Happy talk like a pirate day me fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That’s in the nature of secrets [in bed].
Corey Doctorrow
That’s just pillow talk, baby. And as long as everyone’s consenting, go as deep and as dark as you want to.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
It can only go up from here right?
Sharkbait
Up in flames. Yes.
LemonJello
As is tradition here:
HIPPO THOUGHTS IS BACK!
LemonJello
THIS GUY BLAXABBATH I CALL HIM THE LAS VEGAS RAIDERS BECAUSE HE’S STARTING THE SEASON OFF WITH A RESOUNDING WIN [with the speakeasy post]!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Found a funny:
When Jets fans talk about 9/11 from now on they will have to clarify which one
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
The one thing that makes this ending sweeter is seeing Aaron Rodgers by himself in the locker room watching his team celebrate without him.
Redshirt
Now if they really want to do a 9/11 remembrance, Zeurlein should hit the other post in about a half hour
Fronkenshteen
Even the Mannings are making the joke about Fitzpatrick’s Harvard connection being a cliche
Dunstan
I’m sure they’ll tea bag that joke to death.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
This just in, Dr. David Chao has diagnosed Aaron Rodgers with a broken thumb on his non-throwing hand.
Horatio Cornblower
Mr. Ayo
Spur
I guess Aaron didn’t have natural immunity to that hit.
Dunstan
Aaron Rodgers getting seriously injured on his very first drive would be the most Jets thing ever.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Despite being the son her father never had; despite that father being a standout football player; despite being by my side for countless football games; despite my middle son playing football; despite all of the above . . . my wife does not understand a goddamn thing about this goddamn sport.
She is barred from the living room until March 2024.
jjfozz
Dearest Mother,
I have received a most startling telegraph this morn, it is a call, nay, a cry for my return to the colors and to once more take up arms upon that most desolate battlefield known as the grid-iron. My constitution wanes and yet I feel the pull of that siren song that echoes down the ages.
Jay Eee Tea Ess. How that infernal cry haunts me.
Yours,
LemonJello
Sharkbait
This is hilarious:
This is incredible. A Wisconsin bar offered free drinks if the Jets lost. After Rodgers went down, they started running up their tabs. The news was live when the jets won in overtime and everyone realized they had to pay. pic.twitter.com/1QDVJq9Zlr
— David Hill (@davehill77) September 12, 2023
SonOfSpam
Sharkbait
I CALL THIS NONCE MY EX BECAUSE I HAVE TO PLAY WITH THE BUTTON MULTIPLE TIMES FOR A GOOD OUTCOME!
ballsofsteelandfury
Nice job on the eagle Balls!
Feels weird to be the first comment on a post that went up at 5 AM Pacific time but then again it’s almost 3:30 PM in Portugal.
I’m here and checked in and drinking a delicious Super Bock beer!
And I haven’t slept a goddamn wink since 5 AM Pacific time on Tuesday.
Some day one adjustments required.
yeah right
I got photos taken at Newark last night and Porto today. Customs dude was extremely chill, asked why I’m visiting, how long I’m staying and then said “Have a nice visit!”
yeah right
yeah right 12 hours later:
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Are you eating cold cuts out of the fridge while looking in the fridge for something to eat?”
“Yes, yes, that is exactly what I am doing. I should eat some cheese too while I decide.”
litre_cola
DFO earlier
Sharkbait
LemonJello
Got a nice walk in up hills and down stairs that were built in oh, like the 11th century then had a couple of pints and some charcuterie with a perfectly lovely couple from Dublin that said to come visit them and I could use their house as my hotel.
He’s a lawyer.
Surprise Surprise and their kids are grown and he’s also a home cook.
Guess I know where next year’s trip is going.
Now I’m just catching some serious rays on my private terrace and drinking some vinh branc.
How’s y’all day going?
yeah right
Not as well as yours, but still better than the Jaguars under Urban Meyer.
LemonJello
My wife woke me up a half hour early to help her with some spreadsheets before she left for a sales meeting.
So pretty much just like yours.
(glares enviously in the direction of Portugal)
SonOfSpam
The Dr. Mrs. Deadly, every time she “closes” the refrigerator door (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don T
AMAZON FIRE: “Downloading update…”
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, I’ll go get some other shit done.
[comes back 20 minutes later to find…]
AMAZON FIRE: “Download complete. Would you like to install the update?”
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [having no idea how long this prompt was waiting] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I DOWNLOADED IT FOR?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Is your TV a Panasonic from 1985?
SonOfSpam
You can get a brand new SMRT TV for less than the cost of a vacuum nightstand.
