Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the eighteenth edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally but not today) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.
- Happy Birthday, America! You’re not perfect, but you’re the okayest country I know. For now.
- Like America, this post started a while ago, peaked before it was postable on the internet, and now has some stale thoughts in addition to some relevant insights and trenchant bon mots. Caveat lector.
- Feel free to share in the comments how you’re celebrating/not celebrating today. I’m not going to guilt you into any educational materials/trips to learn about how we celebrate freedom from British rule while we kept enslaving people for LOT longer, though I will remind you that the Smithsonian African American History museum in DC is amazing and free timed entry passes book up well in advance.
- I’m going to keep the Peter King train talk going a little. If you haven’t seen the Moynihan train hall in New York, it really is something. The food is massively upgraded, it’s beautiful, and there’s even a craft brewery doing to go cans to drink on the train.
- Perhaps more importantly, they have people enforcing the line to board the trains. What a fucking concept. Everyone is so damn selfish….
- Oh and I finally got to see up close the panic in a passenger’s face when they announced this was the southbound train to Washington and not the northbound train to Boston. Scheduling those 1 minute apart is pretty cruel, but it made for good entertainment as this lady gathered up all her stuff in record time to gtfo.
- In even less relatable content, the assistant bowling coach at Stephen F. Austin has resigned after being caught have an affair with a student athlete. I’m sure the head coach will be lenient on…oh my god the head coach is his wife. What a colossal idiot. Don’t worry, they’re already working on the divorce, too. I’m sure he can find a way to avoid getting Munsoned out there in the rough and tumble world of college bowling.
- Dunstan scooped this story
the other night,like 2 weeks ago, but I’d already written the joke so you’re stuck with it.
- Dunstan scooped this story
- Speaking of old news, did you all enjoy the NBA draft? Here was my favorite part:
- One of the biggest tragedies of the Titan submersible brouhaha was that it lured me back onto Twitter for a few days. Twitter is definitely still a cesspool, but at least Space Karen (h/t Rikki) is making it worse!
- I literally can’t embed this LOL I wanted to share, so I guess I’ll be screengrabbing that, too
- If you don’t know the backstory about Montana’s best Senator by a long shot, wikipedia hands you the story right away: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Tester.
- There was a woman at the Melbourne-GWS game in Alice Springs, Australia wearing a Miami Dolphins jersey. Why?
- When I was in Boston(ish) recently, I saw this street sign:
- It inspired my first ever original “yo momma” joke–Yo momma is so fat when she moved into the neighborhood they had to put up a sign that said “Thickly Settled.”
- Even more recently, and to build on Balls’s commentary from the other night, I saw this sign whilst driving around DC:
(If someone wants to teach me how to embed instagram reels on wordpress, great, but until then, two screenshots above, here’s the link to the video)
- I get that DOTs want to discourage drinking and driving but shouldn’t they also be discouraging illegal fireworks? Won’t somebody think of the children, veterans, and/or dogs?
- That’s all for today, folks. As always, stay safe and avoid Jason Pierre-Paul’s house and/or fireworks dealer. Here’s this week’s fill in the blank: The best place in the world to celebrate the Fourth of July is _____________.
I’m watching a dog swim meet. It’s pretty good.
Sometimes I worry that I am slowly losing my mind. Then again…I’m really not sure is that slowly. And that isn’t the kinda thing you can ask others around you for a second opinion. Not without consequences, anyway.
I’ve been here a few years. I haven’t noticed any change in you, if that helps. I think incipient nuttery would be pretty obvious. You appear to still have your marbles, as much as any of us do!
That’s assuming he had marbles in the first place. Have you read his soccer writings??
Do any of us have a full set? Yes, his footy posts are a bit…eccentric, but they are at least consistent! The truly insane can’t fake that PURPLEMONKEYDISHWASHER!
Marbles? No you’re thinking of Señor Weaselo.
Soccer is MLS and despite my myriad other failings, following that shitbird league ain’t one of ’em!
“A mind is a terrible thing to have.”
I mean…the zombies will leave me be, that’s a plus!
https://youtu.be/jHPOzQzk9Qo
“I know – I traded mine in for an NFL career, which is going great!” – Trent Green as he washes dishes at the local Mexican restaurant.
That’s completely normal
Pursuant to the discussion below about traffic, I agree with Brick that LA traffic is not bad. You live here long enough, you know the shortcuts. The beauty part is there are ALWAYS shortcuts.
