This week we’re back to a full work week, none of that Memorial Day nonsense which makes me forget I have a job for 24 extra blessed hours. Now, how to best go about making sure I don’t do that job? Why, I’ll just remember to post a mock draft and then (sorta, kinda, not really), moderate it throughout the day.
This week we have a topic from the possibly angry mind of RTD, who suggested “explosions.” We hashed this out in the back offices and have agreed that it has to be an explosion involving actual explosives, like TNT, volcanoes, that sort of thing. You cannot take JJ Fozz for explosions of anger, nor can you take Peter North for, well, you know good and well what I’m talking about there. Don’t make me type it or we’ll get banned in Florida.
Do we actually have anyone from Florida here? I don’t think we do. Speak up if you are, but be prepared to explain yourself.
I am making the executive decision that you can, however, take an athletic program/politician/celebrity just absolutely exploding their career and/or history. Why? Because it sounded like too much fun when I just ran it through my head, and because it gives me an excuse to post this fun little guy:
Your commissioner today is a man who knows a little too much about pyrotechnics, Howard Payne from ‘Speed’,
the movie that launched Sandra Bullock’s career, as well as launching more than a few things during the movie courtesy of the occasional well-timed explosion.
Rikki has already given me his first pick, the destruction of the Death Star from the original Star Wars arcade game. if he can find a video that isn’t 8 minutes long he can add it here in post. I couldn’t, and I looked for several seconds before giving up in disgust.
— [WORDPRESS EDITOR FLIES OPEN] —
Rikki here. I mean I literally sent Horatio this clip when I proposed the draft topic, but…I suppose I shouldn’t harp on his deficiencies, he gets enough of that at home, and at work, and at restaurants, and when he goes to the post office, and when he’s on vacation, and at the hardware store…and, you know what? Let’s get to the video:
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
—
With the second pick I’ll take the destruction of the Death Star from the first movie, ‘A New Hope’ or whatever the hell it was called.
The rest of you are on the clock
Next pick: Nothing to see here
Kind of cool but the movie? Jeez, I dont know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVz0k5AzM6A
I enjoyed the movie.
I don’t enjoy the people who care to be any embodiment of it.
It might count
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG8iDbBrYjA
It doesn’t, but it will when Rikki does this for the request line.
Last One.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-fJd2ALiPM
Am I Blair Witching? Who cares, this is awesome. Caddyshack, baybee!
Lol
https://youtu.be/U0Hx5ka1FiA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ4bW4qD3b8&ab_channel=karlkole
We’d be remiss if we didn’t include this lil beauty from Scanners.
I had something else ready to go, but somehow this is still available:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6CLumsir34&ab_channel=KATUNews
1:55 if you don’t want the hilarious-in-hindsight exposition of what’s happening
Oh God, I forgot about that. That’s first round talent right there.
Here’s a just marvelous bit of satire poking fun at Glen Youngkin and his republicon colleges’ fascination with inspecting kids’ genitals. Tip of the hat to whomever composed this:
Whoever did that has my vote for President.
Ayup. That’s some next level smart assery right there, yessir.
Assuming he passes the penis inspection, of course.
Not to mention the testicle tendering.
Parliamentary Inquiry: Are implosions close enough to explosions? Because then all of Cincinnati Postseason Collapses are in play.
Implosions are very much in play. I believe, for instance, that the Kingdome BFC selected is technically an implosion, and I know Syracuse’s athletic decisions qualify as such.
This Delta II going KerBLAMMMO in ’97 is pretty spectacular. The flaming fallout is pretty cool to watch as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTmb3Cqb2qw
I’ll make it official: Syracuse leaving the Big East for football glory in the ACC while simultaneously allowing Jim Boeheim to keep coaching well past his expiration date.
Is UConn about to do the same thing, minus the way-too-old coach for the Big 12? I have no comment.
Look out, Steve Smith, somebody is stealing your bit:
https://www.qcnews.com/crime-and-public-safety/man-arrested-for-allegedly-punching-baby-in-face-cmpd/
Stupid babies need the most punches!
5. Hypershock’s finest moment, as well as one of the coolest and most memorable things ever to happen on the show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNk5-3fGNqI
I’ll take the Kingdome implosion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnGt9OPueII
As a staunch anti-monarchist, I support this pick.
I see.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/afb58885-c4b2-4cc1-9f02-328fd1d5771b
That makes me sad. I saw the Mariners and Seahawks play there, even the Sonics when they were renovating Seattle Center. I also saw the Sonics at the Tacoma Dome too that season. They had a sock hop after the game that ShaNaNa played, it was mad fun.
Doesn’t mean watching it implode wasn’t cool.
Truth!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNlP9TGZOMI&ab_channel=SteveRosenow
Starts around 90 seconds. Reading about this as a kid sparked my life-long love of everything geographic.
EDIT: If I’ve learned one single thing in that time: nature always wins.
