To The Games!
Raiders/Broncos:
Though Denver’s wr room is nothing but a collection of tensor bandages, scotch tape and plaster casts, it would behoove them to have someone (Mims perhaps?) take a few shots downfield vs a Vegas secondary that gave up the 4th-most passing yards last year. I’m embracing the notion of an underappreciated and angry Jacobs having a career year in ’23.
Fins/Chargers:
Check out the sexy over/under on this tilt! Tight end Everett is your streamer du jour if you drafted Kelce, given that he had the 6th-most red zone targets last year and Miami allowed the third-most points to that position.
Eagles/Pats:
Eagle Eye Battery just has so much talent they should be immune to whatever funky tweakery the Mutterer-in-Chief comes up with gameplan-wise.
Packers/Bears:
Spoiled-as-hell Green Bay fans will have a non Hall of Fame qb starting under center for the first time since the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Fields was pounded into the field a mere 55 times last year. The math says that he tasted dirt on an amazing 12.5% of his dropbacks. No other qb was in double digits. That’s gotta change.
Rams/Seahawks:
I hope Puca Nacua has a big game because I have no idea how to pronounce his first name-is it “Poo-ca” or “Puke-a”? I’m also curious as to how will the announcers handle it.
Have at it.
Was 25-9 a Scorinami?
UrinatingTree thinks it is/was.
yep!
https://twitter.com/NFL_Scorigami/status/1700972299787051130?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet
Rams gonna Ram
Ramming RaMMIT
Fatthew looks slightly less chonky.
He started ordering a medium Diet Coke with his Pizza!Pizza! family meal deals.
justin fields
…def gonna be dead by week 6
Say what you will about war crimes, but Condi looks really good for her age.
Her black soul is slimming.
Fozz, for those of us that have Dobbins in fantasy….get on the Gus bus?
The Miseducation of Justice Hill scored twice in relief today
This is where Dan Reeves would dial up a John Elway quick kick.
I think maybe half the crowd is supporting the home side, a real turning point for Clippers du Merde!
“Bears settle for a field goal.” seems like a very Bears statement.
“…wide right! No good!”
Seems like a much more Bears statement.
“… It’s a double doink!. No good!”
Seems like a much more Bears statement.
“bears cant quite get into field goal range.”
Seems like a much more Bears statement.
“Fields scrambles for a first down, but it looks like it’ll be coming back, there’s a flag in the backfield.”
May be the penultimate Bears statement.
1st and 30?
NFL Blitz!
That’s Rikki’s Raiders!
DJ Moore: alive!
now more alive!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM6y_KBwAps&ab_channel=GaryWright-Topic
More so than Gary Wright can say.
bass still dope af
bears coach eberflus with strong “biden, but not 92 years old” vibes with the aviators
ooooh, he could be our Weekend at Bernie’s stand-in!
FFS Miami, you’re on the 5 yard line, run the God damn ball.
would be very off-brand for y’all
Musgrave-Love? I hate that song.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38370396/ravens-safety-marcus-williams-shoulder-injury
Ratbirds keeping their Injured Reserve tradition going strong out the gate.
their starting RB supposedly ruptured his achilees, too
now confirmed, Dobbins out for the season
Fuuuuuuuuck
as a bears fan i couldnt care less how the bears do for the most part. just dont be last again. the real battles are:
-fields does not die
-panthers somehow tank to make that 1st even better
this rebuild will be HILARIOUS if the panthers pick becomes the golden ticket for caleb and teams offer the moon to the bears
All I want is not to get swept by Josh Goddamned McDaniels AGAIN (but same looks likely)
I don’t think Grumblelord makes it the entire 2023 season, FWIW
Are you saying he’ll get fired or have a cardiac event?
ooooh, I like your version better
Can you have a cardiac event without a heart?
What a run by Mostert! I haven’t seen penetration like that since Lena the Plug met Jason Luv
Chicago getting their field shitting out of the way early?
