Hello hello everyone!

Look at us. We’re right in the middle of the NFL preseason and have been given the full slate-o-shit games for our viewing entertainment.

In fact, later today my own team – well the players trying to make special teams and the practice squad – will be in Las Vegas playing Rikki’s Raiders. It’s the only game in town and live!

I know those uniforms!

Of course our anti-vax dipshit idiot quarterback won’t be playing after testing positive. AGAIN! Have I given my full opinion on that waste of valuable oxygen yet?

I have?

Good. 

Did you all start watching “Hard Knocks” yet? Yes I know it’s the Lions but the first episode was fun as fuck. Dan Campbell looks like he was born to do this show. As was discussed in the right house, watching the premier of “Hard Knocks” is the real start of the countdown to the NFL season.

And motherfuckers? We are counting shit down!

Only three more episodes of Sunday Gravy and then it’s real live regular season savagery for our hard earned entertainment dollar.

I’m fucking jazzed.

 

To the menu we go!

Last week I promised you more meaty meat goodness in an attempt to prove to everyone that I still have my carnivorous tendencies despite still being a Monday through Friday vegetarian. And I am right fucking here to deliver it.

Today we are making Swedish Meatballs!

recipe inspiration from themodernproper.com

As usual there was inspiration for the meal, and this time?

It was leftover homemade bread that I had stored in the freezer.

Hell yes I keep my leftover homemade bread. That shit is a valuable fucking commodity.

We’ve made many, many versions of meatballs up in this fucker. In fact too goddamn many for me to even try to link to. If you’ve never used the search feature on this here website, you may want to give it a try. Just scroll down to the very bottom of the page…No keep on scrolling. The VERY bottom. There you go. Now just type in “meatballs” and research that shit yourself.

How very fucking handy!

I love me some goddamn Swedish meatballs. No I do NOT go to IKEA just to have their meatballs because FUCK IKEA! But give me access to a pile of Swedish meatballs and I will fucking dominate them.

Ever been at a party where they have the big chafing dish with a heaping pile of Swedish meatballs? I will just warn you, do not get between me and that chafing dish.

Fair warning.

They seem so small and they can’t be that bad for you, right? Look at them! They’re goddamn adorable. Just a few more won’t hurt. They have that unique blend of spices and a nice gravy and how could they be unhealthy?

THAT is the route we will be taking for our meatballs today.

Wholesale gluttony.

For our Swedish meatballs instead of doing the standard panko breadcrumbs as a binding agent, we will be making a panade, which we’ve done before, this very season in fact. It’s old bread soaked in milk and I find it delivers a smoother meatball and I’m all about the smooth balls.

Here’s the original recipe from the website linked up there and I’ll give my few variations on it as we go.

Swedish Meatballs

1 lb ​ground beef* see next photo for substitution

1 lb ground pork

¼ cup flat leaf parsley, minced – omitted from our recipe today

½ tsp ground allspice

½ tsp ground nutmeg

¾ cup yellow onion, grated (about 1 medium onion) – instead of grated it was pulsed in a food processor

2 tsp salt

½ tsp pepper, freshly ground

4 cloves garlic, minced – pulsed along with the onion today

¾ cup panko* substituted with the panade

2 eggs – I used just one today

 

Since we’re making with the meatballs, score your ass some “meats.”

If you remember Sunday Gravy from last week, todays choice of using the Impossible meat was absolutely a direct result of that. I thought I had destroyed my carnivore brain last week and this was my attempt to assuage my broken mind a bit.

That’s indeed real goddamn ground pork though. Not just any goddamn pork either. That shit is heritage Duroc pork. The good shit. Here are the wiki facts if you’re curious about this little oinker.

Basically Duroc pork is a lot more red in color than your “Other white meat” goddamn pork. These are raised and fed much closer to how pork used to be raised before our idiot food industry tried to homogenize every fucking thing because of our Americanized – read “limp dick” pallets.

A lovely combination of “meats” indeed.

Since we are, again, shooting for the smooth balls today we are going to give our onion and garlic a very fine mince, so into the food processor they go!

Then give them a spin.

That looks just about right.

