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JV Saturday Thread de la Noche

King Hippo

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, ,

Everyone holding up on the sensory overload so far?  GOOD, for they’s is plenty MOAR….

Team Secular Big Love (-3) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)

Wow, that’s some Mad Vegas RESPEK for Kyle Whittingham’s Utes.  Then again, I think he is the best pure gameday coach in the business, at least outside of Tuscaloosa.  Gators incoproating lots of new personnel, wouldn’t surprise me if it took some time to gel.

Team Secular Big Love State (+42) at Alabama (7:30, SECN)

Posted because of the absurd line (Aggies are a defending conference champion), but maybe they figure Coach Satan will feel disrespected by being relegated to the SEC Network?

Notre Dame (+17) at THEEEEE Ohio State (7:30, ABC)

Ah, here’s the heavyweight bout.  But note the vast chasm between these two squadrons when actual moneys are on the line, as opposed to the “free” shots taken by poll voters and media fluffers who can’t get enough of fluffing the Irish.  I will feel pretty gross rooting for the Buckeys, but hey, if Redshirt can stomach rooting for the Demmycrats…

Memphis (+16.5) at Mississippi State (7:30, ESPNU)

This seems like a lot of points, but there is also historical precedent for the penny dropping for a QB in his third season with Dread Pirate Mike Leach.  Anyway, I am interested in thuis’un.

Boise State (+2.5) at Oregon State (10:30, ESPN)

Look, I get it.  You’re tired.  But if you can’t stay up for Niiiiiiiice Beaver??

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TheRevanchist

I’m drunk. And even though I may not say it often, I love the lot of you. Good night, my virtual friends. And forgive my transgressions, as they are not meaning harm. I’m just a simple person who isn’t sure how to function and be a better person.

Good night to you all.

6
Gumbygirl

My phone is ready to die. Toodles, my poodles!

1
Gumbygirl

.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s particularly silly when you consider how quickly most beagles would dislodge and then eat the pastrami.

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m glad your phone has made peace with its mortality!

2
TheRevanchist

Man, these beavers are really eating these horses

And the Boise State vs Oregon State game is pretty fun, too.

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BC Dick

Sorry for being such a chatterbox. This fair I went to has me flying high.
I’m in a bowling league this fall instead of curling. If it’s allowed and people want would those people want a high-stakes rec bowling league recap?

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Wakezilla

Yes. Hopefully with lots of innuendos

4
WCS

BC Dick stars in…

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A Jackie Treehorn Production

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Gumbygirl

We miss you when you’re not around!

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Gumbygirl

Eh, who among us hasn’t stolen an airplane and crashed it into a Walmart?

1
Doktor Zymm

It’s their fault for not putting a landing strip on the roof!

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TheRevanchist

Are we talking about Rikki’s manscaping again? The landing strip is a bit 90’s, but he manages to pull it off very well.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Did I just find another website that will make me an orange creamsicle jersey with the #63 and ‘Selmon’ on the back, while making it clear that said shirt is in no way affiliated with any particular player, team, or league?

Yes. Yes I did.

/I also ordered a green Whalers jersey with the #1 and ‘Liut’ on the back, because Litre will no longer taunt me with his by God!

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
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WCS

…and this is what he actually receives:

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TheRevanchist

I would set up a booth in Buffalo and try to sell those with a huge shit eating grin on my face

2
Gumbygirl

Did I tell yinz about Gumby’s latest purchase from a sketchy foreign website? He got a Steelers tshirt, made of some extremely flammable shit. He held it up and I thought why did you order one with one sleeve saying Steelers, and the other sleeve, in black and gold, Los Angeles Chargers?
He didn’t order it that way. The poor waif in the Asian sweatshop can’t read, and made a hilarious mistake.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
5
Gumbygirl

You’d sell out in 10 minutes. Hell, I’d buy one!

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Horatio Cornblower

I would absolutely buy this and send it to my cousin’s ex-husband.
Huge Bills fan and also a huge asshole.

