There’s no time to waste!
To The Game!
Bengals/Chiefs:
-Funny how these head coach search cycles go. Certain names are mentioned over and over again but one that is not is Cincy’s DC Lou Anarumo. And look what he’s done with a D that wasn’t seen to have much talent last year. Against the Chiefs he’s had success by playing only three down linemen and dropping the rest of the players back, and yet somehow he still gets pressure on Mahomes and flusters him with the coverages he employs. I’m curious to see what wrinkle he uses today.
-There’s been plenty of shit-talking this week which tells me that this is turning into a significant rivalry. I can understand the likes of L’Jarius Sneed and Willie Gay talking smack but Eli Apple? That crappy cb is just one double move away from getting his ass torched and you know it’s going to happen. He gives me small dick energy vibes.
-High Ankle Sprain?: Has everyone else been faking it? Or is it not really that sort of injury? Or has he been pumped so full of kangaroo semen (an underrated painkiller, btw) that he can’t tell up from down? So many questions…
-WTF?: Some dumb fella wrote on a Cincy site, “It seems that the Bengals just keep playing in games with higher and higher stakes.” I think that’s how the playoffs work, sprotswriter fella.
-Burrow has feasted on the Chiefs lb’s recently so looks for Spags to perhaps replace one of his slower guys at the position (Gay?) with speedier rook safety Bryan Cook in some sub packages.
-If the focus of the Chiefs passing game centers around quick slants and screens (enabling Mahomes to get the ball out fast and not have to run around on his wonky ankle) Kadarius Toney should have a prominent role-40% of his snaps have been at the slot spot and 44% of his passes caught have been screens.
-That Cincy O-Line Problem: They held up rather nicely last week but since subbing in for La’el Collins, Hakeem Adeniji has a PFF pass-blocking grade of 30.7. (very not good)
-What the Hell Else Would He Say?: K.C.’s center and WWI enthusiast (apparently) Creed “Take Me Higher” Humphrey threw out the old, “This game will be won in the trenches” chestnut. Oof.
Do your thing.
“I need 5 ccs of BBQ sauce, STAT, and maybe call the training staff over to look at this injured player”
-A. Reid
Does Redshirt take a shot of whiskey or a shot from a defibrillator first whenever Burrow scrambles?
Yes
The AEDs detect when a shock is needed, so he can just strap it on and keep his hands free for the whiskey
Technology is wonderful!
If he can see the ceiling, whiskey. If he can’t see anything, follow the good Doctor’s advice on AEDs.
https://twitter.com/treblaw/status/1619838913664937984
Found blaxabbath on Twitter
(Just kidding; he would never)
I finally made it on here and can watch the game. How’re we doing tonight, folks?
Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin?
Oh, just peachy.
Fair to middling
Everton has killed my soul. But at least I still have drugs. Ample drugs. You?
The good news is that the NYTimes had a significant article on Everton today.
The bad news is why they had a significant article on Everton today.
I would not be surprised if my column yesterday turns out to be overly optimistic
The Times Lesser Footy guy, (who is very good), is not as optimistic about you as to Everton’s future. I believe the phrase ‘Blackpool Rovers’ was mentioned.
OMG! Jeri Ryan!
I’ll be back. Soon.
still fine
Her shoulders are nice indeed
Wasn’t there some issue with her ex forcing her to go to swingers’ parties?
I was not involved… I mean I was not aware of this.
https://www.smh.com.au/world/swinger-quits-us-senate-campaign-20040627-gdj7uf.html
Even better than I remembered; forced him to drop a Senate bid.
and it gave the world obama
If you had THAT, why share it with anyone?
Yeah, I don’t have an answer for that one.
I have about a week in July between Andorra and Greenland. Thinking maybe Brittany? Or Jersey?
Gonna wanna stay away from Britanny, in my experience, maybe a nice Christina instead?
She should at least bit Brittany one more time.
Luxembourg? Liechtenstein?
You can get the royal treatment in Luxembourg! Just tell ’em you know WCS.
Limburger? Lumbago?
The way the panel is dressed, you’d think it’s 20 Kelvin out there.
If I ever organize a 20K it will be!
Based on the 1st Quarter alone, Bengals are lucky to be down only 7.
I don’t really have a theory of what was happening on that football field before the housewives got on the field. Was there another team? Were they chased off by the housewives? Did they just disappear? Maybe they were instantly feminized and now they’re the housewives? Troubling implications.
My guess, they were swapped with the housewives and ended up in the middle of whatever was happening on that show at the time. Could be kind of nice, I bet some of those big guys would appreciate a pedicure
WELCUM 2 NOBUMMER’S AMERICA SMGDH
Kyle Shanahan thinks they should have run it there
To be fair, he’s going to have PTSD over how this season ended.
Cincy should play like it’s always 2 minutes left, apparently.
Burrow is picking the plays and ignoring his helmet radio.
bUt YoU hAvE tO eStBliSh ThE rUn!
Just like my first time, that happened a little earlier than he wanted
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE SPACE MARINES
I brought this up earlier, but you won’t believe who is bringing us the Verizon Halftime report.
