It’s really, truly Fall now. I turned my heat on this week! Only set it at 66 instead of 68, because Hippo is a TRUE HERO OF OUR TIMES.
Mississippi State (+21) at Alabama (7:00, ESPN)
Yeah, I get it. Saban is angry, yada yada. Cowbells will keep this one close. Two interesting, flawed squadrons.
Minnesota (+4.5) at Paedo State (7:30, ABC)
What to watch if you REALLY hate yourself. Or are in prison and without access to streams or cable.
Texas A&M (-3) at South Cakalaky (7:30, SECN)
Honestly had no idea that the Chickens were 4-2. Huh. Jimbo against Frank Beamer’s kid, don’t expect lots of high-IQ play.
Kansas State (+3.5) at TCU (8:00, FS1)
Probably the Game of the Day/Night. Unded Bill Snyders, Blood for the Bloodeyes Gods! WHO YA GOT??
Washington (-7.5) at California (10:30, ESPN)
You really need psychiatric care if you stay up for this week’s tweaker offering. OY.
Checking in at 6:30 a.m. local time after having gone to bed at 10 p.m. on a Saturday. I feel pretty old myself.
Checking in from a wedding. I also feel old.
Jake Plummer’s son just threw a beautiful ball for Cal and I feel old.
I feel that way whenever I stand up too fast, and I don’t need Jake Plummer’s son for it either.
I’d hate to find this and not share
https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1583903090121781248
There was also an incident at the bar where a group of three women came in at closing and one of them threw a fit at the youngest member of the staff because they weren’t immediately given menus. I’m not sure what Jen said to them, but it ended with two of them pulling the third away while she told Jen to “work on yourself internally” and Jen told her to have a nice night, but have it somewhere else.
Come to think of it, that may be why everyone left for the parking lot several minutes later.
ESPN is interviewing Marshawn live and he just dropped at least one “shit” on a live mic. Could be more, I’m pretty lit at the moment.
OH SHIT, MARSHAWN JUST PULLED HIS MOTHER INTO THE SHOT!!! And now he’s hitting on the interviewer.
Marshawn Lynch is a national treasure.
https://twitter.com/JomboyMedia/status/1584027274495799296
Even better than I thought. Missed a “these motherfuckers”
Reading is fundamental, Gumbygirl!
You’re my favorite, Lea Michele! Don’t* tell the others!
*Like you’re gonna read this anyway.
I heard a motherfucker.
I had officially ran out of bourbon lately – I had a little Wild Turkey left, which is okay (thought it was the epitome of high-class drinking back when I was 19 years old), but I know there’s better. So it was off to the liquor store, and I was confused with too many choices. I ended up with Woodford Reserve, because I knew it would be perfectly fine.
Scene: The Cornblowers’ Local
The Cast: Mr. & Mrs. Cornblower, the Bar Staff
Timing: Closing, (I don’t know why they shut down at 10 either, but they do)
Mrs. C: “Are you ready to go?”
Horatio: /shotguns beer, grabs leftovers. “Yep”
Jen (obligatory sexy bartender): “You guys want to take a rip off my vape?”
Mrs. C: “Tell you what, amateur, why don’t we go out to my car and see what I can find in the glove compartment?”
Horatio: (to remaining bartender, also sexy) “This is going to take a while. Can I have another beer?”
Before anyone (glares at Balls) gets too excited there was no sudden appearance by a pizza delivery guy, no bow-chicka-wah-wah sound track, and no “I’ve never done this before” conversation among the womenfolk, but I did get a free beer and a lot of people got pretty damn high out in the parking lot.
Why do you think that beer was free?
Oh GodDAMMIT!!!
That actually sounds disappointing. Did they at least lean over and brush a tiddy against your arm? A nip slip? A bend-over-until-visible whale tail?
There were a number of lean-ins against both of our backs as the food was served.
Admittedly by a hairy guy from the kitchen who probably isn’t in the country legally.
“Here’s the pizza *zip*, and here’s the pepperoni.”
(Have to look up how to calculate Standard Deviation, remember all those old Cheech & Chong routines.)
Womens rugby world cup mmmmmmmmm
Quick movie review.
The Munsters is totally worth watching.
Bear with me. And stay with the movie.
First thing you see is it’s a Rob Zombie movie so expectations.
But it’s an absolutely true homage to the original TV show. The jokes are corny but the style and cinematography are perfect.
I cringed for the first half hour until I realized he was making an authentic origin story for The Munsters, the TV show and he nailed it. Grandpa and Herman are fantastic and Lily is Sheri Moon Zombie so… it’s totally worth it if you’re familiar with the TV show but head scratching if you’re not.
I really liked it.
What was this on?
Netflix.
Dirt Iggles take a 10-6 lead early fourth quarter.
Sounds a lot like TNF, honestly.
Meanwhile, the most Florida thing yinz will see today:
https://nypost.com/2022/10/20/florida-residents-frightened-over-mysterious-man-with-machete-seen-knocking-on-doors/
So….who’s gonna have the “What 2 Expect On Ur Wedding Nite” talk with Maestro?
I believe that the province of Nova Scotia abolished the feudal lord’s right of prima nocta in, like, 2003 or something.
Pretty sure your Canuck laws don’t apply to use free Americans.
Though we will respect the custom.
After combining for seven runs in the first inning I was kind of hoping the score in the Padres-Phillies game would be something like 19-16 by this point.
WHERE R UR BLOODEYES GODS NOW, HUH?????
FOR THE LAST TIME THERE IS ONLY ONE (1) GOD
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
Vishnu right?
You might be surprised.
imagine how surprised VISHNU gonna be smgdh
It will be hilarious when the Mormons are proved right.
