Your Christmas Eve NFL Football Open Thread

Hello fellow commenters and assorted lurkers (you really should say ‘hello’) we’ve got Saturday football up the ying yang along with plenty other sports offerings so let’s make the best of it. I’ve only got one social obligation (a get-together at SIL’s place this evening) and the Xmas dinner host is still up in the air 24 hours before it’s to take place. If we end up hosting I’m just going to make a ton of waffles because that’s what my in-laws do every frickin year.

To The Games!

Falcons/Ravens:

How bad is the Atlanta passing game? Well, I mean aside from the squandering of the talents of Pitts and London. Their rushing attack is third in the league but overall the offense ranks 28th. Both teams are coming off a loss and the Ravens only scored 3 points last week. This game looks like a slow slog.

Lions/Panthers:

One Detroit fan site is trying to tell me that Goff isn’t that bad on the road. Uh huh. You see, he has a 20/3 TD/INT split at home and a 3/4 number on the road. Okay, then. Still, them Lions are dragging themselves into relevance which is refreshing to see and good as far as viewing options are concerned.

Bills/Bears:

Buffalo is neck and neck with the Chiefs for the first seed and get an early Xmas present from the league in the form of the losers-of-seven-straight Chicago Bears. The weather is supposed to be around 10 degrees with lusty and gusty winds, pretty much assuring Fields runs around a lot on his way to that magical 1,000 yardo mark which only Lamar and Vick have reached.

Saints/Browns:

Get your gloves on! The weather here will be in the single digits and windchill will drop it down to -10. This one strikes me as a game of field position with both D’s stacking their respective boxes (how Christmasy is that!) giving Cleveland a slight advantage because Watson can run when he has to.

Seahawks/Chiefs:

There was talk earlier in the year of Loose Change Pete being considered as a Coach of the Year candidate. But then it all fell apart and Seattle has lost 4 of 5 and traction in the playoff race. The Chiefs need to keep pace with the Bills and hope that they slip up along the way because K.C. would lose the tiebreaker.

Giants/Vikes:

Kudos to Minny for doing that big comeback thing but no one is asking, “Why the hell were they down 33 to the toothless Colts in the first place?”. Oh right, your mother could put up 250 yards passing on them. Daboll’s Magical Mystery Tour (featuring smoke, mirrors, shadows and butcher twine) continues apace. Some Giants were in the Mall of America when a shooting took place in a Nordstrom’s-when will this avalanche of Swedish gang violence end?

Bengals/Pats:

New England is struggling and you just hate to see it. Mac Jones has coming crashing back down to earth and he didn’t need the assistance of a Raiders defender but it’s the thought (and shove) that counts. Perhaps his regression might have something to do with coach Patricia, a defensive dude, calling/helping script the plays. [shrugs shoulders]

Texans/Titans:

The banner for this game will be “King Henry Runs for 200 Yards Yet Again Vs Houston”.

Talk to me. Or others.

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Mr. Ayo

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Dunstan

Well, if I wasn’t before, I’m on the naughty list now for sure.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a VERY MERRY Christmas indeed

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Don T

Very good day for poor effort tackling against RBs. “Darg, missed”.

litre_cola

Verdict: The Tourtiere is fucking delicious.

Gatoraids

I CALL THESE GUYS THE DETROIT LION KINGS CUZ THEYVE REALLY FALLEN OFF A CLIFF

Don T

The Browns Indonisean midfield gnome looks very inhospitable. Or constipated.

Brick Meathook

is it snowing at any of these games?

litre_cola

“When you have a big hammer, you use it.” -Titans ColoUr guy.

Doktor Zymm

“Good Man!”
-Thor

Dunstan

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Don T

Attempted horsecollar. Call the Nobel committee woooo!

Don T

Gimme a fucking break! Rex Burkhead? 😫

litre_cola

PreposteroUs

Horatio Cornblower

THAT PLAY I CALL IT XMAS EVE IN ALABAMA, BECAUSE COUSINS IS GOING DOWN!!!

litre_cola

Tractocito has a loyalty card for the Houston 500.

Brocky

I mean, 500 is a big quota to fill

Mr. Ayo

TRACTORCITO!

Doktor Zymm

Oh of course there is a shirtless bald and fat dude leading cheers from the Ravens end zone seats

Cecil Rhodes

My word, is Captain James Cook manning the offensive for the Buffalo Bills?! How could I not support a team that has such an outstanding gentleman in their ranks?! Having said that, Captain Cook seems to have picked up a bit of a tan travelling the South Pacific — don’t forget to apply the sunblock next time, Captain Cook!

litre_cola

Sir, Pitcairn island is where you want to head for descendents. They have the same dental look as their ancestors, which includes your may Cook.

Brocky

Merry Christmas eve all!

Guess what today’s fucked up update to “God Hates Brocky” happened today!?!?!

Doktor Zymm

You went outside and it froze your pants to your body so now you have to wear pants FOREVER?

Brocky

Damn, what actually happened don’t seem so bad now

2Pack

Parties have me away from the tellie. Any entertaining games going on, hard to tell by just reading the scores. Italy has the Pope mass on if anyone is interested. I’ll keep an eye on the score for ya.

Gumbygirl

Time for some Horsecock, Geno has an owwie.

Dunstan

“With you the first part…” — Catherine the Great

Doktor Zymm

I think you should get half a point or something for throwing the ball through the uprights

litre_cola
WCS

Add another knee to the sacrificial pile.

King Hippo

GUH, I needed Delpit to take that’un all the way back.

Redshirt

I see the Bengals is continuing their strategy of letting the other team suck.

Mr. Ayo

Rolling blackouts in Tenn. Mayor asked them to delay 1 hour to help with power demand.

