Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world [in bed]
Buddha

As I’m tired today, I think Buddha is telling me to take a nap

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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I feel bad for Vengeful Baker the turnover maker as I always admire a guy playing from a place of hate.

Amusingly enough, 15 minutes after Doc filled us in on the Sean Payton rumours, that shit went viral all over social media.

Good work!
Wakezilla

“You’re telling me there’s a baker, he specializes in turnovers AND HE’S AN NFL QUARTERBACK!??! And I’m only learning OF THIS NOW? WHY DO I EVEN PAY YOU TO SCOUT FOR ME?”

-a clearly angry Andy Reid, around a mouthful of his third helping of Eggs Benedict
LemonJello

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Just tried to read Peter King’s Monday morning offering for purposes of comparison. Holy shit! I couldn’t even finish the goddamn thing. Just endless blather and humblebrag access stories. Good christ does that guy need an editor. And obviously I am truly biased, but can honestly say, if I hadn’t watched the games (and knew all the appropriate nicknames) I’d have come away from Hippo Thoughts with a MUCH clearer understanding of what happened yesterday. King should receive a copy of IHT in his inbox every Monday morning, read it, and feel ashamed.
Fronkenshteen

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Can you imagine the way Kliff Kingsbury is circled on every coach’s calendar? These guys who have all paid their dues — are STILL paying their dues — moving around the country and taking these gig assistant coach or coordinator roles; sleeping on the couches in their offices; losing relationships because all their energy is going into making some braindead mammoth of a young man understand to go left only when he sees an opening (the young man will never understand). Bunch of pseudo-depressed alpha males who no doubt feel like their efforts are the only way to earn their opportunities. Then they see the next week they are going to face off against Kliff Kingsbury? A soft spoiled conman who has never had the chops to make it but now just got a huge extension?

The NFL is going to absolutely embarrass the entire Cardinals organization for the next 4 months with every team they face looking to show that they have all of the better GM, HC, and QB1.

You saw it here first — The Arizona Cardinals will be the NFL’s first 0-17 team.
blaxabbath

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Redshirt

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Lean that stick a little more assholes!
Mr. Ayo

Look at the bullshit! Where’s the index card!?!?

Mr. Ayo

I’ve installed fence posts, and I would not hire these refs to install fence posts unless I wanted shitty uneven fenceposts.
Doktor Zymm

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THIS GENO SMITH, I CALL HIM NEW YORK CITY, BECAUSE THE DAY AFTER 9/11 HE’S PROVING THE JETS DIDN’T DESTROY HIM
Dunstan

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Mrs. Fozz gone for two days. We kicked off the event with fried chicken, potato wedges dipped in cheese sauce, adn beer
jjfozz

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I hope Wilson throws for a bazilloin yards and 87 touchdowns because the Seattle fans are raging dicksnots who need to be bathed in oil and set afire
jjfozz

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They were never going to let Pete Carroll coach on 9/11
Gatoraids

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I think the dildo on the field might be one of the greatest moments in NFL history.
Brick Meathook

Yeah, but Brady has to retire for good at some point…
LemonJello

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I just read an article about quiet quitting and it’s basically what I’ve been doing for the past 1.5 years. I think this makes me a white collar hipster, since I was doing it before it was cool
Doktor Zymm

I think my last place quiet fired me for the past five years there. The problem so many people quit, they couldn’t let me go. Also, they put my office away from others and blocked it with file cabinets. I was basically Milton from Office Space without the stapler and before he went to the basement.

However, what they didn’t realize is, with me away from everyone, no one bothered me, I was able to play music on my phone, and if I needed a break, I could surf the internet on my phone and participate in DFO Mock Drafts and have time to lock my phone and go back to my computer when I heard the door open. They did it as a banishment; I turned it into Work Shangri-la.
Redshirt

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Brett Favre explicitly documented his intent to commit fraud by texting his mental state while doing crimes and somehow he’s still only the second stupidest Packers quarterback of my lifetime.

— Chris Jackson (@ChrisCJackson) September 14, 2022

Horatio Cornblower

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….and the Feds have seized the phone of Mike Lindell (MY COKE-FILLED PILLOW)

Even if there’s nothing treasony in there (there definitely is), surely there’s some illiterate wackiness.
SonOfSpam

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This week in FedEx: The Shittening
I apparently owe FedEx over $100 for their mishandling of customs, and they can only inform me of this via snail mail, and I can only pay them with a paper check. They sent everything through USPS, I assume because it is far more reliable than their own services.

FedEx has also lost a package immediately after receiving it from the shipper. (Towels from NJ, I am apparently into soft home goods) I am getting to be a regular with FedEx customer service agents on Messenger, and they do a good job, by far the best part of the company. The agent took a look and said “yeah, you should just go ahead and tell the shipper to file a claim”
Doktor Zymm

Everyone* who says that the gubbermint should be run more like a business should be sent a complimentary pipe bomb** via Fedex, thin out their ranks a little.
*: Republicans
**: it obviously wont actually get delivered on time so no one will get hurt and therefore this statement cannot be construed as a threat to any persons living or dead, real or fictional
herodotus450

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Eating this. The directions were in Japanese but I think I got it right. The broth is crazy thick.

