This weeks’ draft comes from Scotchnaut, a frequent contributor to these topics and local hobo control. The less said about the latter the better I suppose, but as to the former he’s got a solid topic this week, so here we go.
This week we’re picking players or coaches that you love to root against. We did something similar last year with schadenfreude for teams, but in this version we’re not doing teams, and there’s no specific instance of the individual losing necessary.
No real restrictions on this one, if there was a guy in Little League you hated go right ahead and pick them. We’re big fans of petty here. Unless your pick is Richard Petty, (can’t be Kyle Petty; guy never won anything), in which case you go right ahead and pick him.
Scotchy came up with the topic, so he gets the first pick. Fortunately he already gave me his pick so I don’t have to worry about his never checking his DMs, (probably because he had to pull the battery out of his phone so as to keep his whereabouts from those busybody authorities), and I can therefore report from Scotchy: “My example would be Pat Ewing at Georgetown-hated that team, hated that guy but loved watching college ball back then so I’d watch him and hoped he’d fuck up.” 
With the second pick I’ll take the ol’ nose-picker himself, Jimmy Boeheim. 
Look, Boeheim is a Hall-of-Fame coach. Literally. I used to hate him because Syracuse would always whip up on UConn, then UConn got good and Syracuse stayed good, so I hated him because there was a rivalry, with real consequences to every game. That’s good sports hate. Now I want Boeheim to fail because he’s an arrogant ass who has stayed well past his expiration date, who backstabs players not named Boeheim, and who storms out of press conferences when asked perfectly legitimate questions. Watching them lose by 20, (and it wasn’t that close), to Georgia Tech, as GT rained threes over Jim’s beloved zone, was truly a good time.
I love watching Boeheim fail, and as a Uconn fan I hope he never retires.
The rest of you are on the clock. Ten picks or 30 minutes, and beware the witching hour.
One of my favorite things is to forget this asshole is dead and then wish he is dead and then, what do you know?, the fat piece of shit is dead.
So that’s fun.
Dillon Brooks is trash. Even in the few NBA games I’ve seen him appear, it’s the same bush league low character BS he did in college.
Thank goodness the man can ball. He’d be running a telecom otherwise….
The Nonwhite Grayson Allen
Jerry Jones is a piece of shit. (For those who don’t know, Jones is in the pic on the right as part of a mob trying to keep black students out of their school)
The only thing that would DQ him for this draft is that he’s come up short every year, sometimes miserably, ever since his ego told him he could do it without Jimmy Johnson.
Let’s be clear that Switzer was a moron who won with Jimmy Johnson’s team, and in no way gets credit for that himself.
My first pick is doing great, you guys!
https://awfulannouncing.com/college-basketball/jim-boeheim-radio-show-callers-fans-syracuse.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter
It’s so funny to me that he can’t stand a bit of confrontation these days when he was always pushing back against Big East coaches (especially the intimidating Thompson) when they were trying to negotiate individual sponsorship deals for unis, balls and shoes when the agreement was that the league was to do those deals.
Janay deeply regrets her role in this draft.
What’s wrong with Jerry Rice?
Is Trevor Bauer still on the board? I’ll take that piece of shit, he made it real easy to root against him.
I have an irrational hatred of Derek Jeter. Don’t know why, but his general vapid jockishness just irritates the hell out of me.
That, and he played for the fucking Yanks.
I don’t like him either.
Alex Verdugo
A moderately talented player in the AL East who insists not only on wearing the number 99, but also has a gaudy necklace with 99 on it, so everyone can have a constant reminder that he’s not Aaron Judge and never will be.
It’s not his fault. But I hate everything about this man.
— Blair W., current parts unknown
Wherever he is he’s likely wide right of where he intended to be.
Deserves to be on The Giants Ring of Honor, him.
Goodell
Like you don’t know why.
Bobby Knight is a cunt.
[redacted]
(I was complimenting him on the value of the pick)
So insanely valuable, Don T. picked him hours ago…
Blair Witch, Red Courtesy Phone. Blair Witch. Red Courtesy Phone.
Humblest apologies to Don T. My scrolling game is weak apparently.
“Bobby is a cunt
Danny is a runt
They both went down to Berlin and joined the Ice Capades”
Johnny Manziel-what an arrogant prick. His slow-motion fall was glorious to watch-just knew that his undisciplined playing style wouldn’t cut it at the NFL level.
Aw, I was hoping that he’d actually be able to succeed in the NFL as a booze-swilling fuckup and drive sanctimonious pricks like Tony Dungy crazy.