King Hippo

Rolling blackouts in Tennessee apparently, trying to buy time for the power grid.

Gatoraids

all power diverted to essential business like bachelorette party bars

Gatoraids

furiously zesting limes for my contribution to key lime pies for tomorrow so I can start drinking

Doktor Zymm

I kind of like “furiously zesting limes” as a fantasy team name

litre_cola

Or a ska band.

Brocky

Or a euphemism!

King Hippo

Dingleberry TD to not-Jefferson/Thielen gives Hippo a double-edged sad.

The Maestro

I’m watching these games from my parent’s house right now. Haven’t done this in a long time. Gotta say, being forced to wear pants to watch RedZone is probably worse than being in prison.

Gumbygirl

I’m pretty sure it’s a violation of the Geneva Convention.

blaxabbath

I’ve got SEA/KC on the teevee here.

The JesUS commercial seems be leading as the most interesting 20 seconds of this game.

Gumbygirl

Why did we get stuck with this one? Whhhhhhhyyyyyy!!

blaxabbath

Cuz you lost JesUS.

Gumbygirl

He knows what he did.

Doktor Zymm

During the winter, up to 1/3 of the walrus’s body mass is blubber, keeping Andy Reid nice and warm!
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Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

Did the image embedding rules change?
walrusfacts_6.jpg (635×404) (creatureandcoagency.com)

Gumbygirl

Goo goo g’joob.

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

King Hippo

Now getting Mossed? Randy Moss!

King Hippo

Baby Buster, dealing like a muthafucka.

King Hippo

Ask your Doktor about prescription Zylstra!

Doktor Zymm

Don’t buy any until I get my royalty agreement in place

litre_cola

Money Mac, not so money.

King Hippo

The Legend of White Mac, overseeing so bravely

Redshirt

Shank’lor making Money Mac his bitch.

litre_cola

Redshirt, you and my wife are the only Bengal fans I know. She has cursed more in this game about him than all of last season.

King Hippo

Maths nerd is nerd – WHY are these idiots KICKING extra points in these conditions??

King Hippo

I am playing against the Commish in the raging semis. He changed his lineup this am, dropping Otton from the flex for K. Toney. Then changed it back 5 minutes before kickoff. Ooooof.

/he’s still got Gabe Davis so FACK

Gatoraids

First time in awhile I have the strangest craving to see more of Cleveland

King Hippo

Hippo is fading the Sun God so very hard.

Doktor Zymm

Looking at Cleveland, I think that Dante had it right in The Divine Comedy that the very deepest levels of hell are, in fact, frozen

King Hippo

Dante for NFL Commissioner!

Gatoraids

they renoated and added an 8th Circle of Sadness

Doktor Zymm

Where your tears freeze your eyes open so you can’t stop watching the Browns play!

King Hippo

Every #ThePauls fixture, a full national broadcast! Sponsored by Nihilist Arby’s.

WCS

Jesus wasn’t born in December. You’re celebrating a pagan holiday, which makes you a hypocrite. Order curly fries.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve met at least a couple dudes named Jesus who were born in December

litre_cola

Making a tourtiere as is Manitoban tradition.

Doktor Zymm

Gotta love a meat pie!

Sharkbait

The banner for this game will be “King Henry Runs for 200 Yards Yet Again Vs Houston”.

Can this not happen? Thanks

Gumbygirl

Why do you want to ruin the lovely Don T’s Christmas, Grinch?

Cecil Rhodes

Greetings from deepest darkest Africa, dear colleagues, and a Happy Christmas to you all! While I did not get what I asked for this year (indeed, the training and assimilation of uncivilized men is not something that can happen overnight!), I remain content relaxing in a chair in my study with a glass of the finest Bulawayo Brandy in hand. Moreover, the King’s African Water Pistols continue their journey to glory in just 48 hours time — I know that all men of good conscience will be putting their support behind the Empire’s finest as we head into the New Year! Do take care over the Yuletide period, and don’t forget to give thanks to the colonial powers that are responsible for the life that you are able to lead!

Gumbygirl

Happy Christmas to you, good sir! Are you going a’wassailing among the leaves of green?

Cecil Rhodes

For certain! Love and joy come to you, and to you your wassail too!

Gumbygirl

May God bless you and send you a Happy New Year!

litre_cola

Sir, I wish you the best on the conquests in the new year. We will see the true value of Rhodesia I feel. The King’s Water Pistols will continue to serve you well in my opinion.

Cecil Rhodes

All the best to the Whites as well! May they qualify for Europa ahead of more unsavoury sides!

Doktor Zymm

In Maryland at my parent’s place, where it is a toasty 15F! Lucky for me, living in California has not yet made me a total wuss about cold, so I’ll be fine going between the house, car, and restaurant with nothing warmer than a scarf and hoodie when we head out for 4 pm dinner.

I fly back to CA tomorrow evening, and will likely miss the two late games tomorrow, but it will take one hell of a XMAS miracle to make those games watchable so it’s all good!

blaxabbath

Yeah — not a lot of tasty treats on the slate tomorrow.

King Hippo

Will the DONKS teach Cali how to RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!?

YEAH

Gumbygirl

Or will they get slimed like a mofo? Tune in to Nickelodeon and find out!

King Hippo

I really may go Nick-cast, since otherwise it’s Romo/Nantz

litre_cola

Not in Canadia.

Gumbygirl

That is verra sad.

Horatio Cornblower

Long time lurker, first time commenter. Hi!

Doktor Zymm

I think we have some extra bandanas in that locker over there

Downfield Matriculator

Right next the to the gently used fleshlights.

/planning

herodotus450

So, how are the Ny Mets doing this football year?

King Hippo

HUZZAH WE CAN HAZ SO MUCH CHRISTMAS FITBAW!!!!