No Warhammer tonight, due to work, my wife, and my new crippling addiction to Satisfactory on Steam, I ran out of time and energy to bring you the Tau. So you get this Carpentered post by way of 9 inch nails. Are the nails 9 inches long or are there 9 nails all an inch long? Something to ponder when I eventually sink into dementia.
I turn 57 on Thursday, I did not expect to make it this far – I had expected to die young to one of my friends pranks gone wrong, an ex of some sort, my love of fatty food and sugared carbs, or due to one of the fucking idiots on the road whose driving license was bestowed on them by Khorne the Berserker. This morning, an asshole in the far left turn lane decided he needed to be in the right turn lane and cut across all 5 lanes of traffic in the distance of about 100 feet. If the drivers don’t kill me the induced road rage might. Oh, no blinker either.
Back to getting old, I never believed what my elders said it would be like, but now, I would apologize to them if they weren’t all dead already. But overall I am happy with my life, mainly due to my wife and my friends, including you, my imaginary internet friends.
Nest week I will be sure to return to Warhammer, but tell me below what computer games, if any, you are currently addicted to. Hippo I know is addicted to FIFA pharmacy manager, all the corruption of FIFA and the pharmaceutical industry combined…
— [DOOR FLIES ASTONISHINGLY HANDSOMELY OPEN] —
Hi folks! Rikki here to flesh things out a little for you with an edition of DFO Radio based on our movie theme songs post. Youtube has made it much more difficult to automate the process, so instead of the full enchilada you’re getting a CURATED selection of twenty songs (since that’s as many as I felt like loading manually). Enjoy!
Dockweiler Beach – 2/27/23
Midnight pierogies.
Self Portrait
MOMA, New York City
July 2022
Is that a Chinese weather balloon about to fall on you?
Armed and Hammered, I hope you have a very happy birthday, and tell me about it. I turn 64 next month and cannot get the old Beatles tune out of my head. I had that album too… on 8 track… nawt kidding. But it’s relative. I still (like many of you) have the mind of an 18 year old.
It’s just a number. I keep waiting for the grownups to bust up the party!
Like that meme goes, my mind still thinks I’m 18, my body thinks my mind is an idiot.
Falcons Ex QB Matt Ryan Returns to Atlanta; Retirement Next? – Sports Illustrated Atlanta Falcons News, Analysis and More
In future news, Matt Ryan attempted to sign a one-day contract today to retire as an Atlanta Falcon, but mistakenly signed the wrong line and signed a five-year contract. Yet another comeback thanks to Matt Ryan.
Anybody watching Baylor at OK St? It’s relatively uncompelling basketball.
Which is odd, since Baylor athletics is known for compelling people to do things against their will.
It brings me such joy knowing that Ken Starr is currently burning in hell, and will do so for all eternity.
And he’s got Rush Limbaugh with him!
I just ignited a paper towel in the microwave when cooking maple bacon for a late-night snack. Boy, this Monday won’t leave without a fight.
Action kitchen.
I had a small salt bomb pizza yesterday. Drank a litre of water last night and 2 during the day. Had another tonight and I think I’m finally back on track. That was a salt lick disguised as a really shitty salt-soaked pizza. Never again. Until the next time.
“Oh, that wasn’t salt. Tell me, did the pizza have a bit of an ammonia flavor, too?” – the guy who made the pizza, who remembered scotchnaut from his previous visit where he left only loose change as a tip
“…and that was the birth of my Italian Golden Shower fetish.”
“Amen! That was a wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner Prayer, Grandpa Scotchnaut.”
Hey, I remember this place.
Heyoooo!!
Did you have a stroke and push a wrong button?
Probably. I’ve missed you guys though.
Explains all the shrapnel, anyway.
Ciao Buddy
Oh, England. Did you think it was soccer?
Looks like Carson came and Wentz for the REDACTEDS
Remember when he was good?
Me neither.
He was almost as good as my joke. Which was terrible.
Holy shit New Zealand won!!!
That was amazing. I’m so glad I tuned in two days ago.
“For now, but don’t worry, after we fix the Civil War, we’re moving forward toward WW2.”
-M.T. Green, Congresswoman/Rejected Muppet
Chris Shapan
I love this! I knew Mickey Rooney was no damn good! Here’s something from Gumby
McDavid just got his 50th goal
… in a 3-2 loss to the Bruins.
Good job Ice Tungsten Arm O’Doyle
Holy shit! 9th wicket!
NZ still alive!
Cricket is strange.
For a five day game, it’s certainly an exciting finish!
That guy’s out-takes are some of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
I just scared my dog in law yelling “fuck you” at Rupert Murdoch’s scurrilous lies. He needs to die a horrifically painful and hopefully incredibly embarrassing death. Get on it killah ( he knows who he is!)
I remember seeing rumors of elder abuse by Putin’s mistress I mean Murdoch’s wife and thought “well if anyone actually deserves it…”
My Kissinger-meter informs me that he’ll die at age 102. But it hardly matters because he has offspring.
Minions tell the lies. Murdoch just counts the money.
Rectum? It damn near killed ‘im!
Sens barely holding on 6-2.
If a blowout occurs in an empty arena on a failing TV network in the least popular sport, did it even happen?
I hope the Wings trainers brought canisters of polluted air, hair-trigger handguns and tire-fire scented candles so that the players could feel like they were at their upscale bunker home.
Decided to change things up. Instead of dookieing up the garden, I’m having a late night meeting with the Boss.
You lucky bastard.
Cuddle up, my little dove.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgJSJjdFZaA
Ottawa desperately holding on to the most dangerous lead in hockey. (they’re up 5-2)
That should have could have been the 9th wicket.