In fact, I would send him two.

4
TheRevanchist

One for Christmas and one for his birthday.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I used Royal Retros. Used them before with good results, even if it does take a few weeks to get the merchandise. But look, shipping remains backed up due to Covid and if, like me, you’re determined to make up for a lot of stuff your Dad might or might not have done by now supporting the Vietnamese economy, well, you’re just gonna have to wait.

/But seriously, Royal Retros did a great job on some previous classic hockey jerseys I ordered and my father, while in Vietnam, didn’t do a whole lot aside from drinking terrible beer.

1
TheRevanchist

Just grilled up some burgers. Buttered and toasted buns. Fries. About to feast!

Food is much needed after that shot and strong drink.

3
BC Dick

What did you use? Regular? Lean? Some sort of fancy chick grind?
I need details if I’m going to get off.

2
WCS

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Gumbygirl

You’ll like this. The other day I did burgers on my sister in law’s new flat top grill. With onions that I chopped and grilled with the burgers. 80/20, I like some grease! They were bitchin’, I must say!

3
yeah right

OKC style. Nice.

1
BC Dick

Oh I do like that. 80/20 is the key, I think. I’ve done a bbq with the cheapest regular ground, wonder bread buns, and American process cheese product slices and never have I had more people tell me they were the best steamed hams they’ve ever had.

1
BC Dick

And not salting too early. I saw some thing on the internet about how the beef re-configures itself into a homogeneous mass if you salt early.
The key could also be having friends who are wildly intoxicated when they eat the hamburgers.

5
WCS

I hope they enjoyed the Northern Lights in your kitchen, too.

2
BC Dick

Is that a weed reference? A lot of them certainly did. Although much less now that it’s legal. Or maybe cause we’re old.
But if not, we do actually see the northern lights here on rare occasions despite being a mere 125 km/78 miles from the border.
Is it a third thing im too square to pick up on? To that I say, “get a haircut, freak”.

1
Doktor Zymm

Steamed hams!

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TheRevanchist

That sounds delightful. Grilled onions are natures candy. Raisins are good, but they don’t hold a candle to grilled onions.

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TheRevanchist

Worchestershire, mustard, pepper, salt, pepper, & garlic powder mixed into 85/15 hamburger meat, on the flames with freshly cut aged cheddar on top of those hot buns.

Man, I need more to drink and a gently used flesh light.

4
BC Dick

Whoo, that got me big time. Oh man did I get off.
But that sounds damn good. Especially the mustard. Is that in the meat? I’m intrigued by that. I usually go straight beef/salt/pepper but I think I could get into adding mustard. And Worcestershire and garlic if we’re getting into that. Ooo wee.
And you melt the cheese on the buns? Interesting. Probably wouldn’t lose any to drippage that way.
I’m trying this way next time, thanks. This just made my farm animal high that much better.

2
TheRevanchist

The ingredients are all mixed in with the meat. The cheddar I put on in the last minute on the grill still. Aged cheddar doesn’t like to melt quickly, so you gotta expose it to the heat before pulling off.

3
Senor Weaselo

Text from Hermana Weaselo: “Adam Conover was just IN MY CAR.” Some sort of alumni event.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve not heard of him, but if he’s related to Evan Conover he’s A-OK in my book.

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Gumbygirl

I saw the American Crystal Maze, so I know who he is.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE DODGERS I CALL THEM SPANISH WIVES WHO JUST FOUND OUT THEIR HUSBANDS WERE HAVING AFFAIRS BECAUSE THEY ARE SLAPPING THE PADRES AROUND.

2
TheRevanchist

I like the score last night better.

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Horatio Cornblower

Me, on the Mitchell & Ness website: “Show me a Lee Roy Selmon Buccaneers throwback jersey”

Mitchell & Ness: “We found a Joe Namath Jets jersey for 15% off”

Me: WTF?