I read about this avidly as a young lad, too!
We need more deadly ‘splosions, thin out humanity’s ranks a little.
There’s always the Yellowstone caldera. But I’d rather see a different part of the country destroyed.
Don’t worry: if/when that goes, most of the country will be destroyed.
Also, “caldera” is just a damn cool word.
Why has nobody written a good apocalyptic novel/series about this??
(or if someone HAS, please tell Hippo)
I think the John Cusack movie ‘2012’ revolved heavily around the Yellowstone caldera, (WCS is right; it’s such a cool word, and more sports teams need to use it), but you also said ‘good’, and ‘2012’ might be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
See at least the creators of the movie San Andreas understood that if your film is going to be terrible, it needs to have redeeming qualities, such as Alexandra Daddario’s boobies.
If you see that Roland Emmerich is involved, you know it’s going to be dumb. Like Michael Bay-level dumb. He’s done a couple of good ones (ex: Universal Soldier), but they’re dumb too.
Independence Day is superbly, wonderfully dumb.
Moonfall, not so much.
Moonfall sucked.
“I got your Moonfall right here!” – Vince Wilfork, pulling down his pants and sitting on top of you
Save it for the dwarf, Vince.
I remember we got ash (yes ash) from this in the local mountains here in SoCal. It was quite the ejaculation.
We moved to Washington in 1984, and drove down that way soon after. It had been 4 years since the explosion, and iin a lot of ways it looked like it had just happened. Mile after mile with no trees. We couldn’t even get very close, the roads were still closed. It was scary, not gonna lie.
Yet another favorite in the “comedic effect” category:
Dishonorable mention:
The gene pool is better off for these having happened.
Truly, Darwinism in action.
This will cheer you up at lunchtime.
https://youtu.be/VjQ2t_yNHQs?t=255
I’ve been watching these. They need more narrative cohesion, but they’re definitely cool as hell to look at.
any one of the zillion episodes of Myth busters, but this one, high speed footage of the explosion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIbl_3g5FRA
The picnic basket explosion is my favorite. George Takei cackling and acting like a complete maniac makes this one of my favorite commercials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBuozDqbur0
The Beirut fireworks factory explosion delivered what the Poochie episode promised.
Nuked!
4. Stepping into the real world for a moment, and this is an extremely difficult decision for me. I’ve selected the following because of the sheer joy of it. It’s also a one-in-a-million shot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR07C5pNPo4
The runner-up; call this my 4b pick. Just absolutely incredible footage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHq7SJ40dPI
I was always blown away (yeah, I know. SorryNotSorry) by the animation in the opening sequence explosion in Akira.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05i9YMvn46M
Also pretty good from Akira:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzdtFmfE9ls
Still amazed at the animation in that movie.
I’ll take the legend Stanley Kubrick and the beautiful irony of the end of “Full Metal Jacket”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmILOL55xP0
This explosion in 21 Jump Street works even better because of all the shit that didn’t explode earlier in the movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dcr9thZVWI
The Sarah Connor nuke dream was pretty cool/horrifying
As far as explosions for comedic effect, the Top Secret / Pinto one is a classic.
& it’s especially funny, ’cause Lee Iaccoca caused people to burn to death and faced no penalties.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Qj58o87sY
I love how the tail gunner explodes separately.
I love everything about this movie.
“Your Ripple Blanc, sir.”
I’m a nerd, so I’ll take the Trinity Test. This new Oppenheimer movie is going to make a lot of people annoying about the Manhattan Project, isn’t it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7fKlk441dQ
Yeah.
Don’t worry. They’ll all be mutual fund experts next….
I’m looking forward to the hot takes about how the US should have just invaded mainland Japan instead of dropping the bombs, because that would surely have resulted in less casualties.
Death Blossom?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLNvUsTBGyE
I’ve posted this before; someone did a fan edit of the trailer which I thought was pretty special:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l55LwfcPfWM
“Has anyone taking Hiroshima yet?”
–Bill Parcells
3. The Daedalus Maneuver
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLi7ULuqDkQ
You just picked this topic so you could watch cartoons, didn’t you?
“Don’t you dare judge him.” – Eli Manning
Basketball coach most likely to go on a murderous rampage? My money’s on Frank Martin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsrpzzxsfVY&ab_channel=RubberBandCat
I mean if you want to talk about blowing it all up, Ime Udoka is still on the board.
I mean, literally says you can’t do this in what passes for the rules.
“You cannot take JJ Fozz for explosions of anger”
what about that guy that would throw chairs across the floor on the reg
The end of Major Kong’s last ride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snTaSJk0n_Y
https://youtu.be/ndVhgq1yHdA
Hopefully this link works, but that 2012 show where San Diego set off all the fireworks at once.
Real-world explosion, and nobody got hurt? Excellent selection.
