And then there was one.
Welcome back to the Beat, where the hunted actually did the thing they were supposed to! Skorpios made it one for the gatekeepers with their split decision win over Bloodsport. Well, there is one more, and actually she’d be the first and only to defend both times, should she be successful. We’re talking now two-time runner up, one-time Founder’s Award winner, one-time re:MARS winner, Witch Doctor.
When you think of modern BattleBots, you probably think of Tombstone first. Or maybe Bite Force. But Witch Doctor’s right up there with them. Here are the robots that have appeared in all six seasons: Captain Shrederator, HyperShock, Lock-Jaw, Tombstone, and Witch Doctor. That’s five robots total. Of them, four of the five either were the gatekeepers, won their respective bounty tournament, or are a champion—sorry, Shrederator. And here are the robots who have made multiple finals: Tombstone, Bite Force, and Witch Doctor.
So for everyone who’s said “Oh, they’re just a fan favorite.” No, there’s a reason. Andrea Gellatly and co have been on this for a while now, and they’ve been so tantalizingly close to the major glory. Plus, what makes them fan favorites are the outreach, and the Makerspace partnerships, and the children’s book (it’s called B is for BattleBots), and Tale of the Tape with their officemates HyperShock which gave us all Technical T-Rex.
Which they made a plushie of, complete with banana in the pocket. Because you use a banana for scale. To which some facetious wiseass on the BattleBots Reddit asked, “Why not have a banana for scale of Technical T-Rex?” To which they did.
(Once again, thanks Andrea for actually doing it.)
Anyway, Witch Doctor was one of the two bounty holders from last year to actually win their fight (the other being Tombstone). Since Tombstone’s already in, Witch Doctor has the chance to be 1 of 1 on this one. But of course, eight other robots will have a say in the matter. To the fights!
Perfect Phoenix vs. SubZero
Perfect Phoenix: Did not compete; 2020: 2-1, #27 seed, lost to End Game in round of 32
SubZero: 0-3, did not qualify
Perfect Phoenix, the bot that’s older than its owner, returns! If you recall, Tyler Nguyen bought Brutality, which was originally built in 2004 or 2005 or so and had previously competed (and won) in 2009, from Paul Ventimiglia, rechristening it Perfect Phoenix. It was very underweight but still did acceptable in 2020. It didn’t compete this year because Tyler Nguyen, let me double check this, had to go to school. Best “How was your weekend?” ever? Probably.
SubZero, meanwhile, only wished it hadn’t competed this year, as it had three rough draws and some technical gremlins leading to an 0-3 season—three tourney bots in Shatter!, Bloodsport, and HiJinx, and SubZero especially doesn’t like spinners. Which is what it gets, of course.
SubZero rushed, and turned around to shunt Perfect Phoenix in the air, but nowhere near enough to flip it. It did tank one legit hit, and it looked like Perfect Phoenix got a wheel stuck in a killsaw slot giving SubZero to get a golden opportunity to flip Perfect Phoenix… right onto its wheels. A full flip would be 180 degrees too much here, and SubZero had the misfortune to do it twice. Hell, it managed to lose its armor from a flip.
SubZero charged and tanked but Perfect Phoenix’s blade continued to spin. SubZero did eventually go for the flip, but it was early and got a faceful of wall as a result. Perfect Phoenix still spun and took off part of SubZero’s right wedge, then the front right wheel, then its whole right side. And then, somehow, SubZero managed to almost do the thing. As a flipper. On its back. With no wall as an impediment.
Perfect Phoenix attacked but the weapon was dead. Considering we were halfway in or so at this point, that had the potential to be a major development. Or it would be, but Perfect Phoenix is a wedge too and scooped SubZero up into the wall. But it looked like Perfect Phoenix was still having some sort of drive issue, but on the other hand SubZero was smoking. But it also looked like Perfect Phoenix may have been stuck on something, complete with “Show me movement” warnings. But unlike SubZero, a smoking mess, Perfect Phoenix looked like a robot.
