Chris Johnson isn’t dead or anything. I just always loved Cop Speed as a nickname. Like, yes, it’s genesis was racist, but you gotta acknowledge a great handle when it comes along. The best part of Hippo Thoughts is figuring out who the hell he’s talking about.
NFL NEWS
-Nick Chubb: ded. He blew out his knee. While I weep for him and my Oldest Fantasy Team (McCaffrey, Bijan Robinson and Chubb), I do appreciate another piece of DeShaun Watson’s scaffolding being kicked away from under him.
-Steelers offense: ded. Despite being saved by two defensive touchdowns again said ded Browns, Pittsburgh continues its descent into obscurity. They are averaging 48 rushing yards per game on 3.1 yards per carry. So they are not running often, and they are not running well. You know it’s serious, because Mike Tomlin has invoked Mojo.
“We have to get our mojo back,” Tomlin said Tuesday. “We got to get that mojo that we had in the preseason where we’re playing fast and fluid with confidence, individually and collectively.”
So the Steelers would be fine, if only they were allowed to play the vanilla defenses staffed with camp bodies every week. Good strategy. Good talk.
-Saquan Barkley: not ded? Apparently the gnarly-looking ankle injury that Barkley sustained over the weekend “feels a lot better” according to bro-at-the-vape-store Brian Daboll, and he may actually play Thursday night against the Niners. That sounds…reckless, frankly. Short week, star player, easily-aggravated injury, game you likely have no chance to win. It feels weird to call a man who could break me in half ‘fragile’, but Barkley’s injury history suggests maybe you treat him a little more gently?
-30-year Patriots season ticket holder Dale Mooney died at Foxboro on Sunday doing what he loved: starting some shit and getting beaten up over it. Tragic, yes. Mooney kicked it after being punched in the face by a Dolphins fan, which is uncool. However, an eyewitness account suggests Mooney started it by grabbing a different fan and starting a fight.
-Another proud moment in Buffalo Bills gameday parking lot history: a 29 year old guy was found naked and covered in shit trapped in a 30-40 foot hole on the site of the Bills’ new stadium (formerly a parking lot) while the home opener was kicking off. Dude was wasted on an impressive cocktail of LSD, coke, alcohol and Beef on Weck. (H/t Low Commander for calling this to my attention).
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT?
WNBA First Round Playoff double header on ESPN: Washington Mystics vs. New York Liberty (6 pm Central) and Atlanta Dream vs. Dallas Wings (8 pm Central).
-It’s the first round. Washington and Atlanta both finished under .500, and I don’t expect much of a fight here.
Best American Chinese Food:
(note- I don’t want to fucking hear about how the hole-in-the-wall place down the street from you does the best X in the universe. This is about the Platonic Ideal form of each dish, where you step into a restaurant with no prior knowlege and have to choose)
1.General Tso’s Chicken
2. Sweet and Sour Pork
3. Sesame Chicken
4. Eggroll
5. Mongolian Beef
6. Beef and Broccolli
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Jeb! was truly one of the lost opportunities America suffered as ad-directed media pivoted to Trump 24/7. I mean, it’s Jeb Bush. Primary voters should have William Hung that dude to the convention just so we could watch that good natured goof stumble over the self-awareness that never stopped his brother from following in daddy’s footsteps. It would have been great; after every state primary you’d see him disgusted that he’d won and this had to keep going to the next event.
But no — the voters with flaccid dicks had to put a final stake in federal abortion policy.
I just always loved Cop Speed as a nickname. Like, yes, it’s genesis was racist, but you gotta acknowledge a great handle when it comes along.
Racism is bad, unless I think it’s funny. -Right Reverend
Nobody outside of Los Angeles will understand.
Nobody inside of Los Angeles will argue.
Slippery shrimp.
With an order of shrimp toast.
https://yangchow.com/
“Nobody outside the zillion of us who live here will get it….”
I had shrimp toast for the first time at a random Chinese place in Chicago. It was good.
“I hate slippery shrimp”
-D. Favre
But enough about Lowratio’s status the night after a new shipment of massage oil arrives in the Cornblower household…
I demand justice for pork fried rice!
I went with beef with broccoli, because the couple hosting this past month’s poker tournament took a break from pizza and ordered Chinese food and the beef with broccoli was amazing.
Did you win?
I’d go any kind of pupu platter. Best of everything
Where’s the “That’s Balls’ favourite!” joke?
Moar like Oh The German Feast
If only there was a way we could vote on the items.
Like a “poll”???
It worked!!
Considering that the author of the post was the one that requested polls be added to the back end, YES
Beef with broccoli. Best way to eat broccoli.
Sesame chicken every time.
Evening folks.
I heard Bob Kraft tried to hire him to work in the Patriots’ front office.
Ha ha, just kidding. It was the back office.
