Your NFL Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Welcome back! I very much missed the ongoing hilarity exhibited in all the open threads on Thursday, Sunday and Monday. Let’s do it again, as Steely Dan has said.

Turgid Tidbits:

-Human cliche-spewer/accumulator Aaron Rodgers blessed us with a few in a recent IG post. Such triteness as, “Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers” (WHO SAYS THAT???) and “The night is darkest before the dawn” were committed to the screen. He wasn’t done-“And I shall rise again” was another meaningless banality that was shared with numerous Roganites.

-In another news snippet that doesn’t get me all riled up, Joe Exotic has reached out from beyond the bars. Now Joe Burrow is on the record as not liking the nickname Tiger King but that hasn’t stopped the noted Carole Baskin hater from trying to get Burrow to help him raise some money for a down payment on a lawyer. Doing this would be ‘paying it forward’ (not really how that works) and he might just be back in the Super Bowl if he follows through.

-If you’re somehow not feeling the NFL tonight (hey, it happens) but are into the helpless slaughter of innocents, I just might have a game for you. You see, Bethune-Cookman and Miami are playing tonight and the latter is favored by 51.5.

To The Game!

Vikes/Eagles:

-Out for Philly are Gainwell, cb Bradberry and safety Blankenship.

-Hockey had a 22% target share last week and I expect that to rise tonight. The theory being that Cousins will struggle with pressure and Hockey works closer to the line of scrimmage.

-In “The Other Tight End” news, Dallas Goedert had all of one(!) target last week. This is something I don’t get-with the massive amount of info being exchanged between the coaching staffs and players during the game, how does this happen to a top ten guy? I doubt he was being ‘schemed out of the game’ by Belichick. I’ll bet he gets a few early looks.

-Upping The Pressure: When these two teams met last year the (very passive) Minny D blitzed 15% of the time. Last week new DC Brian Flores brought the heat 55.3% of the time. I’ll bet yeahright is happy to see them not playing on their heels.

-You Know What They Say: “If somebody by the name of Trey Palmer can score a TD vs this D, sure as hell Smith and Brown are gonna feast”.

-A Mess, Huh?: Last week rb’s Swift and Scott had a combined 25 snaps between them. And now Rashaad Penny (a healthy scratch) dons a jersey this evening to further muddy the waters.

Enjoy the evening.

 

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Spur

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JustStopDude

Just FYI, the most combined turnovers in a single game is 17.

The Eagles were one of the teams. I think it was in 1946.

WCS

You can take the Thursday out of football, but not the Thursday Night.

Gumbygirl

I blame Al Michaels.

Brocky

…so guess which running back the old brockster is starting?

King Hippo

My backfield is so bad that I took a KHunt punt for my bench

ArmedandHammered

WTF? no red zone plays for the rest of the game?

ArmedandHammered

Just fumble it back and forth. Oh my, it seems it is your possession. No, no, please take possession with my compliments.

fleshwound_NPG

on pace for a dozen turnovers, whos hungry

WCS

/Andy Reid’s door flies open

King Hippo

Sure, I could go for a light bedtime snack – Andy R., Kansas City, MO

SonOfSpam

Looks like they switched to the KY ball.

LemonJello

How much cheesesteak grease did they slather on these footballs?

Gumbygirl

They should make everyone go wash their hands.

Brocky

If we see a large walrus looking fella in a red coat start roaming around midfield, that’s a bad sign

Spur

Looks like the coordinator that left was the one thinking for Hurts. At the Iggles have a QB that can bench-press 400 pounds.

fleshwound_NPG

2 fumbles and an int with 2:51 left in the 1st

early 2010s vintage titans/jags thursday night goodness

fleshwound_NPG

3

3 DAMN FUMBRES

litre_cola

Oh yes, have no doubt this is a Thursday game.

King Hippo

You called that Hurts regression IIRC

litre_cola

You are damned right I did.

LemonJello

That Hurts your chances to score.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What I expect to encounter, when this stupid fucking update finally finishes (artist’s conception):

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Redshirt

“…once again, your final score in overtime, 4-2.

Brocky

Honestly that’s be kinda of awesome to see

fleshwound_NPG

aint nothing like a screen pass with 0 lead blockers

King Hippo

If Minny had this defense/DC last season….

WCS

They’d have gone all the way to a Divisional Round loss!

WCS

I liked that.

ArmedandHammered

Well Cousins can’t fuck up if never gets the ball.

litre_cola

Fumbre!!!!!

JustStopDude

Cousins can’t fumble it if the returner does it first.

