Your Very First 2022 NFL Sunday Open Thread (that counts)

Are you ready for a great year? It’ll be kinda difficult to top last year although as a Giants fan I can see some areas for improvement. Each team is facing questions as the season opens so let’s do a wee bit of that for the intros.

To The Games!

Saints/Falcons:

Will Jameis Winston be able to cut down his interceptions again this year? In seven games last year he only threw 4! He usually runs at a 1/1.5 per game rate. It looks as though Michael Thomas is a game-timer leaning towards starting although I’m sure he’ll be on a snap count-as are all players that are composed of balsa wood. Will he make it to the end of the third quarter? Will Drake London win Offensive Rookie of the Year? After Pitts there’s nothing to the Falcons passing game.

Niners/Bears:

When will The Unloading of Jimmy G finally occur? Will Lance get pulled if his play turns out to be sloppy? Camp observers say that rocket of an arm has a barely-functioning guidance system. Will the Bears offense be watchable?

Steelers/Cincy:

Will the Steelers wait until after the bye week to run The Pickett Fence? Oh wait, that’s a Hoosiers movie reference. I’ll leave the Pickett’s Charge jokes to you Civil War fans. The Bengali’s o-line has been addressed-will it be a cohesive unit though? Experience tells me these things take a bit of time. Is Cincy’s wr corps the best in the NFL? I lean towards ‘yes’.

Eagles/Lions:

Are the Eagles going to continue their slap-happy, run-all-day ways? Will Miles Sanders ever be a real threat to cross the goal line? Dan Campbell still has the hearts and minds of his players-will this actually translate into wins though?

Pats/Fins:

Does any fantasy fella want any part of New England’s O? I vote “No!”. Will they be able to improve on their 2-7 record in Miami? What will a Mikey McDaniel’s O actually look like? Is Gesicki on the outs?

Ravens/Jets:

Will Hallmark create another sub-genre, this one being “Gently Aging Cougar-ish Women That Chase After Football Players”? My erect nipples indicate that I would watch the hell out of that. Will Flacco put Hippo to sleep mid-game? You know the answer. Outside of Bateman and Edwards, will anyone catch a damn ball?

Jags/Commies:

Is the Meyers addition by subtraction gambit gonna lead to some W’s? How many gallons of sewage water will pour onto fans this week? What will Snyder charge per gallon?

Browns/Panthers:

Are you nuts? Picking McCaffrey first overall? Just throw your draft away, why don’t you? The Browns have some fantastic pieces of talent sprinkled throughout their roster but don’t you feel that The Watson Debacle has cast a shadow over the organization?

Colts/Texans:

Will Ryan have a career-rejuvenating year or will the wheels fall off? Their is no in-between. Will my prediction of Davis Mills throwing 30 TD’s bear fruit? Botanists everywhere hold their breath.

That’s the early games. Do a thing with your digits down below.

5 2 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
457 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Fronkenshteen

Sharky knew. Good for him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice job by Fields to lead his receiver out of bounds while there’s nobody within 10 yards of him.

Sharkbait

Baby steps!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s true, at least he completed the pass.

Wakezilla

/Xavien Howard barely touches P*ts player, and gets a penalty

Commentator: NFL is cracking down on that. Good call.

/P*ts DB does the exact same thing next series; no flag.

Same Commentator: Great non-Call!

Fuck off

King Hippo

Bailout BLEERGH redux for The Legend of White Mac?

Duchess

The Bears could learn a lot from Bama… if you break the QBs shoulder the opponents offense won’t be as affective

litre_cola

Michael Thomas and his one catch for 4 yards would like a chat.

Fronkenshteen

Jets probably in the market for a new punter tomorrow, because this jerkoff just snap hooked another 20-yarder into the stands.

Mr. Ayo

I know a guy. They just need to get over a minor off field character issue.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“minor”

comment image

King Hippo

Why did #ThePauls go for it there? Because they COULD.

ArmedandHammered

Bears got a TD? I must really be really, really high,

Sharkbait

It could be both

ArmedandHammered

Yeah, but I haven’t taken anything yet.

litre_cola

I got you bro.

ArmedandHammered

Now I am going to take something because this reality is getting to hard to grok with that last Bears score.

Last edited 2 years ago by ArmedandHammered
fleshwound_NPG

justin fields

only good if he moves

King Hippo

And nobody within 15 yards of the receiver

Duchess

I mean who enjoys a dead fish?

litre_cola

I did not see The fightin Home Depots beat on the Saints.

Spur

Cincy looks better and committed to getting Joe Burrow killed by week 3

fleshwound_NPG

bears are scared to death of the thought of fields throwing on 3rd down

Duchess

When he did he threw a TD

fleshwound_NPG

proof of the concept “scared money dont make money”

Duchess

These Dolphins I call them January 7th, because they are man-handling a bunch of people who claim they are Patriots.

Redshirt

Is Dr. Oz trying to lose this election?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like when it’s over he’ll claim he wasn’t really trying to win.