As mentioned, instead of the usual panko breadcrumbs today we are making a panade. Tear up our now defrosted and thawed bread into smallish chunks and soak the bread in some whole milk. Use just enough milk to soften the bread but not too much that the bread doesn’t absorb all of the milk. You can add to the decadence and use heavy cream instead.

Let it soak for a good 20 minutes.

Next add your “meats” to a mixing bowl.

That’s the Impossible meat at the bottom and the ground Duroc pork on top. Notice the nice rich red color of the pork? Yeah that’s the shit I’m talking about.

Then we add the minced onion and garlic, the panade, the salt and the egg. Finish with a dash of black pepper, the allspice and nutmeg.

Mix it all up.

Roll up some meatballs and get them in a pan with a little olive oil.

These will brown over a medium heat for probably 5 minutes or so per side.

After browning the first side turn them over.

Another five or so minutes should be enough.

You want them all nice and brown.

I know most of you are used to the smaller Swedish meatballs that you can eat by the handful and you can certainly roll them up any size you want. My lazy ass wasn’t rolling up 40 or so goddamn meatballs so mine were a little larger. Call them “luxury sized.”

Finish browning all of the meatballs and put them in a pot or Dutch oven large enough to hold them all.

Oh hell no we’re not done.

It’s motherfucking gravy time!

also from the above recipe link

Cream Gravy!

½ cup butter

½ cup flour

4 cups beef broth

1 tsp salt

¼ tsp pepper

¼ tsp ground allspice

¼ tsp ground nutmeg

1 cup heavy cream

Using the pan drippings in the same skillet that we browned our balls in, it’s time to build the roux. Feel free to leave in the browned meaty bits that were left in the pan.

Melt the butter then add in the flour.

Stir for a few minutes until the roux comes together. Again, just long enough to cook out the floury taste. We can work just fine with a blonde roux

Start adding the stock about half a cup at a time while stirring constantly.

Keep adding in the stock until the gravy thickens and becomes bubbly.

Add the salt pepper, nutmeg and allspice at this point.

Meanwhile let’s make some mashed potatoes.

Fuck yes we are.

Peel and cut up the potatoes into chunks and add to a pot of boiling water.

Get them spuds boiling and cook until tender. Maybe 13-15 minutes depending on the size of the potato chunks.

While the potatoes cook it’s time to finish the gravy.

Lastly we will add the cup of heavy cream.

Stir frequently until the gravy coalesces. Season as needed with some additional salt and pepper.

When done you will have a little something like this.

Lovely.

Whip up the potatoes. Check this shit out, I added about 1/3 stick of butter AND…some heavy cream.

We’re going full sexy mode with this shit.

We will finish cooking the meatballs in the gravy. 

Ladle all of that smooth and silky gravy right on top of the meatballs.

Turn the heat up to medium and cook until the meatballs are fully coated with gravy and the gravy is nice and bubbly. Probably 5 minutes to finish cooking the interior of the meatballs.

Grab your ass a plate and let’s get after this fucker.

Scoop on some mashed potatoes.

Then finish plating. Put as many damn meatballs as you like right on top of the potatoes and you can even add a side of vegetation if you like.

I served corn because “I am Jacks complete lack of imagination.”

You can also sprinkle some fresh parsley over the top or you can do like I did and sprinkle on some chives for that subtle oniony bite.

Once more with the close up.

I officially am a goddamn carnivore again.

How do you think this tasted, man?

Creamy gravy with the hints of the allspice and nutmeg? Browned meatballs all served over silky mashed potatoes?

It was fucking awesome!

How could it not be?

Once again I would really like to encourage you good folks to at least give the Impossible meat a try. We’ve spoken on this before but I do find it vastly superior to the “Beyond” meat. Especially when made into a meatball. That pork more than offsets the vegan element. Trust me.

You can absolutely use ground beef, veal, lamb or any ground animal bits. Fucking hell, ground lamb and beef for these meatballs? Think I just blew my own mind.

Eat! Try! Taste! Enjoy!

I appreciate you all as always. And again it’s always a pleasure. 

Come back again next week. I’ve got a real nice dish for you with some unique origins.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to watch the B squad of my Vikings team play the Raiders.

Spoiler! There will be beer involved.

Have a great day and stay safe out there!

PEACE!