Excuse me, it’s taken most of the day to come down from yesterday’s win. During the game I took several tours of the house because I was all wound up. After the third tour wifey said, “Would you stop? You’re making me nervous!”. I just couldn’t help myself.
Hey, tonight for the football fans (that don’t support either of these squadoos) out there it’s nut-cutting time in that most are inclined to pick a side and boy, it’s rough. Myself, I just can’t think of any scenario whereby I could back Brady. I have wanted Dallas to win at times but only for NFC East purposes that benefit the Giants. I think I’ll remain a neuter here.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Bucs:
-Though he’s not played them very often, Brady has not lost to Dallas-he’s 7-0.
-DAK! has been having himself some wandering balls problems. He’s thrown an INT in seven straight games and has been mistake-free in only two games this year.
-Want to feel old? Dallas hasn’t won a road playoff game since Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington. Oh, what’s that? You want to hear about other things that occurred when the Cowboys last won away from home?
-Barney and Friends debuted.
-Amy Fisher shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco.
-John Gotti was sentenced to life in prison.
-Batman: The Animated Series first began.
-Dre Dre released The Chronic.
-Compact discs outsold audio cassette tapes for the first time.
-Mortal Kombat was released.
-Jay Leno becomes the new host of The Tonight Show.
-The Yankees sign Danny Tartabul.
-Moldova joins the U.N.
-Billy Ray Cyrus burst into the national consciousness.
-Malcolm X is released. (in theatres, not from prison)
-Barry Bond signs the biggest one year contract in MLB history-it’s a staggering $4.7 million bones.
-That’s how long the drought has been. Wow. Helluva job, Jerrah!
Go for it.
Not gonna get that extra helping of lead paint chips with plays like that, Zeke.
go for it
why run ZEKE?????????????
TY is showing up big for Dallas.
https://twitter.com/ArkansasFred/status/1615166747291664385
Eat shit Cincy! Cost me 500, couldnt score a fucking FG. Assholes
At what point in all the time that you’ve internet-known me did you get the impression that rooting for the Cincinnati Bengals will lead to a positive result?
Lamar wasn’t even the same state and Cincy couldn’t cover 8.5. I hate’em, I hate’em
How do you think I feel? We nearly turned a backup QB into a Baltimore icon.
Typical late-season AFC North showdown.
Folks
TAHMMY with the old-guy brain fart – forgot he’s not supposed to throw to the guys in blue any more
or vote Democrat
Oh Brady…
That was an interesting choice Tahmmy.
SUDDEN CHANGE!!
Eat shit, Brady!
Dallas’s well-established ability to not get off the field on 3rd and long is probably not a good thing.
I’ll just shut up now.
Give me a Lenny TD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M4FG1UXH5w&ab_channel=MotorheadVEVO
How about Lemmy?
Micah Parsons: HI GAIS CAN I BE IN YOUR CLUBHOUSE I BROUGHT SNACKS
I’d just like to point out that while watching Sillycuse, the sports news scroll at the bottom of the screen informed me that goalie Robin Lehner and his wife have filed for bankruptcy. Ok, then.
Diggs is so fucking aggravating.
Five bucks says Peyton has been diagnosing plays with his big screen TV and a laser pointer long before he was paid money to do this every other Monday night.
Oh! You know he needs that drug.
Get ready to see some version of this in the off-season return of the Mock Drafts.
https://twitter.com/ASCSportsMedia/status/1613998813429043203
The P*ts one should be Eli.
The correct answer for Bengals is Bill Walsh leaving to create a Dynasty that beat us twice.
Neil O’Donnell Super Bowl works for the Steelers as well.
Guys, guys, save it for the mock draft!
Praise shanklor
If I wasn’t watching this game I would absolutely believe 6-0 was two FGs because Mike McCarthy didn’t go for it on two 4th and goals from the 1.
PRAISE SHANK’LOR
NO WAY that doesn’t play a role later..
Oh my god, a team is threatening to cross midfield!
P.A.: “First down, Cowboys!”
Chain Crew (in line at the Nacho Stand): “Aw, dammit!”
Nongendered Cowperson kicker was in line for the john, too.
Due to time constraints, can we move forward in our coverage of this game?
Evening. What debauchery have I missed thus far?
I took a dump so massive that the soreness in my lower back went away
No joke, that has happened a few times in my life and it is a joy that never gets old.
They haven’t shown Ol’Dubble J’s owners suite yet.
As a reminder, this is the game that the NFL chose to air on its own day, over all the other five thrilling games.
America’s Team vs. Tom Brady made sense.
And then they played the game.
Last time I can use this for this season
They finally made Scott Muthafuckin’ Hanson’s “Punt Zone Channel” a reality!
I am beginning to think Dak Prescott is not the answer.
BBUUULLLLLLSHHIIIIIIIIIITTTT MAH BOY IS GOTTDAMN STAR YEEAHHHHHAAAWWWWWWW
He’d never call a cat his son, because he’d lose too much blood when he tried frenching them.
