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JV Saturday Thread teh Firstest

King Hippo

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There’s a fuckton of action (AND narrative!!) later tonight, so that will get its own thread.  But don’t neglect the hors d’oeveres!

NC State (-11.5) at East Carolina (Noon, ESPN)

NC State should never, ever play these hillbilly Deliverance extras.  ESPECIALLY in Satan’s taint (aka Greenville, North Cakalaky).  But, because our “leadership” has gant-sized bollocks, our most promising season this century…KICKS OFF there, with noonday temperatures causing our superior skill players to drop like flies.  I know I am usually angry, but wait until you’ve seen me watch this JUST HOURS off watching a hiding in the Merseyside Derby.

Colorado State (-30.5) at Michigan (Noon, ABC)

Just a reminder that Lesser Harbs schedules like the “scared of his own shadow” eunuch that he is.  This means I don’t even get a channel flipping option, except…

City of Men (-infinity) at Slippy G’s Villans (12:30, NBC)

Awwwww, I can’t stay mad at you, Spotlight Dance.  Bring your rousing-est chorus of You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning!

Oregon (+17) at Georgia (3:30, ABC)

Beware, Dawgies – the last time Quack Attack was a ginormous September underdog, they went out and smacked THEEEEEEE in the mouth.  Don’t go sniffing your own SEC flatulence just yet.

Cincinnati (+6.5) at Arkansas (3:30, ESPN)

Baby, if you’ve ever wondered.  Wondered whatever became of meeeeee.   I’ve opening on the road against an SEC West team!  That’s the end of JV WKRP….

Arizona (+6.5) at San Diego State (3:30, CBS)

Highlighted for being the strangest CBS full national game in memory.  One felt a lot better about JV BOLTMEN! before they went all in on the rape culture.

Houston (-4) at Texas-San Antonio (3:30, CBSSN)

Sort-of-directional-Texas shootout!  Also, pour one out for Viva la Tabula Rosa.

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Doktor Zymm

Huh, I think my apartment building forgot to raise my rent. Not gonna complain!

3
TheRevanchist

Wyoming kicker bounced his kicked off the top of the upright. This game is heading to OT

0
WCS

That might do it for JV Bungles. Like their NFL brethren, couldn’t get out of their own way in the second half.

comment image

1
Redshirt

Personally I think there was SEC Home Cookin’ involved from the referees, but yeah, they held up for a while in the early rounds but could keep up.

0
WCS

BLEERGH feasts on JV Bungles

0
WCS

THREE FRAGS ON THREE STRAIGHT SNAPS

0
Redshirt

JV Cincinnati is going Full Bear(cat)ristocrats.

0
Redshirt

Scoring Drive (23 yrd FG after fumble recovery on ARK 3)

4 plays
-6 yards
1:53
1 false start
1 illegal motion
2 delay of games

1
Doktor Zymm

FedEx is on a hell of a run of incompetence. It’s pretty impressive and I think I’m going to make an effort to avoid purchasing from companies that use them, at least for a while.

You may remember I submitted a form to FedEx about importing? Well, they couldn’t open the form because it seems opening a pdf is pretty advanced computer skills that they just don’t have, and they didn’t bother to tell me they still needed the damn form. I ended up having to call multiple days in a row, and confirmed my email address with about 6 different people before they were able to muster the effort to email me the outdated version of the form that they use. I submitted it immediately and then they proceeded to hold on to my package until my vacation hold came into effect, at which point they delivered it. I had to go through customer service and send proof of my vacation hold to get them to pick it up again and hold on to it until I got back from Singapore. After a couple days, one of which they claimed there was no one of legal age available to sign for the package, they dumped it on a random mailbox at the opposite end of the apartment complex. It took me ages to find it. I’m considering filing a missing package complaint anyway, because screw them.

2
TheRevanchist

You should. FedEx is the worst. And they really don’t give a shit about anyone. They are the apex of being a corporation with human aspect.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Finally finished the replay of Melbourne – Sydney, 3 quarters of even matchup and then BAM. What a game….

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait until you see the Geelong -Collingwood and Fremantle- Western games!

2
yeah right

Fucking madness. Never seen the like.

0
WCS

Did the Empire fire a new superweapon from orbit that turned the entire state of North Calakaly into a JV foobawl singularity?

0
litre_cola

So Georgia loses a bunch of dudes and is still kick ass?