2
Gumbygirl

Easy mistake. I couldn’t tell them apart.

2
Redshirt

I love everything and everything loves me.
Biden-Harris ’24: I Want To Live!!!

7
WCS

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BC Dick

Why bother with those chumps. Just have Michelle Obama run and take the easy win.
The VP could be… oh, let’s say Moe.

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Doktor Zymm

Starting Rosetta Stone for French. The French are really inefficient, they write out sooo many letters they don’t bother to pronounce. I’m not sure why they even bother having the letter ‘t’, it’s pretty much always silent

3
WCS

“Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän!”

/ Deutschland has entered

2
King Hippo

Welsh would like a word. NO VOWELS, tho.

2
Doktor Zymm

They need a language that is easy for coal mining sheep to pronounce

2
Doktor Zymm

The Germans actually pronounce all those letters though, just like they’ll eat their entire bratwurst and drink their entire 1/2 litre of beer. The French just nibble at their words, like making a lovely pastry with a bunch of delicious butter then only taking one bite before getting distracted and abandoning the rest.

2
herodotus450

le grille!?

1
BC Dick

Soccer blue!

2
King Hippo

After my post’s chidings, it is HIPPO who will fall asleep on Niiiiiiiice Beaver. Figures, eh?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy fuck, balls, I just watched Freo-Western. Hoo boy…..

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Right???

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unbelievable

1
yeah right

It was one of my greatest sports moments ever.

Holy shit.

1
King Hippo

Greasy QB been MOAR LIEK Cameron Shrinkage tonite

0
Doktor Zymm

If you pronounce ‘testicles’ like an ancient Greek name, it brings to mind a very funny looking warrior

4
BC Dick

And Gods is he ever hairy.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Looks like he got a perm, though.

0
TheRevanchist

It’s root are Latin so makes perfect sense.

0
King Hippo

I already hated Guiness beer, but their paying Joe Fucking Montana has made me feel even strongly-er

3
BC Dick

I like Guinness. Had some after attending the regional agricultural fair today. Highlight of my year. Shame about the 4H cows in the semi crash and the avian flu outbreak, mind, but they have a men only division of the white bread competition that I think I’ll be taking a run at next year.

I’ve tried to find a good local stout but all these craft jobs feel the need to make it chocolate or raspberry or “sustainably terrible”.

3
King Hippo

I’d trademark “sustainably terrible” that is marketing GOLD

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Ff team name

0
Horatio Cornblower

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like Guinness but it was very amusing to me that most of the pubs in the part of Ireland I visited were serving Murphy’s.

0
Gumbygirl

I drank a lot of Smithwicks there. Not a stout. Those are a little too chewy for me.

0
King Hippo

Florida Man doesn’t understand how time works.

0
The Maestro

Apparently Florida DT Desmond Watson showed up to camp this year at 430 lbs. and is now down to a “slim” 380, according to Spencer Hall. Holy fucking shit.

1
King Hippo

Probably switched to Diet Coke with his “tub of lard” lunch

3
WCS

And only FOUR cookies and cream milkshakes for dessert!

0
BC Dick

Yet another dump truck of a man officially listed at 335 LBs

1
Horatio Cornblower

Suddenly feeling a lot better about all that fried food I ate at the fair tonight.

2
Wakezilla

So, what do we make of all the new UFO narratives the US government is saying? Congress saying UFO threats to the United States’ national security are expanding exponentially is quite something. So, is this true or is it an excuse to build a space army/weapons and then use it on China or Russia later? But if that’s all it is, why use something so obscure?

1
WCS

“Joo Space Laszers!”

— Margie G., GA

2
BC Dick

Can’t it be both? Those navy videos of whatever they call OFOs now going a million miles an hour at right angles are pretty cool, though.

3
Redshirt

I hate everything and everything hates me.

Trump-Greene ’24: Lets Blow This Bitch Up

0
WCS

We’re one Michigan national championship away from Redshirt unleashing his secret identity of Hank Scorpio.

