Your AFC Champeenship Open Thread

There’s no time to waste!

To The Game!

Bengals/Chiefs:

-Funny how these head coach search cycles go. Certain names are mentioned over and over again but one that is not is Cincy’s DC Lou Anarumo. And look what he’s done with a D that wasn’t seen to have much talent last year. Against the Chiefs he’s had success by playing only three down linemen and dropping the rest of the players back, and yet somehow he still gets pressure on Mahomes and flusters him with the coverages he employs. I’m curious to see what wrinkle he uses today.

-There’s been plenty of shit-talking this week which tells me that this is turning into a significant rivalry. I can understand the likes of L’Jarius Sneed and Willie Gay talking smack but Eli Apple? That crappy cb is just one double move away from getting his ass torched and you know it’s going to happen. He gives me small dick energy vibes.

-High Ankle Sprain?: Has everyone else been faking it? Or is it not really that sort of injury? Or has he been pumped so full of kangaroo semen (an underrated painkiller, btw) that he can’t tell up from down? So many questions…

-WTF?: Some dumb fella wrote on a Cincy site, “It seems that the Bengals just keep playing in games with higher and higher stakes.” I think that’s how the playoffs work, sprotswriter fella.

-Burrow has feasted on the Chiefs lb’s recently so looks for Spags to perhaps replace one of his slower guys at the position (Gay?) with speedier rook safety Bryan Cook in some sub packages.

-If the focus of the Chiefs passing game centers around quick slants and screens (enabling Mahomes to get the ball out fast and not have to run around on his wonky ankle) Kadarius Toney should have a prominent role-40% of his snaps have been at the slot spot and 44% of his passes caught have been screens.

-That Cincy O-Line Problem: They held up rather nicely last week but since subbing in for La’el Collins, Hakeem Adeniji has a PFF pass-blocking grade of 30.7. (very not good)

-What the Hell Else Would He Say?: K.C.’s center and WWI enthusiast (apparently) Creed “Take Me Higher” Humphrey threw out the old, “This game will be won in the trenches” chestnut. Oof.

Do your thing.

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Doktor Zymm

“I need 5 ccs of BBQ sauce, STAT, and maybe call the training staff over to look at this injured player”
-A. Reid

WCS

Does Redshirt take a shot of whiskey or a shot from a defibrillator first whenever Burrow scrambles?

Redshirt

Yes

Doktor Zymm

The AEDs detect when a shock is needed, so he can just strap it on and keep his hands free for the whiskey

WCS

Technology is wonderful!

BugEyedBoo

If he can see the ceiling, whiskey. If he can’t see anything, follow the good Doctor’s advice on AEDs.

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/treblaw/status/1619838913664937984

Found blaxabbath on Twitter
(Just kidding; he would never)

Wakezilla

I finally made it on here and can watch the game. How’re we doing tonight, folks?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin?

Redshirt

Oh, just peachy.

Horatio Cornblower

Fair to middling

King Hippo

Everton has killed my soul. But at least I still have drugs. Ample drugs. You?

Horatio Cornblower

The good news is that the NYTimes had a significant article on Everton today.

The bad news is why they had a significant article on Everton today.

King Hippo

I would not be surprised if my column yesterday turns out to be overly optimistic

Horatio Cornblower

The Times Lesser Footy guy, (who is very good), is not as optimistic about you as to Everton’s future. I believe the phrase ‘Blackpool Rovers’ was mentioned.

Mr. Ayo

OMG! Jeri Ryan!

I’ll be back. Soon.

fleshwound_NPG

still fine

fleshwound_NPG

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King Hippo

Her shoulders are nice indeed

Horatio Cornblower

Wasn’t there some issue with her ex forcing her to go to swingers’ parties?

Mr. Ayo

I was not involved… I mean I was not aware of this.

Horatio Cornblower

https://www.smh.com.au/world/swinger-quits-us-senate-campaign-20040627-gdj7uf.html

Even better than I remembered; forced him to drop a Senate bid.

fleshwound_NPG

and it gave the world obama

Redshirt

If you had THAT, why share it with anyone?

