So, um, why is Denver getting another prime time game after they acquitted themselves so terribly just two weeks ago? Ours is not to wonder why, we should just watch and hope that the two strugglebacks under center somehow turn things around tonight. Vegas has only two other games that feature a lower over/under than this one. (one of them is the mandatory Giants/Packers London tilt. Gah.)
Newsy Notes:
-That delusional animal rights activist insists on keeping himself in the news by filing a police report regarding him getting clocked by Bobby Wagner after running onto the field last week. Can you do that if you’re still in concussion protocol? Perhaps he should go back to throwing red paint on heiresses wearing mink coats or whatever.
-Ever the situational contrarian, Qaron insists that he would like to stay in London longer. (preferably on the team’s shilling or pound or Euro, I’m guessing)
-Speaking of the game yet again, Tyrod is still concussed and will be travelling with the team. Meanwhile, Dimes was a limited participant in practice. We know how this thing will go-if Dimes can’t make it, Tyrod will be magically cleared late on Saturday afternoon. Actually, he’ll be cleared no matter what, in case Dimes re-injures himself during the game. I’m not cynical, you’re cynical for calling me cynical.
To The Game!
Colts/Broncs:
-Adjustment Problems? Matt Ryan was my sneaky pick to have a great year with a new team. Well, he’s turned the ball over 8 times and been sacked 15 times. That o-line is doing him no favors.
-His partner on the other side of the pasture was so glad to get away from a franchise that was run-first, had a lousy o-line and a good defense. So, thank beJezuz he ended up on a run-first team with a lousy o-line and a good defense.
-Both teams are without their flashy rb’s but Indy is also without a starting safety, linebacker and defensive end.
-Shortcake Backfield? Mighty mites Nyheim Hines (5’9″, a buck 95) and Phillip Lindsay (5’8″, 190) should have a great time running between the tackles tonight. Good luck and good night.
-The Broncos rb Gordo has 70% of the backfield to himself-one would think-despite fantasy dudes running to pick up Mike Boone. The latter failed to pick up a handful of blitzes and dropped two easy passes when he was called into action last week. If Gordo continues to fumble the ball it will be good old Latavius Murray (inactive tonight) that will be picking up the slack. (and the blitzes)
Do that thing with your digits.
The two endzones, I call them infinity, because they can be approached but never actually reached.
Silly me, I thought Charmslinger saw a man open, too bad he was in the 2nd row.
*In the travelling play of Hamilton, performed for one night only in Laramie, Wyoming.
If you took two emus, and put them in a pen with 10 puppies, and sat back with a cigar and a flagon of bourone, it would sill be b4t645 6hn this game
A 15-15 tie would be fitting.
Also scorigami
Melvin Gordon -III
With the way this game was going, I was partly expecting the referee to pick off that pass and run it back to the endzone.
That pass with the ref getting in the way? Quotables. *chef’s kiss*
Cobra Commanders vs. Berenstain Bears is next week. Even I’m not sure they can follow this exhibition.
Now I am thinking the Berenstain Bears doing the Bearistocrats! routine. My, what a dark path.
True, do they even HAVE a dog to fist fuck? In the asshole?
There is not enough opium in the world for this.
But I bet you’re determined to try
TIS THE MURRIKAN SPIRIT
New DFO Thursday Night Football Slogan?
Remember, folks, one of these teams beat the Chiefs, and one of them was beaten by the Raiders. Parity!
THSI GAME, IC ALL IT THE EIGHTH SEAL, CAUSE IT’S WORSE THAN WHATEVER HAPPENS WHEN THE SEVENTH SEAL IS OPENED
Is teh Hippo still awake for this display?
My 4.5 hour migraine nap means yes, sadly
That 4th pill is a bitch.
I just want to say I feel vindicated not watching this game and like an idiot for drafting DangeRuss
https://wagwalking.com/horse/condition/kicking
By hte way, if I ever meet the guy who clocked that fuck brain who ran onto the Niners game. i will buy him a blow job.
i mean, i’m not blowing him.
but someone is
Pretty sure Bobby Wagner doesn’t need your charity
Maybe Fozz knows where the good hookers are in Bmore.
Still, it’s the thought htat counts
I hope Wagner, the Rams, the Niners, the NFLPA, the NFL, and the City of Santa Clara sue the fuck out of the dude for trespassing and endangering everyone on the field. Wagner might have bruised his shoulder or gotten pink smoke in his eyes!
