Welcome back! I very much missed the ongoing hilarity exhibited in all the open threads on Thursday, Sunday and Monday. Let’s do it again, as Steely Dan has said.
Turgid Tidbits:
-Human cliche-spewer/accumulator Aaron Rodgers blessed us with a few in a recent IG post. Such triteness as, “Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers” (WHO SAYS THAT???) and “The night is darkest before the dawn” were committed to the screen. He wasn’t done-“And I shall rise again” was another meaningless banality that was shared with numerous Roganites.
-In another news snippet that doesn’t get me all riled up, Joe Exotic has reached out from beyond the bars. Now Joe Burrow is on the record as not liking the nickname Tiger King but that hasn’t stopped the noted Carole Baskin hater from trying to get Burrow to help him raise some money for a down payment on a lawyer. Doing this would be ‘paying it forward’ (not really how that works) and he might just be back in the Super Bowl if he follows through.
-If you’re somehow not feeling the NFL tonight (hey, it happens) but are into the helpless slaughter of innocents, I just might have a game for you. You see, Bethune-Cookman and Miami are playing tonight and the latter is favored by 51.5.
To The Game!
Vikes/Eagles:
-Out for Philly are Gainwell, cb Bradberry and safety Blankenship.
-Hockey had a 22% target share last week and I expect that to rise tonight. The theory being that Cousins will struggle with pressure and Hockey works closer to the line of scrimmage.
-In “The Other Tight End” news, Dallas Goedert had all of one(!) target last week. This is something I don’t get-with the massive amount of info being exchanged between the coaching staffs and players during the game, how does this happen to a top ten guy? I doubt he was being ‘schemed out of the game’ by Belichick. I’ll bet he gets a few early looks.
-Upping The Pressure: When these two teams met last year the (very passive) Minny D blitzed 15% of the time. Last week new DC Brian Flores brought the heat 55.3% of the time. I’ll bet yeahright is happy to see them not playing on their heels.
-You Know What They Say: “If somebody by the name of Trey Palmer can score a TD vs this D, sure as hell Smith and Brown are gonna feast”.
-A Mess, Huh?: Last week rb’s Swift and Scott had a combined 25 snaps between them. And now Rashaad Penny (a healthy scratch) dons a jersey this evening to further muddy the waters.
Enjoy the evening.
Just FYI, the most combined turnovers in a single game is 17.
The Eagles were one of the teams. I think it was in 1946.
You can take the Thursday out of football, but not the Thursday Night.
I blame Al Michaels.
…so guess which running back the old brockster is starting?
My backfield is so bad that I took a KHunt punt for my bench
WTF? no red zone plays for the rest of the game?
Just fumble it back and forth. Oh my, it seems it is your possession. No, no, please take possession with my compliments.
on pace for a dozen turnovers, whos hungry
/Andy Reid’s door flies open
Sure, I could go for a light bedtime snack – Andy R., Kansas City, MO
Looks like they switched to the KY ball.
How much cheesesteak grease did they slather on these footballs?
They should make everyone go wash their hands.
If we see a large walrus looking fella in a red coat start roaming around midfield, that’s a bad sign
Looks like the coordinator that left was the one thinking for Hurts. At the Iggles have a QB that can bench-press 400 pounds.
“Check out all my candles! So many scents! And all of them are guaranteed to melt down under the slightest pressure!”
-Kirk Cousins’ Etsy account
2 fumbles and an int with 2:51 left in the 1st
early 2010s vintage titans/jags thursday night goodness
3
3 DAMN FUMBRES
Oh yes, have no doubt this is a Thursday game.
You called that Hurts regression IIRC
You are damned right I did.
That Hurts your chances to score.
What I expect to encounter, when this stupid fucking update finally finishes (artist’s conception):
“…once again, your final score in overtime, 4-2.
Honestly that’s be kinda of awesome to see
aint nothing like a screen pass with 0 lead blockers
If Minny had this defense/DC last season….
They’d have gone all the way to a Divisional Round loss!
I liked that.
Well Cousins can’t fuck up if never gets the ball.
Fumbre!!!!!
Cousins can’t fumble it if the returner does it first.
4d chess move.
AMAZON FIRE: “Downloading update…”
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, I’ll go get some other shit done.
[comes back 20 minutes later to find…]
AMAZON FIRE: “Download complete. Would you like to install the update?”
