Apologies for all the fixtures sucking hind teat – I ain’t make the schedule.
LSU (+2.5) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)
I mean, I’ll WATCH…but meh.
Clemson (-3.5) at Florida State (7:30, ABC)
Roll over what you made betting on Spurs, FSU is one of the 4-5 dumbest JV NFL sides, and Son de Clem will murder-kill them.
Mississippi State (-4) at Kenfucky (7:30, SECN)
Dunno why this game gets such lousy coverage, Cowbells are a fun story, and will be interesting to see how they handle being a road favoUrite (obviously, the Blue Moons need Will Levis back, desperately).
Southern Cal (+3.5) at Utah (8:00, Fox)
This line indicates that Team Secular Big Love are a good team/real boy. But that was LAST year. Troi Boiz keep rolling.
Washington State (+3.5) at Oregon State (9:00, Pac-12)
Don’t make me choose between my lovely Cougettes and Niiiiiiiiiiiice Beaver! I JUST WON’T, DAMN YEW.
What a terrible day. I should have slept through all of it.
That’s what the Dr. Mrs. did.
Going to bed. Go baseball team!
Just got home from the resto. Very pleased this game is still on. God, I hate the blue team. Come on Tony Gwynns!
So Seattle got left out of the west coast action huh?
Whale’s Vagina is going to burn right into the Pacific tonight.
Dodgers score a run of a Padres reliever! This is not a drill!
I am so pissed about the Yankees right now that I just wrote and then deleted a post that was 1,000+ words.
It started off well but was ending about as well as the Yankees post-season. It deserved to die.
You know the series isn’t over, right?
I only say this because I mistakenly thought the series was over.
Part of the reason I deleted the post was that I didn’t think I was making it clear that this series isn’t over. To be clear, I think it is, but there’s a chance the Yankees could pull it off. There is no chance they’ll get past the Astros, however.
The point of the post was that Hal Steinbrenner is a classic second-generation failson, is satisfied with a jackass like Boone as the manager so long as the coffers are filled, and that the Yankees are probably going to be also-rans for as long as he’s in charge, and definitely will as long as Boone is making in-game decisions.
Look at that, didn’t;t need anywhere close to 1,000 words!
USC lost to Utah
USC-Utah is getting a bit intense at the end.
BLEERGH just screwed over Utah. Either way, the fans are rushing the field. For celebrating a victory or for the blood of the referees.
If the police ever discover Aaron Boone’s murdered and gruesomely disfigured body I was here with all of you the entire time.
I’m happy to testify as much – though I don’t think it will do you too much good to counteract the circumstances of your arrest, in which you were discovered drinking a Tree House King Julius out of a stein that was made from his skull.
I”ve had one of those tonight. Unfortunately out of glass, else I perhaps could have made some different bullpen decisions.
Good to know late night work on Saturdays is just as slow going as during the week
I wouldn’t know, because I’m drunk.
Update from Knoxville. I’ll keep you posted if they parade them up I-75 towards Kentucky and parts north.
CBS Sports on Twitter: “AND DOWN COME THE GOAL POSTS. https://t.co/rvqD95itt9” / Twitter
The refs are trying to give the game to the polygamists. What the hell?
Yankees about to piss another one away if anyone is interested.
I mean, the Yankees are fun to watch when they lose. But football is still on.
[giant flushing sound]
BAHAHAHAHA NOTRE DAME HA HA HA HA YOU SUCK!
If Duke holds on, this day gets tolerable.
BAHAHAHAHA STUPID…oh. Sorry, Horatio.
I’m going to assume you’re making fun of my beloved Yankees, something that is just and fair, because if you are insinuating in any way that I am or ever have rooted for Duke I am going to throw a vacuum at you.
Yes, Yankees. Though I must point out that if you were to hurl a vacuum at me I would simply reach next to me and grab a vacuum and use it to block the one you threw, since in my household a vacuum is always within arm’s reach.