Would come (cum?) in… Handy…
We get awesomely bad chinese every time we go to the cape. Same place has been around since I was a kid and the food is exactly what you’d expect from a kitschy Polynesian place. But the drinks are excellent.
My ghetto-ass carryout place for my first marital home (a triplex in West Raleigh) offered 4 deep fried (whole) wings over a mountain of rice, for like $3.
Nothing has ever made, or will ever make me again, quite that happy.
“They must have tasted absolutely incredible to command such a high price.” – Mike Brown
I like to think he fainted when he saw the first “tip jar” at a carryout place
Fun fact:
In Jamaica, you can get an apple pie for $5.00
In The Bahamas, a cherry pie will run you about $6.00
Whereas in St. Martin, a mincemeat pie will set you back about $8.00
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Happy September 19 (Talk Like a Pirate Day)
No love for orange chicken?
See below
The comments don’t officially start until blax posts.
I’d like to point out, that as a dumb older white guy in the wilds of Ontario way back when, I thought “Cop Speed” referred to the fact that police cruisers had bigger engines than regular vehicles. I apologize for nothing.
My local “semi-fancy-for-Chinese” place does a killer mango chicken, and they’ll even steam brown rice for one. Peppers, mango, zuchinni, WHITE MEAT chicken (WASP achievement UNLOCKED bruh), in perfect harmony. Maybe there are also mushrooms? I don’t eat those directly, but they add to the overall sauce/mix of tastes just fine. I do have them hold the onions, because they are a bad migraine trigger for me.
Gus Johnson coined the “Cop Speed” nickname, as such it was NAWT RAYCESS. If Hippo had coined it, he very much would have had to add “no ofence.”
Do soup dumplings count?
The more important question-Can they do long division?
As a Dad, I appreciate this.
The Soup Dumpings sounds like a band that Eli Manning was into when he was eight years old and also now.
I saw Soup Dragons live in the early 90s
Gumby’s got tickets for Imagine Soup, but don’t tell Gumbygirl.
Roasted Duck. Preferably with the head still attached.
This is the Dirty Duck Diner in Ubud, Indo.
https://www.bebekbengil.co.id/en/menu
Buddy of mine and I ordered pre ordered 2 ducks for appetizer. Server thought it was for mains, as did our partners. Hoo boy were they mistaken.
Peking Duck
Ginger Beef. Delish.
Salt and Pepper Squid another winner.
The list was for American Chinese food. Peking duck and ginger beef are at least nominally a Real Chinese Dish
Oh shit. Sweet and Sour Chicken Balls!
Has anyone drafted the Flied Lice yet?!?
/flaps dickey
With fans like this, no wonder the Red Wings are the dregs of the NHL. smgdh…
Someday that will not be funny to me.
Today is not that day.
Twice-Cooked Pork > Sweet and Sour Pork.
Orange Chicken!
The best thing about a yuuuuugggge plate of orange or sesame chicken like that? You go “oh fuck, I will never eat all that” and that you always…proceed to eat every last bit. And start looking at your kids’ plates.
Are bbq pork buns eligible? I choose those.
(knows nothing about Asian food)
Are those Chinese? For some reason I thought…other.
I was surprised too American Chinese at least, a hole in the wall place near me has them on the Dim Sum menu just jammed with Char Siu pork. Really washes down the taste of pork fried rice.
They’re available at pretty much every restaurant in Chinatown, so I’m gonna say “yes”. I’m not sure I’ve encountered them anywhere else.
“Wasted on the Beef of the Weck of the Edmund Fitzgerald that was Ahead By A Century” was Gord Downie’s fave Chinese dish.
Moo shu pork and shrimp fried rice deserve their moments in the sun, too.
I could take a bath in that plum moo shoo sauce. And then take a shower of that scallion and ginger dumpling sauce.
Moo shu chicken (YOU can’t eat pork) is my go-to because I am very unadventurous.
Also, gimme that sweet fortune cookie assuring me that I’ll have a great week.
Panda Inn Fortune cookies are the best because they are dipped in white chocolate and wrapped in colourful foil.
How’s the panda?
Critically endangered, which makes it even more delicious!
Yes. Yes sir. I’m in!
Best cartoon based on Chinese takeout? THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n91lSO0wJQ&ab_channel=DerekS
I preferred the Bill Gramatica vid
“Like, yes, it’s genesis was racist, but you gotta acknowledge a great handle when it comes along.”
Same with America.
With America “was” is pretty optimistic
Agreed on the list. Note: the egg rolls with the red pork in them, not those grey crumbs.
I have one word for you: CHOP SUEY
WAKE UP ASIAJRSDGASIDATWO MAKEUP
Chef’s kiss. Brilliant, just brilliant.
Armenia forever.
#FreeArtsakh