Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
A woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself [in bed]
Susan B. Anthony

So, no glove no love?

Went golfing on the weekend. It was like 10C\50F cloudly and windy out, so have only ever golfed in shorts and a tshirt, so it was a weird to be in pants and a long sleeve shirt when on the course. Did we still get cart beers? You know we did. Pro is that they stayed cold longer. The round itself was mostly forgettable for me, but did have a few good shots that kinda make me want to practice to just be a bit more consistent. One thing that does stick out, is that any time there was anything wooden in the way from the ball to the hole, we hit the wooden thing. List includes many trees, a bench, a few distance stakes and the divot box. It was probably be the last round of the year for me, unless we get lucky and have a nice day and the timing all works out.

We did have a few spectators for a hole, but they lost interest quickly and wandered off.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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My attitude of “we have never used these ramekins that were included with some Costco tiramisu that we bought eight years ago and have been sitting in the cabinet ever since and we’re never going to use them, we should get rid of them” often comes into conflict with the Dr. Mrs.’ attitude of “someday those ramekins will prove critical in saving the lives of not just ourselves and our pets but every living thing in the Western hemisphere, no of course we can’t get rid of them.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Room temperature.
Monkey shit flavored.
Oatmeal.
We come for the recaps.
But stay for the Hippo speak.
2Pack

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Well, I don’t know when Josh Dobbs picked up the clubhouse nickname “Black Powder”, but this is the first time I saw it and I laughed so hard I died and went straight to hell and so if any of you guys have any questions for the devil, he’s sitting right here next to me.
Fronkenshteen

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The NFL should designate a week where each team wears their throwback uniforms from a past decade. If a team didn’t exist that far back, they wear generic uniforms (plain primary/white jersey with secondary sleeve stripe and a logo-less helmet).
Redshirt

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All those Dallas fans are in for a treat when they find out how much an Uber is to get out of there.
Gumbygirl

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Mike McCarthy: I am getting rid of the offensive coordinator who had a lights out offense for the last few seasons so that I can run the ball more, something no team in the NFL is doing, and for a very good reason.

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not since brokeback mountain has a tush push by the cowboys upset so many texas rednecks
fleshwound_NPG

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Troy just used the words “finger” and “bang” in the same sentence. No way he did that on purpose.
jjfozz

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“Light in the box” was Deanna Favre’s post coitus evaluation of Brett.
LemonJello

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I asked the young kid I worked with what he did this weekend – something about cross fit, doing burpees, and relaxing.

His age, I was getting fucking wasted, smoking too many cigarettes, and making unsuccessful runs at women.

This generation is a bunch of weenies.
jjfozz

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This dumbass Yinzer just accepted a new jorb as an alcohol rehabilitation and family counselor. That whole “almost dying of alcoholism” thing may turn itself into a net-neutral after all.

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Car-adjacent Joke Alert:

-What’s the best thing about drinking brake fluid?

/You can stop anytime you want.
scotchnaut

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See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the MAGA life. I still love the MAGA life. And we were treated like movie stars with pillows. We had it all, just for the asking. Our spouses, pastors, accountants, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with sharpies stashed in the kitchen. I had a sugar bowl full of hydrochloroquine next to the bed. Anything I wanted was a phone call away. We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off Supreme Court judges. And now it’s all over. And that’s the hardest part. Today, everything is different. There’s no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some lightly blackened octupus with ginger miso butter and I got calimari and shrimp cocktail sauce. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

– Sidney Powell
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Dr. Seuss wrote the book “Green Eggs and Ham” on a bet that he couldn’t write a coherent book with only 50 unique words. He won that bet.
The Saints may have made a bet that they could have a winning season without scoring any touchdowns. They will lose that bet.
Doktor Zymm

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Saints running a “Boss Todd” offense – everything relies on a bitchin Kamara
LemonJello

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Al Michaels: “They can’t get in when they get down deep” and Deanna Favre just threw a personal massager at her TV
SonOfSpam

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Pretty prepared for tomorrow’s cross-examination.