Herschel Walker pie banana shrimp grass.

3
King Hippo

making it more palatable for naptime, too! Hippo appreciate

0
WCS

SHANK’LOR SUMMONS HER MINION DOINKESS IN PIGSUEYVILLE

/apologies Redshirt
//I’m also rooting for future Big 12 JV Bungles

0
Redshirt

All good. JV Cincy is doing better than they did against ‘Bama. If they were the other AAC teams not leaving the conference, this game would be over by now.

They are matching up with Arkansas at times, but the SEC talent and depth difference is showing itself.

0
Col. Duke LaCross

As stated before, General Booty seems like he’s got the Heisman locked up, but this motherfucker has the Outland on lockdown…

E1244F86-B5B3-442C-A27C-1C3829722117.jpeg
6
WCS

Unfortunately, tis FAEKNEWS.

https://thespun.com/big-ten/michigan-state/college-football-world-gets-tricked-by-fake-name

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t watch college football, so….

https://twitter.com/mishiebhat/status/1566091499133075456?t=VBUTN5tXzUqABJ2DcHQnVA&s=19

4
King Hippo

judges yew in “SEC means MOAR” ad lady

2
herodotus450

The year is 2643. Hippo’s Football manager team hires their first Robot player en route to their 870th straigth championship. Archeologists finally finish unwrapping this bread I just bought from its numerous plastic sub-bags. It has not been kept fresh.

3
TheRevanchist

Later this season, I am probably going to check out the San Diego State new stadium. Looks good.

2
yeah right

I saw the construction going on from the 805 but couldn’t see much detail.

I’m happy for the Aztecs.

2
herodotus450

Turns out we were right about Bo Nix this whole time

0
Redshirt

Alright, JV Cincy’s back in the Redzone. Hopefully the new QB will avoid eye-f*cking the receiver and throwing the obvious pick.

0
Redshirt

If the Refs don’t get a hold of Arkansas, this game may get chippy.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Vaccine side effects have kicked in. Not too bad, just a general soreness and grogginess.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
1
King Hippo

and mind control by the JEW WORLD ORDER obvs

2
yeah right

HOLY FUCK FREE-O!!

They trailed 42-1 right before the half and fucking won 73-60!

That was the greatest footy match I’ve ever seen!

To the next round!

DOCKERS!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Memories of the Bills comeback against the Oilers in the1992 playoffs.

1
yeah right

It was horrible to watch the first half. Agony.

Then they started scoring.

When the game was over tears started streaming down my face and I had no idea I was that vested in this team.

A wonderful sports experience. Amazing.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

So glad you stuck with it!

1
yeah right

I almost bailed but I remembered that momentum is very real and holy shit. Glad I stuck around too.

0
Redshirt

I’m starting to think an average SEC team is better than an average Big Ten Team and better than an average FBS Independent team.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I watched the most recent episodes of ‘Welcome to Wrexham’ last night. I know we’re all rooting to Wrexham, but id did strike me that we’re rooting for a team that signed a manager from 2 levels up and a player from at least one, and spent $200,000+ to fix its pitch, because the money involved is a rounding error to at least one of its (very likable) new owners.

1
Horatio Cornblower

(I still very much want them to get promoted)

1
King Hippo

Hey, it’s just like how Frank always has bail moneys at the end!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I am glad they acknowledged that. The expectations increased tremendously.

1
Redshirt

NC-App State just went full Bananacake.

0
Redshirt

…and then App. State went full American Pie on the boiling hot Bananacake.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Call me when we get to the band camp.

2
Redshirt

Holy crap, NC-APP St!

0
herodotus450

I took Bonix once, for my bones problem, and it didn’t do shit.

0
Doktor Zymm

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by Doktor Zymm
2
King Hippo

Back to Football Manager FOAR Hippo

0
BeefReeferLives

“Screw you guys, I’m going back to Football Manager”

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
2
Redshirt

“Congratulations on finishing the current season. Do you wish to retire?”

(Hippo selects “No”)

“Are you sure?”

(Hippo select “Yes”)

” (sigh) Loading the 2205 season…”

2
King Hippo

oh God, they finally quit asking me!

2
King Hippo

Iowa leads South Dakota State, 7-3. There have been no TDs scored.

Iowa defense – 4
Each offense – 3

1
Redshirt

New Proposed Rule: If a team scores two safeties, the game immediately ends and they get credit for two wins.