Brian Kelly, on team karaoke night, be all liek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg-RIOATCbU
https://twitter.com/waDNR/status/1581460953304289280?t=KDrbDC25p7q8SC67HH1Npg&s=19
Guy Fieri has his own signature tequila brand? This is why liquor ads used to be not allowed on television.
Guy Fieri, Nigel Farage…who’s next? R. Kelly? Casey Anthony?
Awwwww, man. Don’t lump poor Ms. Anthony in with those other assholes,
Donkeysauce Margaritas is a staple at his NYC restaurant.
(I have no idea if this is true. Seems like it could be, though.)
the secret ingredient is donkey sauce
What’s a good card to send to someone in hospice care? “Get Well Soon” seems a bit awkward . . .
“Here are some discount estate lawyers”
“Hoping You Have A Pleasant Death” with a completely unrelated picture of a kitten playing with yarn
”See ya in Hell! Ha Ha Just Kidding Enjoy Heaven”
Hey, at least you get good dope.
Maybe a Cheech & Chong card would work this angle
”Have a Blessed Funeral”
Remember all of the great times we had.
Because they’re over.
“Can’t Make the Funeral But I’ll Visit Your Grave If I’m Out That Way” (this would be a large-sized card to hold all the words)
“Look on the Bright Side: You’ll Never Have to Buy Another Calendar”
Don’t Forget to Set Your “Out of Office” Greeting
(front of card)
“In times of sorrow, its best not to cause strife…”
(inside card)
“…I’ll wait a month before I try to plow your wife.”
“It’s not like you’re going to face any consequences for any crimes you commit now”
If anyone can explain the Utah helmet logos I’m interested.
Apparently they are drawings of some players who died
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j2GQqu18J0
I’d admire a 26 Reds and a Bottle of Wine helmet concept
All part of God’s plan, apparently.
checks in to see that Seattle and Houston have scored ZERO runs in 16 innings
And this is why I rarely watch baseball
PK would have such a boner right now if it were possible.
Trying to watch post season based ball and a lessor footy games breaks out. Wtf
Congress should do something.
I simply can not drink any more beer waiting for this damn Mariners game to end!!
Take some H²0. I won’t tell anyone
Did a standard Google search for MLB to find out if the Mariners are still playing; they are. The next 2 search results were “Is the Braves out of the playoffs” followed by “What is the oldest MLB.”
We are well and truly fucked as a species.
We’re not dead yet!
But I am about to have a heart attack.
Still rooting hard.
Yo, anybody need some apples?
“Please!”
“Shhhh. Here’s three season tickets. Do you have some Cortlands? Maybe a few bushels of Golden Delicious? Applejack gotta have his fix!”
-email sent from the Denver Broncos front office
“Sure.” -Jerry Smith
A smattering of random thoughts from today’s sporting events. Best name for a punk rock album: Nasty Offerings.
Best name for a dive bar: The Closed Hole.
Best nickname for Bryce Young: Li’l Mahomes
Kellen Winslow, Jr.: Happy Hands
Can’t check in after 9 PM.
Should LSU/UF be the Swampass Derby? I think so.
Let’s ask the champ.
Chris Berman is on board!
You’re chapping ME, Leather…
I know it was weird enough pulling for Michigan today, but Hippo REALLY needs everyone to be all LET’S GO DUKE!! tonight. Is TOTES OK in FITBAW
He is higher than a flag on the 4th of July.
We need a live cam in Knoxville for the entire evening.
I’m about to start a bonfire at my house, you can just come over and look at that.
This will also allow me to watch the Yankee game through a window and not listen to Costas tell me about baseball stories from 1954.
It’ll be like Cincinnati after the Playoff Curse ending, except better because there will be more beer.