Me: “Sir, isn’t it true that you were high on cocaine and fentanyl when you ran that red light and drove your bicycle right in front of my client?”

Plaintiff: “No.”

Me: “Sir, there’s a video and I have your medical records. And so does the Court.”

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Guy in my fantasy league: it’s a shame your qb can’t face the broncos every week huh?

Me: you’re lucky I’m a nice guy, there’s a certain someone you’d never say that around. Half the time he he’s a rage filled mongoloid Polynesian champion boxer without a nose, the other half he’s an underhanded corporate lawyer who once nailed the company intern.

Guy:…. what?

Me: nothing
Brocky

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Anybody else’s audio just go to crap?

/maybe I’M having a seizure?
LemonJello

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Did I just wrap pepperoni in prosciutto and then again in salami, then cheddar? I did, Under Maestro’s rules it is a sandwich.
litre_cola

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Rolf? The Nazi kid in the Sound of Music?
Doktor Zymm

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Ugh, teeth and tits
Doktor Zymm

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If there is one thing I learned during Covid, it’s that I am completely incapable of not touching my face when people tell me not to touch my face
Doktor Zymm

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Can’t we all just agree that The Phillippinnes shouljd be divided amongst us.
Brick Meathook

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How do I know that Fractured Skull Boy’s hand-eye coordination is coming along ok? He shot six partridges today.

/maybe this kid is indestructible, I don’t know
scotchnaut

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The Nazis ruled France for 4 years, and that country and culture survived.

Emily in Paris managed to completely ruin Paris in half an hour.
jjfozz

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Deion Sanders’ only white recruits look like a John Birch Society sleep apnea study
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

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Guess what tonight is !!! I’ll give you a hint, I’m going somewhere to do something with someone.
Gumbygirl

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Home. That was a good show, they have obviously been playing together for years. The crowd was digging it.q And these casinos have the sound and lights figured out in their concert venues. My old ears and eyes appreciate that! Wandered around the parking lot like a couple of old stoners searching for the car, but we can use the exercise.
Gumbygirl

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I have continued on to purchase Xmas gifts for Mrs. Horatio and daughter Horatio.

Buzzed shopping is drunk shopping, and I’ll regret this next month. For now, however, I’m ahead of the Xmas shopping rush, so fuck it.
Horatio Cornblower

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“Can I bring a cake?” is the question the Dr. Mrs. asked her friend’s husband, who invited us to the friend’s birthday dinner. A foolish question to ask, in my opinion, because it conveyed the impression that she wanted to bring a cake. So of course he said “yeah, bring a cake.” And now she’s irritated and proposing things like “we’ll just go to Whole Foods in the morning and get something” and I’m thinking (but not saying) “hey, wait a minute here, when the hell did this become a ‘we’ problem?”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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/DOOR FLIES OPEN

Today marks 29 years* of the Lady LemonJello regretting her decision to say “I do.” to my stupid self. We will be heading out for some afternoon drinks and a nice dinner shortly to celebrate our anniversary.

/DOOR FLIES SHUT
LemonJello

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Did Love go to Colorado early? Because he was high as hell for that throw.
NotShogunButShogun

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The Chargers fan that they keep showing was on one of the local morning news shows after they kept showing her on Monday Night Football.

She seems like a lovely person but she said “Regardless if they finish the season 3 and 12 or 12 and 3 I’m a fan.”

Umm.
yeah right

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I am still sober enough to post.

(Also, why isn’t it “sobre” for Canadian spelling?”
Beerguyrob

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war
death
wildfires
famine
floods
plagues
pestilence
browns at 4-2
fleshwound_NPG

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Ravens, motherfuckers
jjfozz

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Confession time:

I’m actually finding some of the negative reactions to taylor swift funny, just so many stupid people getting in a tizzy, shits funny
Brocky

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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