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [having no idea how long this prompt was waiting] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I DOWNLOADED IT FOR?
every windows update is something like this. one day download and install one update…oh wait, another update!
Is your TV a Panasonic from 1985?
You can get a brand new SMRT TV for less than the cost of a
vacuumnightstand.It’s the one in the garage. It has speed holes in it.
Do you have your TV on the 5G WIFI network? Not the 2.4G.
My wife just brought me chicken wings. Part of me wants to enjoy them, the other part is wondering if that bucket of rat powder is still under the sink . . .
I mean, it’s a great way to go out…
Better than being sliced up by a Canuck rando.
And either way, you get wings!
Somebody drag Gratliff back in da house
Wasn’t he here briefly on Sunday? Maybe I’m thinking of someone else.
What’s the O/U on Cousins INTs tonight? How much can I bet on the over?
Will cousins melt down in the third or fourth quarter?
Why not both?
why not all 4?
It seems to me that he plays well enough in the first half of games for management to keep him around.
gotta feeling after the bullshit 13-win season last year we are finally gonna see a hard regressing kirk cousins
Would love it, sorry Yeah Right.
Contractual Obligation:
THIS EAGLES DEFENSE, I CALL IT AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THESE GUYS ARE REALLY TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS
It’s a classic for a reason!
Jefferson really runs a nice route.
Especially when I’m facing him in fantasy
Worried Wheezy gonna catch up with him.
“Yeah, straight to paydirt”
S. Hemings
My plan for this weekend, but this time I’m not falling face first into the fire.
Why I am coming back as a dog
You sure it isn’t so you can lick your balls?
I mean that’s a given
I’m rewatching Jersey Shore. Because that’s where I am right now.
Aw great, my Fire stick needs to update. See you all midway through the second quarter.
*half
Fire stick needs to be updated? I think I know your real identity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=500oUCdpdgU&ab_channel=MarkSawyer
See you Sunday afternoon!
Aw great, my Fire stick needs to update
Just what the people of Philadelphia need, an invitation to hand-to-hand combat
Let’s check in on the Philly fans.
https://www.youtube.com/live/ZIO0L667LuE?si=GDmfis5WTReDn1ck
Colorado and Coach Deon should get a sponsorship from Amazon Prime.
Rigatoni, butter, olive oil, parmesan cheese and a sprinkle of garlic and pepper. That’s all you need.
That’s quality love-making!
That’s all anyone really needs.
I bet the over. It will be a snoozer.
I took a melatonin so I win no matter what happens
Ingested edibles for a nice tasty buzz, dude.
This was written to agree but I seem to have lost track.
Did you guys know Rodgers got hurt on his 1st series of the season?
Every hour this week I’ve been reminiscing.
Also, Rush Limbaugh is dead.
They say you should really consult a doctor if your hard-on’s lasted this long.
Even if it’s tiny and rigor mortis?
Oh you weren’t talking about Rush.
I’m gonna have this screen shot saved FOREVER!!
Even if I can’t make NV I will have Litre buy ye a pint just for that.
Colleen Wolfe is an Iggles supporter, right? She’s also vastly improved as a studio host.
Rough times for Jim-Tom and the switchyard gang:
https://apnews.com/article/union-pacific-railroad-railyard-fire-hazardous-materials-9527651cde6c629f18bb947f95ab9f42
Evening Folks
Are you coming to visit us on Fremont in Nov?
I have to RSVP now?
Nah just wonderin. Eagles play Dallas that weekend…..
Then you’ll see me on Fri or Sat for DFO CON
Sweet. I know Don T and I are really looking forward to experience a college day in a sportsbook on a Saturday.
What would be the Great Value version of the Manningcast that Amazon could give us?
Chad Ocho Cinco
With Marv Lewis of course.
Under One (Amazon Box) Roof!
I’m ready to take the mic
Kevin Kolb and Trent Green
Fanningcast.
Elle and Dakota.
Staningcast
Uzbeki, Kyrgyz, and Turkmeni.
This would just all involve them ganging up and beating a Kazakh to death live on the air.
It’d be a record for both TV ratings and FCC complaints all in one shot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFv5IGP2uA&t=13s&ab
A Groeningcast would be downright fantastic.
Tanningcast – George Hamilton and Donald Trump, sponsored by Hawaiian Tropic.
He’s one of the biggest pieces of shit in all human history, but let’s not sit here and pretend like Trump wouldn’t be an absolutely incredible color commentator.
