Well, with massacres in New England, Miami and Detroit under our belts maybe we’ve got a close one here. Thanksgiving stuff needs to be done so this one will be brief.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Niners:
-Both these teams are so solid on O. Not only do they have depth of talent but each of them just don’t turn the ball over-only one for each team.
-Purdy Good: The stats say that the Cowboys have played the highest percentage of man coverage of any team since last year. Purdy, meanwhile is top 3 in QBR, yards per attempt and TD/INT ratio vs man.
-DAK’S ACT: It’s been cleaned up pretty good. Last year he led everyone in interceptions but he’s got just the one in 2023.
-Say a prayer for Colton McKivitz, his gameplan involves taking on Micah Parsons.
-Combined these offenses have gone over 30 points in 7 of 8 tilts. San Fran is the first team to score 30 in 7 straight since the 2012 Broncos.
-Kittle’s yardage prop sits at 40.5. When last these two played in the playoffs he went for 95.
Enjoy.
49ers: “Fuck You Mode: Engaged.”
lol the lions ran that exact play earlier today. to a tight end even
wait, that jersey girl ref is workin this game. game is gonna stay close somehow
Dallas O-Line:
#WaterAdded
Oooh, I want to dance, who else wants to dance?
CMC displaying the value of the modern nfl running back.
SHUT. UP. CRIS.
Great, lets see how the Dallas Offense fucks this up now. Am calling a safety.
better a hold in the endzone for a safety
….and, in the end, ‘twas all for naught.
At least it was funny.
oops!
The Dallas offense does not deserve this defense.
Can Charles Haley give this Dallas team wakeup call. The Last Naked Warrior wouldn’t let this shit happen.
….giving the refs pleeeeeeenty of time to look at this one….
…which is now PERFECTLY FINE
THIS GUY FRED WARNER I CALL HIM A SKETCHY SWINGERS PARTY CAUSE YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHO’S HOLDING YOUR BALLS AFTER YOU TRY THE PUNCH
I’m pretty sure it touched the foot of a 49ers playing sliding out of bounds… #43 I think.
Welp, I was wrong
Dallas is scared of this team. man up bitches
After further review, fuck the Cowpersons, the call STANDS
Bringing the nation together, one turnover at a time
“WHAT ARE THESE GOTTDAMMED OFFICIALS DOING TO MY STARS? GET THAT NO-GOOD SUNOVABITCH GOODELL ON THE HORN NOW! I’M FIXING TO GIVE HIM A TEXAS SIZED PIECE OF MY MIND! YEEEEEEeeeeeeeHHAAAAAAAWWWWWwwwwwwww I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”
Everyone assumes Dallas will get calls because of ‘America’s Team,’ and they certainly used to, but everyone also forgets that Ol’ Double J tried to get Herr Goddell fired and/or have his pay reduced.
Jerry Jones does a lot of stupid things, but that’s gotta be the dumbest. At least football-wise.
You come at the King, you best not miss
I find the amount of Brandon Aiyuk so far to be woefully insufficient. Also, I tried unmuting so I could pay better attention but my patience ran out after like 90 seconds.
Gotta jam Kittle on the line?
CeeDee Lamb right now
McCarthy getting his Blue Bunny order in early, using the Microsoft Surface Pro, the official…yada yada yada
McCarthy just shown on the sidelines scrolling through the stadium menu.
He was looking for the “select all” button
There is a company named Nurp and I want to work for them so when people ask me where I work I can burp and be technically correct
Dallas relying on their punting game to level the playing field. That’ll work.
/sprints to Lululemon
what the actual fuck was that commercial about?
Pants Are Evil.
This is the correct response, end of discussion.
2018 was a weak year.
We’re just gonna ignore the Dallas player getting body slammed while clearly being out of bounds? Cool, cool.
pretty much
He’s within the bounds of the field in the same way that the field is within the bounds of San Francisco
A Cowboys fan complaining about the refs? Summon the fainting ottoman, forthwith!
Look at the play and tell me I’m wrong.
/doesn’t bother looking at the play
You’re wrong. Don’t you have a plane to catch or something?
Clearly you haven’t bee reading your updates. I have until 11:45 before I even have to leave the house.
This is not a good thing.
Bacon sammiches for everyone!