I’m just gonna take, in general… Squidward Tentacles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N263UM-198Q
[waves hands in the air] “Please go home-there’s nothing to see here.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFzA6s4Hahw&ab_channel=TheTelegraph
No footage of the incident, unfortunately, but the explosion that blew JPP’s fingers off must’ve been a pretty good one…
& I imagine he’s feeling kinda slighted at not being tapped for the commissioner’s role in this draft…
And it’s all thanks to the MPAA, who would much rather you see exposed intestines than an exposed human penis or vagina.
Yeah, I think I remember a french person making a snide yet accurate remark along the lines of “In American movies you can’t show a boob unless someone’s cutting it off”
V for Vendetta
(Spoiler Alert, it’s the damn ending)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkiMEJqc9_M&t=99s
The Overture should be played every time something is publicly blown to smithereens.
Ripley and Newt!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOoTnifwn2I
I heard Newt got better.
Newt sucks
A mock draft about explosions?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CS7j5I6aOc&ab_channel=GregSteel
3:45
https://youtu.be/6Wd8gjumhLQ
Great pick, high on my draft board
Slightly higher quality version of my first pick. Anyone who ever played this arcade game will understand how wonderful it felt to see this explosion and then hear the music pick up again as you go around again at a higher difficulty level.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJv94FPRddA&t=153s
They had a sit-down version at the arcade near campus, and 8 tokens for a dollar happy hour from 12-4 PM. I spent a lot of money in that thing.
Worth every penny.
2. The original “ring” explosion from Stargate. Created a host of pale imitations, including the Star Wars special editions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWIS7olVbGE&t=126s
Ugh, that improved explosion makes no sense. If the explosive force would’ve been that strong to create an explosive ring like that, the Death Star should’ve split in half along the rings and shot out sideways.
Oh, well, at least it wasn’t Starkiller Base, who stole their idea from Megamind.
Megamind: The Sun is Warming Up – YouTube
Don’t try to make Star Wars bear resemblance to reality, unless you want to sprain your brain.
Dr. Ball: “‘She’s lost the Will to Life’?! What’s your degree in?! Poetry?!”
The thing that always bugged me about the Death Star explosions in the Star Wars films is that they were too damned fast. It’s not just gonna go “pop”, it takes time for an explosion of that magnitude to propagate. Which is one of the reasons why I love the arcade game version.
Agreed. If that had enough force to go from “no boom” to “no Death Star” in less than a second, everyone in the fighters, ships and planets would’ve been instantly killed by the pressure wave.
I’m intrigued at the reception/accuracy of the VIII (I think) Pinkie driving light speed at the destroyer (I think).
I enjoyed that part at the theater. But that might have just been because the film was so slow.
I loved the effect. People liked to complain “why didn’t the Rebellion just do that all the time with light-speed capable drones?” which is a valid question, but there are plenty of hand wave-y explanations like “light-speed drives are crazy expensive and will only punch as big of a hole as the mass of the ship; it’s just not a practical method.”
If this is accurate, I would imagine closely accurate or best case scenario. Depends on how big the shrapnel of Punky’s ship and how close or beyond light speed it was traveling. The bigger and faster, then it starts to surpass the Death Star.
https://www.quora.com/What-would-happen-if-a-space-rock-the-size-of-a-fist-hit-the-Earth-at-the-speed-of-light
I mean, it’s space, so there’s no such thing as a pressure wave. But if they actually went for realism in that regard the actual explosion would look considerably different, too.
with space being the whole vacuum thingy, once the pressure was released, it would either snuff out the explosion due to lack of fuel ( o2) or implode or just nothing.
Great movie, and I say that unironically.
Jesus Christ, this whole fucking thread.
It was good when it aired, it still holds up. And let’s face it, its not like we’ve all haven’t daydreamed about this happening within the past 7 years.
Independence Day | White House Destruction – YouTube
Nothing else smells like that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj8hWnYyYDQ
First thing that popped in my head
https://youtu.be/lQKWn6oPj-c
Shoulda been you, Osmonds.
She blowed up real good!
Why learning the language of the people you are fighting may be important.
USS Enterprise NCC-1701 Destruction – YouTube
That’s a good one.
I’ll take Tropic Thunder. BIG ASS TITTIES
https://youtu.be/Mhu2Ij0rWCQ
I believe Boris is from Florida or at least currently there. Someone will have to explain that one.
As far as explosions, does any of Cytheria’s work count?
Okay fine! I’ll take the explosion at the beginning of Goldfinger at the oil refinery.
I’m shocked you haven’t written a post yet on the debate around if squirt is pee.
Oh, there’s no debate. If you see it in a film, it’s always pee.
Real squirting is not as …. “explosive”
Lemonjello is a Jax fan. So he may be Floridian.
He lives in Georgia, on the border.
https://youtu.be/OoDPVuXzTRo
We should probably just start the draft over after that one. Blax is the winner out of the gate.
Hell, it worked for Ditka.