SonOfSpam
My wife just brought me chicken wings. Part of me wants to enjoy them, the other part is wondering if that bucket of rat powder is still under the sink . . .
jjfozz
I mean, it’s a great way to go out…
scotchnaut
Better than being sliced up by a Canuck rando.
SonOfSpam
Contractual Obligation:
THIS EAGLES DEFENSE, I CALL IT AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THESE GUYS ARE REALLY TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS
LemonJello
Brocky
THIS GAME, I CALL IT SHOWERING IN THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM WHEN IT’S SENIOR WORKOUT DAY BECAUSE THEY ARE BALLS ALL OVER THE FLOOR
jjfozz
I’ve seen better ball control at a basketball ball camp for blind epileptics.
ArmedandHammered
I’ve seen better ball control when Michael J. Fox was calling numbers at a bingo game.
jjfozz
One more time after photo editing.
Day 3 in Porto.
How is it possible that each day just gets better than the previous day?
yeah right
Because WCS operates with about 45% less brain power than most functional orangutans, I forgot both my new cigarettes, AND my wallet.
How long before I lose it on someone? PLACE THOSE GAMBLORS
WCS
Step 1 – find a hobo
Step 2 – demand a smoke
Step 3 – casually mention that you know scotchy
King Hippo
Brick Meathook
Nailed It!
Mr. Ayo
How ya doin?! Watching Mónica Puig vs Venus Williams. Venus is so big, my drink could not obscure her
Don T
So Dok and yeah right walk into this craft beer place in Portugal that plays nothing but thrash metal…
yeah right
Bartender: “WHAT’LL YOU HAVE?”
yeah right: “WHAT?”
Dok: “I GOT THIS.”
Bartender: “WHAT’LL YOU HAVE?”
Dok: “A HEAVY BASS WITH A SIDE OF ANARCHY.”
Bartender: “Ice on the side, right?”
Dok: [winks]
yeah right: “THIS TURNED INTO A JOHN LE CARRE SUBPLOT FASTER THAN I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED.”
Dok: [inserts needle into yeahright’s neck] “There, there, nighty, night.”
yeah right: [weakly] “Stir clockwise. into. the dough. bash the lemongrass poblanos. garnish. with. cast iron skillet…”
scotchnaut
Apparently AJ Green signed a 1-day contract with Cincinnati to retire as a Bengalu; reports say the contract had a token worth of $1 but Mike Brown negotiated the former WR down to 80 cents on account of all the ink it took to sign the paper.
herodotus450
Morning all! Just here to absorb my arsewhoop du Guardiola and be on my way. I’ll probably put eyes on Brighton/Man U to avoid jinxing my beloved Hammers.
Currently heading towards Christiansburg, VA for a friendly against our U12 ShenCo Vipers. Then back to Ubering at JMU all night. Another rough night last night. Got my PTSD triggered pretty badly and went blank for a bit. Put myself in real danger I think. Still pretty shaken up. I honestly don’t know what to do about this. I don’t want disability because I can work. But when I get attacked I go into crisis mode mentally, and I just need to learn coping skills so the crisis doesn’t grip me for days, like it’s doing now, even though the incident was ten hours ago. I’m done with school, so hopefully I can write more content for the site now. I have a story about another disastrous Uber ride already writ, and I’m hoping to produce the next sections of the piece I started about rehab near my one year anniversary of sobriety at the beginning of October. Anyway, have a day you beauties!
Fronkenshteen
One year is a hell of a major accomplishment. We are as proud of you as your banner quote!
King Hippo
Damn usually a 6 year old has to get killed for Colorado to get this much attention
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Going over to a friend’s house to watch the game. Mrs. Fozz laid out my “outfit”, and I immediately said, “NOPE!” 54 years old and she thinks I’m going to listen to her.
jjfozz
Fozzie’s “outfit”:
ballsofsteelandfury
Say anything you want about Fozzie but he has great tits.
scotchnaut
THESE JETS I CALL THEM BUD LIGHT BECAUSE THEYVE BEEN DESTROYED BY ANGRY COWBOYS
fleshwound_NPG
Damn, the friend who was at the game with me last week caught covid and has been very sick all week. I’ve tested myself multiple times and been negative, so has the Mrs Sloth, though I took every precaution I could. Makes me not want to go to anymore games with this latest covid surge. Mrs and I ain’t caught it yet, and going to more games feels like pushing my luck.
ThePirateSloth
“Have you considered ignoring all advice from reputable sources, doing your own homework, waving a flag, taking horse-adjacent medicines and ranting on Facebook?”