3
King Hippo

Final scoreline:

Q1 – Iowa FG
Q2 – SD State FG
Q3 – Iowa safety
Q4 – Iowa safety redux

0
Redshirt

Cincinnati (+6.5) at Arkansas (3:30, ESPN)

….
Got tired of week and week of close games, only to get blown out in the Bowl.
Maybe we’ve gone up one level a bit too much. Just maybe think of me once in a while.
We’ll be in Charlotte at the end for the Mayo Bowl. (♫♪♪ guitar twang)

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
1
Redshirt

This North Carolina-Appalacian State game is just like the American Legal System. Every single action gets reviewed, and any progress made is agonizingly slow.

0
King Hippo

Brock Lobster is announcing the Wolven Sort fixture. Yes, he is bad at this job, too

1
Doktor Zymm

Surprisingly enough, it turns out that doing strenuous exercise outdoors during a heat wave is not the best activity after a night spent drinking Negronis.

2
Redshirt

I’m saving all my yard work and garage cleaning until autumn just for that reason. It’ll be easier to work in 60 degree weather than in the 90s.

1
Redshirt

My 1st Parlay:

Cincy ML +210: Because if I’m going to blow up this parlay, I’m doing it the first game.
Notre Dame +16.5 -109: That’s right, I picked against my Buckeyes. OSU will win but that spread was just too tempting.

Then the picks Hippo suggested
Memphis ML +575
Syracuse ML +155

Total Parlay: +10145
Bet: $25
Possible Payout: $2,561.22

4
King Hippo

I am back to hating everything.

1
herodotus450

Scientists today issued a warning that if East Carolina and West Virginia ever meet the resulting annihilation event could be an extinction level event.

0
King Hippo

No Cousins Or Livestock Left Unfucked!

2
Horatio Cornblower

New Heisman favoUrite just dropped.

https://twitter.com/flashpicks/status/1566093393440260097

1
Gumbygirl

I prefer Specific Booty.

2
Horatio Cornblower

As a lady does.

2
King Hippo

Mr. Gumby waggles his ass suggestively

2
Horatio Cornblower

Best goalkeeper you’ve never heard of:

comment image

1
King Hippo

oh man, that gif is gonna get so much play this season!

0
King Hippo

Fightin’ Horatios finally take the lead over School I Did Not Know Played Football, midway through Q2

1
Horatio Cornblower

Central Connecticut State Blue Devils.

The only Blue Devils I recognize.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I mean, I live in CT and the only reason I knew they played football before this year was that one of my son’s friends kicked for them.

That kid did not see the field much.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
1
King Hippo

Kind of like the Maytag repairman, eh?

1
King Hippo

I had no idea Ashley Young was still in the Prem

0
scotchnaut

What the hell is up with Haaland? It’s seven minutes in and he hasn’t scored yet. I knew this signing was shite. smgdh…

0
Horatio Cornblower

As much as dislike Blood Oil Sex Magic, watching Haaland play off of De Bruyne is really something.

0
2Pack

Watching the Michigan game in hopes of getting at least one butt hurt HC sideline reaction memory refresher. Switching between that and the local club opening its Series C season. This is the local station hostess, not Series A for sure but she seems nice.

IMG_20220903_180834.jpg
1
2Pack

Her stats lady is pretty.

IMG_20220903_180813.jpg
2
King Hippo

Do they Live Together?

1
2Pack

I hope so.

2
King Hippo

I thought y’all got magick ticket back to Serie B??

1
2Pack

That ended up falling through. The team having money problems with advancing ended up getting investors. Oh well. Good news is we just scored twice to go up 2-1at the 51 minutes mark. For our comparison here is the current Series A hostess. As you can see the hotness increases as teams progress.

IMG_20191025_225748_131.jpg
1
2Pack

And sadly we will not play Cosenza this year.

2
King Hippo

your stats lady is still the hottest one

2
2Pack

She has a beautiful smile

1
2Pack

We ended up winning 6-1, good start to the season.

2
Gumbygirl

Not from today, but typical Harbaugh whining

gettyimages-1362155401-612x612.jpg
1
2Pack

It nourishes us

2
Redshirt

Jim Harbaugh is that kid who plays Monopoly who complains and quits when someone trades for a Monopoly before he gets one.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Definitely better suited for C than A.

1
King Hippo

NC State be all liek:

dante.jpg
3
King Hippo

(see above)

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
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