Guttersnipe

There is light amid the darkness. Not only did mister Lily and I (mostly him) actually win a game last week but we are now on week 24 or 25 of 27. I think it’s 24 but it’s hard to tell from the weekly results sheet.

Usually when our married teammates miss a week, which has been rather often in the post-Christmas bowling era, they send a text message to let us know. Not so this past week. We were left in the lurch, waiting to see if they would show up at their normal one-minute-before-the-game time. We weren’t surprised but it did really sink our hopes for any success that night.

The other team only had two members as well. A nice couple in their 50s I would say, they were fun to play with and didn’t mind reminding Lily that bowling is not life or death. Probably so he’d stop moaning at them about our absent teammates. Unfortunately for us their team’s missing duo had pre-bowled quite well and we only got 90% of our other half’s average. They basically had our hamsters in a sack before we even started.

Game one went pretty much as expected. Deflated by our long odds and deep sobriety, both of us rolled tepid games barely squeaking past the hundred mark. My 107 just nosing past his 105 and adding to the averages for a paltry 423 total. Ugly and almost sinfully inept. Add in the handicap — ours 16 points higher — and we lost 822 – 779.

Game 2 I realized that a few pints of beer would not be righting my ship as I stumbled my way to a 106. Lily upped his to 127 and we got hammered again, 911 to 800 with the handies capped.

Game 3 looked to be the same kind of dumpster juice sucking embarrassment as the first two. Somehow, though, Lily ran himself into a hot streak like the Gutterfingers haven’t seen before. He striked and spared his way to a new team record 197 (passing our fine lady bowler’s 196) and narrowly missed out on his first 200 game. Good thing, too. We’ll never hear the end of this “record” game until she comes out again and tops it. I coughed up a 111 and we managed to just barely take the win, 875 – 871.

Of course we did lose the overall total as well as two of three but at least there was some scrap of life to pep our steps on the way out the door. Now hopefully only a few more weeks and Lily will be off to start his spring Casino league with a couple of blue hairs from the golden girls. Quite a team that will be with his long beard, tattoos, and metal tee shirts. They love him (for now). Probably just talk about their cats all game.

Enjoy your evening and make sure to sign up and donate now to stop the newt crisis. Better yet, glue yourself to a drainage pipe and set your clothes alight. If you don’t you are a blight on humanity and you are literally stomping them to death with your own boots.
You sick, evil, Nazi monster.

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BC Dick
An aspiring nihilist who lives in British Columbia and feels nothing while watching the Seahawks, Blue Jays, Lions, Canucks, and several local minor league teams.
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Brick Meathook

I think both the bowling posts are great.

Gumbygirl

Me too! Makes me want to keggle.

2Pack

Life cycle computer swap out at work today. My future is very uncertain.

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WCS

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“Military grade” chow!

Sharkbait

Wash it down with some Malk

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Gumbygirl

When we were too broke for the local supermarket in Scotland, we sometimes had to use our commissary ” benefit.” They sold mystery meat with stickers on it that said it was declared safe for human consumption by the Army veterinarian. Nope. No thank you. They are much better now, but back then all they had going for them was that they were cheap.

2Pack

Oh yeah very fond memories of those days.

TheRevanchist

The veterinarians in the military also do the food safety audits of all food processors that sell to the military. Having always worked in food manufacturing, I can tell you they do a good job of making sure the food is safe.

It does not mean it’s high quality or has a taste that is agreeable. Even pickled herring is safe for human consumption, but it’s some seriously nasty, ass-tasting shit.

Gumbygirl

I know it wouldn’t make you sick, it was just not good quality or appetizing. We went to the commissary at 29 Palms recently. It was like any other American supermarket. They weren’t like that 40 years ago. Not even close.

2Pack

I agree, have worked with the vets a lot. Always took one down to Africa or Southwest Asia during deployments to “safe” food sources so we could quickly get TF offa MRE’s.