-The Republican Party
scotchnaut
17-0 BABY! LETS GOO!
/Is fully aware that doesn’t get reversed if Dreamboat is on the P*ts
Wakezilla
17-0 not happening, you employ eli apple, whom is gonna blow a last minute coverage so bad even lauren boebert is gonna blush
fleshwound_NPG
I CALL THAT PATRIOUDS TD PLAY ORCHIDS OF ASIA BECAUSE A WHOLE LOT OF ILLEGAL ACTIVITY WASNT CAUGHT
Gatoraids
if we’re bringing everything from the 90s back, let’s bring the greatest thing about the 90s back and permanently
no boston championships
fleshwound_NPG
I’m going to write a children’s book. Publish it through Amazon. It’s gonna fucking be epic.
jjfozz
Life Is Shit, You Get Cancer, Death Is Inevitable
a picture book by Fozz
WCS
How I spent this morning in Newhall, California:
Brick Meathook
First day of school? (See you in hell)
jjfozz
Between the Broncos, CU-CSU and Beetlejuice the Musical, it's been a hell of a week for thrilling climaxes here in Colorado
— Craig Meyer (@ByCraigMeyer) September 18, 2023
Horatio Cornblower
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
“Flying Spinnakers, 1938”
Morris Rosenfeld
Echo and the Bunnymen are playing in Rancho Mirage in November!
(For the Gumbys: Everything But The Girl is playing in Rancho Mirage in November!)
Hmm. According to Florio, Deshaun is pissed about “whatever opposing players are saying to him in close quarters about his off-field issues.” & “Something got under his skin last night, and it stayed there. Future opponents will surely try to replicate that, each and every week, until he shows that it’s not frustrating him.”
He got two personal foul penalties. Why wasn’t he ejected from the game after the second one?
That’s the rub
Egalite, my derriere!
“Off with his head!”
-Robespierre
Maybe it’s time to dial things back a little. I honestly don’t remember making that yeahright/Zymm joke.
And a warning goes out across the Hobo telegraph raising the threat condition across Ontario.
Dude, I was sitting right next to you. I think there’s a lot that you don’t remember.
I’m gonna go wander around and try to figure out why the French
Look out. You’re liable to get a vicious taunting.
je ne sais quoi, that’s why
Pourquoi? Qui sait?
Not sure if this has been mentioned before, but:
“X” is a SH sound in Chinese pinyin: Twitter is now Xitter. Posts are Xits.
…And the old bird logo is now a Xitbird.”
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218124011#post3
Yesterday that sneaky fuck tried to reinstate the Shitter account that I deleted months ago. No.
Well, I’m sure it wasn’t his fault. It must be more sabotage from those sneaky, sneaky JOOS at the ADL…
https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/elon-musk-blames-anti-defamation-league-twitter-advertisting-revenue-antisemitism-1234818503/
Ugh. I have a doctor’s appointment at 11. He’s going to be mean to me because I’m fat. Apparently, you don’t get any points for the ” and happy” part.
No, woman should ever be called fat (by anyone that values one’s hearing or prefers to live one’s life migraine-free). Now, “rubinesque” or “curvaceous”.. sure 😉 Plus, it’s the 21th Century – facts are irrelevant, what’s important is how you self-identify 😀
He won’t say fat, he’ll say “borderline obese,” like that makes it better.
Pfft, in the US “borderline obese” is like the new “somewhat anorexic” 😀
I am somewhat curvy (ok I am fat) and about 10 years ago I went in for a physical with a new doctor, and he asked a general question about how I was doing, and I answered “Well, I’m struggling with anorexia” and he paused and sputtered “Wait, are you serious?” and I felt bad for joking about it but I also enjoyed that moment immensely.
I’m stealing that.
Heh, you can sue him now for something like that 😀 Hell, I just saw something online about some dumbass that’s suing the hospital that delivered his kid, because seeing the miracle of birth (C-section division) gave him PTSD XD
Could be worse, you could be 6’3″ and 215 lbs.
Or worse – have that madlad’s skin complexion and golf swing !
He’ll have you know he’s a 3 handicap!
I am also a 3 handicap. Those handicaps are, in order, my driving game, my irons, and my putting.
Weather at home looks glorious. Highs averaging 72, lows on the mid 60’s.
Alright. I’m heading home tomorrow early.
Maybe one more pork sandwich?
You’ll never survive in Portugal long-term if you don’t learn how to use Canadian temperature units.
Looking at the home forecast it was still in Celsius and it still fucks with me.
I was amused that there are no quarter Euros.
I’m leaving a shitload of small coinage for the cleaning crew tomorrow.