Regardless Perfect Phoenix wins by unanimous decision.
Overhaul vs. Black Dragon
Overhaul: 0-2, did not qualify
Black Dragon: 2-1, #18 seed; lost to Hydra in round of 16
One of the favorites in this bracket is Black Dragon, a bot with finale pedigree that didn’t get there this year. Oh, there’ll be more of those here, but if you notice, there are no robots in the quarters or further. That’s because, like the Bounty Hunters tournament last year, these tournaments were going on at the same time as the main tournament. So, if you think of where to rate this, I’d say below the Giant Nut, but above re:MARS.
Overhaul didn’t get its footing on the floor this year, going 0 for 2021. The big things? Wheel traction and general hardiness. And tactical errors, not actually knowing which way to go against Ribbot. The half-ass approach didn’t work, and Blip was a pretty hard counter, flipper against clamp.
Overhaul naturally box rushed, which worked in terms of Black Dragon getting stuck in a killsaw slot. Overhaul was able to get purchase and actually get the flip on Black Dragon. And, even better, the grab and the multi-suplex. It’s not a common sight because rarely to lifters and clampers actually successfully get the grab and lift and carry, but man, is it satisfying to watch. And does it get the control points? Yes. Yes it certainly does.
Unfortunately when the mandatory “let go” happened, Black Dragon was right side up, not upside down. Overhaul could have kept its advantage with an inverted Black Dragon, but now weapon and wedge were situated right for the Brazilian eggbeater. The good news for Overhaul though is that they had manage to get Black Dragon’s right fork situated in a way that the fork wasn’t doing its job, making it harder to get the weapon in. They had to go from the left. Which worked, as Black Dragon’s left on left strike took a chunk of Overhaul’s bumper and, more importantly, damaged a wheel. Black Dragon hit the same spot again, taking the rest of the plastic from that bumper. Another hit from Black Dragon, this time on Overhaul’s right side, put the clamper on its side and killed the right side drive.
Black Dragon continued the attack putting Overhaul against the Upper Deck screws, damaging Overhaul’s jaw, continuing to damage the drive, and fortunately the fight ended in time for Overhaul to get to the judges. And it was a strong first half for Overhaul so they had a chance!
But in the end the damage was too much. Black Dragon wins by unanimous decision.
HiJinx vs. Whiplash
HiJinx: 2-1, #29 seed; lost in round of 32 to SawBlaze
Whiplash: 2-0, #3 seed; lost in round of 16 to Cobalt
Okay, I have no idea how they seeded this. Whiplash is 1, Black Dragon is 2, but you’d think HiJinx would be 3 or 4 alongside Captain Shrederator, right? I mean, yes, it got absolutely bodied by SawBlaze in the first round, but it also did actually get to the tournament unlike SubZero or Overhaul. Which was a good recovery after the disastrous first fight against Mammoth.
Speaking of, Whiplash had BattleBots Champions intentions this season. As one of the automatic qualifiers via Giant Nut. Runner-Up Curse in this case was just Whiplash getting hosed. Two Fight Night fights, both tournament fights highlighted, controversial “double KO” (really, it was an unsafe unstick) against Cobalt. I have no idea who the Vasquez family pissed off to deserve this kind of disrespect.
HiJinx, to prevent the Matt Vasquez control ball, led with the tail to try and let the under cutter spin up. I mean, Orion Beach is not slouch behind the sticks either, and Jen Herchenroeder does know what she’s doing. Again, surprised that this is a first round matchup and not, say, the semifinal.
HiJinx’s tail actually got under Whiplash’s plows, but this led to a stalemate as HiJinx tried to put Whiplash into the screws.
Whiplash continued to pursue HiJinx, with the rear fin getting in the way, but the lifter (again, no spinner attached—just assume no spinner for now) was able to get under HiJinx’s blade to momentarily stop it and pop HiJinx up. HiJinx’s thicker blade wasn’t quite doing the damage they were hoping to, as Whiplash was going back into its created and now copied strategy (looking at you, Free Shipping) of using the lifter as a clamp.