4d chess move.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AMAZON FIRE: “Downloading update…”

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, I’ll go get some other shit done.

[comes back 20 minutes later to find…]

AMAZON FIRE: “Download complete. Would you like to install the update?”

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [having no idea how long this prompt was waiting] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I DOWNLOADED IT FOR?

fleshwound_NPG

every windows update is something like this. one day download and install one update…oh wait, another update!

SonOfSpam

Is your TV a Panasonic from 1985?

SonOfSpam

You can get a brand new SMRT TV for less than the cost of a vacuum nightstand.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s the one in the garage. It has speed holes in it.

Spur

Do you have your TV on the 5G WIFI network? Not the 2.4G.

jjfozz

My wife just brought me chicken wings. Part of me wants to enjoy them, the other part is wondering if that bucket of rat powder is still under the sink . . .

SonOfSpam

Better than being sliced up by a Canuck rando.

LemonJello

And either way, you get wings!

King Hippo

Somebody drag Gratliff back in da house

Gumbygirl

Wasn’t he here briefly on Sunday? Maybe I’m thinking of someone else.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s the O/U on Cousins INTs tonight? How much can I bet on the over?

ArmedandHammered

Will cousins melt down in the third or fourth quarter?

LemonJello

Why not both?

fleshwound_NPG

why not all 4?

ArmedandHammered

It seems to me that he plays well enough in the first half of games for management to keep him around.

fleshwound_NPG

gotta feeling after the bullshit 13-win season last year we are finally gonna see a hard regressing kirk cousins

ArmedandHammered

Would love it, sorry Yeah Right.

LemonJello

Contractual Obligation:

THIS EAGLES DEFENSE, I CALL IT AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THESE GUYS ARE REALLY TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS

Gumbygirl

It’s a classic for a reason!

King Hippo

Jefferson really runs a nice route.

Brocky

Especially when I’m facing him in fantasy

ArmedandHammered

Worried Wheezy gonna catch up with him.

SonOfSpam

“Yeah, straight to paydirt”

S. Hemings

jjfozz

My plan for this weekend, but this time I’m not falling face first into the fire.

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jjfozz

Why I am coming back as a dog

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You sure it isn’t so you can lick your balls?

jjfozz

I mean that’s a given

jjfozz

I’m rewatching Jersey Shore. Because that’s where I am right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw great, my Fire stick needs to update. See you all midway through the second quarter.

fleshwound_NPG

*half

LemonJello

See you Sunday afternoon!

Brocky

Aw great, my Fire stick needs to update

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just what the people of Philadelphia need, an invitation to hand-to-hand combat

JustStopDude
ArmedandHammered

Colorado and Coach Deon should get a sponsorship from Amazon Prime.

jjfozz

Rigatoni, butter, olive oil, parmesan cheese and a sprinkle of garlic and pepper. That’s all you need.

The Maestro

That’s all anyone really needs.

litre_cola

I bet the over. It will be a snoozer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I took a melatonin so I win no matter what happens

ArmedandHammered

Ingested edibles for a nice tasty buzz, dude.

ArmedandHammered

This was written to agree but I seem to have lost track.

Spur

Did you guys know Rodgers got hurt on his 1st series of the season?
Every hour this week I’ve been reminiscing.

SonOfSpam

Also, Rush Limbaugh is dead.

LemonJello

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The Maestro

They say you should really consult a doctor if your hard-on’s lasted this long.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Even if it’s tiny and rigor mortis?

Oh you weren’t talking about Rush.

Brocky

I’m gonna have this screen shot saved FOREVER!!

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King Hippo

Even if I can’t make NV I will have Litre buy ye a pint just for that.

King Hippo

Colleen Wolfe is an Iggles supporter, right? She’s also vastly improved as a studio host.

Spur

Evening Folks

litre_cola

Are you coming to visit us on Fremont in Nov?

Spur

I have to RSVP now?

litre_cola

Nah just wonderin. Eagles play Dallas that weekend…..

Spur

Then you’ll see me on Fri or Sat for DFO CON

litre_cola

Sweet. I know Don T and I are really looking forward to experience a college day in a sportsbook on a Saturday.

LemonJello

What would be the Great Value version of the Manningcast that Amazon could give us?

ArmedandHammered

Chad Ocho Cinco

ArmedandHammered

With Marv Lewis of course.

King Hippo

Under One (Amazon Box) Roof!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m ready to take the mic

litre_cola

Kevin Kolb and Trent Green

SonOfSpam

Fanningcast.

Elle and Dakota.

