Not gonna lie, I’m going to wing these games. Facts and stats can vamoose!
To The Games!
Fins/Bills:
Contrarians (ya gotta love contrarians. Or do you?) are saying that this is going to be a low-scoring tilt. I say Fie! Aw crap, I remembered a stat. Of the last 9 teams to score 60+ points in a game, all but one lost their next game. Or something like that.
Broncs/Bears:
Oh dear. Two teams in complete disarray and the questions just keep piling up. I’ve the notion that Denver gets right this game but have nothing upon which to base it.
Ravens/Browns:
I’d like for this game to be played in a muddy back alley during a thunderstorm. Why won’t the NFL answer my emails? The Browns D is playing on another level and Baltimore always shows up for division games. First to 3 scores wins?
Steelers/Houston:
I picked Houston to lose because Mike Tomlin. He’s avoided a losing season every single year because he always wins the games he’s supposed to win.
Vikes/Panthers:
So little to chose between here but I’ll take the firepower of Cousins/Jefferson to overcome Minny’s porous defense.
Rams/Colts:
Is Indy the sneakiest good team in the league right now? That’s what Irsay’s bottomless pill bottle is telling anyone willing to listen. They ambushed the Ravens at home in the opener, have a good defense and received more than competent play from their backup QB. Still, I need Kyren to score me some points in fantasy.
Bucs/Saints:
Hey, it’s the New Orleans secondary, also called “The Mike Evans Cematary”. Jameis gets the call for the Saints and he better not get any big ideas in his head because when he does the interceptions flow like spice on Dune.
Commies/Eagles:
Philly should make short work of Washington given how Howell played last week. Four interceptions vs the Bills is the kind of performance that might crack a young qb’s confidence.
Bengals/Titans:
I call the Tennessee D “The Dichotomy” because you can’t run against them but can pass to your heart’s delight. What say you spend your first 4/5 picks next year on cb’s and safeties?
Keep it moving, keep it moving.
THIS SCOTCHNAUT I CALL HIM KENNETH “BIG CHEESE” CHEESEBRO OPERATING AS THE FIELD COMMUNICATIONS SIGNALER FROM THE COMMAND PLATOON OF THE JANUARY 6TH INSURRECTIONISTS BECAUSE HE’S KEEPING IT MOVING!
Cade Otton’s forefathers were slave-owners. I’d bet a bottle of cotton gin on it.
Bears… do good?
Justin fields… touchdowns?
Someone should check in on Brandon Perna.
I started him in Vodka league and I’m as surprised as anyone by his cromulence
You guys, I’m thinking that the Broncos might really, really stink.
Watched Coach Vass analyze the Broncos D on YouTube the other day. He was… very uncomplimentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0zXfacu1DA
I just pointed at the scoreboard and went res ipsa loquitor
I’d sign on for a non-PIT HC guy for no more than six years. Those dicks are as plentiful as running backs and twice as naive.
Unless I’m wrong.
I’ve never smoked cigarettes but my doctor suggested that I take it up because tests showed my nicotine levels were low. So I’m smoking a pack of Camel unfiltereds this morning and I’ve got to admit they taste good and are satisfying. I honestly can’t wait to smoke another pack.
Hmm, not for me I’m afraid, but what about my pregnant wife?
You’ll get that smoker’s cough, call the doctor and demand a Tussionex script. Good weekend fun, that stuff.
“Then don’t, cool guy!”
-women
The NFL has an amazing marketing opportunity. They need to take all their most rapey and hateable players, stick them all on the same team, and just never call penalties on the teams that play against them
Man do I hope THE NARRATIVE pencils the Chiefs out of the AFC Championship game in favor of a Miami-Buffalo matchup.
Let’s just say that Fatty McGoo’s motivational techniques…are not working in Broncos Country. #Let’sRide (Fatty out of town on a rail)
I like to do the intros day of so that I have the most up to date info like Jameis starting for the Saints. [grumbles in Canadian]
Could have used that near White-DOWN
Afternoon, miscreants.
Well, hello there.
Looks like predictions of Burrow’s crippling was off by a week or so.
Gotta get him some frog stem cells. If he doesn’t survive, at least he lasted longer than if he had played for the Bears, Browns, or Redacteds
Tits have the right plan, blitz the fuck out of the QB who can barely walk. Dunno why that eluded RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! on Monday.
Haven’t you ever watched Rams fight, they only know how to headbutt
I need to up my wildlife YouTube game, yo
I haven’t done this in a while; I put it in my head that the kickoff for the Dolphins/Bills was Best Coast time, not Christofascist Alberta time. I missed the first 21 points.
How’re we doing?
Seems like there will be plenty more.
Will the majoirty Yinzer crowd in Houston start calling for Bollo del Verdad?
Dolphins tribute to Al Davis draft fastest guy available strategy finally working
“The Heyward-Bey Solution” strategy works for teams with a half-decent scouting department.
Even Heyward-Bey wasn’t all that terrible once he escaped the vortex of suck of the Raiders.
This is how it works, there are teams that just destroy players and the faster they can get away the better for them and their career
After the first quarter AFN three choices channel surf, settling down with Mia-Buf. NO-TB and Was – Phi are relegated… at least temporarily.