“Pink smoke gets in your eyes? Gotta say, love this callout.”
-The Platters
Well, that’s enough scoring tonight, boys. Let’s just call it a tie.
Now let’s hit the showers and get a goddammed snack.
.
Good lord this is bad.
Shannon Whirry did some excellent work back in the day.
Man I forgot about her. Shannon Tweed always came to mind first.
Amazon Prime is airing an All-Female Broadcast stream. Is it still misogynist that I genuinely hope they are talking about cooking and gardening rather than this game?
If you have to ask the question…
This game? No.
I tuned in with 2 min left to go in the half. Those 2 minutes were meh at best. Glad I missed the first 13 minutes.
This game is such a shitshow, I bet German viewership is through the roof.
It’s not like Shitty Thursday Night Football games have been that way since they were invented…
If you pretend this is the 2nd Half of the Final Preseason Game…yeah, I can’t even finish that sentence.
I’d have closed the blinds myself.
In what I believe to be a classic example of the Prisoner’s Dilemma, this game is worse than Overwatch 2, but not worse than the queue to get into Overwatch 2.
They should call this game Neverwatch.
So, 6-5 final score?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
https://twitter.com/theStevenRuiz/status/1578201236666556419
So how was the first half? Everyone still have the will to live?
Hey, at least I’m not at work
/Al chugs what’s left in the whiskey bottle
//hurls empty bottle off Kirk’s head
“Nice shot!” – Ellen DeGeneres
We need to restore the Russ cooking nyquil chicken banner for the 2nd half.
Nathanial Hackett didn’t understand denim chicken was meant as a joke.
Has a Banner been recalled from the Graveyard?
Sorry, I got into a Yu-Gi-Oh Youtube trap last night. Trip! Dammit!
M:tG or gtfo.
That’s Banner Reborn, get it right!
I still can’t believe no one’s called it sweet and sizzurp chicken!
I’d just like to point out that Al Michaels has never knowingly eaten a vegetable in his entire life. DO YOU BELIEVE IN TUBERS?*
*is a thing he’s never uttered
Anything dumber you dumb fucks wanna try??
“Bah gawd, that’s…that’s Pey-Pey’s music! He’s suiting up and taking over at QB for the 2nd half!”
“Now in at QB…#15…Tim Tebow. Tebow”
Tebow got them to the playoffs.
…and the 2nd Round. Sorry DFO Steelers Nation Contingent.
Montrell Washington has never, ever, in his entire life, looked at the blocks in front of him and thought, “That seems bad for me.”
Whoever named Mobile, Alabama did very well in predicting how many mobile homes would one day exist there
Let Russ order takeout from whatever restaurant the kicker picks
Haha, insurmountable lead halved!
3rd and 38? Really?
Laugh all you want, the Raiders had the Broncos at 1st and 30 and gave up a touchdown three plays later.
3rd and 38?
HORSEY NFL BLITZ!!!
With the beating he’s taking, Matt Ryan may just retire at halftime.
I just said this exact thing to Gumby. Are you spying on me???
That’s called Matty Icing The Kicker.
Seems like most of these horseys need to be loaded up and taken straight to the glue factory.
This has been dire.
Surely everyone is as moist as I am for Charmslinger running 2-minute drill!
Don’t let these cockwallets ruin our clean sheet!
I don’t think you have anything to fear.
They don’t even have their big rim glasses kicker anymore.
fucking soft coverage fucking fucked us
Vodka League, me and Maestro starting these duelingest of defenses.
Been doing NYT crosswords and looking up occasionally. It’s a good strategy for this game.
I do those crosswords, and then hate – with all my heart – those smarmy fucks who create them.
I’d like to thank Al Michaels for pointing out the existence of the alternate streams for those people who don’t want to listen to him. I’m taking advantage of that right now.
All right, time to eat chicken tacos until we run out of tortillas, and drink margaritas until we run out of limes.
Don’t you acquire limes from the trees in your hood?
When they are available, but they are not right now. There’s a nearby tree in the neighborhood where we have permission to get them from.
Andy Reid is befuddled by this concept of “running out” of any foodstuff.
this game is like watching a brain damaged silver back gorilla trying to fuck a titmouse
“Sir David Attenborough’s contribution as an announcer to Thursday Night Football lasted less than two quarters.”
/very recent Wikipedia entry
Jim Irsay wondering how fast he can get a truckload (each) of hookers and blow up to the suite he’s in.
The Donks are six points up and it feels like they’re two scores down.