(with a handheld Uzi that fires 20mm shells)
and one of those Neverending Magazines the libruls don’t want you to own
Never jams or gets hot.
firing an uzi with one hand? nobody’s gettin hit
Every time I watch SNF, I’m reminded how much Jimmy Fallon sucks and how they did Conan dirty.
every football season i’m reminded that cbs has a shitty lineup and fox still has the simpsons on for some reason
Fallon is a bleeding pile of shit.
Jimmy Fallon needs to be slow roasted over a fire made of asbestos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POB3Dr0uonc
There once was a QB named Dak,
His throws, catches often lacked,
He may be a ham,
Even throwing to Lamb,
But canned meat can’t be crushed when it’s sacked
Banner this.
Wife and daughter now boarding. New ETA 12:34 am. Very exciting development
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMKOWuEKWR0&ab
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_LTrcqekUA
that was not a good sign for Dallas…..am gonna start drinking
Dallas O-Coordinator through his headset:
/writes game over in notebook
-not Lea Michele
/Stares blankly at page
-Lea Michelle
100% Assembled in America, cuz only other countries can actually make the parts that you bunch of glorified jigsaw puzzling assholes can just about handle putting together
Fucking goddamn xmas commercial. time to burn down the world.
Seems that large swathes are ahead of you there, Fozz.
more to come in the coming weeks
I’m pretty sure that’s what triggered that Hamas rocket attack
Again Dallas with all the penalties.
Oh, look at the Kittle TD prop!
Thanksgiving Spread is Thus:
-Gibson martinis
-Glenlivet
-Creemore Springs Lager
-lightly boiled cauliflower (it’s a childhood thing, cool it)
-stuffing (cooked in the bird)
-stuffing (cooked outside the bird-I really like stuffing!)
-Turkey
-bone-in ham that is so big it could feed thousands
-Caesar Salad (with mashed up anchovies because I’m a boss!)
-Deviled eggs (shoutout to Gramma Dougan!)
-gravy from scratch. “Once You Scratch You Never Go Back!”
“Turn this FUCKING PLANE around and get us up to Canada! NOW!!!!”
-A Reid, pounding on the cockpit door of the KC charter flight
[runs out of breath 30 seconds later]
-A. Reid
Didnt add a pie yet to complete the Andy summoning circle
If Andy’s at the meal the ham will go from being big enough to feed thousands to mysteriously disappearing before dinner.
Surprising lack of hobo stew.
“Bone In” that’s funny
I’ll be there tomorrow for leftovers. Except the Caesar salad, you’ll have to make that fresh.
I can live with that demand.
Deviled eggs are the best way to eat hard-boiled eggs, but NAWT the best way to eat eggs
Rooting for a mine collapse
Can Collinsworth be in that mine?
The lady on FNIA said the 49ers/Cowboys rivalry was ignited in the 90s.
Ok, lady. Ok.
to be fair she’s a former Beauty Pageant.
Which pageant?
In the Iraq, and such.
https://youtu.be/lj3iNxZ8Dww?si=shhKQYEAJ_o4j_j6
Hey Mike, Santa Clara is not San Francisco
Watching this game sober, as I have to drive an hour to the airport to pick up my wife and daughter. Fortunately they’re now delayed until 12:03, because “the pilots couldn’t get into the cockpit” so I can probably watch most of the game.
let them fly Spirit?
I think it’s American.
Did they at least say PHRASING to the crew?
How badly are the Chefs going to carve up Donks! Boo!?
Next week, that is.
that will be decided by kelce’s ankle and nagy refusing to score 30 or more on anyone besides the bears
Correction: Tay-Tay’s Magical Healing Powers
shake it off, shake it off
Lindsay Vonn taught her everything she knows?
I’m sure as fuck picking DEN in my Loser Pool.
Let’s do this. I hope Trey Lance sneaks away during the game and slashes all the 49er tires
Seems the bovines pulled in Trey Lance to help out this week. No matter what that won’t get them ahead of the Iggles, and won’t stop Trent Williams from mauling them just like he did when he was stuck in the hellscape of the Redacteds
I need DAK! to get at least *checks notes* 48.2 points more than Purdy.
You are obviously concussed. Go to the emergency room right now!
“A good masseuse can take care of that problem.”
-Bob “Singles” Kraft and the Miami Medical Staff, for very different reasons
Maybe if Peyton cashes in his money in the bank and takes the coach of SF at start of game