Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the eighth edition of a potentially recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC!  Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.

• It is criminal that it’s October. I’d say where did the year go, but I know that time’s arrow marches forward (thanks, Bojack) and that life flies when it’s moving toward the inevitable heat death of the universe.
• Full disclosure, I started writing this a week two weeks three weeks almost four weeks ago in case we needed some content for a bare day, and then I just didn’t keep working on it.  So like Mark Schlereth, this ain’t all exactly fresh.
• Big fan of Jimmy G calling out his coaches on the playcalling right there on the field a few weeks ago–

https://twitter.com/NFL_Lead/status/1575186603433398272?s=20&t=JV4JfAGCVn7KpmRPtsjlUQ

• I would have paid good money for a QB coach or OC to call back, “you know what, YOU SUCK!”
• How weird must it be for Christian McCaffrey to be excited to go to the Santa Clara 49ers since this is still an upgrade at QB (and overall team) while still being kinda shitty?
• Speaking of sucking, plenty of ink has been and will continue to be spilled about Tua’s tremendous TBI, but it really does lay bare how the NFL’s concussion protocol is complete window dressing; and that the NFLPA remains irretrievably fucked. Hard to quibble with this sentiment:

We’ll fight like hell to keep QBs who sexually assault women from getting suspended for too long but when one of the good guys has concussive symptoms, returns to the game, doesn’t enter concussion protocol, and is allowed to play 4 days later, “our investigation is ongoing.” https://t.co/2tvIyICxJz

— Mitchell Schwartz (@MitchSchwartz71) September 30, 2022

• As always, the NFL makes it easier to tune out, or at least not look again after having to cover your eyes. (Especially when officiating the week after was horseshit).  It’s never about fixing the problem, it’s always about APPEARING to be responsive (as long as it doesn’t cost the owners money).
• Also, this tracks:

CHI decided to punt to NYG from the CHI 45 on 4th & 2 with 3:15 remaining in the 4th while losing 12 to 20.

With a Surrender Index of 26.46, this punt ranks at the 98th percentile of cowardly punts of the 2022 season, and the 97th percentile of all punts since 1999.

— Surrender Index (@surrender_index) October 2, 2022

• But hey, they clearly deserved prime time featuring for that amazing matchup with the Washington Commies.
• We all bash on Thursday Night Football, and why shouldn’t we?  Even if the Saints-Cardinals game was high scoring, it still featured way too much Andy Dalton to be good.
• The whole country got another dose of Da Bears this week on MNF, too.  That should be enough exposure until the Bears figure out how to support Fields or just crawl into their new hole in Arlington Heights. Holy shit the Bears EMBARASSED the Patriots and the Dynamic Duo of Mac and Zappe, 33-14.  Maybe the Bears only play well in the rain?
• Let’s check in on the Geno Smith tracker, shall we? Reminder for those scoring at home, I made a rash (one-sided) bet with BorisBefore that if Geno Smith turned out to be an actually legitimate option as a starting NFL QB, I’d show up at his house with a bottle of hooch.

2nd-highest completion pct through 4 games in NFL history:

Geno Smith – 77% pic.twitter.com/qEaDfER6RG

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) October 6, 2022

• Shit. And after 5 games?

Touchdowns this season:

Geno Smith: 10
The Broncos: 6

— Ian Hartitz (@Ihartitz) October 9, 2022

• But no one else believes this is real, right?

Geno Smith has officially joined @betonline_ag's MVP props at +10000. Hadn't been on list previously.

— Corbin K. Smith (@CorbinSmithNFL) October 13, 2022

• Fuck. WHERE IS THE REGRESSION TO THE MEAN?!  Maybe now that other people believe in Geno, he’ll start sucking again.

The Seattle Seahawks led by Geno Smith are officially in first place.

There’s nothing I love more in the @NFL than a redemption story. #GoHawks

— Emmanuel Acho (@EmmanuelAcho) October 23, 2022

• Geno is 7th in passing yards, 10th in completions, 8th in passing TDs, and has thrown fewer interceptions than Lamar, Burrow, Mahomes, Josh Allen, Herbert, and a bunch of the usual shitty QBs.  The season is still young, but….damn.
• Moving on. This is awesome and I’m pissed they don’t actually sell it:

Samsung has a flower vase that can put out a fire in seconds.
Until now, Samsung Fire & Marine Insurance has distributed over 100,000 Firevases to homes in South Korea.
Do you have a fire extinguisher in your home?#gigadgets #gadget #firefighting #homesecurity #vase #samsung pic.twitter.com/LsQcu07bvb

— GiGadgets (@gigadgets_) August 17, 2022

• I LOVE sitting at airport bars, especially in the mornings. When you sit down for a little breakfast at 7 am and you’re the only one not knocking back cocktails, it makes you feel like you’re making healthy choices no matter what else you’re up to. And then, of course, all bets are off for the return flight.
• It may be obvious, but I had a thought today for the first time — you never think you have anything in common with the randos scattered across the airport, but simply by virtue of them (and you) having a plane ticket, you know everyone has at least SOME means.  That may be modest, but it was enough to pay for airfare or to have the job that did so. I know “privilege” is a trigger word for the conservative snowflakes whose egos and erections deflate when they aren’t wfunnelcomed as manifest destiny rulers of all rooms and conversations, but there really is an element of privilege in the mere fact of being in an airport.
• Here’s a killer post:

The wildest IG post ever 💀 pic.twitter.com/vn6M0Ld3u0

— Football Is Life (@FootbaIl_Tweets) October 12, 2022

• Guess this is turning into a “look what I found on the internet!” dump.  Guess I found some funnies.
• I’m a simple man, and this gave me a simple chuckle/moment of joy:

I give you, exclusive access to Pat Mahomes audio from the fields mics. pic.twitter.com/GuL10TK9oZ

— 𝐓𝐞𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐬 (@EDCburner) October 11, 2022

• Redshirt, you can feel even better about your Senate vote now since JD Vance is also an animal killer: https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/jd-vance-funded-company-faces-animal-cruelty-allegations-1234617774/
• A vote for a Republican is a vote for Nazis and dog murderers. Sadly, it isn’t even hyperbole anymore.
• After 6 weeks, the NFL division leaders are the Bills, Ravens/Bengals (tied), Titans, Chefs, Iggles, Vikings, Seahawks, and Bucs/Falcons (tied with losing records). Nothing insightful to add, just not as surprising as I thought it would be given how insane this season has been.
• Ok, time to close out with another fill in the blank (since the last one led to an incendiary Spam classic: “Look, I know Herschel Walker is the dumbest in the field, but the reason Dr. Oz is the WORST US Senate candidate this election cycle is because ____________.”