Lebron says he heard a “pop” in his ankle during the game last night, but kept on playing. Fucking idiot. Playoffs coming, but hey, he got his big award show a few weeks ago, fuck the team.
I think “fuck the team” is his legal middle name
Sorry about the randomness above, I do not handle off the cuff type of situations well.
Sean Connery’s wife was like that at first, but she adjusted.
I liked it. But what would the Deathmarks think?
Uh oh, looks my my TV atennna reception antipodes are broken, we may never know how this hockey game ends…
Just got Spring Training tix in Scottsdale Vamos Gigantes!
Get Carlos Correa’s autograph for me!
/ducks
Eighth wicket!
43 is the target
Can’t find video coverage so I’m just seeing a liveblog. Why is England “declining” singles? I know it’s not limited overs, so as long as they don’t get out they’re fine, but why wouldn’t you grab a run here and there? Are they worried that they aren’t gimme singles and could get run out?
It’s on Hulu
I think that’s it. They don’t want to chance it.
Although now I’m thinking it’s because they don’t want Leach batting. Foakes is on fire.
Yeah, that’s an unbalanced partnership right now — Foakes has 33 runs to Leach’s zero!
And now Foakes is out!
Cousinfuckers-Cornholers tips off on TWWL2 if anyone wants to join my ennui and angst.
High as fuck in Riverside, ma dudes! Bad news: the furnace is broken. Good news: It’s only the downstairs furnace, and there’s a gas fireplace. And no Gumby!! He’s called like three times already, but he did send me this!
Very jealous, will not be able to refill my stash till we go to WA at the end of March.
The next career ending injury for Brady Tkatkcuk can’t come soon enough.
HERODOTUS 450: [watching an Ottawa Senators game in January] I wish someone would put an end to that dumb fucker Brady’s career next month.
MONKEY’S PAW: [curls]
Sens leading the Wings 1-1.
got smrt Ivie leegue edumakayshun!
Video games, you say?
Recently played:
_ Cyberpunk 2077. This would have been my third playthrough, this time with difficulty jacked all the way up. I took it all the way to the “No turning back” mission, and got bored cleaning up the outstanding missions.
_ Railway Empires. Build train tracks, buy trains, meet target goals or lose. Not your thing unless you like trains. I got my money’s worth out of that.
_ Skyrim. The fifth/sixth/seventh time I started it up, played about 12 hours or so, and got bored. It’s got everything and the kitchen sink. Except a compelling plot.
Now playing: The Witcher III. While I was playing Skyrim I started thinking, “If I’m going to play a huge open world game, why don’t I play Witcher III again?” You got a huge open world, crafting is still a thing but dialed down to a sane level, the plot is about 100 times better than Skyrim, and you get to see a boob!
re: Witcher III and CP2077. CD Projekt Red is all about violence and nudity. There’s no slider to dial down the boobs and blood. Witcher III was all about pandering to heterosexual teenage boys, and my inner teenager approves. CP2077 covers straight and gay romance options for male and female toons, if you want to gameplay that sort of thing.
I have really been sticking to survival/builder type games such as Valheim, Satisfactory, and Green Hell.
Of that sort of genre, I like Valheim the best. I was playing it a while back and my guy was sleeping in what was basically a manger with a chimney, next to my smelter. My friend showed me his Valheim estate, and I just gave up.
That friend also gave me the rundown on Conan Exiles. At some point you bonk NPCs in the head then drag them by a rope to your Wheel of Pain. It basically tortures them until they give up and become your thrall.
I’ve played a few other survival games, but I think I like the idea of playing those games better than actually playing them.
Now I’m kinda worried about the Wings players OD’ing on too much fresh air. I hope the trainers brought in some severely compromised oxygen.
Do the refs know their bribes are in CAD?
Gov. Whitmer beats both Ford Brothers, though. DO U EVEN GOVERNMENT BRUH?
Ottawa is playing Detroit in back-to-back games-it’s usually called “A Home and Home” series but this one is called “A Home and Sewage Water Treatment Plant” series.
Both games are in Ottawa if my sports ticker tape machine is to be believed. Nice to hear you guys have clean running water these days.
“OOOOOntario, where the spring water comes sweeping down the mountains!” (into smaller river basins that eventually empty out into one of the Great Lakes.)
/shamelessly stolen from Oklahoma! The Musical.
//Way back in prime Deadspin days myself and a guy (Mark Kelso’s Migraine) would riff on musicals
The musical episode of The Red Green Show was pretty good
He was okay but I wish he would have just settled on one primary color instead diddly-daddling.. Frustrating.
A dissenting opinion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRjurRdep_Q
A “home and flush it away” series?
I just made (and ate) some chicken soup. My soul is soothed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs0osMzTZQA
Still watching the cricket. I am amazingly drawn to it.
(stoned as fuck, sitting in his underwear watching an insect rub its back legs together)
If only that cricket was on TV and not just sitting on a leaf outside an elementary school.
“For fuck’s sake, SoS, we’ve been over this…” – SoS’s probation officer, upon hearing that he was within 500 feet of a school again
Last night, two crickets got into the house and were either serenading each other or making sweet sweet love.
All. Night. Long.
Lionel Ritchie Crickets!
They were dancing on the ceiling!
Fascinating species:
Always let your conscience be your guide!
Your what now?
Man, those matches last forever!
England needs 204 don’t they against the iwis in Wellington?
Now they only need 48 but they have 7 wickets. Anything can happen.
But how many overs?
They’ve played 64.4.