Well, we asked for some snow games and it looks as though we’ll get plenty. In some instances we’ll have rain and high winds games and the tilt tonight might be one of them. Who thought at the beginning of the year this game would actually be relevant?
Stuff From Around The League:
-Ronnie Hillman passed due to cancer. He was 31 years old. Thirty frigging one.
-Hurts has been ruled out so Philly fans will enjoy the Gardner Minshew Experience. Is he still sporting that Fu Manchu stache? I have no idea.
-The NFL’s Sunday Ticket offering is headed from DirectTV to YouTube for a little over 2 billion per season for seven years. Robert Kraft was quoted as saying, “Who has two thumbs and recently increased his Handjob Fund by 75%? This guy!”. He just doesn’t read the room very well.
-This Driver’s Seat Feels Weird: According to ESPN, the Giants odds of getting into the playoffs sit at 92%. Daboll and Campbell should be co-Coaches of the Year, damn straight.
To The Game!
Jags/Jets:
-NY doesn’t deserve Zach Wilson, in that so many other units of the team are playing so well (especially the defense) but they’re not getting even average play from the qb spot with him there. He was barely 50% on his throws vs a Lions team that can be beaten through the air (though they improve every week it seems) and was lucky to not have a few interceptions on some very questionable decision-making.
-That Jets D has not allowed anyone to rush for more than 65 yards this year-a phenomenal achievement.
-With Sauce Gardner on one side and the under-rated D.J. Reed on the other (they don’t usually travel) passing to the edge vs the Jets is a losing proposition. They can be had in the slot and that’s where the Jags passing attack 40% of the time-4th-most in the league.
-Needless to say, if these teams are tied at the end of the year for a playoff spot the winner here wins the tiebreaker.
-How have the Jags turned things around? At the beginning of the year their EPA on third and fourth downs was 20th in the league-they just couldn’t convert opportunities. Over the last month they’ve ranked eighth and last week were 8 of 12 on those downs vs the Cowdudes.
Enjoy the Game.
I just watched a movie called “The Enchanted Christmas Cake” and it didn’t actually involve a talking cake and yet I am still probably feeling 1/10 as disappointed as Jets fans right now.
As I said months ago, WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE THE JETS.
I’m heading to bed early. Shitty day.
Looking forward to helping you celebrate your upcoming birthday!
And Richard sherman just compared zach Wilson to JaMarcus russell…..
Stop stop he’s already dead!
Also, how fucking jaded am I by Matt Nagy that I still kinda feel bad for Zach Wilson?
Give your mom his number
…grumble grumble lay off my Kool-Aid motherfucker grumble kids these days grumble…
Can’t be worse than my last step dad. At least he would know sports
If he sucks and is out of the league in a year, he can always go work for his uncle’s family business.
*wakes up from shoveling nap*
Oh no… I missed the game…
Happy Christmas Eve Eve Eve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs3FyeThM0
You mean Festivus.
Edit: I’m wrong. Eve Eve is festivus. The third Eve is key there.
Advice from a seasoned orgy planner!
This post just made me realize my mustang got totalled on festivus
Fucking Stiller family
I had a post ready about the Immaculate Reception not being a catch, and pissing off every Stillers fan I know.
But then Franco Harris died.
Dammit.
Schedule for next year on the anniversary.
Also throw in some Frank O’Harris jokes.
“Well, it’s been a year since Franco Harris died. I guess there’s no Immaculate Resurrection.”
We appreciate your restraint.
I can see two Al Michaels on Christmas Eve.
In one scenario, he cuts the turkey, sits down to a quiet family dinner, reads to the grandchildren, asleep by 11 pm.
In the other scenario he shoots up a liquor store, steals a cop car, bangs two strippers, and punches out a Santa.
I so want to make a “Scrivener’s Error” joke, but that really wasn’t the QB’s fault.
I would prefer you not.
Also, “Violent Night” was a fucking awesome movie.
Joe Flacco’s thoughts on the sidelines:
“I wonder where I can get a plain piece of pizza, with no cheese or tomato sauce?”
Joe Flacco after signing with the Jets:
And for dessert: vanilla ice milk in a bowl. No sprinkles.
