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Your “Battle of the NFC East” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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And this time it actually means something significant and other teams in the league aren’t laughing and pointing like they did last year. Thank you NFC South, by the way.

To The Game!

Giants/Commies:

-The buzz was that Chase Young would finally get off his fat ass (he doesn’t read this blog, right?) and actually play but he had a sit-down with the Wise Old Owl that is Coach Rivera and has put his debut off yet again.

-Huh-Kirkie Cousins has also qb’ed the Commies biggest comeback win.

-The last time these fellas played (all of two weeks ago-Wash. had a bye last week so that’s two straight vs NY, which is silly) both qb’s were sacked multiple times. It’s safe to say that whichever team’s o-line plays better will have a distinct advantage.

-Heinicke is 5-1-1 since replacing Wentz. He’s been aided by the fact that injured players have been added back to the roster and also, he’s played the likes of the Bears, Texans, Colts and Falcons.

-Aw Crap-The Commies are 5-2 in prime time under Rivera and the Giants losing streak has now reached 11 games.

-The Commies need this badly because a.) the Lions are coming on strong and b.) they play the Niners, Browns and Cowboys down the stretch. The Giants have the Vikes, Colts and Eagles.

-Although the Giants have trouble stopping the run it’s not up-the-middle plays that break long. It’s actually outside zone, counter runs and tosses that do most of the damage.

-With the exception of the game against the Texans (everyone does well against Houston) Saquon hasn’t run for 100 yards since October 23rd and hasn’t even reached 65 yards since then.

Enjoy.

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Redshirt

Las Vegas Raiders on Twitter: “Guess who was mic’d up? https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f440.svg #RaiderNation experienced The House of Thrills tonight!! https://t.co/JXqNobV06V” / Twitter

0
Dunstan

I guess we have to admit that what they say is true: no lead is safe when Tom Brady is playing.

2
Redshirt

Not bad for a fairly tough defense.

0
Redshirt

(two hours later) “Only one song on Youtube. You gotta be up at 6:00 tomorrow morning.”
(now) “Shit.”

2
Senor Weaselo

So, look forward to stories of the Weaselos (okay, Senorita Weaselo, but me by extension) cat-sitting escapades!

Also there’s a Pokemon Gym juuust in range of this apartment (which her friend, who owns the cat, says we can stay at while she’s in Iowa meeting the parents), so I can keep that yellow, much to Brocky, Low Commander, and Dok’s chagrin.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s run it back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHM3_wEjxZg

0
Redshirt

Colts: “We’re gonna win our game with the biggest comeback in NFL history in one half!”
Bengals: “We’re gonna win our game with the opponent just constantly giving the ball away for one half!”
Raiders: “A whole half? That’s cute.”

1
Gatoraids

Another Victory for Daboll and the Future of Man

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WCS

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1
Gumbygirl

Dammit.

0
Senor Weaselo

Remember, if these teams tie, for intents and purposes they went 1-1 against each other! But that’s no fun.

1
Mr. Ayo

Oh Glorious Draw, visit upon us your bountiful feast yet again.

0
Senor Weaselo

Remember everyone, if the Feds ever come for Brick, he was here the whole time.

5
Dunstan

Just blame all the crimes on tWBS

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It sucks that there are other people here who may have passed but we have no way of knowing so we can properly pay them tribute.

1
Dunstan

Ok, but there’s a rule against dying now, right?

1
Senor Weaselo

Anyone who died, raise your hands!

0
Dunstan

I’m only mostly dead!

0
Don T

The table us set for Tie #2: Sister Tongue

0
Gatoraids

Daniel Jones Dumber and Dumber tribute haircut

0
Brick Meathook

The last [Redacteds] game I attended was at RFK Stadium against the NY Giants in 1995 right before I moved to California. I watched the first half at the old Hawk & Dove bar on Capitol Hill (not the same as the current one, and Capitol Hill was gloriously dingy back then). It was pouring rain and the [Redacteds} were losing, so at halftime I drove to RFK and parked right in front of it illegally. I didn’t get ticketed or towed because it was pouring rain and nobody cared anyway. I walked right into the main gate and nobody stopped me. I was wearing good foul weather gear so I stood in the rain right behind the Giants bench, I could have talked to head coach Dan Reeves.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
1
Brick Meathook

Hey the “auto-Redacted” feature doesn’t work anymore

1
Don T

Per Google Hawai’i – English translator, Marcus Mariota = Daniel Jones.

