Carlson Brothers Kickaroo! Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

What? Did you think I’d do the overdone ‘revenge game’ thingy? That’s so tired-just like I was last night after so much football yesterday.

So I got all stupid in Freezer Vodka and benched Ridley (122 yards) for Jameson Williams (2 yards) so I’m going to lose. I’m doing penance for being so ‘cute’-this includes wearing a short-hemmed sundress with a panda print and twirling a parasol all day around the house. Them’s the rules.

Fallout:

-With Milano’s injury yesterday and White’s last week, the Buffalo D doesn’t look nearly as formidable. Milano was fantastic at getting to the ball carrier so you can play rb’s comfortably going forward.

-One advantage to the Giants woes is that neither Kafka or Martindale will be a part of the offseason coach’s carousel of interviews. Who would bring them on board? Wink can’t get his guys to tackle and they just got their first turnover in week 5. Kafka’s play-calling has become increasingly conservative but that may be out of necessity. After all, the team has backup o-linemen playing in unfamiliar positions.

-It’s just five weeks in but LaPorta is trending towards having the most fantasy points of any rookie tight end. At this rate his 244 points would top Keith Jackson’s 209 points. I think we’ll see more and more freshman te’s being significant fantasy assets. It wasn’t long ago that rookie wideouts (dynasty aside) were hardly ever considered but then along came the likes of Julio, A.J. Green, OBJ, A.J. Brown, Chase and Jefferson.

-Bill Belichick is in a tough spot and I don’t see the way out. He’s fallen into that familiar circumstance of a defensive coach that has too much influence on how the offense is run and it shows. That, and the inability to identify dynamic talent at the wr spot have really hurt him in the division.

To The Game!

Packers/Raiders:

-Aaron Jones is unlikely to play? That news popped up today seemingly out of nowhere.

-That’s ok, they’ve got Dillon and his season-to-date 2.7 ypc number to rely on. If he struggles maybe we’ll see more of uh, Patrick Taylor?

-Wouldn’t it be great if the brothers Carlson decided the game in the late going? Has anyone thought of that Narrative? If it did happen I’d be all for it because it would mean that we have a close game.

-Ok, fine. I’ll talk about it. Though Jaire Alexander won’t be on him all the time a matchup between him and Davante Adams would be interesting just because they know each other so well.

-They don’t play each other that often but the Raiders haven’t come away with a W since 1987.

-Green Bay can’t afford another slow start-in the last two first halves they’ve been down a total of 44-3.

-Love’s 59.1% completion rate is offset by the fact that he’s tied with Cousins in passes over 30 yards with nine.

Do your thing.

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Brocky

Hey my win probability just went up 1%,

I now have a 2% chance of winning!

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Mr. Ayo

There’s the today girlfriend!

King Hippo

He upped his budget at least $100/hr this game!

SonOfSpam

Love…TO THROW STUPID PICKERCETPIONS

King Hippo

Love is (ColoUr) Blind?

jjfozz

Tyco and AFX racing sets. The goddamn best toys ever. Of course, they broke often, and in some cases, the tracks could be used as weapons that could draw blood.

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King Hippo

My brother had SO MANY of those.

Redshirt

My childhood best friend had several of them combined for one long track that stretched the entire basement with a triple-decker bridge. It was awesome.

jjfozz

My uncle lived across the street, and he had a massive layout. He would only let me watch him play with this setup. Fucking dick. I actually broke two of his most favorite cars and he had to be restrained from punching me. Dick.

fleshwound_NPG

dad and i had the corvette figure 8 set

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Doktor Zymm

Successful Raid!
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SonOfSpam

You’re array of sunshine.

Brick Meathook

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BugEyedBoo

Striping

rockingdog

Let’s check that win probability graph, shall we?
LoL that’s Rockinggggg!

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rockingdog

Found a funny;

this is the rhythm of (borat voice) my wife

King Hippo

Have you or a loved one been injured in a car accident? Call Jakobi Meyers. RIGHT NOW!

jjfozz

my favorite beastie song

“Got more suits than Jacoby and Myers”

WCS

Glad someone got it.

rockingdog

Atlanta is Rockingggg!!! 💯
Braves have the lead!

