Your MNF Open thread. Now with more balls!

Your friendly Northern Ontario neighborhood hobo enthusiast is not able to take care of tonight’s Open Thread as he has some pressing business to attend to.

Trust me, I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to. That’s a good life lesson right there.

Seriously, there are some things you don’t wanna know or think about. If you doubt me, Google “Lemon party”.

I am talking about this because there is a strict 200 word count that all writers need to adhere to and I’ll be damned if I’m labeled a slacker.

The other reason is because tonight’s game features the New England Patriots visiting the Arizona Cardinals and I have no idea how to make it interesting or appealing. If you have Patriots or Cardinals on your Fantasy Football team, your season is over this week. I cannot think of anything that would make me want to watch that game.

Wait! Is there a Manningcast tonight?

/ checks listings.

OH THANK GOD THERE IS!!

The guests are not listed on the ESPN website but at this point, it doesn’t matter.

I just need Eli to be his goofy lovable self and continue to shit on Peyton every chance he gets. That warms my soul and keeps me happy.

In closing, I want to say 3 things:

• Perineal massage is wonderful for both men and women. It is commonly used to prevent tearing during childbirth and it helps blood flow to the genitals.
• Always use water-based lube with your sex toys unless they specifically state that they can handle silicone-based or oil. You do NOT want those surfaces to wear down and deteriorate.
• When introducing a third party into your sex play, make sure you go over any parameters or limitations ahead of time so everyone is on the same page. The time to establish boundaries is not when you’re balls-deep in someone.

This song is dedicated to Horatio:

Have at it!