“Keep It Moving, Keep It Moving”-Your Very Next NFL Football Open Thread

To The Games!

Raiders/Broncos:

Though Denver’s wr room is nothing but a collection of tensor bandages, scotch tape and plaster casts, it would behoove them to have someone (Mims perhaps?) take a few shots downfield vs a Vegas secondary that gave up the 4th-most passing yards last year. I’m embracing the notion of an underappreciated and angry Jacobs having a career year in ’23.

Fins/Chargers:

Check out the sexy over/under on this tilt! Tight end Everett is your streamer du jour if you drafted Kelce, given that he had the 6th-most red zone targets last year and Miami allowed the third-most points to that position.

Eagles/Pats:

Eagle Eye Battery just has so much talent they should be immune to whatever funky tweakery the Mutterer-in-Chief comes up with gameplan-wise.

Packers/Bears:

Spoiled-as-hell Green Bay fans will have a non Hall of Fame qb starting under center for the first time since the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Fields was pounded into the field a mere 55 times last year. The math says that he tasted dirt on an amazing 12.5% of his dropbacks. No other qb was in double digits. That’s gotta change.

Rams/Seahawks:

I hope Puca Nacua has a big game because I have no idea how to pronounce his first name-is it “Poo-ca” or “Puke-a”? I’m also curious as to how will the announcers handle it.

Have at it.

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King Hippo

Was 25-9 a Scorinami?

WCS

UrinatingTree thinks it is/was.

fleshwound_NPG

yep!

Brick Meathook

Rams gonna Ram

Spur

Ramming RaMMIT

Gumbygirl

Fatthew looks slightly less chonky.

LemonJello

He started ordering a medium Diet Coke with his Pizza!Pizza! family meal deals.

fleshwound_NPG

justin fields

…def gonna be dead by week 6

King Hippo

Say what you will about war crimes, but Condi looks really good for her age.

Gumbygirl

Her black soul is slimming.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fozz, for those of us that have Dobbins in fantasy….get on the Gus bus?

King Hippo

The Miseducation of Justice Hill scored twice in relief today

King Hippo

This is where Dan Reeves would dial up a John Elway quick kick.

King Hippo

I think maybe half the crowd is supporting the home side, a real turning point for Clippers du Merde!

LemonJello

“Bears settle for a field goal.” seems like a very Bears statement.

WCS

“…wide right! No good!”

Seems like a much more Bears statement.

Mr. Ayo

“… It’s a double doink!. No good!”

Seems like a much more Bears statement.

fleshwound_NPG

“bears cant quite get into field goal range.”

Seems like a much more Bears statement.

LemonJello

“Fields scrambles for a first down, but it looks like it’ll be coming back, there’s a flag in the backfield.”

May be the penultimate Bears statement.

Mr. Ayo

1st and 30?

NFL Blitz!

King Hippo

That’s Rikki’s Raiders!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DJ Moore: alive!

fleshwound_NPG

now more alive!

WCS
fleshwound_NPG

bass still dope af

fleshwound_NPG

bears coach eberflus with strong “biden, but not 92 years old” vibes with the aviators

bidenshades.jpg
King Hippo

ooooh, he could be our Weekend at Bernie’s stand-in!

Wakezilla

FFS Miami, you’re on the 5 yard line, run the God damn ball.

Last edited 1 year ago by Wakezilla
King Hippo

would be very off-brand for y’all

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Musgrave-Love? I hate that song.

WCS

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38370396/ravens-safety-marcus-williams-shoulder-injury

Ratbirds keeping their Injured Reserve tradition going strong out the gate.

King Hippo

their starting RB supposedly ruptured his achilees, too

King Hippo

now confirmed, Dobbins out for the season

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuuuuck

fleshwound_NPG

as a bears fan i couldnt care less how the bears do for the most part. just dont be last again. the real battles are:

-fields does not die

-panthers somehow tank to make that 1st even better

fleshwound_NPG

this rebuild will be HILARIOUS if the panthers pick becomes the golden ticket for caleb and teams offer the moon to the bears

King Hippo

All I want is not to get swept by Josh Goddamned McDaniels AGAIN (but same looks likely)

King Hippo

I don’t think Grumblelord makes it the entire 2023 season, FWIW

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are you saying he’ll get fired or have a cardiac event?

King Hippo

ooooh, I like your version better

Redshirt

Can you have a cardiac event without a heart?