HiJinx’s weapon was no longer spinning, so Whiplash took this time to try and lock down the remaining control and aggression points, flipping HiJinx over (rendering the tail fin useless), then trying to throw HiJinx into the screws. It’s the perfect size to fit in, but fortunately the screws were able to reverse and get HiJinx out of there.
HiJinx was spinning back up and was able to scuff Whiplash’s front plow some more, but without more than superficial damage it was going to be tough to make up all the points lost. The killsaws actually making an appearance on Whiplash’s bottom helped, but again, superficial damage unless it catches a wheel or something.
It went to the judges, where they unsurprisingly went…
…for Whiplash, the winner by unanimous decision.
Ghost Raptor vs. Captain Shrederator
Ghost Raptor: 0-2, did not qualify
Captain Shrederator: 2-1, #27 seed; lost to Rotator in round of 32
Yeah, Shrederator should be the 3 seed, HiJinx the 4. Then, hmm, SubZero, Perfect Phoenix, Ghost Raptor, Overhaul? No idea how this one was faux-seeded.
Anyway, the fact that Ghost Raptor wasn’t a total loss after the Cobalt fight is a minor miracle. I mean, yes, the chassis was totaled, but considering there were any parts left after that? I know, Bot of Theseus, but still.
Captain Shrederator made the tournament this year on the strength of lasting longer than Tombstone until the latter broke itself. And then sure, it got a gimme fight against Jäger after losing the disappointing Beyblade battle against Gigabyte.
Ghost Raptor went box rush, as it was equipped with the plow with its weapon. And the plow worked in the initial strategy to air hockey Shrederator into as many walls as possible. It meant that Ghost Raptor could try and get some hits on the shell.
Except the weapon broke off of Ghost Raptor. Jeez, does it ever stay on? I mean, its first ever fight against Complete Control (after the net) it broke off. And apparently some things don’t change. And hey, self-inflicted damage counts as damage for Shrederator!
Shrederator was still spinning though, when not up against the wall from Ghost Raptor’s plow, and did some more damage to Ghost Raptor’s flamethrower. So Ghost Raptor was on fire, Shrederator was missing a tooth, and the two bots limped to the finish. Which, considering the two robots, has to be in itself a small accomplishment.
Ghost Raptor wins by unanimous decision.
Perfect Phoenix vs. Black Dragon
Perfect Phoenix had to go with its lightest weapon because thanks to damage sustained against SubZero, they were down to one weapon motor. In 2020, the bot came in at a svelte 206 lbs.. The BattleBots weight limit is 250. For this fight? 169 lbs.. If you had equal multibots they would be 125 lbs. apiece. Perfect Phoenix is basically that plus a little more. Against Black Dragon? This could be an issue.
Yes, very an issue. Perfect Phoenix could spin up, but it couldn’t do anything against the tankiness of Black Dragon, which could just play bullyball with the overhead spinner. It also meant that however heavy the front wedge was not nearly enough armor, as Black Dragon ripped the whole front wedge off. Black Dragon also almost pulled a Glitch on Rotator, as Perfect Phoenix’s bar was warped and digging into the top of the bot.
The bullyball continued as Black Dragon pushed Perfect Phoenix into the Upper Deck screws, landing with its weapon, and, well, we’ve been wondering when a robot would hit the roof, and this was pretty damn close.
Perfect Phoenix somehow landed upright, but yeah, this one was very over. I have no idea about the shape of the chassis, but it may be time to retire the old champ’s chassis. Time for a proper 250-pounder, I’d say.
Black Dragon wins by KO in 1:16.
Ghost Raptor vs. Whiplash
Somehow Ghost Raptor still lives, because apparently (according to the secondhand knowledge of BattleBots Update since I saw zero of these fights live since I was on Night 5 of 5 straight gigs) it took two days of repairs, and all the normally adjustable parts of Ghost Raptor don’t do that anymore. This could be a problem against a lifter in Whiplash. Not a lifter-spinner, because even against Ghost Raptor Whiplash did not go with its offensive setup. Still full armored lifter setup.
