbox, modular & stackable, and I have a hell of nice tool collection (engine, electrical, and plumbing; there ain’t no wood on a submarine so I don’t know shit about carpentry). Plus I filled the individual boxes with stuff and they never looked inside at checkout, so there’s always that.
Brick Meathook
Nice rack
2Pack
This came across, (giggles like an 12-year-old for 4 straight minutes), my Twitter feed, and this might be the best photo I’ve ever seen. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt and take their word that it wasn’t enhanced.
Horatio Cornblower
My big hot take about golf–and I like golf– is that 99% of the golf courses should be seized by the state and turned into public parks and affordable housing communities.
Wakezilla
Brick Meathook
Yes! Click and read all of them. [really, go read them, what are you waiting for]
Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm
I now have my revenge ready when Chipotle messes up my order.
Redshirt
Doktor Zymm
Does anyone here have experience with public speaking? Have you ever been asked to address a large gathering, like 500 people in a banquet hall, and they introduce you and everyone applauds and you stand at the dais and prepare to give the speech but instead you take a shit in your pants and it’s uncontrollable and it’s a large mixture of solids and liquids and a lot of froth and bubbles and everybody knows it happened because it sounds like a 50cc Evinrude 2-stroke outboard motor with a flooded carburetor and then it just suddenly stops and you’re just standing there at the dais looking at 500 members of the Rotary Club in total silence except for the squishing sounds under your shoes as you shift your weight? Has this ever happened to you and what did you do? I really need to know quick. I’m leaning towards just giving the speech as if nothing happened.
Brick Meathook
Hell man… us kitchen pro’s… we ALWAYS carry a pack of store brought, high quality, tortillas handy… just in case. Carry mine in a slap down holster right here on the hip… low slung… chicks dig it.
2Pack
The words “Ledge” and “Edge” are conspicuously similar in both form and function. I bet it’s the fault of The French.
herodotus450
Every ledge has an edge but not every edge is a ledge
BC Dick
Celebrated Girlzilla’s 6th birthday at a Trampoline place today with 12 of her closest friends. All things considered, it wasn’t cheap but not having to worry about clean up or the set-up was nice. The kids had fun, but I’m just sitting in a dark room, trying to recover from all that screaming. The AC was also broken, which is an added bonus.
Wakezilla
Grechetto, Vermentino, and Procanio sound like the members on an Italian Sex Pistols cover band. I dig it.
Doktor Zymm
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
There was a play in the Little League World Series today where a kid got drilled in the head and the pitcher was very upset. The kid who got hit went out to the mound to console the pitcher. I sent the video to my son and said “if you had ever done this…”
He responded that he would have stolen 2nd and 3rd while the pitcher was still trying to get himself together, and home if he thought he could get away with it.
Never been prouder.
Who has two (highly leveraged) thumbs and gets to have a root on canal on 31 August?
Think of the bright side: a fresh supply of Hippo happy pills!
I better. The cost estimate is like $1900. Motherfucker best be writing me some heavy shit.
Give me $950 and a pair of pliers and I’ll do it.
I’ll even throw in these hydrocodone pills from 2015 that we still have around for reasons I don’t understand.
You keep them for the zombie apocalypse, as you should. Or, as a Hippo cocktease.
Jeebus Crikey-
The wifey has been contacted by yet another organization (that’s three so far) that heard that she was moving on from her current position.
/Gotdamn, I married well
I dream of becoming a kept husband
In certain circumstances (that I decide completely arbitrarily) I’m an insanely competitive shithead. When we first hooked up she made twice what I did-a stupid goal that I put in my head was that I would make twice what she did. Never told her about it but figured we’d be so much better off if I accomplished it. I did. I’d like to thank nepotism and not fucking up a golden opportunity.
Last item but I want to make a quick point that Mark Milley’s undelivered resignation came just before the raid on MarALago.
The leadership in the military is a group of absolute fuckwits. From Petraeous (BETRAY-US?) to Flynn to Miley — just a bunch of stupid old bureaucrats hidden safely behind the Support the Troops magnets. Each of them had the opportunity to speak up but they’ve spent their entire lives contorting to the role of Fraud Macho Miltary Man that, when the day came to be a man, each one failed at the most basic level.
I have no faith that any other high ranking officials in the military would have performed any more admirably and it really is a national security problem that the top brass in our defense department are about as dependable and honest at the Supreme Court.
Counterpoint: If they’d resign, they’d be replaced by someone worse, who would have no problems ordering troops to march to Capital Hill. If they’d overthrow him, it’s a coup d’etat.
They were screwed either way.
Milley’s undelivered resignation was in June 2020
Yes — I meant the timing of the public release.