Legends
https://twitter.com/nick_pants/status/1581430235735523331
“HA HA HA HA HA AND YOU FOOLS THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING OVERTIME!” – Preventarious the Meek
/Preventarious the Meek immediately apologizes and asked for atonement for stepping out of line
So he was Canadian, Preventarious?
Alabama’s gonna drop to just 4.
Plunging all the way to 3.
2 of UGA, UT, and Bama will make the playoffs, and rightly so. JEEBUS
That’ll spare us OSU/MU loser sneaking in at #4.
well, maybe and maybe not – Troi Boiz or Son de Clem needs to win out for some variety. Otherwise, 2 SEC + tOSU + UM
I haven’t seen Tennessee this happy since Reconstruction ended
I don’t know, there were an awful lot of happy faces when they were putting up statues of Confederate generals during the Civil Rights years.
heritage NAWT hate obvs
No way he makes this
I meant “I have full confidence that young man will kick that ball sideways and somehow have it helicopter over the bar”
I have no idea how that duck quacked over but it SO DONE
It would have been SHORT from 42.
I was truly surprised it made it over.
Did it get tipped? It looked like it might have gotten tipped.
I thought it did but the replay seems to show he just hit it weird.
-My friends, circa 1990, talking up the blonde that’s way out of my league
“Oh, yeah, go get her Butter Muscles, you got this!”
“You sons of fucking bitches! No, not you-I think you’re cute.”
How in the hell did that get over?
HOLY SHIT, Tennessee gonna RIOT
Moar like Will Righthard
You would think Bama would be pleased with a Reich(ard) to the right
“WHO WANTS OVERTIME?” – Shan’Khor
“No, please God, no!” – Nameless grad. assist soon to be killed by Saban
yeesh, had to at least get the ball off the hash
Excellent pre-snap game management. Again, Mahomes-ish
Mariners, Bama, listen up! I have a game to go to. Let’s wrap this shit up already!
Bloodeyes-Pokes has achieved double OT bananacakes.
-10 yards in 2OT, the kicker makes his career long. OVER TO THE BLOODEYES GODS
oh dem Bloodeyes GODS gon DRANK
Blood for the Blood God!
This game has gone full plaid.
It’s been that since the jump
How come nobody in college football has tartan uniforms (or at least helmets)? It’d be cool as fuck.
oh wow, that’s a big JV BLEERGH
oh wow, that’s a bigger JV BLEERGH
Incredible.
Saban is about to assplode.
It’s these kinds of calls that are turning me off of football. They are so subjective, and so consequential.
Am I the only one who just saw Tennessee’s #53 puke on the field?
My wife has pricked me several times in the past (ok, shut up, she’s had access to Covid and flu shots) and insists that my muscles aren’t buttery. “Margerine-y” isn’t a word but that’s what she’s going with. Fuck.
She started talking to you before tomorrow noon, though. YOU ARE AHEAD OF THE GAME
Various personages discussing which cooking fat scotchnaut’s muscles most closely resemble (artist’s conception)
Betcha UT tries to bleed clock and go for 50-49
I’ll take that bet.
YOU WIN BASTARD MAN
SUDDEN CHANGE!
RIP VOLS
Lesson – Don’t go challenging Nick Saban to a game of horseshoes.
Tennessee starting at their own 5, might take as many as 4 or 5 plays to score
Well, you were right about the number of plays to score anyway.
Look, I am not a smart Hippo
I thought it was plenty smart to leave the door open as to WHO would be the ones to score.
I love that you gave exactly the right amount of effort for this piss bowl of a JV window.
Let’s face it, 10+ OTs in Vols/Tide is what we must hope for.
Young might be too small to survive the NFL, but MY FUCK is he ever good. He does Mahomes things, processor-speed wise.
/Horatio, waiting for everyone else to get to the night thread
Tough loss to Ball So Hard, can Mora rally the troops?
They’ll be fine. They’ll beat UMass and finish the season 4-8. Everyone would have signed on for that at the beginning of the season, and that was before they lost half the offense to injuries.