Your “Horsey vs. Horsey” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

So, um, why is Denver getting another prime time game after they acquitted themselves so terribly just two weeks ago? Ours is not to wonder why, we should just watch and hope that the two strugglebacks under center somehow turn things around tonight. Vegas has only two other games that feature a lower over/under than this one. (one of them is the mandatory Giants/Packers London tilt. Gah.)

Newsy Notes:

-That delusional animal rights activist insists on keeping himself in the news by filing a police report regarding him getting clocked by Bobby Wagner after running onto the field last week. Can you do that if you’re still in concussion protocol? Perhaps he should go back to throwing red paint on heiresses wearing mink coats or whatever.

-Ever the situational contrarian, Qaron insists that he would like to stay in London longer. (preferably on the team’s shilling or pound or Euro, I’m guessing)

-Speaking of the game yet again, Tyrod is still concussed and will be travelling with the team. Meanwhile, Dimes was a limited participant in practice. We know how this thing will go-if Dimes can’t make it, Tyrod will be magically cleared late on Saturday afternoon. Actually, he’ll be cleared no matter what, in case Dimes re-injures himself during the game. I’m not cynical, you’re cynical for calling me cynical.

To The Game!

Colts/Broncs:

-Adjustment Problems? Matt Ryan was my sneaky pick to have a great year with a new team. Well, he’s turned the ball over 8 times and been sacked 15 times. That o-line is doing him no favors.

-His partner on the other side of the pasture was so glad to get away from a franchise that was run-first, had a lousy o-line and a good defense. So, thank beJezuz he ended up on a run-first team with a lousy o-line and a good defense.

-Both teams are without their flashy rb’s but Indy is also without a starting safety, linebacker and defensive end.

-Shortcake Backfield? Mighty mites Nyheim Hines (5’9″, a buck 95) and Phillip Lindsay (5’8″, 190) should have a great time running between the tackles tonight. Good luck and good night.

-The Broncos rb Gordo has 70% of the backfield to himself-one would think-despite fantasy dudes running to pick up Mike Boone. The latter failed to pick up a handful of blitzes and dropped two easy passes when he was called into action last week. If Gordo continues to fumble the ball it will be good old Latavius Murray (inactive tonight) that will be picking up the slack. (and the blitzes)

Do that thing with your digits.

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Redshirt

The two endzones, I call them infinity, because they can be approached but never actually reached.

King Hippo

Silly me, I thought Charmslinger saw a man open, too bad he was in the 2nd row.

jjfozz

If you took two emus, and put them in a pen with 10 puppies, and sat back with a cigar and a flagon of bourone, it would sill be b4t645 6hn this game

Sharkbait

A 15-15 tie would be fitting.

Also scorigami

makeitsnowondem

Melvin Gordon -III

Redshirt

With the way this game was going, I was partly expecting the referee to pick off that pass and run it back to the endzone.

Brocky

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LemonJello

That pass with the ref getting in the way? Quotables. *chef’s kiss*

Redshirt

Cobra Commanders vs. Berenstain Bears is next week. Even I’m not sure they can follow this exhibition.

King Hippo

Now I am thinking the Berenstain Bears doing the Bearistocrats! routine. My, what a dark path.

WCS

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King Hippo

True, do they even HAVE a dog to fist fuck? In the asshole?

King Hippo

There is not enough opium in the world for this.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But I bet you’re determined to try

King Hippo

TIS THE MURRIKAN SPIRIT

Gumbygirl

New DFO Thursday Night Football Slogan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember, folks, one of these teams beat the Chiefs, and one of them was beaten by the Raiders. Parity!

jjfozz

THSI GAME, IC ALL IT THE EIGHTH SEAL, CAUSE IT’S WORSE THAN WHATEVER HAPPENS WHEN THE SEVENTH SEAL IS OPENED

litre_cola

Is teh Hippo still awake for this display?

King Hippo

My 4.5 hour migraine nap means yes, sadly

Mr. Ayo

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just want to say I feel vindicated not watching this game and like an idiot for drafting DangeRuss

Mr. Ayo
jjfozz

By hte way, if I ever meet the guy who clocked that fuck brain who ran onto the Niners game. i will buy him a blow job.

i mean, i’m not blowing him.

but someone is

Brocky

Pretty sure Bobby Wagner doesn’t need your charity

litre_cola

Maybe Fozz knows where the good hookers are in Bmore.

jjfozz

Still, it’s the thought htat counts

Doktor Zymm

I hope Wagner, the Rams, the Niners, the NFLPA, the NFL, and the City of Santa Clara sue the fuck out of the dude for trespassing and endangering everyone on the field. Wagner might have bruised his shoulder or gotten pink smoke in his eyes!