Doktor Zymm

Your Japanese box is great.

I will not rephrase that.
litre_cola

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Just consumed two fresh-from-the oven chocolate chip cookies that were each the size of a Frisbee.

WCS

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Amazon Prime regular feed’s Al Michaels: “This game’s total score is inching towards a magic number that keeps certain members of the audience verrrry interested. *wink wink

Amazon Prime women’s feed’s Andrea Kremer: “…and see here where the left guard’s kick out block provides the inside leverage to spring Ekeler for that eight yard run.”

Amazon Prime’s British Feed: “🎶It’s punting tiiiiiime!🎶”
Col. Duke LaCross

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SUDDEN CHANGE!
Mr. Ayo

Sharkbait

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of course the first amazon prime football game was originally an exciting chargers-chiefs but instead we got a cheap knockoff that is nothing like what was originally pictured
fleshwound_NPG

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Dad: so are you still doing that dumb thing where you imagine God and all the players going to extreme lengths to screw over your fantasy team?

Me: I’m starting mahomes and two chiefs receivers while my opponent is starting Edward’s hel aire.

I imagine the chiefs kick returner taking the kickoff at the 20, then running back to his own one yard line to down it. Edward’s helaire comes in at the qb position in shotgun, takes the hike, throws a soft lob pass to a d-lineman who intentionally bats it back to him. None of the defenders try to tackle him as he take the ball 99 yards for the score, they all flash him a thumbs up as he gets points for the pass completion, the passing yards, the catch, the receiving yards, and the touchdown. They also let him do a two point conversion. When the chargers get the ball back they are allowed to take the ball all the way to the one yard line where they intentionally fumble allowing the chiefs to repeat the process as before.

By half time Edwards hellaire has set a nfl record for pass completions, passing yards, passing touchdowns, receptions, receiving yards, receiving yards and two point conversions in a single game. The camera pans over to the chiefs sideline where brocky’s receivers are in street clothes, then patrick mahomes comes in at the side of the frame wearing a towel on his head, flips the bird directly into the camera all while yelling “FUCK YOU BROCKY YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

beat

Dad: you know a simple “Yes” would have been okay
Brocky

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My daughter: Mom’s gone, what’s for dinner?

Me: Burgers and fries, you’re picking them up.
/Hands over cash
Horatio Cornblower

BUT MRS CORNBLOWER THINKS YOU TWO WONT SURVIVE!!!
litre_cola

She’s coming back tonight, she just has a meeting.

She has enough faith in us that she can skip one meal without worrying.
Horatio Cornblower

/upon Mrs. Cornblower’s return:

WCS

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Chiefs are celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month by treating Herbert like a piñata.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Talking to my father about ‘Welcome to Wrexham’ and he informs me that he’s decided he needs to start watching more English soccer.

Me: “Oh that’s a great idea! Here are so…”

Dad: “I’ll probably root for this team called Chelsea.”

Me: “Oh, fuck OFF!”
Horatio Cornblower

Dear God no! Does hhe know that their stadiu

/hit by a beer bottle from the back
litre_cola

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I am attempting to learn how to do cryptic crosswords. I found a good tutorial, so now I can try to be one of those annoying people who see the clue “Modern Siam had a lint storm” and say, obviously it is “Thailand” !
Doktor Zymm

I yearn to be one of those people. Leave it on the table completed in ink for everyone to see.
BC Dick

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And now lea michele has covid!

blaxabbath

“Oh, thank goodness – it’s only COVID-11.” – Leah, “reading” her rapid test results.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Don T

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Did I just yell “fuck you, Saudi-loving cunt” at me teevee box?
King Hippo

You sure did. I even heard it.
Mr. Ayo

That’s no way to address the Queen, Sir.
Horatio Cornblower

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What am I playing tonight? Shit man, I don’t even fucking know, just that I’m here til 1 or so. So another hour.
Senor Weaselo

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Men! Oh men!

Rather than watch the Fightin’ Horatios “play” “football” agains the Wolverines of Michigan today I went to the Mystic Garlic Festival, there to eat far too many garlic fritters, garlic sliders, garlic, and garlic fries.

While there we also went into a store specializing in honey and olive oil. I bought some Key Lime flavored honey. Tonight I mixed it into a margarita in lieu of lime juice.

Goddamn! I said GODDAMN!!!
Horatio Cornblower

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We’re going to OT in Lions-Stamps here, if any of y’all need a palate cleanser.
The Maestro

If BC wins, we ALL go winless for the weekend. [ it happened, everyone was wrong in the CFL pool]

GO LIOUNS!
SonOfSpam

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Wifey and I just updated our wills-if she dies first, I get to bang the Filipino help. If I die first she has to do DFO NFL game intro’s for five years after I’m gone.

/I feel as though I really crushed this negotiation
scotchnaut

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Fins Game Announcer: “This game has been bananas.”

Close. “Bananacakes” is the proper terminology.
scotchnaut

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All the talk about Rodgers owning the Bears neglects the fact he’s only won one more Superb Owl than them in that time frame.
Beerguyrob

well no one said owning the Bears is a wise investment
Gatoraids

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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