At least this way they won’t get kissed on the mouth.
Which shitty bowl game is this again?
The “Hate Bowl”
Pleased to announce that my lottery tickets have produced $4 in winnings.
I’ll be setting up an LLC so as to remain anonymous and not disrupt my current lifestyle.
At least these stupid Dr. Pepper ads could show us a little of the psycho mom’s shoulders. I know we was all thinking that.
I actually like Bosworth in those. His delivery of “what is this, the 80’s” is perfect.
Most fuckwitted a start. Appreciate the gender fluid logo on BlueBunny’s
circus tentshirt, though.It’s called a muumuu, Sir.
In order to properly prepare for this game I’ve taken all my losing lottery tickets out of my wallet and am double-checking to see if I’ve got a couple of bucks in there.
From the first two plays I think this will be the more entertaining option of the evening.
I have gone down the rabbit hole or r/infowarriorRides, it is an amazing depreciation of value on vehicles.
I gotta be honest, I have never seen BLM used this way.
Someone around here has that sticker. I have to admit I laughed.
He probably started with his mom or aunts.
BLM: Bureau of Landed MILFs
Hippo is well-prepared. Volume manually turned down to “0” so I don’t accidentally unmute the game.
Manningcast!
Did nae know it was one. Huzzah!
Not sure if I want to listen to Deion for one quarter.
I absolutely HATE in-game interviews.
(last night)
Melissa Stark: “How are you going to respond to the last Bengals TD drive?”
Coach Harbaugh: “Why don’t you let me coach and find out!”
/watching Sillycuse/Miami
Boeheim: [shaking hands at start of game] “You punk coaches with your three-pointers and your long shorts!” [spits]
Jim Larranaga: “What!? I’m 73 years old!”
Boeheim: “And I’m 78. Back in my day we put chicken wire around the court so that the crowd couldn’t throw vegetables at us-that’s why we were called ‘cagers’!”
Larranaga: “Have you taken your meds?”
Boeheim: “I took a double dose, NOW GET OFF MY PARQUET FLOOR!”
Larranaga: “WE’RE THE HOME TEAM!”
I’d make a joke, but UConn’s season currently is best represented by a picture of The Hindenberg, so I’ll just shuffle along quietly.
Regardless of Bidwell’s sexuality, his new GM hire might actually be a good one.
https://twitter.com/AZCardinals/status/1615102465355186179
Now: Smile as though you’re pretending you got the joke but you actually didn’t.
Update: Russell Wilson has scared Jim Harbaugh back to Michigan.
Count Hippo relieved. I think the Harbaugh coaching model – while not-quite Urban Meyer toxic – is still going the way of the dinosaur.
Dream scenario is DeMarco Ryans (Tomsulas DC) takes the head job and keeps Coach Evero as his DC (they have worked together in recent past).
Dan Campbell on the Manningcast tonight. Should be fun.
The interesting part of having a coach that makes wonky decisions (McCarthy, Staley, Shurmur, Judge, etc.) is that you just never know when that crazy diamond is going to shine.
Yeah I hate the Cowboys but will choose them over Brady without a doubt. And then I hope they all catch syphilis and die the week following.
100% co-signed
I am very relaxed going into this game, as I have absolutely no expectations of a Mike McCarthy led team doing a good in the play-offs.
This is the correct attitude.
Also in 1992: Lawrence Eagleburger is named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man of the Year”
“You claim to be friendly towards eagle-kind, yet you appoint this man to the highest office in your land…”
“Sexiest last name maybe…”
-A. Reid
THIS!
Sam Mullan on Twitter: “This is both incredibly exciting about the future of the Bengals with Joe at QB and incredibly sad at how inept this team has been in the playoffs throughout their existence” / Twitter
Dallas -2.5
Lamb TD
Zeke TD.
Lamb & Evans Rec. TD
Bets w/ Free Bonus Bets
Lamb & Godwin Rec. Yds > 99.5
Elliot & White Rush. Yds > 79.5
DAK! & Goaty McGoatface Pass Yards > 324.5
Tampa +126
Under 45.5
Pollard TD
Rachaad TD
You’re out of your goddamn mind betting on Dallas.
Anybody betting on Dallas wants either a heart attack or to make their money burn.
1992???
They won Super Bowls in ’93, ’94, and ’96.
Their last playoff road win was vs the Niners in the ’92 playoffs but took place in Jan. ’93.
I skimmed too fast and read, “Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington,” as, “Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Denzel Washington.” Kind of caught my attention for a second.
You would think Denzel could put up more of a fight.
He could be into some freaky stuff. Don’t judge.
Against Tyson in his prime? No way. Denzel is going for a hard ride.
Did you see the way Denzel was dressed? He was asking for it.
Funny thing, he was dressed as Malcolm X.
“Did I stutter?”
-The FBI