4. There’s an insane amount of value left on the board (YEEE-HAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!) but I’m going to reach here and take Marta (of Brazilian women’s fútbol fame). And it really only amounted to a single game, but HOO BOY did I enjoy seeing her walk off the field in such disappointment when the U.S. beat them in 2011.
Several Martas.
The exchange student from the Netherlands that Gumby banged the night of our Senior party, when he could have/ should have been with me was a Marta. Fuck all Martas. Sleazy ho’s!
I will absolutely take the entire USWMNT that celebrated every goal like it was the second coming of Christ while beating fucking Thailand 9-1. God I was so happy when they lost.
Fuck it, I may throw one of my earlier picks back so I can take them.
I hate it when I start to type something, realize I have already posted and then realize I can’t just kill the uneeded post.
OK then 3rd round Rooney
Is that Mickey or Ed?
Rae Carruth should still be in jail. Fuck him.
“That’s how I got into this mess in the first place.”
–His dead girlfriend
I think most of us loved to hate Laimbeer
We all hate the Blair Witch.
I just edited out my pick after further review.
I’ll show myself out.
Meh, shit happens. Laimbeer was such a dirty fuckhead he deserves a vote of hatred from all of us.
A coast to coast shit head.
I’m off to a client deposition. You all keep the hate flowing.
This fuckin’ guy.
Beating Frank Beamer was always reason to celebrate.
Rick Vaive. Forever fuck the Leafs.
2nd round this clown
Since I whiffed on taking Rodgers earlier, I’ll go with some true Midwestern hate for Bill Laimbeer. Fuck him, his dirty play, and his stupid combat basketball video game.
https://youtu.be/KJElxAHRcyw
Baseball’s not really my sport, but I used to care about the Bucs. Not any more, because fucking Bob “Bottom line” Nutting made it obvious that he’s perfectly happy with the Pirates being profitable bottom dwellers.
He is garbage man.
3. Hue Jackson. I don’t know if I’ve ever had as much fun watching someone lose as I did with this man (excepting those times he lost with My Raiders):
Our Equine Lord and SavioUr beat this sabotaging, anti-football dickwad in his last career game, for his 2nd consective Owl trophy. Once in a very long while, the stars align perfectly. Off to prep for a work call now.
Karl Malone is a shitty person.
-banged a 13 yr. old, got her pregnant then denied paternity
-hit on Kobe’s wife
-gave Isiah Thomas 40 stitches
-had some interesting things to say about Magic and AIDS
/so glad his Lakers career was such a joke
Jimmy Kimmel’s parody of Karl was so, so good.
Regarding your second point, he probably just thought Vanessa might be up to re-enact that scene from Major League as a revenge thing.
Vanessa Bryant is trash too. “Sure Kobe, I’ll forgive you for raping that girl, just give me a huge purple diamond.” Ugh.
Harbs the Elder. Love to see him whine and cry to the refs, because that means he is losing. What a complete pissbaby.
“Ooh, nice pick!” – Jim Harbaugh
“Neither of you are my son.”
— Jack Harbaugh
All of my picks got taken already (work sucks), but that was my wife’s pick after Belichick.
Deshaun Watson enters the octagon.
… in a bathrobe with his junk sticking out
I was very glad not to have him associated with the #BFIB no MOAR. Terrible manager, even worse drunk driver.
This guy 1st round
Rockville CT’s pride and joy!
May not be popular but Craig Biggio. Fuck that guy and his uparmored lean over the plate elbow.
Another piece of low-hanging shit:
Too many reasons for hatred and disgust to count…
Most guys won’t know him but Ottawa sportswriter Bruce Garrioch has been writing about the Senators for a long time. He’s a pandering, lowest common denominator, smarmy fuckstick that serves as the mouthpiece of the team in the guise of “scoops”.
/And I didn’t even need to fat-shame him
//oops!
If we’re allowed sportswritters\talking heads, then can I take Stephen A Smith.
[hands you the severed head of Stephen A. Smith] – Richie Incognito
Paul Finebaum. And Tammy from Tuscaloosa.
2. Alex Rodriguez.
I’ve never understood the ARod HAET, but it’s hilarious nonetheless.
There’s this:
And this:
https://youtu.be/x9NSSCzrnRw
And then of course the steroids…
https://www.espn.com/mlb/news/story?id=3894847
And the centaur paintings….
“I dunno, centaurs are kinda cool.” – Daniel Jones, currently hallucinating that he is riding one through a neon forest
“AAaaaaaa!!!”