Washing it all down with a nice, tall glass of room-temperature tap water.
Pre Christmas talk with my two oldest sons included the following:
Shut your mouths
Don’t fuck with your cousin.
Yes I know shes’ a bitch.
Don’t tease your grandmother.
If one of you upsets your mother, I will murder you
If you assholes tell your younger cousins the secret about Santa, I will make you imaginary!
My youngest is 8, still strongly believes. They both know that I will lock them in a closet for a decade if they spill the beans.
Isn’t that last item a standing order?
They have a knack for completely fucking up Christmas morning. I don’t know why. Two years ago, I halted gift opening and sent them to their rooms. I was furious.
One Christmas, my brother got upset because our parents gave all of us kids $600 in the form of a scavenger hunt.
I repeat, my parents gave a scavenger hunt that ended with each kid getting $600, and my brother was upset over it.
(checks phone without glasses half asleep)
“Jets backup QB was Sylvester the Cat?”
Without glasses and half-asleep is Jay Cutler.
Catler rolls over, licks his asshole, continues sleeping
Trevor Lawrence walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “Hey buddy, why the long face?”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the kangaroo steaks.
Kangaroo is a lot gamier than I thought it would be. Still good though.
It is gamey. It was ok, I wouldn’t order it again. I’d rather have bison or elk.
Common Baltimoron response whenever the word “jets” is said:
FUCK THOSE GUYS! FUCK JOE NAMATH! FUCKING HOMO WEARNG FUCKING PANTYHOSE
So how gay is it to lose to guys in pantyhose?
That depends on how many of their dicks you suck afterwards.
What if it’s only like half?
Half of each dick or half of the dicks?
I was told there would be no math
Gay to the max
I was eliminated from the LDB Challenge last night. Totally self-inflicted. I thought I would be safe putting on some Christmas music on YouTube music, because it lists the upcoming tracks and you can delete anything in the queue. Selected a Neil Diamond Christmas album, checked to make sure it was safe…. but I guess I didn’t scroll down far enough because an hour later I realized what song was playing. So disappointed in Neil, it’s the first time he’s let me down.
It was a vast Jewish conspiracy. With lasers, probably.
Self inflicted drummer boy is the worst. I duplicated a spotify play list my sister made and I removed all versions. Triple checked that shit too.
“Showoff” — Santa
“I [put] some Christmas music on YouTube music” . . .
Chris Streveveler is a BLUE BOMBER LEGEND
Seems like a feller who would “microdose” with Jake Plummer.
There is only one Blue Bomber that I recognize.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_DezEspsn8
And before you question me, know that I beat Air Man first on every run through of Mega Man 2.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opADNvgeZYY
I can appreciate how very much Robert Saleh must hate Joe Flacco.
Is Zach Wilson even good enough for the XFL at this point?
Xtreme Fortyyearold Ladies?
Hell yeah.
Why the hell does Zay Jones have zero targets?
Lawrence is going through his progressions alphabetically.
Mrs. Sharkbait is less than thrilled with his zero at the moment
Fortunately for her, she’ll get THE FOUR later tonight.
There’s one! No catch, but at least a target.
shhhhh, don’t jinx it! (am faading)
/is likely a Sauce Gardner thing
I think this one’s over.
There was another storm ranking system, something to do with food, but can’t remember it at all. Just that it was kinda funny
Have I mentioned how I dislike the black helmets on principle?
The Jets haven’t earned the right to wear black alternate helmets.
You’re a fan, so obviously your opinion carries more weight than mine, but WRONG!!! Those helmets are bitchin’.
In my hating on the black unis and the entire revamp article, I said they should have gone with gray unis, and honestly, matte gray with the white logo wouldn’t look awful.
Now just a reminder about my thoughts on the logo tweak…
“Cmon man”
-R. Moranis
So Herr’s apparently has ghost pepper potato chips, which I found at 7-11. I’ll say this, they’re spicy enough that you can feel some heat!
…After you have the entire bag. Well, it was an attempt.
After having the real thing (RIP TWBS), It seems like the “ghost pepper” labeling is now just a marketing gimmick.