In other places, if one artery is jammed, you’re fucked.
/wakes up, takes #ThirdPill, remembers to check #BFIB score
//HOLY TAPDANCING SHIT, 2-15??
I love that the bowling coach DGAF. Yeah, I was banging a hot college chick, so what?
UPDATE! Have completed 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6.
7. has turned into “write tonight’s open thread”.
Rikki’s dog: “number 9, number 9, number 9 number 9….” Rikki’s dog is the reincarnation of John Lennon!
Rikki’s dog is beating his wife?
In terms of producing more shedded fur than she can vacuum up…no. No she is not.
What a disappointing lassi, waaaay too sweet
What did you want, for her to eat Timmy at the end?
I would watch that
A role reversed Old Yeller?
Did somebody say Old Yeller?
And now it’s Indiana Jones with dinosaurs. “Those dinosaurs belong in a sanctuary!”
Oh, right! I had a movie on. It appears to have morphed into Mission Impossible but with dinosaurs.
I would watch a Mission Impossible with dinosaurs, seeing Tom Cruise jump off the back of a flying pterodactyl onto a running raptor would be insane.
I mean that’s basically what this movie is, with Chris Pratt instead of Tom Cruise. Somehow a giant pterodactyl manages to catch up with and cripple a cargo plane, including setting both engines on fire.
All it would need to do is take a shit in front of the engines, gives an all new meaning to bird strike.
The only good thing about that movie was the dinosaur black market.
Into the MOUTH of a running raptor!
Best 4th of July song ever, or best song ever?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLInAn1LwZU
Exene being married to Viggo Mortenson back in the day is one of those little facts that never ceases to amaze me.
And this is how I find out the Nathan’s contest is canceled.
https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1676277390958526464
God bless America indeed.
Goddamn. Cue the exit music and roll the final credits, Twitter is all done.
I’m gonna assume “Fortunate Son”?
I could see this on Twitter… IF I HAD ONE!
Which is for the best.
Oooh, looks like in addition to the Indian pizza places there is also an Indian deli in my area! I’m gonna get a Bombay Chicken panini and a passion fruit lassi
Dinosaurs – sans feathers or some other kind of insulation – living in the fucking snow? I mean come the fuck on.
Big dinosaurs could. That whole square/cube law thing, less surface area in a big animal. If you’re talking about those velociraptors in the snow (may be misremembering this) in Dominion, I wouldn’t count on cutting-edge paleontology, biology, etc.
These ones are like cow size.
Dont get much mo random than this…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY9iVKQPeXA
I’m only two minutes into Jurassic Park: Dominion and I’m already extremely doubtful that it’s going to survive the “kinda good” cutoff.
JP: Dominion is a bad movie. Even dinosaurs didn’t help it.
Trying to watch the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating competition but they’re in a rain delay, because God knows you wouldn’t want the hot dogs and buns to get wet before you ate them. That would be disgusting.
I read that it was “canceled”. It damned well better be, cause I was going to write a post about it.
It turns out you are correct.
Look like it’s just spending the afternoon inside watching baseball while avoiding the thunderstorms.
Going for a victory with Teddy Roosevelt without building any campuses, industrial zones, or encampments at Emperor
Bully!
Also no mines
That sounds like a Religion victory, or whatever it’s called.
The sun is breaking out. It’s go time for walkies.
Got to get down there early because my walking spot is real close to where the fireworks display is set.
Like old school MTV on Sunday night, we had to go to 120 minutes. My badass keeper – despite being a scant 5’10” (reminder – ALWAYS bet on BLACK) – saved a penalty early in Extra Time. I made subs to chase the goal rather than play for the shootout, but PKs is what we got anyway.
The young “deep lying forward” I brought on had his penno saved, along with another of my more reliable takers. But GK Privat stopped two MOAR, and the post delivered a Pretend Man City triumph.
On to the Flacco Eight!!
After seeing the Stephen F. Austin State University bowling team pics and pics of the head coach (based on looks), I can understand. Actually, I can understand why he cracked as having his wife as his boss was probably painful – “Do the dishes, mop the kitchen floor, and then come and rub my feet.” “You aren’t the boss of…oh, right you are my boss”
Yesterday at the pool a woman who was vacating the lane I was entering said “have a good swim” and I came very close to saying “you too!”