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I don’t have an answer for that one.

Doktor Zymm

I have about a week in July between Andorra and Greenland. Thinking maybe Brittany? Or Jersey?

herodotus450

Gonna wanna stay away from Britanny, in my experience, maybe a nice Christina instead?

Horatio Cornblower

She should at least bit Brittany one more time.

LemonJello

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LemonJello

Luxembourg? Liechtenstein?

Senor Weaselo

You can get the royal treatment in Luxembourg! Just tell ’em you know WCS.

BugEyedBoo

Limburger? Lumbago?

King Hippo

The way the panel is dressed, you’d think it’s 20 Kelvin out there.

Doktor Zymm

If I ever organize a 20K it will be!

Redshirt

Based on the 1st Quarter alone, Bengals are lucky to be down only 7.

makeitsnowondem

I don’t really have a theory of what was happening on that football field before the housewives got on the field. Was there another team? Were they chased off by the housewives? Did they just disappear? Maybe they were instantly feminized and now they’re the housewives? Troubling implications.

Doktor Zymm

My guess, they were swapped with the housewives and ended up in the middle of whatever was happening on that show at the time. Could be kind of nice, I bet some of those big guys would appreciate a pedicure

King Hippo

WELCUM 2 NOBUMMER’S AMERICA SMGDH

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kyle Shanahan thinks they should have run it there

WCS

To be fair, he’s going to have PTSD over how this season ended.

LemonJello

Cincy should play like it’s always 2 minutes left, apparently.

Redshirt

Burrow is picking the plays and ignoring his helmet radio.

herodotus450

bUt YoU hAvE tO eStBliSh ThE rUn!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just like my first time, that happened a little earlier than he wanted

King Hippo

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE SPACE MARINES

Mr. Ayo

I brought this up earlier, but you won’t believe who is bringing us the Verizon Halftime report.

LemonJello

Consumer Cellular?

Mr. Ayo

Close! It’s Mint Mobile. Ryan Reynolds is everywhere lately.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bart Giamatti’s kid?

Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS

REDSHIRT SACRIFICES A BUCKET OF CHICKEN TO BLEERGH

ThePirateSloth

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makeitsnowondem

Great job Hayden you did the exact wrong thing

King Hippo

SAVED BY THE BLEERGH

King Hippo

“Whoooooo needs to win?” – Anonymous, Santa Clara, CA

Petronel

Dammit Snapchat, if I wanted to have hallucinogenic nightmares, I’d just go back and watch the previous game again.

ThePirateSloth

WHY IS THIS COMMERCIAL SO TERRIFYING

TheRevanchist

Snapchat: do no use while on LSD..

TheRevanchist

Now is a good time for another sack…

King Hippo

They ain’t cray enough to pass.

King Hippo

I stands corrected

Mr. Ayo

Bullshit, you’re not standing.

King Hippo

I slouch corrected

King Hippo

Ok you have to just burn clock unless you get yards the first play

fleshwound_NPG

awful 3 and out

Redshirt

Well, at least there is the Reds.

(breaks into hysterical crying)

Doktor Zymm

There are a ton of wild turkeys that live around the farm where I ride. I have to stop all the time to let them cross the road and I’ve named them all ‘dinner’

BugEyedBoo

They don’t seem to like it very much, though.

WCS

Xavier and Wright State look good for March Madness!

King Hippo

Plus next season is the last time THEEEEE will ever miss the JV playoffs

King Hippo

Ever possibly miss, I meant.

King Hippo

Motown Philly back again, but with Kansas City filling in.