Just once, I’d like to see an O-6 or flag officer treated like some schlub E-3 when they fuck up, instead of being “allowed” to retire…
I’d like to see one take a fitness test without profile.
It’s a privilege of rank. All commissioned officers are approved by the Senate. Although junior officers are mass approved as a formality, generals and admirals are approved individually, with much more scrutiny as the stars are added. They are vested with extraordinary authority to act on behalf of the United States when needed, equivalent in many respects to a diplomat. And while only the Senate can hire them, only the Senate can fire them, or even demote them. And it’s a hard process rarely done, but that vested authority and responsibility is considered a good thing in the big picture (brevet promotions are different and can come and go). That’s one of the differences between a general and an E-3. Another difference is that the government is required to provide shelter and three meals a day to an enlisted man; commissioned officers have to pay for all their room and board.
I was an E-5 which is the best rank because it is the “sweet spot;” enough rank to keep shit rolling downhill but not enough much rank to be noticed if big things fuck up. If you’re smart, that is.
Damn it! One of you all recommended City of Thieves and I’ve not been able to get two pages in for like 3 weeks. There’s another book I want to get to but saw how short this was and I’m stoked to knock it out.
Anyways, all these interruptions etc the last few weeks, I got a coffee and am going in late (also a pork belly wrap) and am a couple chapters in and very much intrigued.
And this is why I’m not super concerned about the DOJ’s raid on MarALago being a tangible threat to my personal freedom.
that book is on my list to read. someday
You could knock it out pretty fast (3 days?) but it might stay with you a bit longer than that.
/has anyone read a book so good that you can’t pick up the next one for a week or two because it was just so brilliant that it stays with you and you don’t want to be disappointed with your next read? Blood Meridian and Infinite Jest (it was just so dense! ((and what happens to three of the characters that I became emotionally invested in absolutely gutted me)) did that to me. There are others but those two are killers for me.
Nothing shook me to the core like “The Road” and then “Far North.” Those qualified as “dark, even by Hippo standards.”
“The 25th Hour” by same dude who wrote “City of Thieves” was also very, very good.
I read it in three (like Scotchy), it consumed me.
Good, I worry because I keep hearing how this could happen to ANYONE.
Pretty sure that it can’t happen to me
If they want to come to my house, sort through all of my documents, and put them in relevant categories they are welcome! I suck at filing!
[glances nervously at cache of stolen classified documents]
See? I hate Trump. And the Deep State hates Trump.
People who hate Trump are actually probably the most safe from the FBI.
Why would I want to give up law enforcement in my neighborhood for someone I hate?
I watched FoxNews last night.
This is the link they’re offering.
It’s like they’re expecting the Spanish Inquisition.
It just occurred to me that I should open up a restaurant designed to compete with Hooters and call it “Bouncy House”.
My son refers to the UA cheerleaders as The Bellies.
Well did at 3. Maybe no more.
“Grumblegrumblethat’swhatIcalltheirmoms.”
does “bouncy” refer to the staff or patrons?
Staff. This isn’t Tramp-o-land, mind you.
OR IS IT
No, it isn’t. The tramps’ gyrations were getting out of control.
I have the rest of this week and next to get through before vacation, Euro Beach Edition. She wouldn’t be there, but others like her will be. Of that I now day dream. Fine roll up here GTD.
Liz Taylor had less soft-focus camera work going on in those diamond perfume ads she used to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1OwdVK5044
Her tits are defying gravity. It’s science!
The Mrs just got fakies. It wasn’t my idea but, if they had been, GREAT IDEA.
A former ex (is there any other kind?) was a statuesque blonde that decided to get a boob job. The overwhelming amount of attention she got after the added curves doomed our thing. From what mutual friends tell me, she found a boyfriend with a yacht and Jesus.
/life is fucking weird
Young Liz
I recall reading Richard Burton’s response to a question along the lines of, “Why would you leave the most beautiful woman in the world?”. He replied something like, “Her legs are too short, her belly is too big and so are her breasts.”
There’s no way she’s from Wisconsin. Or a Packer fan.
She is kind of lacking in the doughnuts department.
“Look, I’m not saying anything but that Packers QB who looks a little bit like Mac, right, remember that episode where the gang splits up and Mac is with that hot chick but it turns out he’s just giving her drugs to make noises like they’re banging?
This girl is like that chick. But with a Packers association.”
-Sill Bimmons (just to be safe)
😆 this could be a transcript from the Boston Sports Guy AOL days.
By the way, great photo of yer breakfast, blax. Glad to see yer marriage is so strong that coasters ain’t a thing 👍🏼
I was at a restaurant. Like a breakfast restaurant. They didn’t give me a coaster so that’s on them.
We did just get our dining set though and I definitely need to invest in a few coast —
::[FBI raids my office to destroy me for attending a school board meeting]::