Consumer Cellular?
Close! It’s Mint Mobile. Ryan Reynolds is everywhere lately.
Bart Giamatti’s kid?
REDSHIRT SACRIFICES A BUCKET OF CHICKEN TO BLEERGH
Great job Hayden you did the exact wrong thing
SAVED BY THE BLEERGH
[kicks rocks, mutters to self]
-The Fixx
“Whoooooo needs to win?” – Anonymous, Santa Clara, CA
Dammit Snapchat, if I wanted to have hallucinogenic nightmares, I’d just go back and watch the previous game again.
WHY IS THIS COMMERCIAL SO TERRIFYING
Snapchat: do no use while on LSD..
Now is a good time for another sack…
They ain’t cray enough to pass.
I stands corrected
Bullshit, you’re not standing.
I slouch corrected
Ok you have to just burn clock unless you get yards the first play
awful 3 and out
Well, at least there is the Reds.
(breaks into hysterical crying)
Psssst! Turkeys can fly.
There are a ton of wild turkeys that live around the farm where I ride. I have to stop all the time to let them cross the road and I’ve named them all ‘dinner’
They don’t seem to like it very much, though.
Xavier and Wright State look good for March Madness!
Plus next season is the last time THEEEEE will ever miss the JV playoffs
Ever possibly miss, I meant.
Motown Philly back again, but with Kansas City filling in.
That pass was Rivers-esque
FLOAT ON
Laserface brings down the house with his Modest Mouse karaoke
YA BETTA CALL SOOOOMMEEEBBBOOODDDDDYYYYYYYY
I miss King Laserface. Luckily, at least one of his 34 children will become a professional athlete, so the legacy will live.
He really was a fun lunatic
Burrowhead is no more
aint burrowhead no mo
I swear this is not my burner account.
Harrison Butker has really turned it on since that incident on the ceiling with the shotgun at the TV station
“Bad folks that wave a gun around are totally negated by good people that wave a gun around. That’s just science!”
-The Heritage Foundation
This is why I wasn’t celebrating the win before the game.
And that’s what happens when I bench Kelce
Nicely done, Brocky
You should use your powers for good
That damned monkey’s paw again.
“Benching Kelce” is the band that gets the most play after Car Seat Headrest on that Sirius channel that I don’t pay very much attention to.
Et tu, BFC?
Just so you know, kangaroo semen leaks out of the Amazon cardboard container 30% of the time,
Does anyone want to watch these doofus Prob Owl games and write a blurb?
Hahahahahaha.
Good luck
I would rather review actual bowls
I can volunteer for my first assignment. I will, however, not be 1) Sober; or 2) really interested.
Superb!
That’s literally everyone here at our real jorbs, every day. You’ll be fine.
Perfect!
I guess that means I will start researching these fake rosters.
Yes, sir. These content mines must be mined with labor.
Each member of the Bungles defense gets a free punch at the each member of the offensive line at halftime.
This.
Should have greased the bus stops, I guess.
https://twitter.com/JomboyMedia/status/1619850921072115718
Turns out not a lot of structural engineers amongst Eagles fans
And now for the breakdown!
(Jake sucks.)
That was one of the least compelling “stay tuned”s I’ve seen
But that’s also a low bar…
“We didn’t replace the Bengals O-line with Folgers Crystals, they really are just that bad”
-Folgers Twitter account
— Redshirt (artist’s rendition)
when a white boy from purdue is gettin to your qb, your line is ass
So, every game against Indiana and Northwestern.
“Your line is ass.”
– Andy Kaufman, to Taylor Mead
The. Bear will do a line off your ass. And then go Leonardo DiCaprio on your bunghole. Can’t wait to see it!
Oh for fuck sake-multi-millionaire Patrick Stewart needs another pay cheque.
I think all these movies must just be money laundering vehicles
Oh God, I want this to be true.
That’s not a joke – they have been for years. That’s a Wall Street Journal financial fact. You can hide a lot in a movie budget and even more in its box office. It’s the best way to move money across borders.
WHERE IS HIPPO’S CUT, HOLLYWOO?
So you’re saying they watched “The Producers” and thought, HEY WHAT A GREAT IDEA
All of these teams got cursed fortune cookies with dinner last night, Burrow got “You will make a lot of new friends with large men” and Kelce got “You shall not move forwards by being cutesy backward”
Bengals pulled a Blutarski in the 1st quarter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt814cDRAfo
Antman Quantum Menace?
What was that?
Jesus gets us, man.
Classic nepo baby
You should do some crimes. Maybe a dine and dash?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEvy8mROAj0
It’s fucking insane how open Kelce is in a small piece of the middle of the field.
Kelce was looking like he was going to pitch it again.
They’s a downside to playing on that much toradol
Stupid reddit link
Stupid links ruining the Pacheco td joke
49ers had no QB to protect, Bengals can’t protect their QB.
HAIL BLEERGH
Bowling For Footballs
Oh, they trying all the cutsie bullshit plays tonight, huh?
Kelce auditioning for the Cowboys.