Wumbo Wednesday with Weaselo: Your Marble League Rolldown 2022 Preview!

Yeah, I may still be dragging my feet on the Beaties, to the point that the BattleBots 2022 event (World Championship VII) has actually concluded filming! (Air date TBD) But it’s also the time of year for the other non-human sport we follow, the Marble League!

It’s been a busy year since last Marble League, which we didn’t cover due to BattleBots (IIRC), with things such as:

-The Crazy Cat’s Eyes have continued to dominate Marbula One, the racetrack-themed secondary competition, specifically CCE captain Red Eye, who became the first two-time drivers’ champion of the competition. The O’rangers countered however by winning the most recent team competition, Season 3.

-The big story from last year’s qualifiers was that the Midnight Wisps, 2018 champions, missed out on the ML altogether, being relegated to the showdown. They were the first former champion to be relegated to the B competition. All that from being in the lead midway through the marathon, then falling back, missing the podium (and the auto-qualification to next year that came with it), then failing to qualify.

-Once we got into the competition proper, Team Momo stormed out to a lead thanks to a strong showing in the track events—silver in the 5m sprint and relay, gold in the hurdles. But a rough back stretch took them out of the lead, and eventually out of medal contention. They finished 6th overall.

-The usual rivalry between the Savage Speeders and O’rangers didn’t have the same kick to it this season, as both teams finished middle/back of the pack. The O’rangers finished 10th, while the Speeders finished 12th, the latter really struggling in the final event, Marblocross and dropping from 8th overall.

-There’s always one team that comes out of nowhere and shocks us all. The Gliding Glaciers, who had retired in 2018 and reformed for 2021. Thanks to a gold-winning effort in the (lesser) footy event and a 6th in Marblocross, the Gliding Glaciers managed to win bronze for the Marble League! The GG have auto-qualified for 2022.

-The rest of the podium: your runners-up, the Raspberry Racers, just missing out on their second title, and your champions, at long last, Mellow Yellow, thanks to back-to-back golds in Events 10 & 11, a silver in Event 12, and a bronze in the Marblocross.

Now that this season’s started, here’s the new updates:

-Expansion/returning teams! Team Plasma and the Black Jacks are back, while the Wolfpack and Purple Rockets are new to JMR.

-Roster changes, lots of them. Simpler, the Limers have a new coach, Limelight. The Oceanics have a new reserve marble, Ounce. The Snowballs have a pair of new players, Snowdrift and Snowfall. The Bumblebees, who absorbed the now-defunct Hornets, made a pair of swaps moving towards those Hornets players, as Stinger and Hive are competing this year.

-And then the big ones: Hazy, captain of the Hazers, is going on a “sabbatical.” We’ll see if and when he returns. Misty takes the captain’s spot. And Yelley, of the champions Mellow Yellow, announced his retirement.

Then, once we got into the qualifiers:

-All that and the Hazers fail to qualify.

-Also failed to qualify for the first time in their career? The Thunderbolts. That leaves the O’rangers, Savage Speeders, and Mellow Yellow as the only three from the original sixteen teams to have qualified for every Marblelympics/Marble League. It also means the only teams who have qualified every year they’ve competed are those three, plus the Raspberry Racers, Green Ducks, Crazy Cat’s Eyes, and Minty Maniacs.

-On the other hand, Team Momo failed to qualify after that blistering first half of 2021, a similar arc to last year’s Midnight Wisps. The Wisps qualified this year. The Oceanics failed to qualify and their fans were not happy about it, spilling out into the stadium.

-The usual Showdown suspects, the Kobalts, Rojo Rollers, and Snowballs failed to qualify as well. It’s the 6th time for the Kobalts, and the 5th for the Rollers and Snowballs. Believe it or not, the Pinkies qualified.

-Tough luck for the Indigo Stars, who missed out on qualification via tiebreaker vs. Balls of Chaos. (BoC had a bronze, and the tiebreaker is best single-event score.)

Opening Ceremonies and the first event are here.

Onto humanity’s news:

Holy shit it might be happening. Dan Snyder taking a look at exploring selling the Commies, not to the working masses, but some other billionaire probably.

All the trade deadline stuff.
-TE T.J Hockenson goes from DET to MIN.
-Still-suspended WR Calvin Ridley goes from ATL to JAX
-WR Chase Claypool: PIT to CHI
-RB Nyheim Hines: IND to BUF
-RB Jeff Wilson from SF to MIA
-S Dean Marlowe from ATL to BUF
-The big one, LB Bradley Chubb from DEN to MIA

Fun fact, thanks to ESPN. Resident divorced guy slightly-less dreamy Dreamboat needs 164 yards to have 100,000 total passing yards, regular and postseason combined. For those keeping track at home, that’s a little under 57 miles, or approximately the distance from Raymond James Stadium to Dundee, FL. No news if there are any crocodiles there. Alligators, probably. It is Florida.

In non-NFL news, I continue to laugh at the Brooklyn Nets, whose presumptive next coach is currently suspended for improper workplace relations that they discuss in any anti-sexual harassment workplace video. But you know what’s not funny? Anti-semitism.

Back to NFL news and speaking of improper workplace relations, Deshaun Watson is still on track to start once his suspension is up. That would be December 4th vs. the 500s.

Okay, what’s for sportsin’?

World Series Game 4: The Gang Tries to Put Houston on the Brink (PHI vs. HOU, Phillies lead 2-1; FOX, 8:03) (Javier vs. Nola)

Hoopball
Itchy Runs Afoul of an Irishman vs. Musketeers (BOS vs. CLE, ESPN, 7:45)
Teddy Grahams vs. 420 Blaze-It (MEM vs. POR, ESPN, 10:05)

Iceball
Yinzers vs. Sword Slugs (PIT vs. BUF, TNT, 7:30)

Aaand, I still kept it under a thousand words! Go ahead and write things!