Whiplash came in quick against the spinner, looking for a lift. Because, by the way, due to the lack of pivot, Ghost Raptor can’t self-right. It didn’t get that, so instead it pushed Ghost Raptor into the screws for a bit. It meant Whiplash could get a re-attempt and topple over Ghost Raptor. As we said, no working srimech anymore, so fight over.
Whiplash wins by KO in 43 seconds. And… that’s the last we’ll see of Ghost Raptor. That’s it’s final fight. This was more of a mercy killing in that case. Godspeed, Sabertooth Cat. We’ll always have the De-Icer.
Bounty Final: Black Dragon vs. Whiplash
Well, these are the bots we expected. And also, it’s a rematch of a 2020 semifinal! Whiplash won and went to attempt, and fail, to serpentine End Game in the championship, giving the Kiwis the Giant Nut.
They started fast in this one, once again (say it with me) sans lifter-spinner, right on Black Dragon’s tail. Or face, actually, weapon-first, flipped over into the screws. Black Dragon got away as Whiplash chased, though one of its hinged forks got caught in a killsaw slot.
But Whiplash kept at it, rolling Black Dragon over again and damaging one of the “bunny ears” that make it easier for it to turn back over when inverted. (For reference, it’s what got crushed when Will Bales failed his 007 driving test against P1.) It didn’t help that the bunny ear got caught in the killsaw slot to boot.
This meant that Whiplash could continue to harass, including the Steve Irwin technique of sticking something in the sharp bit. In this case, the sticking your hand in was Whiplash’s lifter, and the sharp bit, instead of a crocodile mouth, was Black Dragon’s weapon cavity. That’s even more impressive than what Overhaul did, as Whiplash put Black Dragon on the Deck. It tried to do this a second time but Black Dragon fell off, which re-righted the bot, but it wasn’t getting up to the same speeds in its weapon. Black Dragon charged again but Whiplash continued its mastery as the end of the fight loomed.
Whiplash wins by unanimous decision and gets its crack at Witch Doctor.
Golden Bolt Qualifier
Whiplash vs. Witch Doctor
Witch Doctor: 2-1, #24 seed; lost to Tantrum in finals (runner-up)
Fun facts from Witch Doctor about this fight!
-This fight was the morning after the final (which was the last fight of its night, I’d assume), and thanks to the damage Tantrum did to the bottom plate, Witch Doctor couldn’t change out their weapon.
-Had Witch Doctor won the Giant Nut, they would have had to find a substitute gatekeeper to fight Whiplash, since Witch Doctor would have already punched its ticket to the Golden Bolt tournament. Who would it have been? Well, that was not revealed to them, so it remains unknown. My first guess would be Minotaur. It’s a former runner-up, a two-time semifinalist, and would probably slot into the “Best career of the quarterfinalists that haven’t yet won the Giant Nut” currently held by Witch Doctor. The second option could have been SawBlaze, but SawBlaze hasn’t had that run to the semis or finals that Minotaur has. That also codifies that all of these fights were during the tournament, which is why once again, apart from Witch Doctor and Tantrum, none of the other quarterfinalists have made another appearance (no Blip, Hydra, Minotaur, SawBlaze, Riptide, or Cobalt).
So yes, Witch Doctor was back to its single disk against Whiplash’s forks and still no spinner on its lifter. By the way, this is a rematch of a 2019 fight (that Witch Doctor won by JD). Witch Doctor rarely if ever uses forks, as its fork meta is… its weapon. Hey, it almost worked against Bite Force and End Game.
The two bots took some time to feel each other out, similar to the championship fights these two bots have made in their careers. Whiplash made the first move getting under Witch Doctor, maybe a beneficiary of the damage from the previous night, and pinned the gatekeeper to the wall, dropping the pulverizer on the disk. However, Witch Doctor returned the volley by going after those forks (as said, their anti-fork strategy) which rendered Whiplash’s forks useless and leveled the playing field.