6
Brick Meathook

More True Brick Stories™ from my upcoming memoirs:

Here’s a sign I stole single-handedly in the middle of the night from over the fence at CIA Headquarters in Langley. I was in high school and I was high as fuck. It was a 4×8′ plywood construction sign that read:

C.I.A. HEADQUARTERS
EXPANSION PROJECT

and beneath it was another 4×8′ sign that listed the contractors. I had to climb a tree, pry it off, and get it over the high concertina wire fence at the SW corner of the main CIA property. I had to then hide it in the bushes and go get my car which was parked a distance away. When I pulled up to get it, security arrived and asked what I was doing there (they didn’t see the sign). I made up the stupidest story about my registration blowing out the window while I was driving by (the nearest main road was 100 yards away) and the guards got out their flashlights (oh shit) and started looking for the registration. Another guard car showed up and he started looking for the registration. Then a Fairfax County policeman showed up (now I’m fucked) and they spoke through his window and he left. Meanwhile I’m standing in the same spot extremely stoned and too scared to shit my pants. Finally I said, “I guess I’ll go to the DMV tomorrow” and they all agreed that was a good idea and I drove away.

On the way home all I could think was that I didn’t believe all that really happened. Then, I turned the car around, went straight back there and threw that sign in the trunk and drove home. My mother was too terrified to throw it away so she hid it behind the garage where it held up mulch for years. It’s gone now.

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
4
King Hippo

That is some good chicanery

3
Gumbygirl

Gubmint property is meant to be stolen. They build that into their budget. You were just making sure none of the employees were misappropriating government funds. Hero!

2
JimU

Can confirm. I took a pen just the other day.

3
Don T

Ha! Suck it, Culinary Institute of America.

8
King Hippo

The Draw remains in play

0
Gatoraids

Hell hath no fury like a Gnu Scorned

1
King Hippo

Picked up enough to miss a FG

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m gonna finish this vieux carre I made myself and go to sleep. Go team not owned by Snyder.

Last edited 3 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
1
King Hippo

In this dispute, I side with the guy who isn’t Collinsworth

5
Gumbygirl

Sensible.

1
WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

0
Brocky

God damned the third act of scrooged is so great

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do they edit out the gay panic stuff these days? It’s so brief and out of place that you wonder why they even had it there in the first place.

0
King Hippo

Break out the Warsaw Pact the Commies is back in bidness!

2
Gatoraids

Halfway through their 5 Quarter Plan

1
Brocky

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1
JimU

I could go for a Tab!

1
WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Ok, sleepy time for moi

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

https://youtu.be/R7JiDBi_v4c

0
Brocky

Watching a Christmas classic and a scene reminded me of something

When I was a wee lad, I just could wrap my head around calling both of my grandfather’s “grandpa”, so I simply called my mom’s dad by his first name, he didn’t care for it.

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3
Brick Meathook

When I was a kid I stole two flags from the Washington Monument in the middle of the night. I still have one and it’s here in my studio.

U.S. Flags had freely encircled the Monument for a century; two weeks after I stole them the Park Service put lock boxes on the flag poles, which are locked to this day.

7
Mr. Ayo

*FBI Watch List Intensifies*

4
King Hippo

You sir, have truly changed the world!

3
blaxabbath

Of course that took those clowns in Congress two weeks.

2
Brick Meathook

By “stole” I meant “liberated” like a good loyal American by gum

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
5
blaxabbath

Dude actually got on Cardinal Talk and stated, “…Steve Keim is in alcohol rehab. Let’s just call it what it is. And i hope ge gets through it; I’ve had my sobriety all these years.

But is this really the guy who should be making draft picks?”

And the hosts just let him rant then moved right on like they’d heard nothing. I was amazed.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Look, Bidwell’s sexuality aside, it’s a fair question.

4
blaxabbath

I figured there would at least be some kind of, “Well that is just speculation now; it could very well be the head injuries from his time playing football that has abruptly lead to Keim’s removal….”

