To The Game!
Chiefs/Jets:
-It’s been a long day (is writing this at 12:55 EST) so I’ll keep this short.
-I hate to shit on Zach each week (no you don’t -Id) but Christ, get Simien up to speed and throw him on the pitch and save your season. (those words have never been typed before)
-Taylor Swift was named after James Taylor and grew up on a Christmas Farm.
-The Jets are 3 for 24 on third downs in their last two games.
-Swifty’s favourite drink is vodka and Diet Coke because she’s a hick that was born in Reading, Pennsylvania. Seriously, you’ve traveled all over the globe several times and you go with that? Be interesting-throw a soju in there or something.
-With a TD this week the Mahomes/Kelce combo will have given birth to 45 TD babies. They’ll be overtaking Brees/Graham’s 48 by the midpoint of the season.
-Taylor convinced her family to move to Nashville after watching a Faith Hill documentary.
-Danny Dimes Drools: The Chiefs o-line has been doing yeoman work pass-blocking in that Patty only faces pressure 25% on dropbacks.
-T-Swizzle lost her virginity to Jake Gyllenhall just days before her 21st birthday! That bastard didn’t show up for her birthday party, btw.
-“The Jets haven’t been seen on a Sunday Nighter since 2011. That’s a bunch of futility-yikes!-but now that they have Rodgers…” was probably the thinking amongst those that make the schedule.
-Tay Tay’s favorite number is 13. Travis Kelce’s uniform number is 87-kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?
Have a good one.
Pity points for the J-E-S-T
SAFETY DANCE!
Let’s see the Taylor reaction!
No, not that one!
That was unexpected.
safety dance, we have a game! sorta!
CLEAN SHEET AVOIDED
It ALWAYS comes back to Brett Favre
Based on what the Broncos win earlier today taught us is possible, the Jets are still in the mix!
I haven’t seen a group of jets that are this ineffective since Iraq, 1991.
“bury these jets in the sand, they are useless.”
-s. hussein, 2003
-jets fans, 2023
TayTay is gonna be the next NFL Commissioner, at this rate.
She can’t be any worse.
best one ever by default
I mean, she understands marketing. Beyond that, the job basically does itself.
I think Mahomes smoked a bowl after that last drive. He still reads coverages about 3x faster than MILF-hunter Z
This is another controversial opinion, but I believe I’ll put on my comfy slippers and have another beer.
Pat Mahomes has done more for biracial people than Afrosheen mixed with Selsun Blue
BANNER
Gumby mention! Drink everyone!
Bobbleheads, lol.
Why isn’t Trevor Siemian and his enviable collection of Hentai not getting game action again?
Collinsworth during his typical chucklefuck intro was saying that the Chiefs weren’t going to have an easy night of it tonight and they’re well on their way to a 48-3 lead midway through the third quarter.
Perhaps he meant there will be emotional turmoil, a pre-game meal that’s just a bit off, or a temperature 5-10 degrees from ideal playing conditions?
Zach Wilson is my favorite black quarterback but that’s because he insists on bringing Vibe and XXL magazine to quarterback meetings
TWO defensive penalties, and nobody within 50 yards of the receiver
Swift and Chiefs usually mean someone in a headdress is getting wooden nickels and smallpox blanket to go elsewhere
Based on the tenor of the comments, I’m guessing the score is…14-0.
Ah, only 10-0. Not a bad guess, though.
in a minute itll be 17-0. in four minutes itll be 24-0
oh wow, an actual athletic contest next SNF! London fixture also a vast upgrade
Why cant the NFL start flexing games starting week 2?
Inshallah
why in gods name are you throwing, with the milf hunter, on 3rd and 1
cromulently Jets
I might go see the Taylor Swift movie.
what’s it about?
Travis Kelce’s girth
Someone get Colinsworth a funnel so he can chug more KC cum
Lay’s is glad they went with barbecue for that flavor
THIS JETS DEFENSE, I CALL IT A HOLDING PATTERN BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST MOVING AROUND IN CIRCLES WITHOUT ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING.
and inevitably..
I see the problem. They didn’t extend the landing gear there.
lol they cut to taytay and kelce wasnt anywhere near that td
He’s there in spirit.
Blake Lively was jumping up and down, so
si si
This is a controversial opinion but I find Blake Lively to be an attractive person.
Perhaps THAT’S who TayTay is dating.
That commercial outro cut was “The Message” by Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five. Deep Cut. Word.
