Your Very Next Christmas NFL Football Open Thread

We face the Eternal Question: Will Hippo nap through this tilt or will he keep his eyes open? We get yet another game that looked fantastic on paper back in the day but various wheels came off multiple busses, never to return.

To The Game!

Broncos/Rams:

-Was Cupp Important?: Judging by total yards gained the Rams have the very worst offense in the league. My guess would have been Houston or Atlanta or Denver or Pittsburgh or Indy or… You get it.

-One reason for the Rams failure there is injuries and a lack of depth on the o-line and having to trot out a different unit virtually every week. It’s strange that so many struggling offenses seem to have this in common. But one does not spend money on the unit that protects it’s most valuable asset-the qb. There’s a big disconnect in that thinking.

-The Rams rush game has shown a spark of life recently in that Akers has reached 60 yards in two of his last three but that’s small potatoes. (roasted in duck fat, mmm…)

-Nate Hackett (I mean, who goes by the name of Nathaniel, there’s your first clue) is a one-year wonder in that I don’t think he ever gets another shot as a head coach in the NFL.

-Don’t know enough about him to say anything one way or another (perhaps a Hippo thought is in order?) but is there a candidate for the job standing on the sidelines by the name of Ejiro (“Dreams of Sushi”) Evero? He’s done a phenomenal job of keeping his unit engaged and playing extremely well during a lost season.

Do your thing.

 

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Redshirt

Current state of the Denver Broncos franchise:

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clint greasewood

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King Hippo

Pending any additional These Charming Fuckups, I have like a derpy 14-point margin. Opponent has Otten, I have Horny Fourny (I could sub in Rachaad White). Nobody has any MNF dudes.

Mr. Ayo

I only have to survive a 100 point night from Horny Fourny to get to the Freezer Vodka League finals.

So sorry Balls.

Senor Weaselo

The two top regular season points getters out in the semis.

/Yes, also bitter that Spam beats me AGAIN.
//Is there anywhere where you can see previous years’ playoffs?

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
King Hippo

Donks D/ST is now at -3

King Hippo

(we also have yardage deductions)

litre_cola

I got the best xmas present since a nintendo when I was 7 today.

Some of you know I am building a footy pub in my basement. Mrs. Cola bought me a wooden pub sign that says “The Pug and the Grasshopper Est 2022.”

I almost cried as it was a memory of Oxipug on a roadtrip back in the day. Thought I would share as we need positivity.

King Hippo

The Clubhouse will NEVAR forget Oxipug. And the way we love our animal family members teaches our human children SO VERY MUCH.

Good on Mrs. Cola, she seems like an awesome person.

Redshirt

Animal family members are family. If you love us, you gotta love them. If you hurt them, I hope you enjoy the taste of lye and dirt.

King Hippo

100% agreed

clint greasewood

Seahawks winning playoff position over the Lions with this game.

Redshirt

Bring back Tebow!

Brick Meathook

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Petronel

Patrick Star is…not bad at this.

King Hippo

I would ask what I have done to deserve this Christmas Donks Turd…But let’s be real. HIPPO KNOWS

ballsofsteelandfury

I personally think it’s because you haven’t embraced the anal arts.

King Hippo

In this window’s faceoff. my lineup is Charmslinger (-1.51) and his is Donks’ D/ST (-1). Talk about race to the bottom.

Redshirt

If Wilson isn’t benched, Hackett has money on the Rams.

Mr. Ayo

Bench the Charmslinger. He’s charming for the wrong side today.

King Hippo

MY FANTASY TEAM SAYS FUCK YOU

/he’ll probably just fuck up even MOAR

litre_cola

Just had a Cherry Limeade vodka and soda. Feeling more wine mood after the bubbles. RED IT IS

H/T Balls for the cherry booze

ballsofsteelandfury

How does it taste?

litre_cola

Fucking superb. It is great. I think I will go crushed ice and straw next time. Feels like that kinda drink.

We also did a Svedka Mango with some Coconut, and Pineapple juice and soda. That was all inclusive vibes.