Ok, all the intros have been put to bed, time for drinkies!
Havent seen A chain torture people like this since Hellraiser
pinball in WNY
JESUS, DONKS. NO WOO FOAR YOU
So many people watching the rugby despite Portugal being last in the pool
Probably because God only knows what can happen in this unmitigated disaster of a World Cup for Australia.
LOLphins fan has a Josh Allen TD in his parlay and he was nawt happy with the playcall there
Can your favorite song just be a part of a song? 2mins+
Are the 500s playoff-bound??
Prolly nawt
I thought we were getting the Crab Leg Aficionado not Emo Carr???
Pain is the only way Emo Carr can still feel, so he decided to play through it.
English guy is talking about how he became a Chiefs fan because they were mediocre and unknown and now he’s annoyed that they’re good because he seems like a bandwagon fan, LMFAO
Remind him how the British Empire went from really good to mediocre and unknown in one generation.
The Browns are a bail out option for him.
LOLphins fan is reading out his bets to his 2-yo kid. The kid has great hair tho
“Always bwt against your team, son. That way you win either way. Dolphins win, we’re happy and If they lose, at least we get paid.”
I see that Weaselo played A-chain. Well done. I very well could be the worst FF player in history.
Donks & Bears should trade QB at halftime to maximum the fun
Their defenses would be extra motivated for revenge
Today is National Vodka Day.
The your vodka out of the freezer and mix it as you please! No guilt today it’s all good.
Stroud is my QB, so OF FUCKING COURSE
TD Vodka Drinkers!
Its’s Wear Pink and Get Scammed by Corporate Charity Month
clap clap clap CLAP!
Din-gle-Berr-y!!
clap clap clap CLAP!
Do you dfo vegas, KHip?
odds in 10-15% range, travel es muy dificil
SO YOU ARE SAYING THERE’S A CHANCE!!
You’d expect the Commies to be STRONG in Most GlorioUs Red Zone?
I watched The Imitation Game last night.
Kiera Knightley seems life the kind of woman who, if we had just met, would have totally hit it off together.
Tell her once you go blax, you never go backs!
You can usually tell the celebrities that don’t let the fame go to their heads.
You mean like Brandon Lee?
/but seriously, his talent in martial arts was criminally underutilized in The Crow
Chi**** punts on 4th and 1.5 near midfield. THAT’S GOOD TANK HUSTLE
Is there a highly ranked player called Tank in the draft? TANK FOR TANK!
WE CAN HAS SACK WOO
It’s cool enough for long sleeves, so Hippo switched to his mango “Superb Owl 50 Champions” Donks-gear. Surely this shall make all the difference.
Come on Commies, kick these Iggles in the beak.
I’m with you, but that’s just nawt realistic, birds of prey aren’t big on the power of the State
https://twitter.com/Phil_Lewis_/status/1708177676584796395
I’ve been telling you to get Meghan McCain under control for years!
GODDAMN!
The last drag of a good Blood Mary is concentrated Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, celery salt, and crushed Oxycontin pills. Good to the last drop. It’s time to drive on the freeway out to my heavy machinery and operate them while discharging firearms, all in the name of our Savior Jesus H. Christ, maker of Heaven and Earth or something like that. Anyways good times folks.
Stay white, brother.
You bet I will!
The “Enjoy the zen. We’ll be right back” picture on Sunday Ticket for me was fucking DOLPHINS swimming about. Cheeky motherfuckers.
Morning Folks
It’ll probably empty out more when the rugby is done since Portugal is playing
Got a seat!
You play the DOKTOR card if needs must! A lady gots to git her FITBAW
I’m seated between a Bills fan and a LOLphins fan
You should be the devil on each shoulder, get them all stabby!
My view
Walked to the bar with redzone. It is full, like crowd waiting to get in so I’m probably gonna head elsewhere full
Germany? Avoid bars with good orators.
Like this. It may look fun at first, but trust me you don’t want to be there at the end.
Nah, I’m in Lisbon, just the last game was on a German channel.
And turns out it’s not as crowded as it looked, got a pint of Sagres and standing with a view of both NFL and rugby
I don’t have any Portuguese jokes. Hmm, need to work on that.
Better ask a Spaniard, post haste!
Hey I am a Spaniard! I can’t speak a word of Spanish, and after four years of HS/College German I can’t speak a word of that language either.
Gotta Macao some up quick
Morning. Is everyone saving their energy for the premiere afternoon block?
The WNBA playoffs?
Heroic RedZone muzak plays, tablet loaded for the Donks/Bearistocrats! Schiesse Bowl. Because I hate myself, you see.
other than fins/bills and the great tank bowl, this looks like a good week to catch up on napping since i cannot watch either legally (RAMMIT/clots my only legal option). in the afternoon all i got is the insufferabowl (pats/cowboys) and the shitty raidaaahs vs shittier bolts. holy shit the nite cap is gonna be awful with the JESTS
and dirtbaw is a no-go since everything has basically been clinched. bye-week napping it is
Here’s a Fredbird to celebrate Bastard Man Small Bears’ elimination!
?w=1280
NLM (No Lives Matter. Welcome to the real world, children)
Black Lives Are No Less Worthy Because We Are All Just Worm Food – maybe harder to market, but 100% accurate