Col. Duke LaCross

That pass was Rivers-esque

WCS

FLOAT ON

King Hippo

Laserface brings down the house with his Modest Mouse karaoke

WCS

YA BETTA CALL SOOOOMMEEEBBBOOODDDDDYYYYYYYY

I miss King Laserface. Luckily, at least one of his 34 children will become a professional athlete, so the legacy will live.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
King Hippo

He really was a fun lunatic

Mr. Ayo

Burrowhead is no more

fleshwound_NPG

aint burrowhead no mo

Mr. Ayo

I swear this is not my burner account.

herodotus450

Harrison Butker has really turned it on since that incident on the ceiling with the shotgun at the TV station

Redshirt

This is why I wasn’t celebrating the win before the game.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And that’s what happens when I bench Kelce

Mr. Ayo

Nicely done, Brocky

Doktor Zymm

You should use your powers for good

WCS

That damned monkey’s paw again.

Redshirt

Et tu, BFC?

King Hippo

Does anyone want to watch these doofus Prob Owl games and write a blurb?

Mr. Ayo

Hahahahahaha.

Good luck

Doktor Zymm

I would rather review actual bowls

LongtimeLionsLoser

I can volunteer for my first assignment. I will, however, not be 1) Sober; or 2) really interested.

King Hippo

Superb!

WCS

That’s literally everyone here at our real jorbs, every day. You’ll be fine.

ThePirateSloth

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Mr. Ayo

Perfect!

LongtimeLionsLoser

I guess that means I will start researching these fake rosters.

Mr. Ayo

Yes, sir. These content mines must be mined with labor.

WCS

Each member of the Bungles defense gets a free punch at the each member of the offensive line at halftime.

Redshirt

This.

Horatio Cornblower

Should have greased the bus stops, I guess.

https://twitter.com/JomboyMedia/status/1619850921072115718

Doktor Zymm

Turns out not a lot of structural engineers amongst Eagles fans

Senor Weaselo

And now for the breakdown!

(Jake sucks.)

Petronel

That was one of the least compelling “stay tuned”s I’ve seen

LongtimeLionsLoser

But that’s also a low bar…

Doktor Zymm

“We didn’t replace the Bengals O-line with Folgers Crystals, they really are just that bad”
-Folgers Twitter account

WCS

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— Redshirt (artist’s rendition)

fleshwound_NPG

when a white boy from purdue is gettin to your qb, your line is ass

WCS

So, every game against Indiana and Northwestern.

makeitsnowondem

“Your line is ass.”
– Andy Kaufman, to Taylor Mead

Last edited 1 year ago by makeitsnowondem
TheRevanchist

The. Bear will do a line off your ass. And then go Leonardo DiCaprio on your bunghole. Can’t wait to see it!

King Hippo

I think all these movies must just be money laundering vehicles

WCS

Oh God, I want this to be true.

Brick Meathook

That’s not a joke – they have been for years. That’s a Wall Street Journal financial fact. You can hide a lot in a movie budget and even more in its box office. It’s the best way to move money across borders.

King Hippo

WHERE IS HIPPO’S CUT, HOLLYWOO?

Doktor Zymm

So you’re saying they watched “The Producers” and thought, HEY WHAT A GREAT IDEA

Doktor Zymm

All of these teams got cursed fortune cookies with dinner last night, Burrow got “You will make a lot of new friends with large men” and Kelce got “You shall not move forwards by being cutesy backward”

Redshirt

Bengals pulled a Blutarski in the 1st quarter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt814cDRAfo

WCS

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Antman Quantum Menace?

What was that?

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Brick Meathook

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Jesus gets us, man.

Mr. Ayo

Classic nepo baby

WCS

Kelce was looking like he was going to pitch it again.

King Hippo

They’s a downside to playing on that much toradol

ThePirateSloth

Stupid reddit link

Last edited 1 year ago by ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

Stupid links ruining the Pacheco td joke

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Redshirt

49ers had no QB to protect, Bengals can’t protect their QB.

King Hippo

HAIL BLEERGH

ThePirateSloth

Bowling For Footballs

LemonJello

Oh, they trying all the cutsie bullshit plays tonight, huh?

makeitsnowondem

Kelce auditioning for the Cowboys.

WCS

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