Senor Weaselo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

But the chop still sucks.

SonOfSpam

Still rooting for General Sherman.

jjfozz

Marie Antoinette’s last words

Doktor Zymm

It’s the second quarter already? Wow, this game is really failing to hold my attention

Spur
rockingdog

That’s Rockingggg

jjfozz

For my entire life, I have loved remote controlled cars. Don’t know why.

Problem was, the off the shelf models sucked ass.

This one was the best of the bunch. Still sucked.

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SonOfSpam

Fozz Dad: “(sigh) He asked for another flaming toy”

jjfozz

No one fucks with my house with this savage cur protecting it

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Redshirt

Newscaster: “The police were able to capture the intruders due to them being distracted by rubbing the guard dog’s belly going ‘Who’s a good doggie? Who’s a good doggie?'”

King Hippo

Y’all remember that “North & South” mini-series from maybe late 80s/early 90s? I have this random memory of it, because I was tasked with operating the VCR so my Dad could watch it with my Mom.

SonOfSpam

FROM JOHN JAKES good god my brain has nothing useful in it

King Hippo

It was a veritable sensation! Just soap opera-y enough for the moms to enjoy, enough killin’ for the pater familias

Brick Meathook

I played a Union Cavalryman extra in North & South, and that’s a true story. My first movie job.

King Hippo

Does that make yew a Copperhead or a Scallywag? Hippo forgets.

Brick Meathook

We were Sherman’s army kicking the shit out of South Carolina (where it was filmed).

jjfozz

Played this game thousands of times.

Of course, before you could even roll the dice, there was the obligatory fight over who was getting which playing piece.

EITHER YOU GIVE ME THE FUCKING CANNON OR I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU

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WCS

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Redshirt

Boot or Thimble or Blood!

Gumbygirl

Nope, dog or top hat.

Redshirt

Whoever picks the cat is my least favorite! DO tell the others!!!!

Gumbygirl

I don’t remember a cat, but I am considerably older than you!

King Hippo

yeah, I always would have gone cat if it were an option.

SonOfSpam

The iron was the middle seat of tokens.

Gumbygirl

The iron was the worst one.

BC Dick

I like the iron. It burns the soles of the feet of those who wrong you. It has power.

King Hippo

I was always the wheelbarrow, and never asked a head-shrinker why…

King Hippo

Wheelbarrow – The least popular token, only 3 percent of Monopoly players use it. Wheelbarrow players are tough competitors and tend to be male. They expect a contentious game. Orbanes says one interesting reason players may choose the wheelbarrow: they imagine it being full-sized and full of cash.

ballsofsteelandfury

Car – The most popular token, preferred by 1 out of 4 players. People who choose it tend to be outgoing, friendly, versatile, and adaptable. Players who choose the car tend to be male and are very passionate.

Seems right

Doktor Zymm

I was the horse, because I rode horses, read horse books and magazines, collected stuff with horses on it, and just generally was obsessed with horses. This is because horses are awesome.

Brick Meathook

Car or battleship, but sometimes the boot.

Brick Meathook

Since the Raiders are now a tourist attraction in Vegas, and the team gets to keep all the stadium revenue, it seems it’s in the Raider’s financial interest to be scheduled against every hot team in the NFL. They may lose a lot but Marc Davis still wins.

King Hippo

Jakobi Meyers ALSO graduated from Hippo’s alma mater (and most of our guys really DO graduate, or at least leave able to read).

Dunno if it speaks worse for us or the Raiders organization that 2 Wolven Sort start for them. I’ll default back to YES.

SonOfSpam

dude named for an LA law firm, always funny

Spur

When you see Wemby and Chet cover each other, they look like to normal size

Spur

Wemby looking good. He’s flowing with contact and traffic. Chet for OKC is looking good as well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I read that he put on some muscle, but not too much.

King Hippo

I fucking LOVE this song. Always sing it in the car when it comes on.

SonOfSpam

If he were from Duke it’d be about “Arc of a Diver”

King Hippo

Is liek teh Civil War all over again, but with placement men.