I’ve done that when people working at the airport wish me a good flight
See also “enjoy your food” at takeout counter
testing out embeding IG reels
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuIbpGuLlTK
Did a 4th picnic lunch with ‘Merican food… that hoity toity “sensational cebo di Veneto” needs a rest once a year. Everyone enjoyed it. Rode my bike. Did the lawn. Now I’m going back, and light, for dinner… crudo melone…
Everyone enjoy your 4th!
Well, it’s raining, so chilling at Senorita Weaselo’s until I have to leave for my gig, because someone thought it was a good idea to get married on the 4th.
I finish at 9, so maybe I’ll see fireworks driving on the BQE home.
DFO Productions NEW Coffee Table Book (Order NOW to Beat Festivus Rush)!!!
The Tantric Sex Games of Clarence and Ginni Thomas
Wish me luck, imaginary chums. I’m going into Tenerife for the away leg of Shempions Sweet Sixteen. Drew 1-1 at home, so we’ve left it all to do. And I’m going to spring a False Nine on them.
Ugh, I remember why I seldom drink anymore.
“We tried to warn you!” – JAMA
Plan for the day:
1. Walk dog to the river (tomorrow’s walk we will stay in the neighborhood to avoid fireworks trash and I will steal some peaches).
2. Eat some oatmeal with the last of the previously stolen peaches.
3. Lift weights while watching the first half of a movie.
4. Finish work for a client (though I will not send it until tomorrow to preserve the sense that I will not work on holidays).
5. Harvest lettuce to eat with tonight’s leftover pork tenderloin. Harvest bok choy to cook up fresh.
6. Duolingo!
7. Start writing a new feature where Matt Ryan reviews movies on a scale from “kinda good” to “really good”.
8. Lift more weights (you’d think I’d be pretty beefcaked out by this point, but you’d be wrong).
9. Walk dog.
10. Dinner and a drink.
11. More drink.
12. Still drinkin’.
13. Watch some fireworks from the shared driveway.
14. Slumber party with my poor terrified pets.
Very productive for a holiday!
BEEFCAKE!!!
BEEFCAKE!!!
Sounds like the Mrs wrote that up a good four weeks early
It is already so freaking hot in DC that I’m melting
I don’t know how people used to live there before AC
I grew up there (at least when I small a wee lad) before A/C in home and in schools. Department stores and theaters bragged they had A/C. In places with no A/C. giant floor fans on stands, 3′ in diameter, ruled the day. They were everywhere, and made of steel. They should all still exist.
Yeah hard to believe we made it. The AC goes out around here now and people FTFO. I look for, or improvise, shade.
Sixty degrees and dense overcast. I’m covered to the neck with a comforter. Waiting for the sun to peak out so I can get my miles in. Been a weird year.
-Ginni Thomas, standing in a small puddle of water
Those images of the 395 remind me how horrific the traffic is in Northern Virginia and how relieved I am that I will probably never have to drive in it ever again. People can trash LA traffic all they like, and it can certainly suck, but I never found it to be 1/10 as stressful as being on the Beltway.
DC area folk spend more time stuck in traffic than anywhere else in the country. No idea how it doesn’t have a wide reputation for its traffic
It was so fucking awful.
I used to wake up at 5am to beat the traffic when I was working in NoVa. The Maryland side is no better, but at least there I know all the local roads so I can get around reasonably quickly when I visit my parents
Everyone who’s gonna rat gets killed by a Maryland driver
Los Angeles has the best traffic flow in the world (as far as I know the world). D.C. and NoVa are the worst, but I learned to drive here (stick shift, when I was 14) so I rock.
I’m gonna break 6300 hours on Civ6 today, maybe I’ll even play as one of the Teddy Roosevelts!
Also, has anyone played Anno 1800? Looks decent so thinking of grabbing it
Bought it but never played it yet, hope this helps
I went ahead and got the base game, I only just have enough space to install it on my laptop. 90GB install is crazy
90 gigs? What, does it include its own instance of Skynet?
I’ve played the board game, but not the video game version.
I also play this for the imaginarium every 4th, but FUCK OFF it never ceases to amaze:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4LdUQzCPPM
In my recliner, watching over my cats and playing Footy Manager. Like the Founding Fathers* surely intended.
*ok, they might be confused that my manager character is Black
**still, they have to be stoked to finally see Alexander Mattison in a lead role this fall
***NO, I am not already 4 pills in this morning