THIS SOLDIER FIELD I CALL IT THE WOODS BECAUSE THE BEARS ARE SHITTING ALL OVER IT
If the false start is on the “entire offensive line” then doesn’t that mean someone else fucked up?
Colonel Mostert with the lead pipe in the conservatory!
I hope Zeke enjoyed his one paycheck in Bahstahn
Well, I wasn’t planning on drinking heavily, but there’s an old pumpkin beer in the fridge and that drive sucked…
Yeah you gotta clear out old inventory before you bring in the new pumpkin stuff.
Pooka. Hmmm.
I like to think he was named after Garfield’s teddy bear, his mom was just a bad speller
coloUr commentator calling DEN pass v run plays based on how Bolles lines up. That’s just fucking great.
I used to do the same thing with how Chad Johnson left the huddle. If he ran out early, the was a run so he didn’t care about hearing the entire playcall. If he waited until the huddle broke, it was a pass so he could get the ball so he cared to hear the entire playcall.
Kellen Moore is a real sleeper in the “most punchable face” draft.
https://imgur.com/a/l0hEjkH
This was the last thing some hooker saw.
The Legend of White Mac Strikes BACK for -7
The Legend of White Mac embiggens into a perfectly cromulent quarterbacked.
Life is indeed still shit, but enjoying the Triple Screen action of (L to R): RedZone, imaginary friends, Donks (hold the WOO) on ST
Should I be concerned that Wilkins has been in 3 plays and already has his hands on his hips on the first quarter?
I saw Miami play the Chargers in Carson a little while back. There were 5000 Miami fans in the stands, which was the entire capacity of that stadium.
Unrelated, insurmountable lead for the Dirt Packers in the runs department. Also the hits department.
UNEXPECTED CHANGE!
Pain
That’s life. Anyone who tells you any different is selling something.
Matthew Judon is not Jewish, but does celebrate a lot of high holidays
ACHTUNG!!
Janeane failed her DUI test, back in game anyway
insurmountable lead for the ‘Truthers
Bearistocrats! and Donks BOO!! trading same old moments.
Jimmy G DED!
Who could have seen that coming?
So long Jimmy
bears offensive line…still dumpster tier
How’re we doing, folks!?
Miami’s first drive of the season in which they win the Superb Owl is so far looking good
annnnnnd I jinxed it.
Damn Tua’s small hands
Would’ve been a lot more entertaining if the unnecessary roughness penalty was on the kicker.
I see the refs are in midSeahawkson form
DONKS WOO!!!!
Alright, George Halas jersey on, ready to watch the game, and already sick of Greg Olsen
Enjoy him while you can. Next year that’ll be Brady.
You watch your goddamn mouth.
I think Tom Brady would be a terrible TV commenter, just like Joe Montana. Brady can barely get through those stupid Hertz commercials where he barely has to say anything.
I survived week one in the Eliminator Pool, woohoo Commies!
Using my own body heat to defrost meat that I’m going to cook on the grill later is the greatest idea I’ve had in my entire life.
(please note that the meat is still wrapped in plastic)
Is this from John Bobbitt’s deposition
You didn’t…INSERT that meat, did you?
RTD: “No Comment!” [is heard as an echo]
RTD: “Crap!”
Week 1 is always fun. The first one I remember was 1998, not just because I was slowly becoming a sports fan but because Uncle Ed thought Garrison Hearst was Patty’s adopted brother.
I remember 1999… because of the pain.
My immediate memories of Week 1 1999:
1. Testaverde Achilles exploding
2. Wild ass comeback by Dallas in Washington
3. The Browns getting Sunday Night Football, Drew Carey and all for the first game back in Cleveland, and getting murdered 43-0
Live video feed of Chris collinsworth waiting to see if the next Green Bay QB is any good
Whoops wrong thread
Sounds like Boulder police investigating JonBenet’s murder