Steamroller
Jack hammer
Flame thrower
You can pick one to kill Travis Kelce.
Which one and why?
I’d rather see his soul set afire via a slanderous mambo in a stunning career turn by Taylor Swift. Something like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9kdDet7G14
“You should bring your family to the game.”
Shot of AA Ron alone in the owner’s suite
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9CjAfo5n0
God I just tried listening to this. It’s awful.
It’s bad. The best thing I can say about him is that my sister had one of his records, and it was scratch and sniff. Smelled like raspberries. I think scratch and sniff is woefully underutilized technology.
Because he was the lead singer of The Raspberries! Big hit: Go All The Way
But now he’s a MAGA turd, so he can fuck off.
Zach Wilson just hucking every pass up in the air towards Blake Lively’s suite.
“What? She’s got two kids!”
The Lead Insurmountable
What’s the point of watching this game?
It’s like watching the prom king torment the kid with Down syndrome.
admittedly, though. I laughed.
TAY TAY
Look, if you don’t want to see Taylor Swift and Blake Lively in the same suite and take it from there that’s fine, but some of us have imaginations.
RIKKI: [checks score of Raiders game, sees that it’s 7-7, turns it on]
RAIDERS: [have Herbert sacked, fail to wrap up for some inexplicable reason, allow third down conversion on diving catch that is ruled incomplete, overturned upon review]
CHARGERS: [score field goal]
RAIDERS: [“fumble” on the kind of play that the proper application of the tuck rule would easily deem incomplete]
NFL OFFICIALS: [don’t bother to review the play, even though every turnover is supposed to be reviewed automatically]
CHARGERS: [score touchdown]
RAIDERS: [fumble again, for real this time]
CHARGERS: [score touchdown]
RIKKI: [turns off game in disgust]
— some time later —
RIKKI: [checks score again, sees that the Raiders have come back to within a touchdown]
CHARGERS: [get stopped on fourth down in their own territory]
RIKKI: [turns on game]
RAIDERS: [throw goal line interception]
CHARGERS: [take deep shot on 3rd and long]
CHARGERS RECEIVER: [pushes off]
NFL OFFICIALS: [see nothing]
RIKKI: [turns off game in disgust]
Pencils ‘game over’.
Closes book.
Goes home.
They planned that
Britt Reid is bummed he’s missing out on Applebee’s Dolaritas.
Ya know, because he’s in prison for DUI that caused life threatening injuries to a child.
Cellblock D tries their best with the pruno, but they can’t quite get the spices right
It’s interesting to see the wider national audience realize what Yinzers were actually correct about for once.
Onside Punt!! The CFL never fails to deliver.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SI2-A78oMHg
“dont really get all this swift hype. she doesnt even have a kid yet.”
-z. wilson
The Simpsons predicted this game, too.
The O/U on Taylor Swift references by the announcing crew has officially been set at “eleventeen.”
Good luck to all of our Draft King Super Stars!
if this was on ABC theyd have had an espn2 taylor hard cam option
Gumby’s fantasy league is doing a shot every tine she’s mentioned or shown in the box. They’ll all be dead by halftime.
Just showed Tay Tay! I’m a Swifty now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ctK1aoWuqY
Holy shit this game is going to be insufferable.
Swifty. Deadpool. IASIP. Kelces. A.A. Ron. Maybe even a game!
who knew that pats/cowboys would only be the SECOND most insufferable game
Narrator: There will not be a game.
Over/Under on when this game is in the bag?
14:59 remaining, 1st quarter
its at least a double bagger
When did the Chiefs get off the bus?
Because I’ll take 4 minutes before then.
Stillers had a shaky day, but I’m sure everything is fine.
Does the X say is a blown ACL?
the x-ray says kiss the titties!
Faith Hill and Time McGraw were the previous generation’s “left of center hillbilly celebrity couple” no less. It’s almost like teh illuminati laid it all out in advance.
Nick Siriani seems like the kind of Hard-O (TM) who should be roundly ignored.
He deffo goes to the gym and says bruh, spot? at least several times a year
Reading, PA isn’t so much the sticks as it is rustbelt Jersey.
if you think this primetime game with the JESTS is gonna suck, you aint seen nothing yet
this coming thursday evening comrade fields will meet with the commies and discuss the deployment of his mighty tanks
Bear really rallied at halftime with the cries of We have not yet begun to tank.