I think they call the quarter Euro a Royale Euro with cheese.
Firstly.. we use plastic for basically everything, so money/coins aren’t really much of a hassle for us, y’know. Secondly, we can do math over ‘ere, so it doesn’t take a fully-funded NASA study to figure out that 20c + 5c = 25c . Plus, again, for us point-of-sale transactions don’t incur fees, so we just do that instead 😛
Ah, just for the record – and this general lack of carrying cash always ends well when ATM’s/POS terminals go down, because of server/network issues. Something that is surprisingly common in touristy areas of Germany, btw, as the Krauts really don’t like putting more cell towers than the bare minimum (because EM radiation).
Portugal still has quite a few cash-only places. Very old school
… More like, being cash-only allows for tax shenanigans, whereas going through a payment processor precludes that opportunity. That’s why tourist hotspots (wherever possible) prefer cash transactions, ’cause everyone here has the same love for our various local flavours of the IRS.
Back when I worked in payments there was a big drive in Japan to get people to start using cards more often for that very reason. A lot of banks were implementing card-linked offers. My favorite is still Taiwan with the receipt lottery for legal transactions
I was surprised at how much the credit card companies charge the restaurants for transactions. Some of them up to a 30% surcharge so a lot of places are cash only.
One of my favorite places showed us the small sign in the window that stands for “Cash only” and it was very helpful of them to point that out.
I wonder how much of that is because of using a card from outside the EU and how much for that card being in a different currency. I know that for certain destinations it was always cheaper to get a local prepaid credit card, since the rapey (compared to a normal bank card issued in that country) per transaction fees pale in comparison to using an Irish/Swedish/Kraut Visa. There’s also the bonus that if something untoward happens with your prepaid, your main account’s untouched
There have been a number of places over here that are going back to encouraging cash payment. Small business owners have seen the bite that bank fees take out of their slim profit margins. Signs have gone up at the registers. I usually pay cash at most places. Just old school I guess. I like reducing the exposure of my credit card number.
I just like buying things and not be reminded of it a month later. To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg “You are giving me a beer, I am giving you $5. We do not need to create a paper record of this transaction.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo5pjBmNyrE
The International Spy traveller’s kit:
U.S. passport to come back home; Canadian passport everywhere else (American? I’m not American! Fuck them!)
$20s and $10s in the clip. The Benjamins are Coin Of The Realm and can buy anything (including drugs, crude oil, and arms) anywhere in the world. Know your exchange rate, because you ain’t getting change. Ask for a lot.
Vegas poker chip: Dazzles foreigners
And yet there are 2 cent euros!
There are also 0€ notes too and with about as much utility. Also, I think the idea behind doing 2 cents is literally just tradition left from ye olden days when 2 cents was a family’s yearly income 😀
Edit: Speaking of 0€ Notes – I bloody love those and if a museum or interesting spot sells those I tend to grab a couple for myself and to give to friends (alongside the customary fridge magnets)
And one cent euros.
1,2,5,10,20 and 50.
It’s just calling me.
“Eat me, Yeah Right; I want to be with my friends!”
Drools in Portuguese
To set the record straight (and make sure you degenerates don’t come bugging me for lottery numbers and horse racing tips) I didn’t make this comment after Aaron Rodgers went down. The part about it being “serious” was the only component that involved clairvoyance.
And I’m not sure that predicting something awful happening to the Jets could qualify as clairvoyance anyways. It’s like “predicting” the sunrise.
Water wet, Browns bad, etc
I’m thankful for your clairvoyant capabilities.
WVU beats Pitt.
Potentially sticky and awkward situation with ex-wife avoided.
Stillers out-Paul the Pauls.
All in the same three days.
That’s quite the streak. Just to be prepared if things turn, tell your god to ready for blood.
“When asked about the facemask penalties after the game, Watson did not take full responsibility, instead deflecting some of the blame to the Steelers defenders.
https://www.sportingnews.com/us/nfl/news/deshaun-watson-facemask-browns-qb-steelers/1bb3e54cfba82e75316ab3c0
Yes, it was all those slutty, slutty, Pittsburgh linebackers’ fault, wasn’t it Deshaun?? They were just asking for it. They’re even worse than a Houston masseuse…
Did you see how they were dressed!?!?
Hello everyone.
Stronger work than anything the Bears have done this season.
blaxito and I wrapped up Disney’s Bears this morning before school.
Real fucking bears look scary as hell. I mean, they are scary as hell. They’ve got a drive through Bear place near the Grand Canyon — maybe head that way in a couple weeks….
The stench of failure from Halas Hall is pretty strong…