We Are All Made of Stars…Tuesday Open Thread

It’s the MLB All-Star Game! Huzzah, hurray, etc.

I discussed my view of the ASG at length last year, and I find my opinions have only hardened. Last night’s Home Run Derby was great (WOOO VLADITO!). Tonight is going to suck. At the very least they could try and jazz it up with Multi-ball and the seventh inning grope…

Fortunately, we have some Actual News, Everyone!

-Alvin Kamara cleared the second of three major hurdles to him playing a full season (or as much of a full season as he normally plays) this year, pleading no contest to a misdemeanor breaching-the-peace charge. As you may recall, he was facing a felony battery charge in connection with a beating he and his boys administered outside a Las Vegas club on Pro Bowl Eve 2022. After paying $105k in the victim’s medical bills and previously settling with the victim, Kamara will now look to put the spin-a-rama on the Ginger Hammer’s brand of rough justice so that he can play 12 games for the 7-10 NFC South Champion Saints.

-Bob Huggins, the once and future coach of the West Bah Gawd Virginia Mountaineers basketball team, has vowed to fight to the death for reinstatement to a job he claims he never resigned from. You may recall that, after getting away with a slap on the wrist for repeatedly and unapologetically using slurs on his official radio show, Huggins picked up a truly impressive .21 BAC DUI and promptly resigned to slink away and bemoan his fate on top of the giant pile of money he already made.

OR DID HE?!?!

Huggins has resurfaced several weeks later, claiming he never actually resigned!

His lawyer is now demanding that he be reinstated, despite not having left, which is a conundrum. ONE of his lawyers, I should say- another of his lawyers has spent the last several weeks sewing up the logistics of Huggins…uh…resignation with WVU.

Huggins now claims that the formal resignation e-mail- which included the phrase “Please accept this correspondence as my formal notice of resignation as WVU Head Basketball Coach and as notice of my retirement from West Virginia University, effective immediately”- was drafted and sent by his wife without his knowledge.

Which is a bold strategy, both from a legal standpoint and on the domestic front.

West Virginia, who was likely thanking Baby Jeebus that their toxic shithole coach had removed himself from the game without them having to risk firing him for cause, has responded with a full-throated and chesty “Fuck Y’all”, essentially daring Huggins to bring it to court.

This will eventually be settled quietly, just like when a prison guard beats an inmate to within an inch of his life for “sassin’ me”. But in the meantime, it’s good theater.

ISSUE THE SECOND: Overrated stuff.

1. Five Guys. Sure, it’s…fine. But holy fuck, 20 bucks for a barely-better-than-McDonalds burger and not-better-than-McDonalds fries? Fuck all the way off.

2. Orcas. Yes, they are doing God’s Work attacking the yachts of the super-rich. But how many have they killed? Overgrown poseur dolphins…

3. Scarfs. My neck is not my most vulnerable point when it’s 20 below. If we’re going to put luxurious warm wool or cashmere somewhere, let’s make it underwear or socks, right?

4. Smartphones. They are God’s gift to pedants, allowing you to settle any bar argument (non-switchblade category) with ease. But did you guys know people can CALL you on them too? Just like that- no warning, no nothing. What the shit?

5. Skittles. Fight me, you know I’m right. When presented with M&Ms or Skittles, which do you go with? Zero hesitation, it’s M&Ms. Every. Fucking. Time.