King Hippo

The “stolen election” loss is optimal for continued grift. You think he wants to live on a GUV’MENT SALARY??

Spur

These crooks show Trump con these people, figured it cant be that hard.

Duchess

Trump has shown you can take the plot of The Producers and apply it to politics and it works.

Horatio Cornblower

Fetterman is outstanding.

And there’s no way Oz didn’t jump off a tramopoline for that shot.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In normal circumstances, that would be a perfectly fine gag.

Horatio Cornblower

The line for milk in the middle school cafeteria.

Wakezilla

I see where we’re at the part of the game where the refs do everything possible to get the P*ts back into the game

Sharkbait

Truly the dark times are upon New England*

*Except Southie. Not on their watch

clint greasewood

Patricia’s sweat stains look like Western Europe.

King Hippo

The Legend of White Mac. Game manager. Leader of men. Pocket presence. CAUCASIAN.

LemonJello

Its a good thing Jaguars isn’t spelled with a D or O, since this team has neither.

I saw Doink in action, fucking with DUUUUUVVVVAAAAALLLLLLL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think that Monarch is going to be as big of a failure as Lone Star? Or will it be even bigger?

King Hippo

I just know that I am NOT the target demographic for anything, outside of FX or FXX

Sharkbait

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The guy who does the voice for Dr. Venture (James Urbaniak) is delightfully interactive on twitter.

ArmedandHammered

Brisset keeps lofting balls like that and Rivers will file for trademark infringement.

litre_cola

The Jags receivers are laughably bad. LemonJello will be swearing while dodging broken pipes.

Duchess

Pre game teams all need a hard reset.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That comment I made about how we’ll always have the New York Jets? It also holds true for the Chicago Bears.

Beerguyrob

Do we really want them, though?

ArmedandHammered

They are not even good comedy relief anymore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I strongly disagree.

ArmedandHammered

They are too predictable.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Listen, you CANNOT tell me that you anticipated the Bears getting penalized for wiping the field with a towel. Nobody can anticipate that! Even the refs were surprised.

ArmedandHammered

Okay, I give you that.

2Pack

Looks like I’m watching the wrong game for a chuckle or two.

King Hippo

Younghoe is still money

clint greasewood

Bears Down…by 7

comment image

Sharkbait

Insurmountable. To be fair, 0-0 was an insurmountable tie

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
ArmedandHammered

McCaffery has a more successful launch than NASA.

Beerguyrob

OMG Bears?!

fleshwound_NPG

unsportsmanlike conduct on the kicker holder

the chicago bears!

Beerguyrob

For wiping the field!

Gumbygirl

I’m heading to Riverside. Yay Steelers!

Fronkenshteen

Davis Mills has 10 completions to 8 different receivers. Two of whom I’ve heard of before.

Sharkbait

I’ve got a Mills led DFS lineup. Figured it was worth a shot.

Duchess

Think this is my favorite AI rendition of Bearistocrat

2F28DE21-6255-40A3-9849-E6D38C1FA36A.jpeg
King Hippo

uh…Boris DID call the P*ts not playing well in Miami

Sharkbait

They never do. I have a TON of Miami D in DFS today. This is me watching this game:

comment image

Beerguyrob

Buddy Cole’s “dinner guests” look pensive.

Redshirt

Mixon can play on 4th and 1?!

litre_cola

Wife is a Bengals fan, also cursing at the screen.

litre_cola

It appears that the Jags still can’t catch.

King Hippo

KHunt all over the pitch!

Duchess

Khunt, Khunt his here he’s there he’s every fucking where

yeah right

Flipping back and forth between Carolina Cleveland and Saints Falcons.

Good quarterback play hasn’t been witnessed.

Baker looks particularly shitty.

Sharkbait

They’re in mid-season form already

fleshwound_NPG

the season has officially started

King Hippo

Black Panthers in disarray, I am liking my odds of abundant tix available for the Donks visit in November

yeah right

Yep. You’re right, many fantasy teams drafted him in the top 4 and those many fantasy teams are in for a long season.

2Pack

Did they play Burrow at all in the pre season? It doesn’t look like it.

Redshirt

Nope. Bengals Radio was just saying the same thing. He did have appendicitis though.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
2Pack

That’s right I remember that now.

King Hippo

your Keeper decision at QB looks pretty damned solid!

Duchess

Bearistocrat

12986F9E-859F-4171-AE89-EB363FFE435C.jpeg
Last edited 2 years ago by Duchess
Sharkbait

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
Redshirt

Joe Burrow has thrown a bad hat trick.

Gumbygirl

Bless him.

fleshwound_NPG

a reminder:

in the best season of offense (two 1000 yard receivers) and quarterbacking by chicago (in 1995) they missed the playoffs by one spot to a team that was quarterbacked by jeff george

they are never meant to score

Duchess

It’s clear this Bears game is so bad that the date 9/11 will live on in infamy

Gumbygirl

That sounds like a banner to me!