I rode Jalen Hurts to the playoffs on my Twitter league, now I have to start Sam Darnold.
/plaus mournful blues playlist
I believe in Minshew mania. This has Big Nick vibes all over it.
This. I lost Hurts too and I’m rolling with Minshew Mania.
I’m starting Danny Dimes. Twas him or Brady and don’t think he’ll need to throw that much
Either the Jets aren’t trying with Wilson or they really suck.
PUT IN ZAPPE!
I hope that I didn’t make a mistake benching T-Law for Kirk this week in fantasy.
Charmslinger was far and away my best option (Huntley and Ridder the alternatives), yet somehow I managed a bye this season.
I’m not going to lie, the first half of last week’s Vikings game was pretty rough.
Artificial turf should have a mud feature.
Evening. I had a god-damned delicious cheeseburger tonight, had cheddar, bacon, bbq sauce, and a fucking onion ring on it. That should fuel me for the random work I’m doing tonight until I pass out.
“Jingle Bell Rock” bumper is a good reminder to be super fast with your mute button, remaining Living Challengers!
Oh Little drummer boy is happening in the bumper music tonight. Bulleeee dat.
Engram WOO!!!
This is gonna be some slobberknockin’ FITBAW tonite
DUUUVVAAALLLLLish
DonT’s TNF candle, very effective so far!
Rams and Broncos unveil fake new uniforms for Christmas as part of hilarious prank on players – CBSSports.com
Now I want all football teams to wear Ugly Christmas Sweater versions of their uniforms on Christmas Week.
We’re nawt allowed to have nice things
LDB Challenge Update: I’m out. Heard a few notes while changing station in car. Even if I didn’t recognize it (damn you, Name That Tune), this would’ve been my 2nd close call which I’d call as close enough to be out.
Just think, not only are we legitimately looking forward to Jest/Jaguras on TNF – but it also is balls deep in playoff implications.
This is the kind of chaos I lives for.
I only tuned in to watch Taylor Rooks’s segment.
Prison Girlfriend was making eyes at her, too!
So much better than-
STAMPS TICKET-The Pats are automatically in the playoffs.
Jaguars to Bengals fans:
You must be truly desperate to come to me – YouTube
We are visiting Gumby’s dad in the hospital. He has pneumonia. He is very confused, is trying to rip his catheter out, and is talking about how mean we are to “the lady next to him.” There is a window next to him. No lady. This sucks sooooooo bad. I am not ever getting this old and sick, I will check myself our first.
Yeah, that story reminds me of the choice when given a dementia diagnosis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN-EZW0Plsg
I give you this song by a band you’ve never heard of because it’s a great tune and the album cover was a riff on that superfamous Bose pic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw0d45trvRg&ab_channel=Streetheart-Topic
I know Streetheart!
Is this tune that you’re familiar with?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEn7TfjxZRw&ab_channel=GordonYYZ
I should leave Evan Engram in, right? The Jets are weaker against TE than WR, and they’ll still have to pass SOME. My only alternative is Darren Waller, and I’d rather keep him in my back pocket to possibly use as Flex over Aiyuk or Thielen.
God, I can’t believe I’m advocating for Evan “Bad Hands” Engram. But here we are. (I did float out the notion that he’d do better in a non-Giants environment, so there’s that)
He pretty much saved my season, given how shitty and then hurt Kyle Pitts was, also with him monster Week 14. I owe the muthafucka.
Rolling with Charmslinger at quartered back, so I am likely drawing ded but want to at least put up a fight.
I thought Pitts was going to go off the charts this year given the dearth of wr talent on the Falcons. Thank Baby Allah he didn’t fall to me in the right way.
I was thinking “dual threat” (if low tiered quality) for Mariota, not running the veer. OY.
Btw, total credit to you for taking a flyer on the guy. He pissed me off so much I just couldn’t draft him. I’m the epitome of a dumb fan in this circumstance.
It was mostly “fuck it, it’s $1 and they’ll have to throw a lot.” I had no real faith, neither.
He’s my poster boy for “Talented Guy Being Mis-Used By Coaches” and I have to throw Devin Singletary into that category.
.