Wakezilla

What a run by Mostert! I haven’t seen penetration like that since Lena the Plug met Jason Luv

LemonJello

Chicago getting their field shitting out of the way early?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS SOLDIER FIELD I CALL IT THE WOODS BECAUSE THE BEARS ARE SHITTING ALL OVER IT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the false start is on the “entire offensive line” then doesn’t that mean someone else fucked up?

King Hippo

Colonel Mostert with the lead pipe in the conservatory!

King Hippo

I hope Zeke enjoyed his one paycheck in Bahstahn

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, I wasn’t planning on drinking heavily, but there’s an old pumpkin beer in the fridge and that drive sucked…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah you gotta clear out old inventory before you bring in the new pumpkin stuff.

Gumbygirl

Pooka. Hmmm.

King Hippo

I like to think he was named after Garfield’s teddy bear, his mom was just a bad speller

King Hippo

coloUr commentator calling DEN pass v run plays based on how Bolles lines up. That’s just fucking great.

Redshirt

I used to do the same thing with how Chad Johnson left the huddle. If he ran out early, the was a run so he didn’t care about hearing the entire playcall. If he waited until the huddle broke, it was a pass so he could get the ball so he cared to hear the entire playcall.

clint greasewood

Kellen Moore is a real sleeper in the “most punchable face” draft.

https://imgur.com/a/l0hEjkH

WCS

This was the last thing some hooker saw.

King Hippo

The Legend of White Mac Strikes BACK for -7

WCS

The Legend of White Mac embiggens into a perfectly cromulent quarterbacked.

King Hippo

Life is indeed still shit, but enjoying the Triple Screen action of (L to R): RedZone, imaginary friends, Donks (hold the WOO) on ST

Wakezilla

Should I be concerned that Wilkins has been in 3 plays and already has his hands on his hips on the first quarter?

WCS

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LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

I saw Miami play the Chargers in Carson a little while back. There were 5000 Miami fans in the stands, which was the entire capacity of that stadium.

Senor Weaselo

Unrelated, insurmountable lead for the Dirt Packers in the runs department. Also the hits department.

Senor Weaselo

UNEXPECTED CHANGE!

Redshirt

Pain

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s life. Anyone who tells you any different is selling something.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Matthew Judon is not Jewish, but does celebrate a lot of high holidays

King Hippo

ACHTUNG!!

King Hippo

Janeane failed her DUI test, back in game anyway

King Hippo

insurmountable lead for the ‘Truthers

King Hippo

Bearistocrats! and Donks BOO!! trading same old moments.

Mr. Ayo

Jimmy G DED!

Who could have seen that coming?

clint greasewood

So long Jimmy

fleshwound_NPG

bears offensive line…still dumpster tier

Wakezilla

How’re we doing, folks!?

Miami’s first drive of the season in which they win the Superb Owl is so far looking good

Wakezilla

annnnnnd I jinxed it.

Damn Tua’s small hands

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Would’ve been a lot more entertaining if the unnecessary roughness penalty was on the kicker.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see the refs are in midSeahawkson form

Mr. Ayo

DONKS WOO!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright, George Halas jersey on, ready to watch the game, and already sick of Greg Olsen

Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Mr. Ayo

Enjoy him while you can. Next year that’ll be Brady.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You watch your goddamn mouth.

Brick Meathook

I think Tom Brady would be a terrible TV commenter, just like Joe Montana. Brady can barely get through those stupid Hertz commercials where he barely has to say anything.

Gumbygirl

I survived week one in the Eliminator Pool, woohoo Commies!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Using my own body heat to defrost meat that I’m going to cook on the grill later is the greatest idea I’ve had in my entire life.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(please note that the meat is still wrapped in plastic)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Is this from John Bobbitt’s deposition

Gumbygirl

You didn’t…INSERT that meat, did you?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Week 1 is always fun. The first one I remember was 1998, not just because I was slowly becoming a sports fan but because Uncle Ed thought Garrison Hearst was Patty’s adopted brother.

Senor Weaselo

I remember 1999… because of the pain.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My immediate memories of Week 1 1999:
1. Testaverde Achilles exploding
2. Wild ass comeback by Dallas in Washington
3. The Browns getting Sunday Night Football, Drew Carey and all for the first game back in Cleveland, and getting murdered 43-0

Brocky

Live video feed of Chris collinsworth waiting to see if the next Green Bay QB is any good

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whoops wrong thread

Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sounds like Boulder police investigating JonBenet’s murder

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