1
King Hippo

The Good Hodgins!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Coming to you LIVE from DC to remind you Landover and therefore this game are nowhere near here.

Happy Chanukah, everyone!

7
Gumbygirl

I made a huge pot of 15 bean soup today. Soaked the beans overnight and I added all kinds of veggies, but it sucks. Maybe it will be better tomorrow, but I need to come up with a Plan B for dinner, because I’m not eating this. I am pissed off.

3
LemonJello

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3
King Hippo

Keep putting vodka in it until the warming glow feeling arrives.

2
Gatoraids

go with Reids playbook when in doubt add Ham…or order pizza or add ham to your pizza

4
Doktor Zymm

Add bacon?

2
Gumbygirl

I lightly cooked the veggies in bacon fat. I have some of the bacon to crumble on top. The soup seems to finally have amalgamated and consolidated. I have cheddar biscuits, it should be ok.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
2
Dunstan

I had a mediocre French onion soup last night at a restaurant and decided to make my own today to try to exceed it. Good thing I had a late lunch, because this is gonna take a while.

1
Gumbygirl

Worth it. That sounds good. I never think of onion soup, and I love it. I even have bowls you can put under the broiler.

2
King Hippo

at halftime, I think Brian Daboll’s fat should fight Ron Rivera’s cancer. WHO YA GOT??

1
LemonJello

Cancer can be aggressive, but is it enough to overcome fat’s plodding, clock eating drive?

3
King Hippo

Yeah, it’s America. I’mma bet on fat.

3
Doktor Zymm

Ok, let’s see WAS score a pair of safetys now to keep the tie on track

1
Dunstan

Good field position for most glorious safety!

1
King Hippo

THIBODEAUXDOWN

0
Doktor Zymm

This is just a yakety sax kinda day!

1
WCS

Jaxon DeVille sleeps in a storage room under the stadium, right?

2
King Hippo

He needs to make sure nobody goes digging around the crawlspace, so YES

2
LemonJello

Someone has to keep the tweakers from stripping the copper out of the stadium.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

–

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3
LemonJello

Well, there goes my Christmas present idea for RTD.

1
King Hippo

The most underrated aspect of that play is just how fucking sad that tackle attempt was.

2
Doktor Zymm

They just showed the Patriots lowlight, OMG that is amazing! Belichick is gonna make his players sacrifice their firstborns for that

0
JimU

That play was funnier than anything Dave Chappelle has done in the past decade.

3
Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, I can watch this game on ESPN Caribbean! I almost certainly won’t be staying awake for the whole thing, but still glad!

How fun would it be if they have to go ridiculously far down the list of tiebreakers to determine which of these two teams gets a playoff spot?

3
WCS

As long as it results in Danny Boy getting screwed.

3
Doktor Zymm

I’m pissed off that Congress is dropping the ball on that

2
WCS

They should really do something.

3
Dunstan

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0
Dunstan

I screwed up my other attempt to post this

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6
Dunstan

What’s the nickname for ESPN Caribbean? The Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

2
King Hippo

He’s Richie Jaaaaaaaames bitch!

1
LemonJello

Looks around clubhouse…

DDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

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Last edited 3 years ago by LemonJello
9
Gumbygirl

Woohoo!

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3
King Hippo

DFO needs to send LemonJello to the playoffs!

4
Senor Weaselo

I’m waiting for the move to Mexico City, if only for Jaxson to perform a ritual sacrifice. YOU KNOW HE’LL DO IT. As would Gritty, for different reasons.

4
Dunstan

You’re my favorite fictional Jaguars fan! (Don’t tell Jason Mendoza!)

5
Senor Weaselo

Can we hope for a second tie?

3
King Hippo

I’d light candles for it, if only WASPs did that.

0
Senor Weaselo

That would be WASWs, where the second W is for Wiccan.

2
King Hippo

Rite they VERY MUCH DON’T COUNT by WASP code!

0
JimU

It’s what both teams deserve.

2
Dunstan

If so, they have to play again next week.

2
Doktor Zymm

A 0-0 tie would be a thing of infinite beauty

3
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