LemonJello

Well, that’s enough scoring tonight, boys. Let’s just call it a tie.

Now let’s hit the showers and get a goddammed snack.

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
Redshirt

.

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Sharkbait

Good lord this is bad.

Brocky

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man I forgot about her. Shannon Tweed always came to mind first.

Redshirt

Amazon Prime is airing an All-Female Broadcast stream. Is it still misogynist that I genuinely hope they are talking about cooking and gardening rather than this game?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This game? No.

Sharkbait

I tuned in with 2 min left to go in the half. Those 2 minutes were meh at best. Glad I missed the first 13 minutes.

LemonJello

This game is such a shitshow, I bet German viewership is through the roof.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s not like Shitty Thursday Night Football games have been that way since they were invented…

Redshirt

If you pretend this is the 2nd Half of the Final Preseason Game…yeah, I can’t even finish that sentence.

Brick Meathook

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makeitsnowondem

In what I believe to be a classic example of the Prisoner’s Dilemma, this game is worse than Overwatch 2, but not worse than the queue to get into Overwatch 2.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should call this game Neverwatch.

LemonJello

So, 6-5 final score?

Mr. Ayo

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

https://twitter.com/theStevenRuiz/status/1578201236666556419

Redshirt

So how was the first half? Everyone still have the will to live?

Doktor Zymm

Hey, at least I’m not at work

WCS

/Al chugs what’s left in the whiskey bottle
//hurls empty bottle off Kirk’s head

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nice shot!” – Ellen DeGeneres

Mr. Ayo

We need to restore the Russ cooking nyquil chicken banner for the 2nd half.

WCS

Nathanial Hackett didn’t understand denim chicken was meant as a joke.

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Redshirt

Has a Banner been recalled from the Graveyard?

Sorry, I got into a Yu-Gi-Oh Youtube trap last night. Trip! Dammit!

BugEyedBoo

M:tG or gtfo.

Senor Weaselo

That’s Banner Reborn, get it right!

Senor Weaselo

I still can’t believe no one’s called it sweet and sizzurp chicken!

King Hippo

Anything dumber you dumb fucks wanna try??

LemonJello

“Bah gawd, that’s…that’s Pey-Pey’s music! He’s suiting up and taking over at QB for the 2nd half!”

Redshirt

“Now in at QB…#15…Tim Tebow. Tebow”

TheRevanchist

Tebow got them to the playoffs.

Redshirt

…and the 2nd Round. Sorry DFO Steelers Nation Contingent.

makeitsnowondem

Montrell Washington has never, ever, in his entire life, looked at the blocks in front of him and thought, “That seems bad for me.”

Doktor Zymm

Whoever named Mobile, Alabama did very well in predicting how many mobile homes would one day exist there

Doktor Zymm

Let Russ order takeout from whatever restaurant the kicker picks

Mr. Ayo

Haha, insurmountable lead halved!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Laugh all you want, the Raiders had the Broncos at 1st and 30 and gave up a touchdown three plays later.

King Hippo

3rd and 38?

HORSEY NFL BLITZ!!!

LemonJello

With the beating he’s taking, Matt Ryan may just retire at halftime.

Gumbygirl

I just said this exact thing to Gumby. Are you spying on me???

makeitsnowondem

That’s called Matty Icing The Kicker.

LemonJello

Seems like most of these horseys need to be loaded up and taken straight to the glue factory.

litre_cola

This has been dire.

King Hippo

Surely everyone is as moist as I am for Charmslinger running 2-minute drill!

King Hippo

Don’t let these cockwallets ruin our clean sheet!

Mr. Ayo

I don’t think you have anything to fear.

They don’t even have their big rim glasses kicker anymore.

King Hippo

fucking soft coverage fucking fucked us

King Hippo

Vodka League, me and Maestro starting these duelingest of defenses.

Doktor Zymm

Been doing NYT crosswords and looking up occasionally. It’s a good strategy for this game.

jjfozz

I do those crosswords, and then hate – with all my heart – those smarmy fucks who create them.

Dunstan

I’d like to thank Al Michaels for pointing out the existence of the alternate streams for those people who don’t want to listen to him. I’m taking advantage of that right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, time to eat chicken tacos until we run out of tortillas, and drink margaritas until we run out of limes.

litre_cola

Don’t you acquire limes from the trees in your hood?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When they are available, but they are not right now. There’s a nearby tree in the neighborhood where we have permission to get them from.

LemonJello

Andy Reid is befuddled by this concept of “running out” of any foodstuff.

jjfozz

this game is like watching a brain damaged silver back gorilla trying to fuck a titmouse

LemonJello

Jim Irsay wondering how fast he can get a truckload (each) of hookers and blow up to the suite he’s in.

makeitsnowondem

The Donks are six points up and it feels like they’re two scores down.