SonOfSpam

Staningcast

Uzbeki, Kyrgyz, and Turkmeni.

The Maestro

This would just all involve them ganging up and beating a Kazakh to death live on the air.

It’d be a record for both TV ratings and FCC complaints all in one shot.

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A Groeningcast would be downright fantastic.

ArmedandHammered

Tanningcast – George Hamilton and Donald Trump, sponsored by Hawaiian Tropic.

The Maestro

He’s one of the biggest pieces of shit in all human history, but let’s not sit here and pretend like Trump wouldn’t be an absolutely incredible color commentator.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s not pretend that he would. He wouldn’t be able to talk about a single play without boasting about how rich he supposedly is.

ArmedandHammered

I just liked the juxtaposition of the urbane Harrison and the white trash Trump.

fleshwound_NPG

Lisa Ann
Ann Wilson
Anne Hathaway

Anningcast

SonOfSpam

Plus Ann B Davis from beyond the grace

ArmedandHammered

And Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island.

SonOfSpam

Klanningcast.

Jerry Jones and Terry Pegula lamenting the loss of Jerry Richardson.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Their inaugural guest would be Riley Cooper.

ArmedandHammered

I thought the first guest would be Incognito.

SonOfSpam

Spammingcast.

Me on camera drinking beer for three hours.

Spur

Ronde and Tiki.

herodotus450

Colt McCoy and (checks notes) Case McCoy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Danningcast. Dan Orlovsky and Dan Marino. It’d actually be a pretty straightforward football broadcast.

jjfozz

Ray Lewis and a set of Ginsu knives – “The Slashcast”

Brocky

Wasn’t there commentary with lebron James and jalen Ramsey last year?

jjfozz

“He’s not ready yet.” My mom on putting my father into a memory care facility.

“When do you think he will be ready?” Me – ready to fly into a rage.

“When he can no longer recognize anyone.”

“So, that’s the plan? You wait until he can’t function, think, and maybe wanders out of the house?”

“I’m not talking about this anymore.”

I may sound like a huge dick saying this, but I’m just about done with my entire family, as my sisters are protecting my mother from reality.

LemonJello

That’s got to be tough. Don’t envy you having to deal with that at all.

/dick joke

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[glances at bulging crotch]

Oh, it has its upsides.

/what, you said you wanted a dick joke, and I already warned you that it’s C- material at best tonight

jjfozz

As always you put a smile on my face, adn that’s much appreciated.

King Hippo

Having family members hide in denial when the generation needs solidarity? That’s fucking rough, man.

jjfozz

Tell me about it. I mean, I can wear the black hat and be an asshole. That’s one of my talents, but when it comes to something like this, I’ve reached my limit.

ArmedandHammered

My mother refused to put dad into a facility, even though my brother and I were very much for it. She insisted taking care of him till he passed.

jjfozz

Thank you for the advice, I’ve tried to do many of these tasks, I’m going to have someone come over and talk to her. Maybe that will work.

It’s just frustrating when you’re the only voice of reason in the room – and your sisters are just enabling everything she says.

King Hippo

I have benched Founding Fathers tonight, so expect him to go nuts and then some.

SonOfSpam

You should bench Jefferson too. Zero founding fathers is the right call.

fleshwound_NPG

Amish Mode

herodotus450

Scotchy less FF talk and more sexy boot talk!

LemonJello

This is the kind of erotica the DFO Arctic Circle membership demands!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Listen, if we’re gonna fantasize about someone wearing snow boots, I think we can do a little better.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, since when has there been such a thing as an animated .jpg?

herodotus450

it’s jpg’s all the way down, man

Mr. Ayo

The picture identifies as GIF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The link is to a .jpg though. It came up in a .gif search, of course. It’s weird, I’ve never seen that before.

King Hippo

Did some people call her Maaaauuuuurice?

litre_cola

That was during a torrid time in my twenties when I worked in Northern Ontario.

/yes I still have the boots.

King Hippo

That’s verily Christmas FOAR Hollins, innit?

fleshwound_NPG

go birdscomment image

WCS

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LemonJello

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers”

Huh. I’d have expected him to ask people to make him the focal point of their DMT and ayahuasca hallucinations.

LemonJello

“Manifest your healing auras and align my chakras”
or some new age bullshit like that
-A. Rodgers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alexander Mattison better put up some points today or I’m going to suggest that we change his nickname from Hamilton to Gallatin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How about Alexander Nothingleftinthetin?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(hey, it’s Thursday night; the NFL isn’t bringing their A material so you shouldn’t expect anything more from me)

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