Sunday Gravy with yeah right: In-N-Out Burger and the “Secret Menu.”

Hello hello again everyone.

We slowly but surely approach the return to my football viewing slovenly ways. I’ve got this. Just one more week of Season 8 and I hit my offseason.

I confess to extreme burnout and laziness regarding todays post. The temperature just hasn’t been friendly and it’s only a forced labor of love that drives me to get my ass in the kitchen and turn the oven on.

Time for a break and a little something different.

It wasn’t easy trying to think of an idea that would be intriguing, I really couldn’t come up with anything until…

I was presented with a gift card.

One of the things that makes the idea for today more interesting is the simple fact that In-N-Out Burger only exists in California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah and Texas. And considering the affinity that Texas has for Whataburger I’m pretty goddamn surprised that they were able to get an In-N-Out constructed there without starting some kind of burger civil war.

So I’m pretty sure we’ve got plenty of folks out there who may have heard of In-N-Out burger but aren’t that familiar with them.

A perfect opportunity to elucidate!

The fun part about getting that gift card was this was given to me and a couple of my crew for literally doing our jobs. We had a new customer seek out our services and we kicked ass as we always do and completed the job in about 3 hours when she was expecting it to take weeks and we just blew her mind with our skills.

Cool.

I have a real hard time accepting gifts from our clients but shit man, In-N-Out gift cards get a pass from every-damn-body.

I guarantee our California, Arizona, Nevada contingent have probably received one of their own at one point in the past.

Most folks who’ve been there are familiar with the fact that In-N-Out Burger has a “secret menu.” I think they are the first fast food joint who did this. A secret menu is simply foods served by the restaurant that aren’t listed on the standard menu.

Here’s a breakdown.

Got to be honest with you, this is the first time in over 20 years that I’ve visited In-N-Out. I’m obviously not much of a fast food guy. Also I personally prefer Five Guys and Shake Shack to In-N-Out. But fuck it, free is free right?

Gift card in hand I made the pilgrimage.

The palm trees in the background are fucking perfect here since palm trees are all over the stores branding.

This here is my local franchise in PEE-droh.

While navigating past the drive thru and trying not to get hit by a goddamn car I finally got to the entrance.

Let’s head inside and get a look at the menu.

First thing you need to be aware of; this place is constantly busy. It’s got this cult following and holy shit is it ever packed.

Yes, they have a massive crew and yes that crew gets after it.

In-N-Out is also known for supposedly being a great company to work for. They consistently offer higher wages – almost livable wages! – and they are absolutely in demand as an employer for high schoolers and those just out of high school.

I heard 4 different languages just in my brief time in this store including a French couple who each had a carry-on suitcase with them.

Brick has posted photos of the LAX In-N-Out Burger which is like a destination location since it’s right in the landing path at LAX.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t use the drive thru that was me being a straight up courteous motherfucker. I planned to order two items off of the secret menu and if you’re doing this you need to be prepared to wait longer than the average customer.

You order this shit in the drive thru line and you’re going to piss off a bunch of hungry ass bastards when they have to wait for you to get your order.

The slow down was because both of my items had grilled onions and people? They grill the FUCK out of their onions. I was order number 28 and I was still sitting when orders 29-36 were handed out. No rush man. I was on a fucking quest.

Finally about 20 minutes after walking in it was old number 28s turn. Sprinted to the car, sped off south on Western and headed for the right house.

Seven minutes later and here’s another iconic photo that will be familiar to basically every Southern Californian.

How much was this extravagant meal you ask?

Please do take careful note of our 9.5% state tax. Lovely that. Still, less than twelve bucks for burger and fries. Not bad.

Another note of interest I did not order a delicious beverage to wash this down. I had plenty of icy cold beers in the fridge thank you very much.

That’s also one of my issues with fast food joints. If I’m having a burger I want a goddamn beer with it.

Period.

My order today was a “3X3” and “Animal Fries.” The 3×3 is a burger with three patties and three pieces of cheese plus the toppings of your choice. Both are considered items off of the secret menu.

Animal fries are there very own fucking thing indeed.

The first thing I noticed was this box.

Not sure how they can say this came off of the “secret menu” when it’s got its own customized fucking box. Let’s get a peek-a-loo inside yes?

People? I originally thought the whole secret menu thing was just a gimmick.

I stand corrected.

These. Are. Fucking. AWESOME!

Animal Style means cheese, extra sauce and grilled onions. If you’re doing an Animal Style burger, they also coat the beef patty with mustard when grilling. Didn’t detect mustard in the fries.

As far as the burger is concerned.

For me I go just basic sauce and grilled onions. That’s it. Don’t be judging my ass with the extra patty neither. I didn’t want to be piggy and order two “Double-Doubles” yet I do find that one “Double-Double” just isn’t quite enough.

A burger order is personal dammit. This one is mine for In-N-Out. One of the things I like about Five Guys is they offer bacon and sautéed mushrooms and you can bet your ASS I’m all about adding bacon and sautéed mushrooms when I order. Plus I like the Cajun fries from Five Guys.

Honestly prior to today one of the downsides to In-N-Out has always been the fries. They are basically cut to order and are extremely fresh but they never had that much pizzazz. That shit changed today!

Those animal fries are pretty much a reason for a visit all on their own.

One thing to keep in mind, the drive home most definitely impacted the overall food experience because the cheese does tend to congeal a bit and I’m certain an in-store experience would offer a higher quality product.

To which I respond “Then start selling beer dammit!”

I’ve got another small rant here: For the life of me I can not understand how anyone could drink a milkshake while eating a burger and fries. That shit almost short circuits my brain.

A goddamn burger and fries is a nuclear grade calorie bomb all on its own and you want to dump a shake on top of that?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Dumping a shake on top of that load of grease just feels like you’re lubing up the chutes for a mudslide.

My colon just clenched shut typing the previous segment.

I have no issues with a decent milk shake but for me? It’s basically a meal by itself. I can’t consume any type of food with one.

I know there will be many of you who can drink a milkshake with a burger and I have no problem with that. This is my own choice and personal issue that I have to deal with on my own.

Was I able to finish this extravagant repast?

Silly question indeed.

All in all this was just fine. Couldn’t beat the damn price and it was definitely an old school experience going in a fast food joint for the first time in, oh about 3 fucking years.

These guys have been a cult favorite for a long damn time and they most definitely have a loyal following.

This meal did indeed cause the “Five day a week vegetarian” in me to cringe a bit but fuck it, I just added an extra mile onto my walk the next day.

Not sure when I’ll go back again. Another 20 years? 

If you do make a trip to California don’t let me talk you out of trying these guys. Lots of folks swear by them.

There we go folks!

Next weekend is Labor Day Weekend and the season finale of Sunday Gravy.

Do drop in to visit won’t you?

Can’t wait.

Be well and be safe everybody.

Until next week.

PEACE!