I’m rooting for the Pastafarians, myself!
I suppose we should be happy for Houston’s dirtball success, since they live with the shame of hosting the NFL’s lone imaginary franchise.
Actually, it will just be all the funnier when they get swept by them Dirt BOLTMEN!
I’m pretty much indifferent to their success or lack thereof – they are forever cheaters, and nothing can change that.
Y’all know what’s awesome? OPIATES
You’re right Other Hippo. What should I injure to get access to said items?
A left foot? A right foot? A back? A neck?
Take your pick. Worked for this guy.
#DealersChoice
My neck, my back…
https://youtu.be/bW92agO2NxY
I thought it was choking yourself during masturbating.
All the ‘cuse heads in the house can relax, knowing that even if they upset Clemson today they would still have made the playoff anyway.
https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/watch-weber-state-sets-single-game-fcs-record-for-safeties-with-four-botched-punt-attempts-vs-montana-state/
Safety Dance Marathon!
The Orlovsky is strong with them.
GO CATS!
It’s cat on cat action. I am sure you are “go”ing for the MSU Bobcats!
Dirt Iggles and Dirt Ex-Boltmen has already unlocked bananacakes; it’s the first inning.
South Cakalaky leads aTm 17-nil. We have played 5:09 of the FIRST GODDAMNED QUARTER
I ASKED LADY MAESTRO TO MARRY ME TODAY AND SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONGRATS
that’s GOOD MARITAL HUSTLE!!!!
Congratulations!
/thinks up and discards several dozen sandwich jokes
You two will make a great sandwich.
“How many pills did you crush into her martini?
-Hippo
Congrats!!
Outstanding my friend. I’m so happy for you.
Cheers to you, both!
Well I guess I’ll be returning my ring then…
The Maestro was nevah going to marry you, Herodotus. Sourry!
Was it a cockring? If so, I am both sad and disappointed for you, not against you.
Congratulations!!!
Congrats!
Sandwiches for all!
Hey, cool!
Yay!!!! We all want to be flower girls!
Congrats! Is one Canadian yes worth .8 American yeses?
GET IN DISCIPLINE DADDIES!!!!
For Sharky:
Don’t know why they didn’t make one for 2014…
Nothing on this.
Well, the Yankees finish in the Final Four, but this is clearly over. Just completely overmatched. Will be rooting hard for either Philly or San Diego to keep the Asterisks at one very flawed title.
Didn’t think I could hate a team more than the Yankees and here we are.
But the Yankees are America’s national team, what with New York being the capital and all. I don’t understand your attitude; it sounds like you hate America.
Hey, I’m sure you can lighten the mode with some topical Achewood comic.
Of course I will, for you, if it will help ease your pain. I’m sorry your team lost.
They didn’t lose. They got cheated by a bunch of cheaters.
That’s pretty bad when you play known cheaters and everyone’s watching them and you still lose.
I wasn’t kidding! GO CATS!
https://twitter.com/SickosCommittee/status/1583928576746717184
God, I hate the Toronto Maple Fuckup’s so much.
But the Maple Leafs are Canada’s national team, what with Toronto being the capital and all. I don’t understand your attitude; it sounds like you hate Canada.
Your Americo-centric faux division-ist rhetoric doesn’t work up here. Try it somewhere else, One Foot.
Are you and Ayo having a contest to see who can whine the loudest?
We are both making quite valid points. You are the lone individual disagreeing. Perhaps you should look inward and assess your own emotions instead of lashing out at your imaginary internet friends.
Sir.
I’m cracking jokes about sports teams on a comedy site, not making jokes about a non-imaginary internet friend having very real cancer and undergoing a very real amputation. But I guess if you think that’s a “valid point” then please proceed.
Oh shit, my bad. I thought you were Brock Fuckstick. Sorry,
It seems like maybe the host of “Celebrity Jeopardy” would be someone Hippo has heard of. Is she ALSO a professional stoner?
Don’t try to fool us by pretending you didn’t watch Blossom.
Maybe it’s because I’m old, but I would have assumed that Celebrity Jeopardy would have had, uh, celebrities on it. Wil Wheaton’s TableTop Youtube show had more celebrities on it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdGQ4npIzfI&t=284s
My fellow Jeopardy competitors may back me up on this; one of the contestant coordinators told us that the celebrities’ questions were about as difficult as the teen tournament questions.
Be nice if the #DisciplineDaddies would end the Hurr Durr LONGHORNS BACK talk for 2022.
I love twitter today because I get to watch Yankees fans react reasonably.
I also hate twitter today because I get to watch Astericks fans react unreasonably.
They’re the worst. And I say that with full realization of what a bunch of assholes Yankee fans are. Astros fan are by far the worst.
https://www.espn.com/f1/story/_/id/34855951/red-bull-owner-dietrich-mateschitz-dies-aged-78
Kind of an up-and-down weekend for Redbull Racing.
Wish F1 would drop the hammer on them for the cost cap infraction. Surprised Ferrari is allowing this.
I’ve always held a grudge against Red Bull because I believe they fixed the results of the streetcar derby in Johannesburg in ’02.
Of course they did.
SAINZ!
Finally!
30 mins to ribs. Been 6 hours. If they suck I will be devastated and order a shame pizza.
Pretty sure sucky ribs are way better than shame pizza.
I’ll have a test trial of both to be certain.
The key is making sure there is AMPLE SHAME
The amount of Cocks hats at the tailgate in Orangeburg you would think it is a Buddy Cole house party.
There is only one Blood God heretic.
Brock Huard. NEVAR. Shuts. Up.
You would absolutely LOVE our morning sports talk show here.
Brock is the morning host if you’re wondering.