King Hippo

Can’t even get no goddamned fantasy garbage time. FUCK ALL THE SHIT

Senor Weaselo

I have now also looked at the score. STOP I’M ALREADY DEAD!

/Since I have Tua and the Donks D

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo

Well, I just saw the video of Patrick calling the pick.

What a world.

King Hippo

Methinks that is what the kids call “going viral”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s very funny.

King Hippo

After further review, FUCK OFF it ia 31-6 and we are throwing them a bone (chip)

Mr. Ayo

DONKS BOO!

Recovery Whiskey

Denver defense has quit on their coach.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My propensity to dance with the one who brought me led me to leave Akers on the bench in favor of Jamal Williams. So far it’s an 18 point mistake, and will probably get worse.

WCS

/slips away to check the score

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Sorry, Hippo.

King Hippo

Here’s the oddity, though I don’t know whether it is a positive or a negative (likely both) – the Donks players are NOT phoning it in, or even really backbiting one another. They REALLY JUST ARE THIS BAD.

Doktor Zymm

I foresee an inspiring offseason Wizard of Oz special where various players skip down the orange and blue brick road to ask the Wizard for things like blocking and route running ability

Redshirt

This Christmas is a memorable one. Beautiful gifts. I have my father a card that has his late mother’s signature on it. And my brother took one of our mother’s edibles and had a bad trip during gift exchange. He’s went through the confusion, fear, anger and paranoia stages and now in the subdued, slow-motion stage.

Seeing my parents talk him down is one of the highlights of all my Christmases.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My brother has requested I play a prank since I’m staying in my sister’s house since she’s on vacation in New Zealand. I was thinking of taking a bunch of their stuff and wrapping it up like presents and leaving it under the tree.

Doktor Zymm

Rearrange the furniture in a mirror image of how it is now

Senor Weaselo

And since they’re in New Zealand, set up like their furniture there, upside down.

Petronel

CharmyBoy’s DangerWich was discontinued a while back, in part because of the commercials. Even Subway had to acknowledge his suckiness.

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/russell-wilsons-dangerwich-removed-from-subways-menu-after-awkward-commercials-go-viral-on-social-media/

Recovery Whiskey

He could still promote zzzzQuill. Chugged a whole bottle before taking the field.

Doktor Zymm

Lady in the opposite aisle seat complains a lot. Hopefully she’ll shut up for the rest of the flight. I see why her husband elected to sit over in the window on my side of the plane

Doktor Zymm

It’s actually not difficult to travel across the states lady, it’s possible you’re just incompetent or have messed up expectations

Doktor Zymm

We haven’t even taken off yet and she’s just putting her trash on the floor in the aisle

Doktor Zymm

And now she just ran to the bathroom, lol, happy holiday shits lady!

Recovery Whiskey

Passenger Shaming still a thing? They always need good content

Doktor Zymm

Good call! I’ll check!

litre_cola

They are still on insta and the bird app

Doktor Zymm

Now she’s hanging out up front bothering the FA about when the pax we’re waiting for are going to arrive

Brick Meathook

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Recovery Whiskey

The LOL line is all the way up to Seattle (52F and not raining) today otherwise pretty accurate

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
Doktor Zymm

I was pretty happy with the Maryland weather, but I like cooler weather

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, the in flight entertainment has the Nickcast!

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

Recovery Whiskey

Oddly enough green slime isn’t helping Denver’s offense. Just reminding Russ too much of Seattle

litre_cola

“What are you doing? ” -Decilitre
“Drinking, cooking, dancing in the kitchen. THEY SAID TO DO IT LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING!” – me
Wife from living room, “He’s five he doesn’t ge that bad joke, maybe your nerdery will (DFO)”

Doktor Zymm

You’re bringing Lady Litre to KC right? I want to hang out with her and ask if my idea for a generative AI that makes custom nutrition plans for people is possible to do without being scammy

litre_cola

She will be minding Deci but I will send you my email to bring up the topic with her.