Brick Meathook

Military Grade: Worse than civilian grade but ten times more expensive

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS DFO I CALL IT PETE WEBER IN THE 80s BECAUSE TODAY IT’S NOTHING BUT BOWLING AND COKED OUT MEMORIES

Sharkbait

All the coke was needed to forget Regan

Redshirt

When I’m elected Evil Overlord of the World, the First Four games will be played in the parking lot where the First Round games are held. The winner celebrates by being let into the NCAA Tournament. The loser see their dreams end as the door slams shut on them.

And, before you ask, yes, two of the games will be #1 vs. #1.

Sharkbait

Now this is a tournament game I’d watch.

WCS

Amendment to that bill: Dook and Gonzaga must play each other every season as one of the First Four games if both qualify for the Tournament. The loser is deported, the winner must play the #1-overall seed 15 minutes later.

Sharkbait

Empty net goal by the Ice giants gets me the cover!

I’m still burning through all the promotional deposit matching rewards/free bets for MA sportsbooks. Once I’m done I’m definitely turning off the easy gambling till football season.

Senor Weaselo

HIMMY COVER!

Sharkbait

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litre_cola

I can’t get the hoopsball games but can get South American futbol. What a time to be alive.

WCS

Cousinfuckers winning the 2007 NIT was lowkey one of the weirdest and most entertaining things I ever experienced in sprotsdom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXtA2Art5CE&t=2s&ab_channel=MelliH
Now Radford Head Coach Darris Nichols was a freshman here.

Go get that title, Fightin’ Gumbies and add to the DFO Clubhouse trophy case.

Horatio Cornblower

UConn won the NIT in ’88 and we damn near burned the campus down celebrating.

The next year they got tot defend the NIT title, and we weren’t quite as excited.

Gumbygirl

Hell yes!

Senor Weaselo

You know who has the most NIT championships in history? St. John’s!

Granted, four of the six were 1965 or earlier. (Okay, technically only 5 count, 2003 was vacated.)

King Hippo

How cruel, to vacate a fucking NIT TITLE.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Wasn’t the NIT the bigger title back then, until the NCAA forced teams to go to their tournament.

Someone look that up; I’m too lazy.

Senor Weaselo

The two in the ’40s, yes. The two in the ’60s, possibly. ’89 and ’03*, no.

WCS

It was. Some time after WWII, the NCAA Tournament became the bigger one.

Gumbygirl

I think you’re right. Also too lazy to look, remind me tomorrow.

Game Time Decision

My lacrosse leagues are the same with everyone showing up 30 seconds before the game starts. So, never know how many players each team will have until the opening whistle

scotchnaut

Loved the guys that didn’t show up to my basketball leagues-more playing time for me. I ran a lot back in those days so I could play the whole game without dragging my ass.*

*strategic use of timeouts are implied

Last edited 1 year ago by scotchnaut
Game Time Decision

Yep, we try to do the same thing with timeouts and picking times to run and when to walk. However, when we have more subs than the other team, I want to run the other team into the ground by running all game and taking short shifts . Most teams make it until the 3rd quarter and then are gassed.
I do like more on the bench now that I’m old. We play against too many twenty-somethings to be able to run with them all night.

scotchnaut

You thinking about coaching?

Game Time Decision

Coached for youngest when she played. Done with that now, and no interest in doing it again. Just trying to do what I can to have an advantage. Muhahaha

Horatio Cornblower

I played intramural lacrosse in high school.

To this day I do not know a single rule associated with actual lacrosse.

King Hippo

Man, I really want to find truTV. Sportsball Crack is one helluva drug.

But YES, opium is still way better.

scotchnaut

Cool News-my favorite niece*-she’s maybe 12 or 13 or 14 years old-is representing northern Ontario in a Canada-wide ski-racing competition in Quebec next month.