/also much liek aforementioned war, is currently 1-nil in favoUr of the North

Doktor Zymm

It’s nice that Raiders fans get so much more creative than the bag on the head that fans of other crappy teams use

jjfozz

As a youngster, during the Baltimore Colts’ dark years, I asked one of my uncles if I could get one of those paper bags that read “Dolts.” I thought he was going to rub my face with a cheese grater.

jjfozz

My self evaluation is due in a few days. Is it okay to mention the size of my crank, or is that frowned upon?

LemonJello

It has to be backed up by a photo of said crank with a ruler to confirm stated dimensions.

jjfozz

Can I use a zucchini for scale?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better to use a Barbie purse.

jjfozz

You mean the knapsack?

LemonJello

That’s no way to refer to Skipper!

Redshirt

How about for sympathy? Asking for a friend.

SonOfSpam

Use the more professional term “Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile”

BugEyedBoo

That was an awesome flop.

fleshwound_NPG

FLOP

jjfozz

A good friend of mine has half of his family in Israel right now, he posted his son’s report of the past few days. Horrifying.

King Hippo

Like Hippo, Brandon Perna suffers for your amusements

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g6LR1V-a1A

Senor Weaselo

I think Perna’s officially lost all sanity.

King Hippo

yeah, he’s not playin!

litre_cola

Hippo! NC State punter mention!

King Hippo

AJ Cole one baaaaaaadddd muthafucka

jjfozz

I can only imagine a rumbling, sweaty herd of Packers fans galloping down The Strip, and every con man, hooker, and hustler is rubbing their palms and thinking, “I could take the next month off.”

Doktor Zymm

Meanwhile the all you can eat buffets are trembling in fear

LemonJello

Do mobility scooters have a “gallop” setting?

litre_cola

We were amazed when we were there last year on how many of them mobility scooters were in use. It was astounding.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also cheese monger.

jjfozz

The Raiders have a house band? I mean Motorhead has broken up, I guess Cradle of Filth is the current choice.

Gatoraids

Gwar, , after Oderus died Mark Davis could fit in with the band

jjfozz

Garrapolo playing on Columbus Day, Raiders should have automatically started with 7 points.

LemonJello

The Golden Knights won the Stanley Cup? Did they show any of those games anywhere on TV?

fleshwound_NPG

TNT

so, no.

WCS

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Spur

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jjfozz

Burning olive oil? Me and the boys will be right over. THIS CANNOT STAND!

LemonJello

Fozz and the boys arriving, artist’s re-creation:

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litre_cola

Wait til you hear about snapping the spaghetti.

Spur

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Spur

Yeah, the Spurs OKC game is looking like a better game right now.

Brocky

So, this is me, somehow hoping in vain that jordan loves pulls an aaron rodgers,

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litre_cola

Give me some Dillon while you are at it please

Brocky

Nah, see, I’m holding a lead against love.

Put Dillon on at QB

WCS

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fleshwound_NPG

the BARVES fans are currently all doing that stupid chop

…and lol promptly the inning ends and threat gone

LemonJello

O/U on number of cuts to HI I’M MARK DAVIS and his Today Girlfriend during tonight’s game?

LemonJello

She’s distracted by mentally shopping for all the shoes and bags she’ll be buying after tonight.

Spur

Folks

jjfozz

My day off consisted of: taking kid to school, folding laundry, watching 90 Day Fiance, buying my contacts, buying lunch for my son, folding laundry and then . . . a nap. I was awakened by the stupid beast I own, barking at something in the yard only she could see.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

90 Day Fiance? Emily’s feeling are hurt.

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jjfozz

Shit, forgot to watch and review. Will do tomorrow, promise. By the way, this series seems to be outside of my tastes.

LemonJello

So, we’re just going to ignore the water horse in the room?

No mention of Michelle Beisner-Buck, her shoulders AND her time as a Donks cheerleader?

Hippo! Blink twice if you’re being held hostage by Hamas.

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jjfozz

The horrors of hell dwell in her eyes, and teeth.

King Hippo

“WHO IS HIM?” Is one of these footballers secretly Christ??

jjfozz

My sons proclaim they are “Him” about 80 times a week. I usually throw rotten garbage at them after they say that. Fucking idiotic world.