Let’s not pretend that he would. He wouldn’t be able to talk about a single play without boasting about how rich he supposedly is.
I just liked the juxtaposition of the urbane Harrison and the white trash Trump.
Lisa Ann
Ann Wilson
Anne Hathaway
Anningcast
Plus Ann B Davis from beyond the grace
And Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island.
Klanningcast.
Jerry Jones and Terry Pegula lamenting the loss of Jerry Richardson.
Their inaugural guest would be Riley Cooper.
I thought the first guest would be Incognito.
Spammingcast.
Me on camera drinking beer for three hours.
Ronde and Tiki.
Colt McCoy and (checks notes) Case McCoy
Danningcast. Dan Orlovsky and Dan Marino. It’d actually be a pretty straightforward football broadcast.
Ray Lewis and a set of Ginsu knives – “The Slashcast”
Wasn’t there commentary with lebron James and jalen Ramsey last year?
“He’s not ready yet.” My mom on putting my father into a memory care facility.
“When do you think he will be ready?” Me – ready to fly into a rage.
“When he can no longer recognize anyone.”
“So, that’s the plan? You wait until he can’t function, think, and maybe wanders out of the house?”
“I’m not talking about this anymore.”
I may sound like a huge dick saying this, but I’m just about done with my entire family, as my sisters are protecting my mother from reality.
That’s got to be tough. Don’t envy you having to deal with that at all.
/dick joke
[glances at bulging crotch]
Oh, it has its upsides.
/what, you said you wanted a dick joke, and I already warned you that it’s C- material at best tonight
As always you put a smile on my face, adn that’s much appreciated.
Having family members hide in denial when the generation needs solidarity? That’s fucking rough, man.
Tell me about it. I mean, I can wear the black hat and be an asshole. That’s one of my talents, but when it comes to something like this, I’ve reached my limit.
My mother refused to put dad into a facility, even though my brother and I were very much for it. She insisted taking care of him till he passed.
This is what my wifey has been doing for 25 years. Search out what support services are available to you. You can couch it in terms of “We have to do this at some point, let’s just look at our options?” Also, you’ll make your mother more comfortable with the process. My guess is that everyone is motivated by fear and a lack of understanding of the whole process.
When you do this, listen to their concerns and make note of them. They’ll likely bring up things that are valid. Go back and do more homework so you can repeat the process again. Most folks need to be eased into this.
Thank you for the advice, I’ve tried to do many of these tasks, I’m going to have someone come over and talk to her. Maybe that will work.
It’s just frustrating when you’re the only voice of reason in the room – and your sisters are just enabling everything she says.
I have benched Founding Fathers tonight, so expect him to go nuts and then some.
You should bench Jefferson too. Zero founding fathers is the right call.
Amish Mode
Scotchy less FF talk and more sexy boot talk!
Ok. One time, at the dairy, when I was 18, when it was December, I showed up to work with fur-lined snow boots.
/you’re welcome
This is the kind of erotica the DFO Arctic Circle membership demands!
Listen, if we’re gonna fantasize about someone wearing snow boots, I think we can do a little better.
Also, since when has there been such a thing as an animated .jpg?
it’s jpg’s all the way down, man
The picture identifies as GIF
The link is to a .jpg though. It came up in a .gif search, of course. It’s weird, I’ve never seen that before.
Gorgeous bartender I once worked with wore the kinda boots that the pre-game host is wearing. (up, past the knee with a crazy design) My friend called them her “Space Cowboy, Fuck Me Boots”.
Did some people call her Maaaauuuuurice?
That was during a torrid time in my twenties when I worked in Northern Ontario.
/yes I still have the boots.
Just a quick note to Pitts and London owners-of Ridder’s 18 throws, only 8 were to non-rb’s.
/yeah, I’ll be starting Dante Allgeier and Bijan in the same backfield again
Want more bad news? 4 of those 8 were to Mack Hollins.
That’s verily Christmas FOAR Hollins, innit?
“I understand this joke.”
-The Beastie Boys
go birds
Huh. I’d have expected him to ask people to make him the focal point of their DMT and ayahuasca hallucinations.
“Manifest your healing auras and align my chakras”
or some new age bullshit like that
-A. Rodgers
Alexander Mattison better put up some points today or I’m going to suggest that we change his nickname from Hamilton to Gallatin
How about Alexander Nothingleftinthetin?
(hey, it’s Thursday night; the NFL isn’t bringing their A material so you shouldn’t expect anything more from me)