*when I showed up to an Xmas get-together I had a bottle of Fiji water. Her response was, “There’s my rich uncle, I bet you fill up that bottle with regular spring water, just to pretend you’re rich”. She’s got moxie.

herodotus450

On behalf of the State Department I’d like to formally offer that niece US Citizenship. And if she gives up some dirt on 3 or more Candaiens she’ll qualify for Super Citizenship.

Dunstan

I think she may have some information regarding some unsolved hobo killings.

scotchnaut

I’m buying her a case of Fiji 500ml bottles to help her out during the competition and for her to recognize who has the final flex.

Redshirt

When we spring forwarded on Sunday, I didn’t realize we skipped all the way to winter.

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scotchnaut

Rutgers is a #1 seed in a NITting competition. Seems about right.

Gumbygirl

We’re still friends with the assistant AD at UAB. The semifinals and finals of the NIT are in Vegas, at the suspiciously named Ocean Arena. If my Blazers make it, Gumby told Brad we’ll see him there. Right now they’re playing the first game, beating So Miss quite handily.

Last edited 1 year ago by Gumbygirl
Senor Weaselo

And lost to the Fightin’ Chrebets!

Horatio Cornblower

Rutgers decision to leave the Big East to pursue football glory just continues to pay off for them.

LemonJello

I’ve run across something called SEMO v TA&M-CC and it looks…not good.

Gumbygirl

I can translate this! It’s Southeastern Missouri vs Texas A& M Corpus Christi. Or something completely different.

blaxabbath

[email protected]

This is the “call the state if you don’t like hearing about what you’re kid is learning” hotline.

All the submissions will be public record. So do as much about DFO as possible in your hand-wringing emails.

I went ahead and covered the Nancy Reagan Blowjob Queen topic in my email today.

Redshirt

“Yeah, can I order a Caffeine Free Diet Trump, Only 50% less Conservative and hold the racism, sexism and God-complex?”

Horatio Cornblower

Do you have to be from Arizona? Because I have some thoughts on the Albigensian Crusades that I’d be happy to share.

Dunstan

“My kid opened the closet and saw Principal Skinner and Mrs. Crabapple making a baby, and the baby looked at him!”

Game Time Decision

Send in a few Dr Seuss books but only a few lines at a time
Ascii art, double finger is an obvious choice, as is a giant penis
Voice to text of cspan

blaxabbath

Who put together the postings list today? Big Ernie McCracken?

LemonJello

You said Newt crisis, and I was afraid that we warped back through time and this asshole was in charge.

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blaxabbath

“I can’t hear you over the sound of worrying for my wife to die IN CHRIST!”

-N Gingrich

scotchnaut

“Thank god for cancer because the new female can suck chrome off a pipe!”

-N. Gingrich

Dunstan

Well, he did call himself a Reagan Republican

Redshirt

This is how bad the Republican Party is. Eight years ago, I would’ve danced a jig on the grave, pissed on his grave and drove a homosexual couple there to make sweet, passionate love on his grave. Not necessarily in that order, of course.

Now I almost miss that son of a bitch. Almost.

King Hippo

The Gumby family sparking doobs for UAB NIT action?

litre_cola

What’s an NIT? – 10th man on U*NC’s bench who would have gotten to play

Gumbygirl

Pussies. They fear my Blazers

Gumbygirl

Naturellement. Bien sur. Youbetcha!

LongtimeLionsLoser

Bowling reminds me of the Simpsons, and then I think of Diamond Joe Quimby.

Honk at that broad!

https://youtu.be/sOe7mo6EWKs

Senor Weaselo

The newt crisis is due to all the witches turning people into them!

/Some of them got better!

Brick Meathook

The description of your partner Lily sounds like Smokey’s partner in The Big Lebowski. He is only seen at the edge of frame for a brief instant, but that’s what he looks like. I’m trying to find a still image.

I love how none of the teams make any sense in that movie.

Brick Meathook

Well, middle of the frame for an instant:

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
WCS

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The Newt Crisis is what led to the extinction of Xenomorph.

LemonJello

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