Gatoraids

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Another power puff reboot incoming

Gumbygirl

Yes!

fleshwound_NPG

it might be Grumblelord

-hes about to be betrayed by one of his own (kraft)
-soon he will be crucified (fired)
-he will be resurrected (cleveland)
-after that he will then disappear (cleveland)
-white people will never stop talking about him

Senor Weaselo
fleshwound_NPG

an annual reminder, goodell is not quite the worst

now i will not feel so guilty of all these years of pirating streams and not giving a single dime to gary https://www.outsports.com/2023/10/9/23907582/nhl-gay-lgbtq-pride-tape-drag-queen-national-anthem-player-boycott

SonOfSpam

Looks like the NHL is more concerned about a different kind of pirate.

Gumbygirl

Let’s have a little music while we wait for the game to start!

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Gumbygirl

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Gumbygirl

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Gumbygirl

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

a/s/l??? – Marc T., Parts Unknown

Brick Meathook

I’m a dual citizen of both the United States and Canada, so I work up there periodically because I don’t have any work permit issues. 

The VFX industry there is predominantly young people (under 35) and many are immigrants. Really bright and enthusiastic kids. To them I’m a Hollywood big-shot and exotic; they are dazzled by my impressive resume but don’t realize that I am actually an incompetent fraud and a raging alcoholic who keeps getting fired upwards but I keep on cashing those California paychecks. 

Most have never been to the United States but dream of Hollywood careers such as mine.

“What is USofA being like, Meester Breeck sir?” they ask sheepishly.

“Well kiddo,” I reply, because I can’t pronounce their names, “It’s just like Canada, except with lots of guns. Guns, nuclear weapons, and also the death penalty. So really it’s more like Disneyland only a lot better. You’ll like it a lot.”

“Thank you Meester Breeck sir!”

“You’re welcome, Haji!” (or whatever the fuck his name is)

I love helping people.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving / Columbus Day / Indigenous People’s Day!

King Hippo

Dok Zymm got me thinking playoff projections. So, here’s mines:

NFC East: Iggles
NFC North: Fuck LioUns
NFC South: Team MRSA
NFC West: Tomsulas
NFC Wild Cards: RRRRRRRRAM IT!!, N-GCp, Saints

AFC East: LOLfins
AFC North: #ThePauls
AFC South/Surly Duff: 500s
AFC West: Chefs
AFC Wild Cards: Bills Mafia, WKRP, Ratbirds

Gumbygirl

This is your brain on drugs.

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook

My brain right now:

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WCS

Hashtag Pauls?

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King Hippo

I couldn’t talk myself out of it. Myles Garrett is that good.

/Yinzers will end up in the Owl now

WCS

Good. You deserve it, Basterd man.

Doktor Zymm

But….it’s #ThePauls

King Hippo

Irrefutable counter, really

WCS

smdfh thanks nobummer

King Hippo

They are a hard team to project. But that passing game is cooking.

Redshirt

Not ready to drink the kool-aid and proclaim that Joe Burrow is back, but I’m getting there. He started to show signs of his usual self but he also had a running game, JaMarr went off, and he was supposed to beat the Cardinals.

Let’s see how he does when Mixon’s back to his 25 yard self, Chase is covered with two guys and a weighted blanket and the defense is rushing through the line like Burrow is the last lifeboat on the Titanic.

As for the North, if not Cincinnati, it’s Baltimore. Cleveland is Cleveland and they’ll Cleveland eventually.

LemonJello

You can’t pick a non-existent team for the AFC South.

Or

You spelled Jaguras wrong.

Redshirt

404 file not found is now the favorite to take the South.

Game Time Decision

Since we playing each other this week scotchy, I dropped Moss for Taylor who was on IR. There’s 32 points on the fucking waiver wire that I could have had(channeling my inner Brocky)

Last edited 7 months ago by Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

Tis tres pretty
/nice legs

King Hippo

I need Christian Watson NOT to exceed 31 points tonight. Or my “too risk averse to start Davante and risk the 0” will bit Hippo square in the ass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Not Packers!