Whiplash still was winning the pushing matches though, pushing Witch Doctor back and getting a lift over the screws and onto the Upper Deck as Witch Doctor did a perfect somersault. They got off to try and return fire as the two bots clashed and each came close to tide-changing strikes—Whiplash nearly got another flip in, then Witch Doctor got a hit in, popping Whiplash slightly up, but missed a second shot aimed at the tires.
Witch Doctor was turning the battle in their favor a bit though as the disk was getting nibbles at Whiplash before finally dealing its own big blow, flipping Whiplash over and knocking off a wheel.
But also, amazingly, Witch Doctor managed to knock loose and knock out Whiplash’s power switch. The switch powers up and down the robot before/after fights, and there’s been a massive debate of American switches vs. British links. Because links can get jostled out, but are easier to get to. So, props to Witch Doctor for opening that debate back up.
Also Witch Doctor defends her bounty for the second time, by KO in 2:37. Man, Whiplash got screwed to the very end.
With that, the field is set, and our 8 bots lead to four convenient matchups of rematches and what-ifs.
Tombstone vs. Tantrum: A rematch of a Season 3 exhibition. A recently deposed Tombstone was out for a curtain call if anyone wanted a go. Enter Tantrum, a spring-loaded flipper that didn’t do much of anything except beat Battle Royale with Cheese, but that doesn’t count for much. And Tantrum for the most part took the blows… except for the part where one of its side fists put a hole into one of the pipes in the corner. Imagine if that had hit the Lexan? Bad things would have happened. Fast-forward and that bot is your newest champion, as the now-puncher gets to turn the tide.
Ribbot vs. End Game: Had this season gone chalk, this would have been your final, as this would have been your 1 vs. 2 matchup.
Witch Doctor vs. Glitch: What should have been your first round matchup! Except Glitch withdrew due to weapon issues. Well, those have been sorted out, as we’ve seen.
HyperShock vs. Skorpios: Round 3! Skorpios won the first two fights, the first while using literally an angle grinder, the second to get to fight Icewave. What’ll happen this time?
Welp… we’ll find out next week!
Fighting robots, ded useless royals, what a great afternoon to be alive. Unlike the Queen.
What people seem to be forgetting is that 96 is a hell of a run.
If you look at it from another direction, a really nice run!
I guess that is what drinking a metric fuckton of gin will do.
“Eh, I’ve done better.” – Tony Dorsett, Derrick Henry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIonuqtggxM
So when does WCS’s kid take his rightful place on the throne of England?
That will happen after the UN delivers the gold. First, I need to use the Doomsday Device on France.
“Doomsday Device” is a hell of a nickname for your penis.
To be fair, every time he uses it there’s fallout, so
Yeah.
Yeah…
In these troubled times let’s all remember Elizabeth II as she would want to be remembered: as a gentle stateswoman determined to maintain the empire through persuasion rather than force, but continually undermined but her idiotic offspring.
I think this old newsreel says it best:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IloIoGj5Mj0
My cousin’s husband died last night after a lengthy illness in a hospice in Halifax. His was a good man and a lovinHOLY SHIT QUEEN ELIZABETH DIED ! ! !
I did hear something about a job opening in England. Will need to update my resume to include my other skills like “faking a British accent, waving, eating fish & chips, covering up family scandals, and dressing fancy”. I have most of the job requirements, and I love corgis.
The real test is beans on toast.
They spend a lot of time in Scotland. Haggis, washed down with Irn Bru. That will make a man out of you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkBl3C_11yM
https://twitter.com/Super70sSports/status/1567930305910128647
Has Vincent Ludwig been apprehended yet?
In honor of the deadest queen since Paul Lynde
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02D2T3wGCYg
Yay Witch Doctor!
I didn’t know Lizzie had magical powers.
Explains the longevity, though.