— Eli, running away in terror at the thought of centaurs
[tongues salt lick suggestively] – John Elway
One of the kids on my Juniors LL team, (high school age, 90′ bases), did that against a team we were killing and I yanked him out of the game before he hit 3rd base.
“See, if one of my kids did that I would have kissed him.” – 1st overall “players you love to root against” draft pick Tom Brady
Brodie Merrill. He’s a lacrosse player, but always whining about something. even when winning. Drives me crazy. He’s set all sort of records for loose balls and being a Long stick middie ( LSM), but fuck him with a long pole.
I mean how could you not love to see a guy named “Brodie” lose? I’d root against my own brother if that were his name (and lacrosse was his game).
Grumblelord Bill. Fuck that joyless cheater.
The sportsball world’s pioneer in forgetting the English language when it’s expedient- Sammy Sosa!
He was also pretty good at forgetting about the PED rules…
Don’t forget about his forgetting about that.
These two forgetsies traits overlapped quite a bit.
And also White Sammy Sosa!
We could probably have done an All-Duke version of this and never run out of picks, but this fucking guy is at the top of my list.
(Grayson Allen, on the far left, to avoid the understandable confusion caused by a picture including three Duke players)
Would’ve figured it was the guy unabashedly kicking his opponent, but ya never know, so always good to have clarification.
Using best Colin Cowherd voice, “Aaron Fucking Rodgers”.
The only player I consistently wish great physical violence towards.
What a piece of shit and abject failure as a human being as well.
Fuck that asshole.
As a Packer Fan, I whole-fucking-heartily agree
What a POS
A.Cowherd
B. Rodgers
C. Both
D. True
Cowherd. Fuck that guy.
John Fucking Starks. Fuck that guy.
1. Mike Krzyzewski
Stunned that rat lasted this long.
Me too, that’s why I didn’t waste time looking for a picture.
I loved him in Monsters Inc!
Here’s a nice image of him losing:
This is the only way I want to see Claude Lemieux: Turtling while getting his ass beat to hell and back.
https://www.hockeyfights.com/fights/174
Lemieux did at least stand up and fight McCarty in this one, but he still loses and gets pile-driven into the ice, so I give it two thumbs up.
Please tell me you watched the 30 for 30 on the Avs-Wings 90s rivalry
More than once.
Stabby, just for so very, very many reasons.
Oh yes. Yes indeed.
Steven “Born Slippy” Gerrard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_ug1jZwAJA
Just to let Rikki know he is not alone, it is 9:07 and I just heard the vacuum fire up.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: My wife has hired a friend to come over and help her clean, our vacuum apparently not being enough.
/We do have a lot of dust left over from the renovation and I think Mrs. Horatio’s plan is to get this friend to take a bunch of stuff that we don’t want or need anymore. If the friend is smart she’ll demand more money to take it.
//Related: Do any of you need any tables, or perhaps a sleeper couch that’s been viciously clawed by a cat and/or cats? Because I can make it happen!
“Do I need a real address, or can you just drop it off next to, say, an Arby’s dumpster?”
-T. Marinovich
If no one takes it we’ll probably drop it at the transfer station dumpsters so I like your odds, Todd.
Completely by chance, that’s where Jim Tomsula made camp. What luck!
[gears up for a turf war] – Andy Reid
Bobby Knight. I’ll take two questions, these are my answers.
1. Fuck you.
2. Let’s keep it civil, k?
Brett Favre. Great feeling when he threw a back breaking interception. And that was before we know the depths of his shittitude.
They should rerelease those picks in IMAX now.
People don’t appreciate what this man did to make an old rivalry fun again and — well lets just say, I saw the Washington Generals this weekend so i can say with confidence that ASU has guys who have the skills to ball professionally.
When UA/ASU jump conferences, that’s probably going to be the end of my more-than-cursory interest in the team. It makes me feel happy to know the hypercorporatism of amateur youth sports (slash Public Education) killed my interest and that i an exiting the arena a good fan.
Oooooh, can we get some Bobby Hurley Mouth Eyes?
Jim Calhoun. Such a prick that he made Wolven Sort (ver briefly) rally around HWSNBN (ie, Herb Sendek)
You, Sir, can go to hell.
(Calhoun was a total prick)
Both of these two.
“Sex on Fire” plays in the background
“Guy on the left clearly knows about Robert Kraft’s history with slaves.”
-Sill Bimmons
That was good coffee I just spit out, so thanks.
That’s two picks, albeit two completely understandable picks. Going to flip a coin and give WCS….Tom Brady!
Robert Kraft is still on the table, no doubt wrapped in a towel that he intends to drop as soon as some poor Vietnamese girl is shoved into the room.