King Hippo

That is a subtle way of asking whether DFOcon will pass the Bechtel test. Mrs. Horatio could offer a prediction on that!

King Hippo

The voices in my head all agree. KILL THEM ALL

litre_cola

It would be too big a road trip for you to kill all of us dear Hippo.

King Hippo

they ain’t real specific as to who “all” might be

Doktor Zymm

The voices always leave wiggle room, they be savvy like that

Doktor Zymm

“attention passengers, as you may have noticed, it is quite cold outside. Double check that you have your hat and coat, and if not, come back to the TSA checkpoint to identify and claim your hats and coats so you don’t freeze outside”

King Hippo

twas 46 in MIAMI, for fuck’s sake!!

King Hippo

My 3rd place game lineup setting next week will be peak hilarity.

Doktor Zymm

After almost a month away, I was able to find my house keys in my luggage! I will be able to enter my apartment once I get there in a few hours!

Recovery Whiskey

Like he’s running in sand

King Hippo

HOLY FUCKSHIT. Charmslinger

/and scotchy is rite, Ejiro the DC is really good and I bet he gets a head coaching gig this offseason

King Hippo

You told me 7-10 and this will be goddamned loss 11 yew bastard man

Mr. Ayo

I was being optimistic for your sake!

Brick Meathook

Merry Christmas!

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Recovery Whiskey

Bobby Wagner is the guy Seattle should’ve kept. Still had plenty left in the tank.

Brick Meathook

Happy Halloween!

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Recovery Whiskey

Russ is cooking

Mr. Ayo

Charmslinger is the gift that keeps on giving!

Recovery Whiskey

He was never this bad. I got nothin

Recovery Whiskey

CBS needs to put a graphic up that compares cost per completion for Wilson and Mayfield.

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
Doktor Zymm

Sending the #3 overall draft pick to Detroit? PRICELESS

Dunstan

Wanted to make sure to wish everyone here a Happy Jimmy Buffett’s Birthday. Too bad the Dolphins got him such a shitty present.

Recovery Whiskey

That commercial Mayfield did in Cleveland where they’re having a stadium yard sale seems oddly prophetic now.

Recovery Whiskey

Thats 3 “both of these teams are not going to the playoffs” in 10 minutes. Keep rubbing their noses in it.

herodotus450

Greetings, Sir or Madam! I’m very excited to tell you about my new business, which could just become your next opportunity! Are you lonely and bitter around the holiday season? Tired of all your gentile friends spending all their time with their families instead of you? Well you might be interested to know there’s a whole nation of people out there who are unencumbered by such seasonal trifles, the Tribe of Israel that is! And for the low low price of–oh I see you’re closing the door but I’ll just keep going and if you hear something interesting just come back out…

Doktor Zymm

I’m starting my own religion that involves drinking a lot of champagne with none of those pesky fasting days

litre_cola

Bubbles for days

Senor Weaselo

“Sorry, I was just offered this bacon cheeseburger, but don’t mind me, go on…”

litre_cola

So Shefters daughter gets a tv job?

Recovery Whiskey

Someones son or daughter has to

ArmedandHammered

Fuck, tonight’s game looks like a blowbang with all the fellatio Brady will receive and how much sucking AZ will do.

Dunstan

What is in Terry Bradshaw’s vault?

(a) many dead hookers;
(b) the world’s largest collection of paper clips and shoestrings;
(c) his dignity, locked away where no one can find it

Recovery Whiskey

Shingles

ArmedandHammered

Not the disease, actual rooftop shingles.

Doktor Zymm

Also buttons, they don’t match anything he owns and no one knows where they came from

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also he thinks they are money.

Doktor Zymm

A game between the 3rd and 4th ranked teams is way less exciting when you’re talking about projected draft order rather than playoff seed.

This game features 25% of teams that are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs! Excitings with maths!

litre_cola

Do either of the squadoos have their 1st round picks the next couple years?

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think so, which certainly adds to either the poignancy or hilarity depending on your affiliations