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
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Redshirt

So my identity will remain a secret forever?

2
WCS

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BC Dick

I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be Trump-Trump. They could wear all red suits every day on the campaign trail.

0
King Hippo

So…Notre Dame and Florida getting all the breaks, and will win. Why do I like this JV sport, again?

0
WCS

It’s well documented that you loathe yourself, so, why wouldn’t you enjoy JV FOOBAWL?

3
King Hippo

Damnation, but if sober WCS don’t make him some SOLID POINTS

1
Wakezilla

I wish Ice Football wouldn’t be so scared to have a portion of their season up against the NFL. This would have been a perfect weekend to watch some regular season hockey

0
The Maestro

If this Heisman House in the ad is the real one, then it’s the kind of place where Herschel Walker has a secret love child chained up in a secret corner of the basement.

3
WCS

“Television hurried rabbits to our empty hallways!”*

*translates to, “Just ignore my Secret Door of Mystery!”

3
King Hippo

lousy motherfucking midwestern gravy sponges

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s your go to drink when you’re at your in laws’? Mine is apparently a shitload of sazeracs.

0
King Hippo

Have you considered a nice pill habit?

1
The Maestro

Mine always ends up being sortilège, on the rocks… maple-syrup-flavoured whisky. Highly recommended, especially from a guy who doesn’t normally gravitate towards hard liquor.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think I’ve ever actually done an overnight with my in-laws.

-1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wat

1
Horatio Cornblower

Same. I rarely see them. Well, my mother-in-law has passed away, which does limit the opportunities.

1
King Hippo

Florida’s new coach looks like Sean Dyche’s long-lost twin.

0
The Maestro

Evenings, fucksticks. I found some new gummies that were better than the last ones I tried. How can I tell? Well, I started making a second pound of wings immediately after finishing the first one, while still remaining functional enough to get them into the oven and also type out this comment while I wait. And this time, I only needed one, instead of three and multiple beers. Perfection.

7
King Hippo

On Trailer Park Boys, Cam Rising would be described as “one greasy facker”

3
WCS

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5
King Hippo

Man, I had forgotten that duct tape sling.

3
Redshirt

Oh, its gonna be one of those Saturdays…

0
King Hippo

I’m sure glad I am on self-imposed GAMBLOR time-out

0
Redshirt

Alright, let’s do this.

Ohio State Marching Band GoPro Experience – YouTube

0
Redshirt

Here’s one from an i-dotter.

0
King Hippo

I’m already mad at y’all

0
TheRevanchist

Good reason to root for ND.

0
Redshirt

Go ahead. Side with the Catholic Church and all they stand for.

2
King Hippo

KNEEL for

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Go up in a fully extended scissor lift in high winds for.

3
Redshirt

Now that my parlay is no longer in play, I don’t need Notre Dame to cover the spread.

Lay it on, Buckeyes. Beat those Catholics so hard, it’ll make Jesus’ time at Golgotha feel like a trip to the spa!

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
6
Redshirt

.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is being stolen and propagated

1
Gumbygirl

That’s hilarious!

0
Doktor Zymm

My one piece of evergreen sports betting advice is always bet against Notre Dame. They’ve got so many overly optimistic fans that the line is always skewed.

2
King Hippo

UTSA/JV 500s has gone plaid

0
rockingdog

Found a funny;

An IUD? You mean a cream pie scarecrow?

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

My second attempt at the Nimitz Cocktail was much better than the first.

0
Redshirt

How many times can a UC helmet be ripped off before the referees actually wonder why the fuck that is happening?!??!?!?!?

1
Redshirt

The trick, Hippo, is just disassociating yourself. Just lie down, close your eyes, go into a happy memory while he puts your feet up and shoves his… oh, voting Democrats.

Yeah, that’s just the greater good and all that.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
4
WCS

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1
herodotus450

(AD sees USC struggling to put down Rice)
“Well then what was the point of those admissions policies!?”

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